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Made in gb
Tzeentch Aspiring Sorcerer Riding a Disc





staffordshire england

Found this on EATATAU. What makes you laugh in 40k

A young blood claw of the Space Wolves is captured by the Chaos forces, but they have already sacrificed every imperial guard they needed to,
so they decide to laugh a little. They tell him that if he success over three trials, he will be free to go. The first trial consists on drinking a whole barrel of denatured alcohol,
but they dont know that the young one is a Fenrisian, where they piss far away from the bonfires cause its flammable. He down it in one and asks for another one.
Finally, he burps and asks for the other two trials.

The Chaos Champion, a little pissed off says...

-"In the next trial, you will have to kill with your bare hands a Carnifex that lives in that cave,
and in the last one, you will have to make love to a Sister of Battle maiden till she faints."-

They took the blood claw to the cave. Some minutes after he dissapears into the darkness, some horrible screams start coming out from there.
Finally, they stop. Everybody in front of the cave think the space wolf is dead when suddenly, the bloodcurdling howls start again even louder and then stop.
Its like this for some time, with so terribly louder noises, that some of the heretics had to pass a morale check for avoid fleeing.

Finally the Space Wolf appears, puffs, and says...

-"For Russ! it was hard to make it faint... Now, where the hell is that maiden i have to kill with my bare hands?"-

This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2010/08/10 11:11:30




Its hard to be awesome, when your playing with little plastic men.
Welcome to Fantasy 40k

If you think your important, in the great scheme of things. Do the water test.

Put your hands in a bucket of warm water,
then pull them out fast. The size of the hole shows how important you are.
I think we should roll some dice, to see if we should roll some dice, To decide if all this dice rolling is good for the game.
 
   
Made in gb
Cultist of Nurgle with Open Sores





warminster

hhhaaaa funny and wrong at the same time lols

a cow and a calf are cut in half, and put into some cases, to call it art, however smart, casts doubt on arts hole basis. 
   
Made in gb
Mysterious Techpriest







so wrong, but I LOLd
   
Made in us
Angry Blood Angel Assault marine




Alexandria, VA

If you could see my face...

Good one. Gotta give you props man.

N' Yeah, even though I walks froo' da Shader of da Valley of Death
I ain't fraid a' no umies': Cuz youze is wif me;
Yer Dakka and yer Chop, they's pretty good
Youze gots a Kan in front o' me when da' umies' iz mucking about;
Youze paint me ead' wif oil;
Me gubbinz overfloweth with Dakka, and me wotzits runneth over with Chop.
--------------------------------------------------
Blood Angels cannot assault Necrons due to love
--------------------------------------------------
1500 Points of Tau Molesters 100% painted
750 Points of WoC, 10 % painted 
   
Made in ca
Veteran Wolf Guard Squad Leader





In the chaotic wastes also known as Canada

That use to be my sig LOL

DOOMFART's Drunken Rugby Player FOR DOOMFART! FOR GES! FOR DAKKA!!!!
Kanluwen wrote:Cadian Blood and Soul Hunter?
They're like kidnapping someone, and forcefeeding them heroin until they're hooked.
 
   
Made in ca
Excellent Exalted Champion of Chaos






Grim Forgotten Nihilist Forest.

Awesome story.

I've sold so many armies. :(
Aeldari 3kpts
Slaves to Darkness.3k
Word Bearers 2500k
Daemons of Chaos

 
   
Made in gb
Superior Stormvermin





larne UK

so he drank fethed a carnifex till it fainted and killed a sister of battle madien with his bear hands? where did i set that man of the year award


Automatically Appended Next Post:
also the art gallery on eatatau shows just how low people want can go when given a pen and some paper. Yet i cannot avert my eyes

This message was edited 2 times. Last update was at 2010/08/13 22:34:46


del'Vhar wrote:
Snikkyd wrote:Do you know why everyone keeps saying your 12 years old( or something to that effect)? Because everytime they say the joke was stupid, you get all pissed. Seriously, you know that joke was annoying and would provoke many people.

also his profile says he's 12


 
   
Made in us
Hauptmann




Diligently behind a rifle...

Alcoholism, Beastiality and Murder. Only on Dakka!

Catachan LIX "Lords Of Destruction" - Put Away

1943-1944 Era 1250 point Großdeutchland Force - Bolt Action

"The best medicine for Wraithlords? Multilasers. The best way to kill an Avatar? Lasguns."

"Time to pour out some liquor for the pinkmisted Harlequins"

Res Ipsa Loquitor 
   
Made in us
RogueSangre






Stormrider wrote:Alcoholism, Beastiality and Murder. Only on Dakka!


Good times, good times.

   
Made in jp
[MOD]
Anti-piracy Officer






Somewhere in south-central England.

Moving to 40K Discussions.

I'm writing a load of fiction. My latest story starts here... This is the index of all the stories...

We're not very big on official rules. Rules lead to people looking for loopholes. What's here is about it. 
   
Made in nl
Umber Guard





Oudewater / Netherlands

Stormrider wrote:Alcoholism, Beastiality and Murder. Only on Dakka!


never been on 4chan eh?

Lord Scythican wrote:
You know what is worse than not getting jokes?


The Holocaust.
 
   
Made in us
Combat Jumping Ragik






vleermie wrote:
Stormrider wrote:Alcoholism, Beastiality and Murder. Only on Dakka!


never been on 4chan eh?


Maybe 2, 3 years ago, now its pretty tame.

Trade rules: lower rep trades ships 1st. - I ship within 2 business days, if it will be longer I will contact you & explain. - I will NOT lie on customs forms, it's a felony, do not ask me to mark sales as "gifts". Free shipping applies to contiguous US states. 
   
Made in us
Warning From Magnus? Not Listening!





New Jersey, USA

Nice joke! I lol'ed too.

"This One Is Rurouni... Once Again, This One Will Drift..."
"Rushing towards danger without hesitation isn't recklessness, but bravery... And avoiding danger when there's a chance for victory isn't precaution, but cowardice..."
"I can only go forward." 
   
Made in us
Death-Dealing Dark Angels Devastator




Albuquerque, New Mexico

We aught to try to come up with some more 40K versions of old jokes like this. It would make for some good fun.

40K pronunciation guide. Abaddon = [uh - BAD -done], Belial = [bee - LEEL] (I promise), and chimera = [KY - murr - uh]

DQ:70S++G++M++B+++I--Pw40k95+D+++A++++/eWD210R+T(D)DM+ 
   
Made in gb
Stalwart Veteran Guard Sergeant




Edinburgh.

Shas'O Dorian wrote:
vleermie wrote:
Stormrider wrote:Alcoholism, Beastiality and Murder. Only on Dakka!


never been on 4chan eh?


Maybe 2, 3 years ago, now its pretty tame.


You obiously haven't met my friend jessi slaughter...

Anyway great joke dude kinda saw it coming but ina good way.

All Between 750 and 3000 points: Nids, BA, Imperial Guard, Space Wolves, Orks, CSM, Tau, Ogres, Vampire Counts, Daemons, Skaven, Empire.
DR:90S++G++M+B--IPw40k01+D++A+++/eWD340R+++T(F)DM++

"When the going gets rough the sensible conceal themselves behind large pieces of furniture." 
   
Made in us
Sybarite Swinging an Agonizer





US

spamandchips wrote:
Shas'O Dorian wrote:
vleermie wrote:
Stormrider wrote:Alcoholism, Beastiality and Murder. Only on Dakka!


never been on 4chan eh?


Maybe 2, 3 years ago, now its pretty tame.


You obiously haven't met my friend jessi slaughter...

Anyway great joke dude kinda saw it coming but ina good way.



You Dun Goofed, Son

"There are five possible operations for any army. If you can fight, fight; if you cannot fight, defend; if you cannot defend, flee; if you cannot flee, surrender; if you cannot surrender, die. " Sima Yi
DS:90SGM+B--IPw40k09#+D++A+++/sWD-R+T(S)DM+
_██_
(ಠ_ృ) 
   
Made in au
Horrific Howling Banshee






Shas'O Dorian wrote:
vleermie wrote:
Stormrider wrote:Alcoholism, Beastiality and Murder. Only on Dakka!


never been on 4chan eh?


Maybe 2, 3 years ago, now its pretty tame.

Been on /b/ recently?
   
Made in gb
Tzeentch Aspiring Sorcerer Riding a Disc





staffordshire england

Has anybody got any 40k jokes to add ?



Its hard to be awesome, when your playing with little plastic men.
Welcome to Fantasy 40k

If you think your important, in the great scheme of things. Do the water test.

Put your hands in a bucket of warm water,
then pull them out fast. The size of the hole shows how important you are.
I think we should roll some dice, to see if we should roll some dice, To decide if all this dice rolling is good for the game.
 
   
Made in se
Storm Trooper with Maglight





''Once upon a time, there was a Black and White Space Marine on a Black and White Bike...''

[++ - Message Deleted By the Holy Inquisition Due To Heretical Content. - ++]




 
   
Made in gb
Junior Officer with Laspistol





Sheffield, England

Ah, that time of year again I see. I was starting to wonder where the last 40k humour thread went.

No, wait... no I wasn't.

The 28mm Titan Size Comparison Guide
Building a titan? Make sure you pick the right size for your war engine!

 
   
Made in gb
Tzeentch Aspiring Sorcerer Riding a Disc





staffordshire england

I can understand your confusion,
I've been to sheffield.



Its hard to be awesome, when your playing with little plastic men.
Welcome to Fantasy 40k

If you think your important, in the great scheme of things. Do the water test.

Put your hands in a bucket of warm water,
then pull them out fast. The size of the hole shows how important you are.
I think we should roll some dice, to see if we should roll some dice, To decide if all this dice rolling is good for the game.
 
   
Made in us
Ultramarine Master with Gauntlets of Macragge





Boston, MA

The Dreadnote wrote:Ah, that time of year again I see. I was starting to wonder where the last 40k humour thread went.

No, wait... no I wasn't.

"Humor" is a very generous statement.

Check out my Youtube channel!
 
   
Made in gb
Tzeentch Aspiring Sorcerer Riding a Disc





staffordshire england

How many Space Wolves does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A full chapter, one to hold the lightbuld, and 999 to turn the battle barge.



Its hard to be awesome, when your playing with little plastic men.
Welcome to Fantasy 40k

If you think your important, in the great scheme of things. Do the water test.

Put your hands in a bucket of warm water,
then pull them out fast. The size of the hole shows how important you are.
I think we should roll some dice, to see if we should roll some dice, To decide if all this dice rolling is good for the game.
 
   
Made in gb
Focused Fire Warrior





Southampton, UK

A video from a series on BBC 3 called mongrels.


   
Made in us
The Conquerer






Waiting for my shill money from Spiral Arm Studios

Yo' Primarch is sooooo lame, even Edward Cullen calls him gay.

Yo' Primarch is so hypocritical he avoided the biggest fight Ever and then wrote a book on how every one should fight.

Self-proclaimed evil Cat-person. Dues Ex Felines

Cato Sicarius, after force feeding Captain Ventris a copy of the Codex Astartes for having the audacity to play Deathwatch, chokes to death on his own D-baggery after finding Calgar assembling his new Eldar army.

MURICA!!! IN SPESS!!! 
   
Made in us
Decrepit Dakkanaut






Burtucky, Michigan

Grey Templar wrote:Yo' Primarch is sooooo lame, even Edward Cullen calls him gay.

Yo' Primarch is so hypocritical he avoided the biggest fight Ever and then wrote a book on how every one should fight.




The perfect argument to answer why the Ultramarines are so hated
   
Made in us
Boom! Leman Russ Commander





United States

So a Space Marine chaplain, a sister superior, and a commissar are sitting in a bar. They're debate about whose troops are the bravest.
The chaplain boasts 'my troops are so brave, they'd jump off a 100-story building without question.'
The sister superior says 'prove it,' and the chaplain grabs one of his men, orders him to go jump off the building, and he promptly does so, falling to his death.
...the sister superior says, 'well, my girls are so brave, they'd jump off a 200-story building without question.'
The chaplain says 'prove it,' and the sister superior summons a sororita, orders her to jump, and she does, falling to her death.
The commissar butts in, saying that no one is as brave as his troops are. The others balk at this, so the commissar yanks an unfortunate Cadian from a nearby table. He points at a 300-story building and tells the soldier to jump off the top floor.
The poor soldier weighs his options and produces a very hesitant 'sir, no sir.'
The commissar turns to the others at his table and says 'see, that was bravery"

"Reality is, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away"
-Philip K. Dick

Constant Lurker, Slowly getting back into modelling! Someday a P&M Blog link will lurk here! 
   
Made in us
The Conquerer






Waiting for my shill money from Spiral Arm Studios

Sageheart wrote:So a Space Marine chaplain, a sister superior, and a commissar are sitting in a bar. They're debate about whose troops are the bravest.
The chaplain boasts 'my troops are so brave, they'd jump off a 100-story building without question.'
The sister superior says 'prove it,' and the chaplain grabs one of his men, orders him to go jump off the building, and he promptly does so, falling to his death.
...the sister superior says, 'well, my girls are so brave, they'd jump off a 200-story building without question.'
The chaplain says 'prove it,' and the sister superior summons a sororita, orders her to jump, and she does, falling to her death.
The commissar butts in, saying that no one is as brave as his troops are. The others balk at this, so the commissar yanks an unfortunate Cadian from a nearby table. He points at a 300-story building and tells the soldier to jump off the top floor.
The poor soldier weighs his options and produces a very hesitant 'sir, no sir.'
The commissar turns to the others at his table and says 'see, that was bravery
He then shoots the Cadian"


you missed the best part

Self-proclaimed evil Cat-person. Dues Ex Felines

Cato Sicarius, after force feeding Captain Ventris a copy of the Codex Astartes for having the audacity to play Deathwatch, chokes to death on his own D-baggery after finding Calgar assembling his new Eldar army.

MURICA!!! IN SPESS!!! 
   
Made in us
Boom! Leman Russ Commander





United States

hahahahahaha i forgot that

"Reality is, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away"
-Philip K. Dick

Constant Lurker, Slowly getting back into modelling! Someday a P&M Blog link will lurk here! 
   
Made in us
Huge Bone Giant





Oakland, CA -- U.S.A.

Shamelessly stolen again from another of these threads, I blame Cheese Elemental.

Spoiler:
How many Slaaneshi marines does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Only 2, but don't ask how they got in there.


This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2010/08/18 21:02:54


"It is not the bullet with your name on it that should worry you, it's the one labeled "To whom it may concern. . ."

DQ:70S++G+++MB+I+Pwhfb06+D++A+++/aWD-R++++T(D)DM+ 
   
 
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