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I felt it was time we had an extremely childish thread, so I came up with this. Now, there is an art to Euphenisms. They cannot actually contain any rude words or swearies, as it largely defeats the purpose, which is of course to be able to swear your head off in front of the Vicar without your Mum or the Vicar catching on.

Here are a few of my favourites, grouped into loose categories. I wonder if you can guess what each group is referring to?

1. Stabbing The Cat; Feeding The Ducks; Burping The Worm; Wrestling With Cyclops; Hands To Glans Combat.

2. Pink Oboe; Blue Veined Custard Chucker; Spam Javelin; Purple Headed Womb Broom; Old Chap; Bed Flute; Skin Flute; Wife's Best Friend; The Pirate Of Mens Pants; Meat And Two Veg; Giggle Stick; Gut Stick.

3. Crash The Youghurt Truck; Tip The Filthy Concrete; Cough Your Filty Youghurt.

4. Mole At The Counter; Vicar's Breath; Turtle's Head; Touching Cloth; Bombay Duck; The Monkey's Toe.

Right, off you go. And don't forget to turn the air blue!

Does this count?


2 girls 1 cup.

LunaHound wrote:
Does this count?


2 girls 1 cup.

no.


Obtain a copy of the Viz profanisaurus... ie:


CLOSING TIME DONNER. - A well worn grotter that looks like a rushed and messily prepared Turkish cat sandwich. 'Lady Emma was powerless to resist. His eye burned into hers like a marble. His muscular arm enfolded her body as she felt herself being swept away in a gale of passion which measured a good five on the Beaufort wind force scale. She felt a thrill of forbidden pleasure as the Admiral pulled down her bloomers. 'Take me, Felatio,' she cried. 'Take me now!' 'Bloody hell, love,' said Lord Nelson, peering at her fanny through the wrong end of his brass telescope. 'What have you been up to whilst I've been away at sea engaging Napoleon's war fleet at Aboukir Bay in the Battle of the Nile? Your blurtch looks like a closing time donner." (from the Wife of the Ageing British Hero by Barbara Cartland).

No I'm afraid not. If anything, that would be a well placed piece of innuendo, designed to titilate those in the know and leave the Vicar perplexed.

Choking the chicken, spanking the monkey, feeding the stork.

Oh, and some sort of prize for the most inoffensively offensive paragraph created, where the words say one thing, but the spirit means another (first person to quote a GW rule loses automatically!)

A quiet evening in with Mrs Thumb and her four lovely daughters.

Well, my lady asked me to retrofit her ham-wallet with my Mace Windu Lightsaber. But the problem was that, while the pink sauna was hot enough, the steamer was on the fritz. Luckily we had the ol' Slip 'n Slide nearby so the ol' pinch 'n squeal went as planned...

That good enough for you, Mad Doc?

Afraid not. It's fairly clear you are up to something.

But a step in the right direction.

We were playing Firemen and Burning Houses all afternoon with my Throbbing Johnson and her Ham Sandwich. Unfortunately, I was suffering from a bad head-ache, and felt so nauseous I had to worship the Porcelain Goddess while she imbibed my burning stomach sauce.

sA

After dropping the kids off at the pool, I decided to visit my girlfriend, but as the painters were in, I had to take the rear entrance. She'd promised me some bacon rashers, but all she had to eat was strawberry shortcake, so I gave it a miss and went for a trip up the eerie canal instead.


Edit: sorry to be picky, but there's no 'n' in euphemism. I feel like a womb-ferret typing that.

I managed to arse up the spelling so it don't matter.

Greebynog is in the lead in the sweary stakes! That one registered a 3 on the perplexed Vicar-O-Meter! Another way to write his one is as follows.


HAving dropped the kids off at the school, I decided to pop round my girlfriends to see how her father was. Upon arriving, it transpired the poor girl had fallen to the communists, so I decided to kick her back door in. Having done so, I was offered a badly packed Kebab, but I cannot say I'm terribly fond of the Cranberry Dip, so I decided the best course of action was a course of firky foodling.

Me and my girlfriend were quite bored, but she had an idea, so after we both watched a movie we

$%^*$&$%&#($^%&($@&$#&%$@#(@&^#(@^%(@$@#^$%^^^%#$@^%&@$%&^(#&#$%^$@%&^$@%^$@%#&%$@&$%@&($^@&$%#@!!!!!!!!!!!

I tell it like I see it. Euphemisms are a sign of what is wrong with people.

Right, so my buddy and I popped around the bowling alley with his daily prayer-meeting bird to test the multiplayer settings on her XBox. Then her Brandon-Fraiser-In-"Blast from the Past" came hairing in, smelling like a certain Tennessee fella. After seeing us three there fiddling with her USB ports trying to unlock her toe-curling Max Cogtags Collected achievement, he took out his fishing rod and started trying to lure in his own bass. Now, i must admit that my buddy and I are three hens short of a KFC when it comes to the ol' Mills & Boon, but this was taking the trip to Disneyland way past the Nevada freeway. So we logged out of the squealing she-bag and got our bad manners in hand and near-introduced him to a dark gentleman that speaks in ALL CAPS. Safe to say he took a shine to the 100m sprint and my buddy's fishmonger let us each whisper a secret down her throat in celebration.

Ramming is a special type of tank shock move and is executed in the same way.

"a rear attack gives you a +2 'combat' result bonus."
ok, so that's not very good...

How about star wars lines?

"Luke, at that speed do you think you'll be able to pull out in time?"
"You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought.""
You're all clear, kid. Now let's blow this thing and go home!"

"I don't care what you smell Chewie, get down that hole!"

After I rear-ended my wifes car I was sent to hospital,and recovered thanks to a lovely nurse and her big jugs.She liked my fishing pole and often played with it.Soon I popped a rabbit into her burrow,she was very happy and allowed me to touch her jugs and then see cleaned my train set.Then poped it into her station .Then the doctors told me I could never rear-end anyone again,yet I did rear-end the nurses car by mistake as I left the hospital.

Am I on the right track.