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PROBLEM RESOLVED.

Asked Admins to delete this.

1) I'm not going to read that wall of text.

2) If he's an actual "friend", talk to him.

3) If he's not a friend, move on. Let him do his own thing and suffer the consequences of his decisions.

 Elbows wrote:
1) I'm not going to read that wall of text.

If you don't feel like reading it, then your commentary is duly noted and disregarded.

I read the wall of text. It sounds like an unpleasant situation to be in, but sadly there's not much I can say as a complete stranger who doesn't know you or your friend.

Ultimately you're responsible for your own actions and behaviour, but not your friends'. If talking doesn't seem to work, maybe walking away is the best option. Toxic player behaviour tends to push people away, and eventually he may be left without anyone to play against. Actions speak louder than words, and maybe he'll reconsider if the consequenses become noticeable enough.

It's not easy to handle a friend behaving badly, I think most people know that from experience. In the end, there may be nothing you can do, and that's frustrating. I do hope the situation can be resolved, but if anyone can tell you how to do it it's someone close to you and/or your friend.

Best wishes.

 Cream Tea wrote:
I read the wall of text. It sounds like an unpleasant situation to be in, but sadly there's not much I can say as a complete stranger who doesn't know you or your friend.

Ultimately you're responsible for your own actions and behaviour, but not your friends'. If talking doesn't seem to work, maybe walking away is the best option. Toxic player behaviour tends to push people away, and eventually he may be left without anyone to play against. Actions speak louder than words, and maybe he'll reconsider if the consequenses become noticeable enough.

It's not easy to handle a friend behaving badly, I think most people know that from experience. In the end, there may be nothing you can do, and that's frustrating. I do hope the situation can be resolved, but if anyone can tell you how to do it it's someone close to you and/or your friend.

Best wishes.

Thanks, buddy. I appreciate the insight. And I know it's a lot to read, but it's also a situation that is kind of complex.

I could put this guy in front of you to play any game in the world, even Age of Sigmar, and you'd say... "Wow, he's the most pleasant player!" because he's that cool... but something about 40k just makes this guy... different. I don't know what it is. I keep wracking my brain, I've tried to study some of the local meta and see if there's some aggressive players that made him think this was the norm but... nothing.

1) please provide a tldr
2) this is not really a general thing as it's a you problem
3) if he is being that guy you do one of 4 things
- tell him he is being a TFG
- play an equally TFG list against him to show him how it feels
-dont play him (best option)
-play the anti fun list which is 2000 points of nothing but nuglings/poxwalkera/ or cultists. Your not going to win, but he is going to need to sit there for an hour + as you take your turn and your gonna loose but he is killing cultists so no real victory(my fav option)

I have read the wall of text. Making a "Intervention" can be the best idea.

If for that, he stops being your friend? Well, maybe I'm a little strange but for me, friends are temporal and circumstantial. I have put aside friendships that I had for nearly 20 years just because I was moving with my life on another direction.

You'll make new friends. Probably very harsh but... people is just people. Or just tell him you don't want to play 40k with him but you are OK with hanging out. I have friends that I don't do some things with them because... nearly the same reasons as you have provided here.

 Galas wrote:
You'll make new friends. Probably very harsh but... people is just people. Or just tell him you don't want to play 40k with him but you are OK with hanging out. I have friends that I don't do some things with them because... nearly the same reasons as you have provided here.

Fair enough. But I'm partially concerned he'll keep this up and become a pain in the ass for other people. If he wants to have a meltdown over a 'Come to Jesus' talk and stop being friends, I'll accept that as 'quality control' and move on with my life. But ideally, I'd like for him to just stop being a douchebag for everyone's sake.

One of the hardest things in life is knowing when enough is enough. This guys is not only ruining the game for you, but the entire community you two live in. Talking to him hasn't worked, so its time for stronger measures.

Some people just are annoying to play games with, as they take them way too seriously, yet they can be perfectly nice people otherwise. However, what I find perplexing about this situation is that he behaves like this only in relation to one specific game; I really don't get how that can be the case, nor how he cannot realise this even when pointed out.

And no game is worth breaking friendships over, but this doesn't mean you have to tolerate his behaviour. Easy option of course is just not to play 40K with him, but that does not address his behaviour towards other people. Then again, it perhaps it is up to those other people to tell him how they feel.

In any case, you, and other people in your gaming community are fully within your rights to tell this problem player that they no longer want to play with him due his toxic attitude, and if that makes him to break the friendship, it is not your fault.

 CynosureEldar wrote:
Talking to him hasn't worked, so its time for stronger measures.

I'll ask- what would you do? I have mulled over a few options...

1- Getting him a temporary ban from the store. And the thing is, all of our stores are on the same sheet of music and have a friendly working relationship and you can bet if Store A bans you, Stores B, C, and D will follow- as will all the private clubs.

2- Getting him a ban in the stores from playing 40k. Same as above.

3- Getting people together to make sure everyone knows it's a poor idea to play with him. I'd be afraid that this would be irreversible.

4- Encouraging people just to stop playing with him and leave the table when he behaves that way.

5- Tell him I'm done with him, and it's all because he acts like a moron when he plays 40k and I'm embarassed to know him when he's gaming.


Automatically Appended Next Post:

 Crimson wrote:
... However, what I find perplexing about this situation is that he behaves like this only in relation to one specific game; I really don't get how that can be the case, nor how he cannot realise this even when pointed out.

The dude doesn't play many war games, only 40k and a little bit of Sigmar. But any other board game, video game, or something like that- he's calm. I'm not sure how competitive he is in video games, we've mostly done Co-op and MMO's. He's about average in shooters from what I've seen, and he's pretty jolly and fun when he plays Call of Warfare of whatever the newest version of WW2 is out.

Just don't play with him Jesus Christ man. Be an adult, tell him to gak off. It's a game of toy soldiers ment to be for fun, if he is ruining that tell him no you are not playing with me, it's literally that simple. If he wants to ruin a friendship over plastic action figures then it's not a friendship worth keeping.

 Backspacehacker wrote:
Just don't play with him Jesus Christ man. Be an adult, tell him to gak off. It's a game of toy soldiers ment to be for fun, if he is ruining that tell him no you are not playing with me, it's literally that simple. If he wants to ruin a friendship over plastic action figures then it's not a friendship worth keeping.

If I'm not mistaken, you didn't read the actual post. You'll have to forgive me if your suggestion here is disregarded as well, especially since it seethes of rudeness.

 Adeptus Doritos wrote:

 Backspacehacker wrote:
Just don't play with him Jesus Christ man. Be an adult, tell him to gak off. It's a game of toy soldiers ment to be for fun, if he is ruining that tell him no you are not playing with me, it's literally that simple. If he wants to ruin a friendship over plastic action figures then it's not a friendship worth keeping.

If I'm not mistaken, you didn't read the actual post. You'll have to forgive me if your suggestion here is disregarded as well, especially since it seethes of rudeness.

You posted a wall of text asking to help with TFG. Help me help you man. Why can't you just tell him I don't want to play with you, the game is not fun.

I really don't think you need to organise bans or anything of the sort. People can decide on their own whether they want to play with him. You could of course encourage other people who have problem with his attitude to directly tell him that, so that it is not just you complaining to him.

 Backspacehacker wrote:

You posted a wall of text asking to help with TFG. Help me help you man. Why can't you just tell him I don't want to play with you, the game is not fun.

I think you'd need to actually read the text to understand what's going on. It's a lot, I know. But if you don't see all the details, then your advice isn't really going to help.

Primarily because, in simple terms- I've already done that, in some manner. It's in the wall of text. I can't make you sit and read it, but it's like I'm explaining a problem with a computer and you're not letting me get into the details of the issue and you're just saying I should restart it. It's not helping.

 Adeptus Doritos wrote:

 CynosureEldar wrote:
Talking to him hasn't worked, so its time for stronger measures.

I'll ask- what would you do? I have mulled over a few options...

1- Getting him a temporary ban from the store. And the thing is, all of our stores are on the same sheet of music and have a friendly working relationship and you can bet if Store A bans you, Stores B, C, and D will follow- as will all the private clubs.

2- Getting him a ban in the stores from playing 40k. Same as above.

3- Getting people together to make sure everyone knows it's a poor idea to play with him. I'd be afraid that this would be irreversible.

4- Encouraging people just to stop playing with him and leave the table when he behaves that way.

5- Tell him I'm done with him, and it's all because he acts like a moron when he plays 40k and I'm embarassed to know him when he's gaming.

It comes down to you and your community. I would tell him I was done playing with him until further notice, and let other players know as well. This gives him a chance to reconcile if he chooses to stop acting like a toddler. (A little 5, a little 3) If he chooses to not be friends with you over this, then he is not a good friend. Don't blame yourself for his actions, just because hes your friend and you guys started 40k together. He is an adult, and can wreck his relationships as he pleases.

Or just tell him that he makes the game not fun. It's not hard to tell him that. So long as he is not a man child it's not a big deal. I have games I don't play with some of my good friends and I have told them why. We either don't play the game, or they change the way they act. It's your hobby, if your not having fun because of someone that's turning into a TFG, and you are not calling him on it, your causing your own problems

 Crimson wrote:
I really don't think you need to organise bans or anything of the sort. People can decide on their own whether they want to play with him. You could of course encourage other people who have problem with his attitude to directly tell him that, so that it is not just you complaining to him.

Yeah, but the only issue there is I'm part-timing at one of the FLGS stores on the weekends, just for a few hours so that the 3 people working there (not all at once, it has a total of 3 employees) can get time to catch up on inventory and have an actual dinner break. I kinda work at the store, and I'm kind of expected to actually help out a little bit.

Have you told him, like flat out, not sugar coating it,

" You do not make this hobby fun for me so I'm not going to play with you "

You need to establish HE is ruining YOUR hobby, and that you are going to take actions to prevent that.

Life is too short for dudes like that. Move on.

 Adeptus Doritos wrote:

 Crimson wrote:
I really don't think you need to organise bans or anything of the sort. People can decide on their own whether they want to play with him. You could of course encourage other people who have problem with his attitude to directly tell him that, so that it is not just you complaining to him.

Yeah, but the only issue there is I'm part-timing at one of the FLGS stores on the weekends, just for a few hours so that the 3 people working there (not all at once, it has a total of 3 employees) can get time to catch up on inventory and have an actual dinner break. I kinda work at the store, and I'm kind of expected to actually help out a little bit.

I totally fail to see the relevance of this.

 Backspacehacker wrote:
Have you told him, like flat out, not super coating it,

" You do not make this hobby fun for me so I'm not going to play with you "

You need to establish HE is ruining YOUR hobby, and that you are going to two actions to prevent that.

More like: "Dude, playing with you is like playing with 'Bob'."

Bob was a local guy that had some severe mental issues. He would scream, punch himself in the head if he made bad moves, brag about everything and yell over everyone, be flat-out rude to people, all manner of bad behavior. Bob couldn't help it, and we tried to be patient, but we just weren't equipped to handle Bob's mental illness and we had to ask him to move on.

I told him, at least once, "Dude you act like the scummy neckbeard that we promised never to act like. You're being 'that f'n guy' when you play."


Automatically Appended Next Post:

 Crimson wrote:
I totally fail to see the relevance of this.

I'm an employee. If I let him behave like he does, it sends a bad message out on behalf of the store. I'm expected to intervene at some point, and I sadly think that point was a while back and it's long overdue. I've asked people to leave for less, and it makes me seem biased because, of course, he is my friend.

No that's what you are doing wrong, you are sugsr coating it. This is the same as me teasing my friend.

If you want him to actually understand, you need to address it head on, don't be affriad of conflict because it's toy soliders.

Tell him these exact words

"Anon, honestly I don't like playing with you, you don't make this hobby fun, and I'm not the only one who feels that way, you are litterally making it not fun to be a part of this hobby, so because of that I'm not going to be playing any more games with you, and I'm sure some other people here feel the same way. "

You have to establish the fact that he understand that he is making it miaserable for you to play. Saying lol man your being like Bob or a TFG does not really dive it home to him that he is ruining the hobby. Either he accepts it and Chages or contiens to be a TFG, at which point, you can still be friends because it's just a game of toy soldiers. Like o said I have good friends I refuse to play some games with, does not mean I don't like them, I just won't play games like magic with some friends, or HotS with others.

no game is worth risking a friend, but then no friend really behaves that way either. you could gum up the works and start playing AoS around him all the time not using points

 Backspacehacker wrote:
No that's what you are doing wrong, you are sugsr coating it. This is the same as me teasing my friend.

Eh, I might have to disagree with you there. Saying, "Hey, you are behaving like the guy that made people pack up and leave the store and turned it into a ghost town on the weekends" is pretty straightforward, but I think you'd have to be a local to know. Bob was pretty well known- it wasn't something you joked about, Bob's meltdowns were something you learned to dread.

 thekingofkings wrote:
no game is worth risking a friend, but then no friend really behaves that way either. you could gum up the works and start playing AoS around him all the time not using points

skyere drill teams at 2k points man. Quickest way to give a TFG a taste of his own medicine is having 30+ auto hitting mortal wounds turn one.

 thekingofkings wrote:
no game is worth risking a friend, but then no friend really behaves that way either. you could gum up the works and start playing AoS around him all the time not using points

I liked the other guy's idea- just put down a massive horde of Cultists and Poxwalkers as an army and make it an unbearably boring game. I've got tons of the former, I'm pretty sure it wouldn't be too hard to have them stashed in the store to let others use to teach him a lesson.

 Adeptus Doritos wrote:

 Backspacehacker wrote:
No that's what you are doing wrong, you are sugsr coating it. This is the same as me teasing my friend.

Eh, I might have to disagree with you there. Saying, "Hey, you are behaving like the guy that made people pack up and leave the store and turned it into a ghost town on the weekends" is pretty straightforward, but I think you'd have to be a local to know. Bob was pretty well known- it wasn't something you joked about, Bob's meltdowns were something you learned to dread.

Clearly it's not because he keeps doing it.

Like I said, confront him, not pussy foot around him, tell him, YOU are the one that's runining this hobby not Bob you. If you dont actually address the problem head on it's clearly never going to change.

Saying you are acting like this one guy, is not addressing it head on, confront him, tell him he is ruining the game. Stop being passive about it stop pussy footing around it, call a spade a spade or it's never going to change.

 Adeptus Doritos wrote:

I'm an employee. If I let him behave like he does, it sends a bad message out on behalf of the store. I'm expected to intervene at some point, and I sadly think that point was a while back and it's long overdue. I've asked people to leave for less, and it makes me seem biased because, of course, he is my friend.

Right. What do the other people working in the store think about the situation? There probably is some sort of store policy on acceptable behaviour, and if that is breached, then naturally it is your job to ask him to leave. Though it might be even better if some of the other employees or the store owner did so, so it would not be just him vs you situation. It might carry more weight and would be less awkward to you personally.