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So, Rich, Sam and I lived together for 2 years. Sam then buggered off back to Ireland and we needed a new flatmate.

My old friend Rachel, who I'd known years previously, moved in. Within a week of meeting, Rach and Rich were a couple and sharing a room.

Now, that was 7 months ago.

Until the third sentence of this post, they've been conducting some form of foreplay at the opposite end of the lounge, where I am currently attempting to prepare my lessons for work tomorrow (A-Level Physics, if you care...). The giggling, the groping, the squeals. It was bad enough when they were a new couple, but they don't seem to be moving past the sickening stage of their relationship. Even people who visit here, or friends who know us all who we see in pubs comment on how sickly they are.

Thank god I am buying my own place and I only have a month more to put up with. I was spurred on to finally buy a place mainly by my desire to NOT live with them any more.

What is worse, Rich has completely removed himself from out old circle of friends and basically only socialises with Rach and a few drinks after work on Fridays with his workmates, mostly "approved" friends that Rach also hangs out with. He and I have only been out without Rach once in 7 months, and we live together!

Am I a curmudgeonly old git, or is it reasonable that listening to them through a wall should be the limit to what I should have to experience of their sex life? Is Rich making life difficult for himself if he splits up with her as he'll have difficulty being remembered by his old friends if he and Rach split? Is this all part of her plan? (I doubt it, I don't think she is that type, but Rich seems to be doing it deliberately to himself)

God, I am sick of this, I can even hear them now along the hall...

Try much the same situation, except both of them did the extremely dirty on their previous partners, and expected muggins here to keep schtum and even cover up.

Oh, and as far as I can tell, she pays sweet F.A. towards anything ever, and I'm busting a nut each and every day to pay my way.

TO THE PYRE WITH HER! Fat lazy cow. Doesn't even have a job, nor a College Course any more. Just lounges around all day, doing nowt but play world of Wankcraft and complaining about the Dog.

Don't like the pooch? Then sling your hook. He was here before you.

Move out, make it plain they are entirely your friends and entirely welcome to go for drinks or a movie or something.

But leave the onus on them to contact you, they won't bother and you will fill the place in your social life where that friend once was. Every fether thinks they are irreplaceable and no-one gets it when they look about and you've moved on.

One very clear point, she isn't using a mind control device on him (unless you count her quim) so he is making the decisions to be a selfish cock all by himself.

Whats funny is I have almost no comprehension of what MDG just typed.

tell Rach Rich has herpies

Rich probably does actually...just saying...

Offtopic in an offtopic thread:

Anytime I read MDG's posts, I always think of Dr. Frankenfurter with a tophat and a pimp cane.

It's highly amusing, and I suggest it.

Ontopic: Couples are some of the very worst to deal with as roomies, but that's if the couple is y'know...one of those couples who piss and moan about other couples' public displays of affection, but then stop just short of getting naked in public and mounting each other then and there.

Awhile back, when I was first starting out at college, I lived with a chick who was of the lesbian persuasion, and I have to say--her and her girlfriend were one of the best couples I've ever dealt with. Polite, quiet, always went off to their room and turned up music or the like if they thought they'd get too noisy in bed.

Quite frankly, I wish they'd been one of the first couple examples, it would have been SUCH a better experience :(

From the opposite end of the flat, still working in the lounge, I can now hear her sex-noises from their (his) room.

Luckily, my own place should be mine within a month (should have been a week, but had solicitor problems).

Worst thing is, I really, really like them both as people. I just can't STAND them as a couple sometimes.

Maybe you should get her a muzzle then. Less noise

Kanluwen wrote:Offtopic in an offtopic thread:

Anytime I read MDG's posts, I always think of Dr. Frankenfurter with a tophat and a pimp cane.

It's highly amusing, and I suggest it.

I take that as a compliment!

And dude, if you can hear her moaning and groaning, she is almost certainly faking it. Trust me. Even with the loudest screamers I've been with, they all go silent when it's, ahem....time.

Just time for a quick joke.

How do you make your girly moan after orgasm?

Wipe your knob on the curtains.

Very nice, MDG. I also found your post kind of tough to understand, though I'm sure it was brilliant if one is able to understand the lingo.


I lived in an interesting situation that has some bearing on this discussion, so I think I'll share my experiences.

So I took a three month course called Winter Session, which, among other things, teaches you how to not be a douchebag and get along with (and in) the rest of the world. A lot of the learning is hands-on, as there were 13 of us (all aged 18-25) living in a dorm-style building together, full time.

As may have been expected, three couples developed (I can only really comment on two of them, though, as I was part of the third and, as such, am rather biased).
One of these couples was a wonderful pair of lesbian chaps (well, not chaps, especially since they were the type to get hung up on being called 'guys' but I digress)
They were extremely circumspect and it took several weeks for me to finally decide that, yes, they were in a relationship after all. Interestingly enough, they were also the first couple to announce to the rest of the group that, yes, there was indeed something going on there (which was exceedingly brave) When spending time with them, it was clear that they really liked each other and got along, but never excluded other people, and I know that I for one never felt like I was a third wheel.

That's our model couple.

Then there's the other one. These two were the last to hook up, and they also fretted for days and days over whether to tell everyone else (we already knew). They were noisy, very obvious, and became very exclusive, not really wanting to spend time with anyone else. It was impossible to spend time with them and not be reminded that they weren't interested in people other than each other (for conversation, you gits). So, eventually, other people stopped seeking them out, and then we were immediately hit with whines from them about feeling isolated.

So, I suppose that what I'm trying to say is that not all couples are so bad. What I recommend doing is talking to them about it - assertively and straightforwardly. Especially key is talking about behaviours in a neutral manner. (E.G. instead of 'you're practically having sex on the couch while I'm right there' try 'It makes me uncomfortable when you two become physical when I'm in the room') It's a lot less confrontational and tends to yield better results.

Anyways, good luck with your new place, and I hope your friend stops being such a gakker.

I had a situation like this at one point, but it was clearly more tame than the OP's current situation.

I was living with a friend, and an acquaintance of that friend at one point in my life. Long story short, my friend was having a hard time finding work, and there was no way that I could foot his bill. This other cat that we were living with turned out to be a severely bi-polar alcoholic, and I simply could not stand him. My friend had just started a relationship with this older chick, who seemed cool, in all honesty though, she had what I perceived to be some serious problems/behaviors. To be totally fair, she was cool at any rate though.

So my friend with a lack of work, had to live on the landing in between my room and the other cat's room on the second floor. It was a complicated situation, and his room was still being set up in the basement floor (nice pad eventually, actually). So he and his new girlfriend would be lying on the landing, messing around almost every damn night. I will admit that I was sincerely angry at their happiness, not because they were happy, simply because that was not enough for them. This chick had a house, and a job, and a car, and I am the one who has to take care of this damn fool? GODDAMMIT!!!

I took offense to that situation, but I left for other reasons.

I have also had nothing but terrible relationships with women, all of them were really, and I mean seriously fecked in the head. This part only managed to make whatever insult I was taking from that situation worse. I really enjoy seeing people who are sincerely happy with their lives, it is a glimmer of hope for people who have had less fortunate relationships, and a reality check for those who see life as a complete waste of time (though some would use that as an excuse to feel even worse, rather, naturally condense their experiences). When that happiness becomes a weapon against the less fortunate though, I will kick, scream, and yell, at their insensitive asses.

Oh, and I actually still have that guy as a friend, he is a pretty cool guy at any rate, and he has never been anywhere near as bad as your friend.

Orkestra wrote:So, I suppose that what I'm trying to say is that not all couples are so bad.

A bonified Sherlock Holmes in this piece .

What I recommend doing is talking to them about it - assertively and straightforwardly. Especially key is talking about behaviours in a neutral manner. (E.G. instead of 'you're practically having sex on the couch while I'm right there' try 'It makes me uncomfortable when you two become physical when I'm in the room') It's a lot less confrontational and tends to yield better results.

Umm... So be their emotional bitch? Dude, I liked most of what you said, but this conclusion is dripping with self-help seminar BS. UTTERLY. I mean seriously though, he said that this friend of his has not even taken the time to hang out with him for a very long time. Dude sounds like he does not give a flying feck about anything besides his lollipop land of wonderment and joy.

They can kiss your ass fifty, and on top of kissing your ass, unless you truly feel that this bastard of a friend is worth the time; they should be apologizing to you. If they cannot express any empathy for your situation, don't even take a second glance at the selfish pricks.

It makes me uncomfortable when you... SHUT. THE. FETH. UP. BARNEY!!! . All you will end up doing taking this route, is giving them the opportunity to nit-pick your little nuances that make you who you are. You are outnumbered as well... make your move buddy , and good luck.

Ah, you seem to have found a succubus, My dad recently got hooked on one.
Oh well in another year I will move out its really only counting on me getting a stable income which is fething hard for some reason.
There has to be something ANYTHING a able bodied Norseman can do.

The only couple I lived with was my parents. They sickened me to such a point that I moved to opposite ends of the Earth twice. There is only so much "Shut up. Knock it off" and "You're doing it wrong." anyone can take. Yes, I did have that moment of nostaligic relapse brain flatuence in the between time. WWJD? Move out.

Khornholio wrote:They sickened me to such a point that I moved to opposite ends of the Earth twice.

Wouldn't that bring you to the same spot you started out in?

Nope. Left once. Went back. Left again. Started there, not here.

Ah. I suppose that would make more sense!

And it's stories like these that make me glad I'm antisocial. And a little bit sad.

I actually did tell Rich about the situation, explained why I was moving out, said I still liked them both as people, but not living with them as a couple etc, etc...

What got me was that Rach was not at home at the time and he still answered by talking about "We didn't mean to do that... That was the last thing we wanted... I think that was when I realised it was pointless. And at no point I was ever aware of did they ever try to alter their behaviour, and they certainly didn't ask what the problems were. I think this was when I stopped thinking of them as individuals and started referring to them as Richrach.

Thing is as well, I still hang out with Rich a tiny bit... before Rach gets home from work and/or if she goes out without him (she still goes out with her old friends - he doesn't). We still talk about films and computer games. We both play in the UKBBL. (UK Blood Bowl League) etc etc... But it is severely time-resricted and entirely based on Rach's presence. I guess it is fair to say that unlike most of my friends who are couples and are part of each others' lives (even if they live together), Rach seems to be almost the entirety of Rich's life.

Maybe I am being unfair. Every so often, if Rach is not home on a Wednesday, he suggests going to do the pub quiz. Even when he asks though, he knows that I don't do it anymore due to the pressures of work and needing to be in bed early. And they do (sometimes) ask me to go out with both of them (But for god's same, who wants to go for a walk along the canals with a couple?). I am friends with a few of Rich's friends from before Rach came along, and she has approved one or two of them, so if they go out with them, I do too... but blah blah blah...

Tell them the sound of a woman climaxing is the hottest thing in the world and that you can and do beat yourself off every time you hear it. That it gets so hot you have to go slam it in the fridge door.

They might curtail the volume...

1. get your own girl
2. put your penis inside of her
3. ???
4.PROFIT!!!

I've never understood the apprehension other people feel when exposed to sex/intimacy.

I mean, I understand the "You're having sex, and I'm not" angle, but that only goes so far.

Is it really that big a deal if two people hook up in your vicinity (this thread will say yes)?

MeanGreenStompa wrote:Tell them the sound of a woman climaxing is the hottest thing in the world and that you can and do beat yourself off every time you hear it. That it gets so hot you have to go slam it in the fridge door.

i don't think it has anything to do with his friend getting some and him not, it's more about good manners and decency!

And i have to ask...When you spoke to your friend and he said "WE" for everything...is that something to worry about? My bloke has started doing that, it irritates the life out of me but i didnt know if it was something i should fret about.

I lived with My best mate and her Boyfriend for about 4 months. I had less of an issue with them because i'm a game feind, i lived in my room and i pay little attention to...well...anything really. They said (i'm not sure if it was trying to prove a point or ture) they had been having sex in the living room and i had walked through, got a drink and snack and walked out without noticing. Which is highly proberbal. i pay little attention. The only issue i had was they were ALWAYS and i mean like every 15 mins, coming into my room asking stupid questions about nothing, or they would sit on my bed in MY room hugging and "Watching your game it looks like fun!"

GET OUTTTTTTTTTTT!!!
i will never ever live with a couple again....ever.

dogma wrote:I've never understood the apprehension other people feel when exposed to sex/intimacy.

I mean, I understand the "You're having sex, and I'm not" angle, but that only goes so far.

Is it really that big a deal if two people hook up in your vicinity (this thread will say yes)?

I do have to ask how serious you are about this question though dogma, I can't really imagine you sticking around to watch your snuggly friends make out. Not hug, or have a kiss, but seriously neck it, like they are freaking drunk or something. I have seen boobies and penis's, but really though, I have no interest in seeing my friends.

The first time? No, as such with the second and third time. When they have no problem cleaning eachothers throats every time you hang out... yes, that is a freaking problem, and it is their problem.

We are not talking about some couple you walk by in the park, who gives a damn, they are just having some fun. We are talking about a good friend, that you either see a lot, or live with. It gets extremely annoying when you have to go to sleep after seeing that crap, then guess what? Same thing in the freaking morning, and at night again. Ridiculous, get a room already.

I mean really though, would it be a big deal if I filmed all of it? Really though? Would it? Are you sure?
Wait... filmed it and then straight onto YouTube. If I have to watch, I am going to get a few laughs out of it... just wait for the comments... just wait for them.

I have a friend who had a nightmare of a roommate, and she almost got beaten on after she used my friends bed for sex. I mean come the frak on. If that snap is okay to you, you have to be completely delusional. I would come in the room, while you are having sex in my bed, and pour ice cold water with tadpoles and snakes all the feth over your moronic heads.

Brother don't get mad, get even. Poke a needle through all his condoms.

Now hes really fethed

I guess some are just born that way... no pun intended.

Wrexasaur wrote:
I do have to ask how serious you are about this question though dogma, I can't really imagine you sticking around to watch your snuggly friends make out. Not hug, or have a kiss, but seriously neck it, like they are freaking drunk or something. I have seen boobies and penis's, but really though, I have no interest in seeing my friends.

Pretty serious. I don't wanna see my friends get down, but I don't care if I do.

Wrexasaur wrote:
We are not talking about some couple you walk by in the park, who gives a damn, they are just having some fun. We are talking about a good friend, that you either see a lot, or live with. It gets extremely annoying when you have to go to sleep after seeing that crap, then guess what? Same thing in the freaking morning, and at night again. Ridiculous, get a room already.

Honestly, I have no idea what you're getting at. I really do not care about anyone's sexual activities (other than my own).

Wrexasaur wrote:
I mean really though, would it be a big deal if I filmed all of it? Really though? Would it? Are you sure?

No.

Wrexasaur wrote:
I have a friend who had a nightmare of a roommate, and she almost got beaten on after she used my friends bed for sex. I mean come the frak on. If that snap is okay to you, you have to be completely delusional. I would come in the room, while you are having sex in my bed, and pour ice cold water with tadpoles and snakes all the feth over your moronic heads.

I wouldn't really care. I mean, I would be upset that you were trying to interfere with my action, bu the fact that you were there would mean nothing to me.

I have a similar problem, my house mate is an utter ball bag, his girlfriend is no better. They are both quite superficial and insecure people and as such take great pleasure in running down anyone who doesn't share their "perfect" veiw of how life should be. Thankfuly they don't spend all their time slobbering over each other, they try to impress their dull friends with tedious dinner parties and talk of how the working class can better themselves. As I said a pair of total ball bags.

My answer to this is sitting on the couch in my pants farting and scratching myelf with the TV on rather loud. Not a pleasant or mature way of dealing with things but they are bordering upon in-sufferable, so desperate times and all that....

In answer to your current problem, have a word with your house mate and tell him that you feel uncomfortable, sitting holding hands, cuddling and the occaisional peck on the cheek is all fine but heavy petting and mild foreplay are out of order, they have a room, they should use it.

If being reasonable fails then next time they start, stick on a porno and start having a five knuckle shuffle, if they ask what the hell you are doing, tell them that you are just doing the single mans equivilant to what they are getting up to. They should get the point.

dogma wrote:I've never understood the apprehension other people feel when exposed to sex/intimacy.

I mean, I understand the "You're having sex, and I'm not" angle, but that only goes so far.

Is it really that big a deal if two people hook up in your vicinity (this thread will say yes)?

If you're older than 18, yes.

Although MDG's suggestion is a good one I suggest you man up. Get a bat. Put a nail through it. Find some zombies. You'll know what to do.

EDIT: Squilverine's reponse would work well though..icky!