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Did anyone ever save those fun space marine stories KK and others made? The ones that revealed the underlying brotherly love marines had for each other. I remember one had some double entendre about a power sword and plasma pistol. There were a few of 'em, mostly centered around Black Templars and Dark Angels.

I tried doing a search but searching for "space marine story" and variants doesn't exactly help. I wish I could remember some of the more memorable lines since that would help the search quite a bit. Thanks in advance.

http://www.dakkadakka.com/dakkaforum/posts/list/1777.page

No no, one of the stories was like this: brother so-and-so was wielding a power sword and how brother whats-his-name was admiring it rigidity and length. There was another about a plasma pistol that ejaculated its white-hot justice in the name of the emperor. And one was about two brothers, a neophyte and an initiate, becoming really close and sharing some geneseed.

Those kinds of stories. I think they were around the release of the BT codex, but I'm not sure.

There was once this black and white space marine on a black and white bike...

OMG, no!

Though there wasn't he died a horrible death, and was burnt along with the Crazy Frog for crimes against humanity.

Is it just me, or does the thought of 40K/SM porn kind of make you queasy?

Yeah but it was done ironically. I just wanna get it so I can retell the stories to some idiots who don't believe me when I say "Yes, Space Marines are really, really gay under their machismo."

LOL

Oh god, the 'Are space marines gay' post...
Ahhh, I remember back when we declared war on thewarp.net and won.

In terms of 40K humour, I have the commandments for space marine scouts. Looong post.

Still waiting for KK to find the story :(

All male-dominated social groupings that exhibit hyper-masculinized characteristics have a homosexual subtext. Look at The Village People.

They are a celibate religious order so wouldn't it be more likely they are pedophiles then gay?

Well I don't remember if KK did them all. I think he did one and maybe malfred or any of the other OT guys did some. It was on dakka, though, not on OT.

They are a celibate religious order so wouldn't it be more likely they are pedophiles then gay?

Well yeah don't they take prepubescent boys and insert their geneseed at 11/12 so they can "grow up in the space marine way"?

I could just see Magnus Calgar now.............
"Ok boys, be pure, be vigilant..oh and behaaaave darlings!"

Oh sweet and gentle Zeus why did I have to read this thread. Scarred for life now, Congratulations.

Well I looked, Stonefox is right it was like me Jester and Malfred around the time the BT codex came out.

I can't find them but I seem to recall the went something like this...

High Marshell Helbrecht stepped from his drop pod, incense servitors surrounding him with the sweet manly musk of battle.
"Ah Brother Asmodi, for too long ve haff been apart!"
"Yes Brother Helbrecht, why I have not seen you since that night on Antiphon VI, when you penetrated the rear!"
"Ah yes! What I night that vas! Ve vere shoulder to shoulder, back to back, arm in arm, as true battle brothers! Often I haf told my scouts emulate your example! But none have measured up!"
"I too have missed your strong arm! Tell me, does your plasma pistol still throb with its hot, white fluid!"
"Aye it does, it longs to ejaculate its load. And see that even in its mighty sheath your long hard sword pulses with power, eager for release!"
"True, true, now let us retire to my tent to oil our weapons, gird our loins and plot angles of attack!"
"But vot off the battle brothers?"
"They shall forge anew the bonds of battle brotherhood though the ancient and time-honoured ritual of naked water polo!"
"Very vell!"

I know some people thought they saw some sort of subtext in there but I don't get it.

Y'all ar goin' ta he double hockeysticks.

God have merci on your souls :p

They were great though.

Ah yes, Helbrecht and his twin linked candlesticks.

Kid_Kyoto wrote:I know some people thought they saw some sort of subtext in there but I don't get it.

Exalt.

I guess I missed these the first time, but I remember (back when I was an impressionable youth) reading Kyoto's original (subtextual) epic about some bloody blood marine of angelic blood - Brother Ravensomethingsomething - doing incredibly bad things to many 40k denizens. Destroying the Khorne bull titan, with its massive plasma cannon and twin power spheres, by penetrating its disposal unit stands out in my head. And there was even some Slaanesh stuff I think too ...

Anyway, also looking for those gems

- Salvage

Kid_Kyoto wrote:Well I looked, Stonefox is right it was like me Jester and Malfred around the time the BT codex came out.

I can't find them but I seem to recall the went something like this...

High Marshell Helbrecht stepped from his drop pod, incense servitors surrounding him with the sweet manly musk of battle.
"Ah Brother Asmodi, for too long ve haff been apart!"
"Yes Brother Helbrecht, why I have not seen you since that night on Antiphon VI, when you penetrated the rear!"
"Ah yes! What I night that vas! Ve vere shoulder to shoulder, back to back, arm in arm, as true battle brothers! Often I haf told my scouts emulate your example! But none have measured up!"
"I too have missed your strong arm! Tell me, does your plasma pistol still throb with its hot, white fluid!"
"Aye it does, it longs to ejaculate its load. And see that even in its mighty sheath your long hard sword pulses with power, eager for release!"
"True, true, now let us retire to my tent to oil our weapons, gird our loins and plot angles of attack!"
"But vot off the battle brothers?"
"They shall forge anew the bonds of battle brotherhood though the ancient and time-honoured ritual of naked water polo!"
"Very vell!"

I know some people thought they saw some sort of subtext in there but I don't get it.

Oh come on, Mr Kyoto, the whole thing is a complete travesty.

Everyone knows you can't play water polo nude since you have to wear team colour caps.

Boss_Salvage wrote:I guess I missed these the first time, but I remember (back when I was an impressionable youth) reading Kyoto's original (subtextual) epic about some bloody blood marine of angelic blood - Brother Ravensomethingsomething - doing incredibly bad things to many 40k denizens. Destroying the Khorne bull titan, with its massive plasma cannon and twin power spheres, by penetrating its disposal unit stands out in my head. And there was even some Slaanesh stuff I think too ...

Anyway, also looking for those gems

- Salvage

Ah good ole Bloodstorm Ravenblade...

I started work on Bloodstorm! Ravenblade! Obliterates the Universe: The Special Edition but never finised it. maybe next time I feel mischivious I'll get to it.

So we only typed this stuff and never saved them to a
hard drive, huh?

I lazily went through the wayback machine, too. Was no
use.

Thanks guys. I guess I read too much into the subtext of the stories. There's nothing odd about them at all.

That's a shame, Malfred. I should've saved the ones from the BT era at least. When I'm bored one night I'll just search 50 pages of dakka for 'em.

Ok, I'm new here, so I won't say too much. But you guys make the bolter and chainsword bunch look normal.

If you think this is normal, you should visit the
OT Zone.

dark-hamish wrote:Ok, I'm new here, so I won't say too much. But you guys make the bolter and chainsword bunch look normal.

The thing is B&C take this stuff seriously, you make fun of Azrael and they act like you insulted their mother.

Here at Dakka we have a bit of perspective and appreciate the inherent abusrdity of a game where angry bald men beat off other men.

KK: I wonder if dark-hamish's post wasn't a compliment?

Kid_Kyoto wrote:

dark-hamish wrote:Ok, I'm new here, so I won't say too much. But you guys make the bolter and chainsword bunch look normal.

The thing is B&C take this stuff seriously, you make fun of Azrael and they act like you insulted their mother.

Here at Dakka we have a bit of perspective and appreciate the inherent abusrdity of a game where angry bald men beat off other men.

They also like to shoot white-hot plasma on each others' faces while they're at it. Especially dark angels. They have this plasma thing.