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Suffused with the dying memories of Sanguinus, the warriors of the Death Company seek only one thing: death in battle fighting against the enemies of the Emperor.
Practically anything bar Ricky Gervais can tickle me. The only comedy I would get out of Ricky Gervais would be putting his head and knackers through two blenders simultaneously. However, my favorites are Python and Lee Evans. I'm also a fan of Tim Vine/Lee Mack type one liners.
The OC-D
This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2009/11/27 17:11:07
DT:90SGM+B++I+Pw40k04#+D++A++/areWD315R+t(M)DM+ 4000 points of Cadian 33rd
English and Proud
http://forum.emergency-planet.com/ The other foum I post on
Playstation 3 Player
"Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons" - Douglas MacArthur.
People are like dice, a certain Frenchman said that. You throw yourself in the direction of your own choosing. People are free because they can do that. Everyone's circumstances are different, but no matter how small the choice, at the very least, you can throw yourself. It's not chance or fate. It's the choice you made.
I am both selfish and chaotic. I value self-gratification and control; I want to have things my way, preferably now. At best, I'm entertaining and surprising; at worst, I'm hedonistic and violent.
A little girl walks into a pet shop and says "i'd like a Wabbit"
the shopkeep says " Would you like a white Wabbit or a Black Wabbit"?
the little replies " i don't think my python gives a feth"
my favourite joke^^
This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2009/11/29 10:24:05
Gwar! wrote:
If you live to the point where you have to be in an old folks home, you iz mukin about and aint being orky enough!
[DCM]
Chief Deputy Sub Assistant Trainee Squig Handling Intern
JD21290 wrote:Hmmm, comedy.
I would simply sum it up with the state of the UK
Got funnier this week. According to an apparently highly reliable poll, the Tories are only 6 points ahead of Labour, and opinion is spread enough that no party would have a large enough majority to form a government.
How hopeless is that? Labour practically hand Governance to the Tories, and they still can't convince everyone they aren't just a bunch of arseholes!
Fed up of Scalpers? But still want your Exclusives? Why not join us?
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
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My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
******************************************
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly put my cycling gear on, ate a couple of weetbix for breakfast and slipped quietly into the garage. I got my bike down off the rack and pumped up the tyres, and proceeded to wheel the bike down the drieway, out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I walked back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
My loving wife of 10 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out cycling in that?"
******************************************
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"
So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"
*****************************************
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'
I bought her a scale.
******************************************
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive...
so, I took her to a petrol station.
******************************************
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for an Old Aged Pension. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my pension application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'
******************************************
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear shehasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go oncelebrating that long?'
******************************************
I took my wife to a restaurant.. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""
Nah, she can order for herself."
******************************************
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
Suffused with the dying memories of Sanguinus, the warriors of the Death Company seek only one thing: death in battle fighting against the enemies of the Emperor. 
