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I was watching an interesting talk show , and was wondering how married couples think.

On the show , wives were asked what would they rather have happen .

a) a husband that has been cheating with a concubine 小老婆 .

or

b) a husband that have tons of money issue , for example you married him not knowing he was heavily in debt.
or he might have money problems like gambling issues etc etc.

Concubine? The 20th century equivalent is Ho, and they's nuttin' but trouble.

LunaHound wrote:
b) a husband that have tons of money issue , for example you married him not knowing he was heavily in debt.
or he might have money problems like gambling issues etc etc.

In this case, she doesn't know him well enough to be married to him.
Those two issues are kinda hard to hide from someone looking (and if you are seeking to marry, you SHOULD be looking.).

My wife's answer to both cases is: Loser. Move along.
I just happen to agree with her.

But say if you have to choose one , which?

What a strange question...

I really think that Chromedog summed it up quite well. If option B.) was get married, then go bankrupt because of unstoppable events, such as a health problem; I would in fact be referring Chromedog and company to a mirror, for closer introspection on that subject.

If you cannot stand by your partner, through hardship, you are a mere coward, who is much worse than a person with financial troubles. If your partner is ruining your life, and you choose to stay with them out of "love or whatever the feth really", you are as much of the problem as they are.

Wrexasaur wrote:What a strange question...

I really think that Chromedog summed it up quite well. If option B.) was get married, then go bankrupt because of unstoppable events, such as a health problem; I would in fact be referring Chromedog and company to a mirror, for closer introspection on that subject.

If you cannot stand by your partner, through hardship, you are a mere coward, who is much worse than a person with financial troubles. If your partner is ruining your life, and you choose to stay with them out of "love or whatever the feth really", you are as much of the problem as they are.

Ya thats what i thought too ,
but on the show , the poll result was 63% of the wives chose option A

Needless to say i was surprised (granted the show was asian show)
thus my curiosity to make poll to ask western / europeans ( majority of dakka )

Tricky question...

I think Kitten would choose option B, simply because she would kill me if it was option A...
Unless there is Option C: Kinky 3 way with unattached, mutual friend that both of us agree upon...

The real question is:

Luna...which would you choose?

LunaHound wrote:Needless to say i was surprised (granted the show was asian show)
thus my curiosity to make poll to ask western / europeans ( majority of dakka )

My wife's Japanese and she would choose "B"... That doesn't mean she wouldn't kill me if there was an "A" situation happening, but I would be dead twice if "B" was going on.

My wife's Japanese too.

The issue hasn't arisen, however my impression is that if it did, she would prefer A to B if forced to choose.

That's not based on personal experience, it's from the general attitude in Japanese society about the role of wives and husbands in a family.

It seems to be the culture that the husband's role is primarily to bring home the bacon rather than keep his pork sword at home. The wife's role is to manage the household financially, do the laundry and look after the children's education. From what I've read and discussed with people in Japan. Gross generalisation, of course.

Kilkrazy wrote:My wife's Japanese too.

The issue hasn't arisen, however my impression is that if it did, she would prefer A to B if forced to choose.

That's not based on personal experience, it's from the general attitude in Japanese society about the role of wives and husbands in a family.

It seems to be the culture that the husband's role is primarily to bring home the bacon rather than keep his pork sword at home. The wife's role is to manage the household financially, do the laundry and look after the children's education. From what I've read and discussed with people in Japan. Gross generalisation, of course.

I know KK , but this would make sense from the numbers on the poll in the TV show . ( even more so in Taiwan and China )

They both seem to be an issue of trust - both are equally terrifying, but I think I would be better able to cope with situation A rather than situation B. One is going to affect every financial decision we make for likely the rest of our lives, the other is going to affect emotions for as long as we allow it to.

LunaHound wrote:
Ya thats what i thought too ,
but on the show , the poll result was 63% of the wives chose option A

Needless to say i was surprised (granted the show was asian show)
thus my curiosity to make poll to ask western / europeans ( majority of dakka )

Really? That surprises you? Doesn't surprise me at all, as I expect most women to be materialistic and concerned primarily with their own creature comforts.

Can't find the Youtube vid right now, but Chris Rock has covered this well. He basically says "Men don't have nice stuff because we like it. Men have nice stuff because women like men who have nice stuff. If I could get you with a cardboard box, I would!"

I only can add an old spanish joke about how an upper class couple are having dinner in a posh place and a friend arrives with a younger woman obviously not his wife. After staring her for some time the wife turns to her husband and says "Dear, don´t you think that ours is prettier?"

So in certain societies I guess that money works as a great lubricant in relationships.

M.

Anymore additional inputs from married couples ? ( or engaged is fine too! )

B, definitely B.

She'd have my head with A. She'd risk Military Prison for it, too.

She Who Must Be Obeyed would say you are fool to marry someone with either issue and she should have known it. In Texas its doubly dangerous as women discovering such have been known to run you over in parking lots, and then back up to see what they hit...(true story).

I posed this question to my mother (since I've never even had a relationship with a girl, lol), and she just said love is more important than money.

My wife works and makes as much money as I do. She doesn't need me for a meal ticket. I'm pretty sure she could put up with me being unemployed due to no fault of my own.

Thankfully I don't cheat and have no financial vices beyond GW and going to the track with the bike. These would end way before I went into any kind of serious debt. We will never have to figure this one out in my house.

Well id hav to say B, you can live without money (some of us have from time to time) but you cant have a marriage without trust. sooner or later there wont be one if you pick A.

My wife handles all of our finances, but we certainly went through a period where we were extremely worried aboutour money. Being broke is nothing to make light of, but it is a problem that can be solved. Now that she graduated and landed a job, we're out of the month to month bracket.

A violation of trust like a concubine would be far more difficult to resolve, if not impossible. Option B any time. Option A would result in the deaths of myself, the concubine and probably my wife by her hands. That's so she can pursue me forever to wreak her vengeance upon me. You know, like the Furies.

As many of the other married couples have said, you should be aware of your spouse's financial situation going into the marriage. My wife knew I would be making a teacher's pittance, and I knew she was a struggling college student, but wouldn't be for long. Now she's a government contractor, and we are both enjoying the fruits of our labor. I suppose the morale of the story is that money can be earned, but memories of betrayal can never be truly obliterated.

The Green Git wrote:My wife works and makes as much money as I do. She doesn't need me for a meal ticket. I'm pretty sure she could put up with me being unemployed due to no fault of my own.

Haha, don't believe it mate, I got made redundent in February this year and although I got handsomely paid out [about 10 months salary] and had already aranged a new job that started 5 months after I left the last job, she still complained about me being around the house all day and getting in her way! Women are odd, you can not understand their motives so you shouldn't try. Prepare for the worst in any eventuality and you won't go far wrong!

As for the poll KK called it right on the whole traditional values in Asia thing for the result. In the West it is more about love as Cheese called, there seems to be suprisingly little stigma attached to bankrupcy these days, more the pity!

Conversely I know a fella who cheated on his wife for many years, she finally found out when they were in their late 50's. He was cheating with a female director at the company he owned plus at least one other long time tryst. When she confronted him he put his hands up and said "well this is the guy you married, you can either take it or leave it?" They sold the company for allot of money moved and stayed together [he on a short lesh i'm sure!]. Still can't decide whether they stayed together for love or money?

Depends.

Does option A assume that the wife knows and they have talked about the concubine? or is it just straight up cheating?

When I was with her she would have allowed option A as long as we both knew and understood the situation. If i was cheating and doing it behind her back she would have left me in a heartbeat.

in fact, after a few years we agreed to allow 3rd parties in our private time, so this was not a problem at all.

but when money went tight, and we couldnt afford all the ammenities that she had grown accustomed to, she left me for a guy with more money.

Hawkins wrote:Well id hav to say B, you can live without money (some of us have from time to time) but you cant have a marriage without trust. sooner or later there wont be one if you pick A.

QFT. Trust is priceless. You lose that, you lose your relationship.

Like KilKrazy and agnosto, my wife is Japanese. Option A, she could deal with it. Option B...not so much. There would be throwing of knives.

Noble713 wrote:
Really? That surprises you? Doesn't surprise me at all, as I expect most women to be materialistic and concerned primarily with their own creature comforts.

Can't find the Youtube vid right now, but Chris Rock has covered this well. He basically says "Men don't have nice stuff because we like it. Men have nice stuff because women like men who have nice stuff. If I could get you with a cardboard box, I would!"

ouch, the chicks you know must be plastic. Thats a grim oppinion of women. I would rather be poor, rather happy in a cardboard box than sad in a bloody big house with lodsa gak i dont need.