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i got bored so i started writing a short story, its hardly well written but here it is so far:




“Raptis, there’s more”, the voice of an astartes calling over the now quiet battlefield. “Form up” boomed brother-sergeant Raptis in response, and, following his order, the seven remaining astartes lined up, shoulder to shoulder. “Reload”, his order was followed before he finished saying it, followed by the standard ‘click and thud’ as seven bolters simultaneously reloaded. Raptis scanned the horizon for sign of the new foe. He didn’t look for long before he saw the swarm of rebel infantry, charging towards him with mad hate in their eyes.
“Five rounds rapid. Fire!” he bellowed as the bolters unloaded the first third of their clip. Scanning the enemy force, he saw the first three rows of rebels disintegrate into clouds of red as they were struck by mass reactive bolts.
“Three paces back” he called, ensuring the foe did not close the gap too quickly, as they were already fifty metres away. “Five rounds rapid. Fire”, the order was again followed with ruthless precision as another two rows of heretics were blown apart by the volley.
Raptis called for his squad to fall back another three paces before calling: “fire to the last, make them pay!”. The squad answered his battle cry with a hail of shots. The enemy were less than ten feet away, close quarters in a melee let alone a fire fight, and, to no ones surprise, the final volley was the most deadly, vaporising almost half of the remaining crazed men.
“Charge!” screamed Raptis. The astartes dropped their bolters, letting them swing loosely around their leather straps before drawing their chainswords. The rebels saw their mistake, all too late

Good short story

More

Nice story!!!

cheers guys for the support,

i got more but it wont be ready for a little while :(

Certainly a lot better than many fan fictions I have read, even with its short nature

Keep it up

short story, continued:








Raptis jumped forward, ducking a long wooden stick that was swung at his head. He swung round his chainsword, virtually cutting the man in half. He looked up from his strike to see a man with a shock mace held above his head, sprinting towards him. He stopped a meter away, losing his momentum before swinging the weapon downwards, Raptis sunk to one knee, bringing him to just off the mans total height. He swung up his chainsword, meeting the mace inches away from his head. The chainsword roared in complaint as its teeth were ripped from their bases by the foes simple weapon. The astartes roared as he jumped up to his full height and cast away the enemy weapon in a single motion. The man flew back several paces but, to a large extent, managed to keep his balance. Raptis fixed the man in a cold stare as he ripped out a bolt pistol that was holstered at his left. The crazed heretic did not waver; he pulled out a wood- knife and charged again. Raptis levelled the pistol at the mans head, then allowed a cold smile to play across his face whilst he pulled the trigger.

any ideas on what should happen next?

What should happen?
The rebels get reinforcements.

yup, moe and moe, one on one is ok, but mulitple numbers makes for more excitement. oh and one comment on the last part, 'gingerly' shouldnt be used when an opponent tries to brain Raptis

The rebel gets his head blown off lol, then a Chaos Space Marine leading this traitor band calls out a challenge

i like the chalenge idea, ill add that in
here we go:

Raptis turned from the headless cultist only to here a voice. He did not here the voice through his ears, but from the confines of his own skull. The voice was loud and clear but spoken in a language too old to fully comprehend. A language that was best forgotten. Raptis turned to see the silent speaker stepping over the decapitated hulk of what was once a man. It was the same height as the astartes sergeant, if not slightly taller. It was dressed in black, scratched and dented power armour. It was covered in dents that scraped away the ancient paint work, revealing bare ceramite up and down its faces. What appeared to be a mans face was stretched across its left shoulder pad, held in an expression of total horror. Fresh blood had been used to decorate it with eight pointed stars and ancient runes that told of pain and terror. Raptis looked at the beasts’ face, if a face it could be called. It lacked its skin and in its place, held just blood soaked flesh. It held a smile, to large for its face. The smile contained ten teeth, each filed down to a feral sharpness. Raptis stared into its yellow bloodshot eyes and felt a sharp pain behind his own. The brother-sergeant activated his chainsword and readied it at his side before calling out a feral challenge of his own, “I defy you hell-spawn, come and taste my blade!”.

Try to make more of this kind please!

Wow, we need more cadian

yup sorry im busy with schoolwork at the moment
ill pick it up at the weekend

more coming

The traitor marine jumped forward, its wretched features distorting in anger as it lifted a great hammer above its head. The war hammer screamed with unnatural power as it was brought down through the air in a swift arc towards Raptis. He had no time to think and his auto-senses took over, he dived to the right and rolled onto his knees as he readied his bolt pistol. He fired two shots into the flank of the brute. The first went high, skimming the top of its head. The second made its mark below the left shoulder pad, spraying blood and chipped bone onto the tired battlefield. Its left arm hang limp as the right swung the massive hammer in what was meant to be the killing stroke. The weapon flew into Raptis’ personal refractor field with a thunderclap and sent him reeling through the air. He hit the floor twenty feet away from where he stood before and he had spun onto one knee as soon as he had landed. Raptis jumped forwards towards the traitor and closed the gap in five great strides. He swung round his chainsword at the giant’s midriff but it simply shrugged of the attack with a casual parry from his weapons shaft. In a single motion he dropped his war hammer, grabbed Raptis by the throat and lifted him into the air.
“Stop struggling brother, you have already lost” the monster hissed as if the words were poison.
Raptis felt the fingers of the brute closing around his neck. He felt his pistol slip from fingers as he brought his hands to his enemies and tried with the remainder of his might to wrench himself free.
“We were children of the same world, put me down and fight me with honour” he managed to say with a rasp.
The monster slammed him to the floor with the strength of a titan.
“Honour is dead” he hissed as it stepped back and pressed a button on its limp wrist.
“You are a coward!!” screamed Raptis as the traitor disappeared in a bright flash.