First tournament ever. Here is the list:
Headquarters
1 Warboss Runtsmasha Flamebeard
1 Shoota
1 Shoota/Skorcha
1 Stikkbombz
1 Power Klaw
1 Attack Squig
1 Warbike
1 Twin Dakkagun
1 Cybork Body
1 Big Mek Burney McSparky Arc
1 Burna
1 Mek's Tools
1
KFF
Elites
Burna Boyz
10 Burna Boy
10 Burna
1 Mek
1 Big Shoota
1 Mek's tools
Nobz
1 Nob
1 Slugga
1 Choppa
1 Cybork Body
1 Nob
1 Shoota
1 Choppa
1 Cybork Body
1 Nob
1 Shoota
1 Shoota/Skorcha
1 Choppa
1 Cybork Body
1 Nob
1 Shoota
1 Shoota/Skorcha
1 Big Choppa
1 Cybork Body
1 Nob
1 Slugga
1 Power Klaw
1 Cybork Body
1 Nob
1 Shoota
1 Power Klaw
1 Cybork Body
1 Nob
1 Shoota
1 Shoota/Skorcha
1 Power Klaw
1 Cybork Body
1 Nob
1 Shoota
1 Shoota/Skorcha
1 Power Klaw
1 Bosspole
1 Cybork Body
1 Nob
1 Shoota
1 Shoota/Skorcha
1 Power Klaw
1 Waaagh Banner
1 Cybork Body
1 Painboy
1 Urty Syringe
1 Dok's Tools
1 Cybork Body
1 Grot Orderly
1 Battlewagon Super Kustom Shamblewagon with extra bits and spikes n blades!!
2 Big Shoota
1 Deff Rolla
1 Armor Plates
1 Red Paint Job
1 Grot Riggers
Troops
Nobz
1 Nob Larry
1 Shoota
1 Shoota/Skorcha
1 Power Klaw
1 Warbike
1 Twin Dakkagun
1 Nob Moe
1 Shoota
1 Shoota/Skorcha
1 Power Klaw
1 Bosspole
1 Warbike
1 Twin Dakkagun
1 Nob Shemp
1 Shoota
1 Shoota/Skorcha
1 Power Klaw
1 Waaagh Banner
1 Warbike
1 Twin Dakkagun
Ork Boyz x 2 Red and Yellow
10 Boy
10 Slugga
10 Choppa
1 Boy
1 Rokkit Launcha
1 Nob
1 Slugga
1 Power Klaw
1 Bosspole
Fast Attack
Warbikers
11 Warbiker
11 Twin Dakkagun
11 Slugga
11 Choppa
1 Nob
1 Twin Dakkagun
1 Slugga
1 Power Klaw
1 Bosspole
Warbuggies
1 Buggy The Bane Buggy
1 Skorcha
1 Trakk
1 Grot Riggers
Heavy Support
Battlewagon x 3 AKA the Tin Kannonz
1 Battlewagon
1 Killkannon
1 Kannon (Frag)
1 Kannon (Shell)
1 Deff Rolla
1 Armor Plates
1 Red Paint Job
1 Grot Riggers
A couple notes on this list. This is a 3rd edition Speed Freaks list with the two Nobz Squads added. Also the BW would have had 3 Skorchas back in the Day
I usually play a friend who plays Tyranids or Space Marines. The Big Mek goes in a Tin Kannon BW with the Burnas and the boyz squads go in the other 2 on either side. This is a balanced list which for some reason I didn’t tailor to the ‘Ard Boyz missions. Otherwise I would have put more troops in!! The first of many mistakes I made. But I did learn from them.
I was reviewing this list to make sure my excel spreadsheet was correct when I noticed I was paying too much for my Nobz bike upgrade! I was paying the Warboss price instead of the Nobz price!! This was at 11:00 am an hour before the Tournament. So at first I was happy that I had an extra 45 points. I thought about changing a Biker Nob to a Biker Painboy but at this point my army was 100%
WYSIWYG and in the rush I threw in the Skorcha Trakk. This was the biggest mistake of the day and I hadn’t even started yet!!! Sun Tzu was laughing from beyond the grave. I was apparently using Fart of Whore tactics.
When I arrive the room is already rife with nerd sweat. It’s not even noon yet! There are 11 ridicu-veterans and myself. My attitude was to play, make friends, and have fun. I was expecting to end up around 10th place. The 2 universal reactions I got from everyone there were:
Nice army box! (genuine)
Speed Freaks?!?! (good luck loser)
My first opponent was ******* ******* (name deleted for security reasons). This guy was taking things too seriously. He asked for his list back after the game so no one would steal his secrets. He also had a Rain Man reaction when I tried to roll my first saves with his dice. He has a “thing” about other people using them. So here’s his list from memory:
3 Lemon Rusts in a squad
2 Basilisks in a squad x2
2 Hellhounds in a squad x 2
3 Napping Lascannon squad x 2 (they apparently were asleep for most of the game)
Marbo
Master of Orion, I mean Ordnance
A bunch of 10 man squads I didn’t have time to count because they died so fast.
I roll for first turn and deploy everything as far forward as possible. Flamebeard and the Stooges turbo straight at the Lemons while my Bikers turbo straight at one of his Hellhound squads. My Nobz BW move 13” towards one of his 3 lascannon deals. Basically a “come and get it tactic”. The Tin Kannonz move forward 7” and fail to kill anything with the triple threat of Ork
BS, template scatter, and night fighting. I don’t think I killed anything first turn. Oh yeah my Skorcha track moves 18” to the right for some reason.
Secret Agent Man is feeling pretty good right now. I know this because he says so out loud.
His Turn: His hellhounds kill some bikers, his Lemons get side shots at my Nob BW and destroy it, they jump out. His Basseys kill some more bikes, I pass my
Ld check with boss pole.
007 is feeling really good now. I know this because he says so out loud.
My turn 2 and beyond. The BW-less Nobz move forward and shoot the Lascannon squad, three dead and they fall back, then the Nobz assault them and 3 squads of men and win all combats!!!
The Warboss joins the biker boyz and assault and destroy both hellhounds. The 3 Stooges assault and destroy 2 of 3 Lemon Rusts and immobilize, weapon destroy and stun the third.
The Man with no name is not feeling to good right now. I know this because he is silent.
The rest of the game is him trying to Bassy my guys while my bikes and Nobz run around in his back field. Marbo shows up and kills some Nobz while I kill 2 basilisks.
The 2 boyz squads fire their rockets but never get out. Burnas never fire once or even get out!!
The Skorcha doesn’t do anything because I forget about it, it was a last minute edition after all!
I end up with a full massacre, no bonus points, and a what-the-fudge-just-happened-look on my face after a full 6 turns.
Round 2 I’m at the First Place table against a Horde Ork Army!! This is going to be great!
My opponent, Lukas, is less than half my age! I’ll be 32 this Saturday. Unlike the last player, nothing in his army is painted. He had some pretty sloppy measuring which worked to his advantage but in the end it didn’t matter because I was a complete idiot!!! I lost this game, me, not fate, or dice, or anything else. I lost it!! I was way too cocky. I didn’t take Han’s advice!
His list was:
Ghazkull
10 Nobz on foot
Generic Boss with Big Choppa with 5 Nobz
30 slugga Ard Boyz
30 sluggas x2
30 shootas
3 deffkoptas with rockets, bombs, and buzzsaws (his MVPs for this game)x2 (I didn’t realize they had 2 wounds until too late, egad!)
Like I said I was way too cocky. The dead center of the table has a large stone head piece of terrain. I deploy Flamebeard and the 3 stooges next to it. My other troops always deploy in the Tin Kannonz so I don’t deploy them.
He deploys the 30 ard boyz at midline 18” to the left of Flamebeard. 18” to the right goes Ghaz with the 10 Nobz. Gulp.
Okay I’m feeling a little worried now. I back up Boss and Larry, Moe, and Shemp and fire at the Ard boyz making sure I’m not in assault range. The bikes come in across from his Ard boyz and open up, his 4+ armor saves him! For some reason ( and I can still hear the Angry Video Game Nerd in my head saying “what were you thinking?!?!”) I roll the Tin Kannons on across from Ghaz and the Nobz. Hmmm maybe 3
str 7 ap3 large blast templates could have been better applied against the ard boys instead of Feel No Pain Nobz!!!! I never said I was smart!!!
The BW Nobz roll up 13” in the middle ready to go to either side.
His turn one he shoots with ‘ard boys into my biker boss and bike Nobz and through some shaking measuring he assaults them!!! I’m pretty damn sure I kept them far enough away but let it pass since only 7 can reach attack this turn. He doesn’t care since he is using them as a tar pit anyway. Ghaz and Nobz run forward. He deploys and runs/turbo’s everything else. He gets great run rolls for just about everything!
Most of his army point wise is now on my side of the table. My turn 2 I assault the ard boys with my bikers and shoot Ghaz and Crew with the Tin Kannons who are really close now. Yikes
He calls Waaagh on turn 2 and charges Ghaz into a troop BW and his 10 Nobz into the other 2 Tin Kannonz. I say he hits on a 6 because they moved 7”. He says no, I say go get the TD, and the TD rules against me!! So red paint job physically moves the vehicle 1 inch forward but some how the
BGB rule on 6+ speed doesn’t matter. Well I’m usually a good sport but I’m a little pissed right now. I congratulate him on going to the TD and sticking up for himself. It was the right thing to do but I’m watching his measurement like a hawk for the rest of the game.
Anyway, he hits my Tin Kannonz on a 4+ and of course explodes 2 of them with the 3rd “just wrecked”. Everyone jumps out and I lose a couple of Burnas and a boy from each squad. On the bright side they get to fight this game instead of doing nothing like last game
His deffkoptas fire side shots into my Nobz BW and shake and Weapon Destroy it, I’m feeling ok about that but then they assault it!! Duh, why didn’t I see that coming. Because I’m an idiot. Even hitting on 6s they manage to blow it to kingdom come since it’s open-topped. I just lost 4 BW in on turn. I am not the happiest. His No Name boss and 5 Nobz join his Ard boys against my Biker Boys, Biker Boss, and Nob Bikers!!! Oh it’s on.
Turn three time for payback!!!
First thing after movement is the Burnas all light up his Nobz!!! I start to grin. My Skorcha fires on his crowded deffkoptas but he says he forgot to consolidate them after destroying my Nobz BW. So he spreads them out and instead of 4 hits I only get two. This is when I learn they have 2 wounds, GAAAHHH!!!. My Nobz join the Super Battle in the middle for the biggest melee I’ve ever seen in
40K!!! My one boyz squad assaults Ghaz, who cares that he has a 2+
Inv they want blood! The Burnas sans power weapons join the other boyz squad and assault the 10 man Nobz squad. This is what every Ork player and Klingon dreams of! Yes, I’m a nerd.
My Biker boss, Biker Nobz, and his Boss, Nobz except 1, and ard boys all die!!! He also loses some other Nobz while some Burnas and boys die. I get two wounds on Ghaz despite the 2+
inv with just 10 boys and a Nob!!! This is about 1 hour 45 mins into the game, horde orks take awhile!! The 1 Nob makes a successful break for it which will come back to hurt me in the end.
His turn he runs his big squads and the rest of the combats resolve. The one squad kills Ghaz! And the Burnas now have power weapons so Feel No Pain is useless!! The Nobz faces melt off, can’t you just imagine it? “I love that smell, reminds me of biscuits and gravy.” He keeps targeting the Big Mek in close combat but he either rolls badly or the Mek’s 6+ save keeps him alive. It’s getting personal for him and I’m laughing on the inside.
Turn 4 I kill his remaining koptas with everything I got since they ended right in the middle of my whole army. Everyone moves back and to the right since 60 boys are still coming. I’m trying to shoot and flee. At this point I have Big Mek McSparky with Burnas, 2 partial boyz squads, the Foot Clan Nobz and 3 Bikers left. I sacrifice my bikes to the oncoming horde to slow them down whilst everything else runs. Well his shootas just shoot them and keep on coming. Once again the game could go either way and I have 0 bike anything and 0 BWs. My speed freaks are all on foot!!
For the next two and a half turns it’s shoot and flee and shoot and chase. I know he has more Kill Points since his whole army is practically troops choices with only 2 Fast Attacks and 2
HQs dead compared to my 3 Heavy, 1 Fast Attack, 1 dedicated Transport, 1
HQ. Turns 4-6 take about 15 mins.
The very last squad to shoot on his last turn is the sluggas. They fire at the Skorcha, 7 shots, 2 hits, 1 glancing, rolls a 6 which means it’s destroyed!!! We tally up and because of the damned Skorcha which wasn’t even in my list 6 hours ago, he gets 4 more kill points for a minor win!!!
I am crushed I thought we had a tie. Like I said before, 100% my fault, not dice, not luck, not opponent skill.
I end up with minor loss, 1+ Bonus Point for killing all his
HQ, a new friend and the greatest game of
40K I ever played.
Game 3 I’m back to the same attitude I started with knowing I’m not going to place.
I’m up against a 16 year old this time. He’s running Vulkan He Stan with 5 man Thunder hammer storm shield wrecking crew in a
LR Crusader. He has another reg.
LR, 2 vindicators, 3 rhinos, a whirlwind, another 5 man termi squad with powerfists and ass cannon, 2 Land Speeder with Heavy Flamer and Multi-melta held in reserve, and a 5 man scout sniper squad with an awesome Heavy Bolter conversion all perfectly painted to match. He has put serious time into this army and I tell him as much.
This is the 2 objective in opposite corners deal.
He rolls for first turn and deploys the reg.
LR as close to the center as possible. His two vindicators deploy as near to me as possible. The ass cannon Termis are in between the vehicles as close to the center as possible. There all straddling the quarter circle arc looking like they want to rush me. I am confused but go with it. His
WW is in the far back with 2 5-man combat squads, his scouts infiltrate in some cover a couple of inches behind one of the objectives. For some reason Vulkan and the Wrecking Crew in the Crusader are deployed in the back near the
WW.
I deploy as close to the front as possible with my Nobz BW as close to the center and center line as possible. The Tin Kannonz deploy in the standard format in the arc next to the Nobz BW. To their left go the Stooges and Biker Boss with the Biker Boys at midline. The Bane-of-my-existence Skorcha is in the far back trying not to attract my attention.
He has a 5 man troop combat squad jump in his reg.
LR and moves it 12 inches towards the second objective and fires a side shot at a Boyz wagon, Big Mek cover saves nullifies it. His ass Termis fire at my Bikes and down some. His vindi’s fire at the Big Mek’s wagon and scatter or do nothing. His
WW fires on my Boss or Bikers I don’t remember which.
My 1st turn I move the Nobz BW 13” forward, hop out the Nobz and assault the vindi’s destroying both. All the bikes fire on the Termis killing two. I’m okay with that.
His second turn: His reg.
LR moves 7” and tank shocks my Biker Nobz who are tempted to Death or Glory it but don’t under the watchful eye of the boss who is joined to the Biker Boyz unit. Then he fires at my left Boyz Tin Kannon wagon destroying it. Red boyz hop out. Looks like they be fighting again this game. His crusader rolls up and flames 3 of the Nobz who just punished the vindi’s aggressive stance. 5+
Inv helps but I’ve been rolling horrid Feel No Pain all day. I’m maybe getting 1 out of 6 rolls and missed all three Grot Orderly re-rolls all day. I don’t count on
FNP but what-the-dilly-o yo? His 3 man ass termis assault my foot Nobz, killing a couple but getting wiped out themselves. Vulkan with the Crew assault and explode the Nobz BW which has already done it’s job.
WW shoots and kills some stuff.
My turn 2 Biker Nobz try to assault the
LR with no success. Boss and Biker Boyz go after one of his 3 Rhino’s. Big Mek and Burnas jump out and their Tin Kannon tank shocks both the Thunder Hammer Termis and his crusader. He moves the
THs out of the way and saves the 4
str 10 hits. The crusader is not so lucky and is destroyed!!! The store where we played always played that Deffrollas can tank shock vehicles, since day one two years ago. Their exact reasoning: “Ramming is a special kind of tank shock”. Needless to say my opponent is none to happy. Yellow boyz jump out and join the Burnas in attacking Vulkan and His Crew of 5. I’m able to kill 2 Termis this round but after that he makes every single 3+
inv save for the rest of the game!!! I end up losing the Big Mek, the Burnas, and a 12 Boy squad including Nob with Power Klaw over the next several turns My remaining Tin Kannon starts popping shots at the scout squad with the 3+ Camo Cloak Cover Saves killing 2.
His 3rd turn he rotates his remaining
LR with the troops inside and fires all he has on my boys. I lose 2 6 point models. Seems more than fair to me.
WW attacks Biker Boss and Biker Boyz while random squads try to get lucky taking out a bike here and there. One of his Land Speeders comes in and does heavy damage to that squad from behind. They are forced to take a test and fail but boss pole brings them back. I maid every boss pole re-roll AND every Deffrolla re-roll for difficult terrain today Vulkan and his 3 surviving Termis begin to dismantle my remaining Burnas and Big Mek and Yellow Boyz.
First thing I do is my Biker Nobz and Red Boyz assault the stationary
LR. Whoops, it goes bye-bye, his troops fall out onto the objective and cower as my Boyz and Stooges grin at them through the thick, oily smoke of their precious
LR on fire!!! Boss and Biker Boyz Dakka Dakka the Land Speed to death.
His 4th He is down 2 vindis and 2
LRs !! The only thing going for him is Vulkan who is all tied up slicing and dicing ma boyz. He does some shooting, that’s it.
My fourth, Biker Nobz and red boyz shoot and assault the troops he has on the objectives cleaning them out. Biker Boss and Bikers shoot the troops by his
WW. My last Tin Kannon is still plugging away at the scouts.
His fifth his second Land Speeder comes in but I can’t even remember what it did it was so inconsequential. Maybe he has thinking he could deny a late game objective or some thing, I don’t know. It would have been better for him just to have them from the start of the game of Deep Strike them.
My 5th Red Boys secure objective while
WW keeps pounding them now with Ignore Cover shots. Biker Nobz shoot, assault and kill second Land Speeder. Biker Boss shoots and assaults a combat squad alone and wins while remaining Bikers shoot and assault
WW which could have potentially killed the red squad holding the objective. Last Tin Kannon finishes off the scout squad in cover.
Turn 6 Vulkan and 3-man crew stand around looking bored. I rush my remaining bikers to the objective his is holding with a combat squad but I’m 4.5 inches away.
Result: I get a minor win since we both have 1 objective and I have way more kill points.
End results:
Massacre 0 Bonus Points
Minor Loss 1 Bonus Point
Minor Win 0 Bonus Points
1st place went to the only person to get 3 massacres. He had a total of 67 out of 72 points. Here’s the kicker; he knew going in that he would not be able to go to semi-finals because it’s his anniversary. So I’m pretty sure I got 4th or 5th. Second went to someone I didn’t play. Third went to the guy I played first round who went on to get 2 massacres. 4th and 5th are separated by exactly 1 point.
Can you feel the tension?
Lukas (round 2) gets 4th and I get 5th all because of the DAMNED SKORCHA!!!!! He’s going to semi-finals and I’m not!!!!
Oh the humanity!
You cannot make this stuff up. I congratulated Lukas, he earned it and I hope he wins at semi-finals.
All in all everyone including myself was surprised I got as far as I did with no tournament experience, and a Speed Freak list NOT tailored to the Ard Boyz setup. The one advantage I had was I’ve been playing Kult of Speed and nothing else for so long I knew what to do with them.
Anywho I had a great time and am looking forward to next year. All the players and staff were great people!!!!
Bretonnians 
So, yes, I'm going! (I'm off to the Source tomorrow for Lucky 13 makeup day).
3000+ pts. 
2000+