The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:
She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison.
"He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."

A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."- Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it.."- Moses Hadas

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."- Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.." - Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
"I cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - - Irvin S. Cobb

"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." -- Samuel Johnson

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." -- Paul Keating

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."- Charles, Count Talleyrand

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." -- Forrest Tucker

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" -- Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx

"Water ? Never touch the stuff ! Fish feth in it." — W. C. Fields.

"It's all right to drink like a fish — if you drink what a fish drinks.." — Mary Pettibone Poole.

"If you're sick, you should drink plenty of fluids. And if you ever find a way to drink something that isn't a fluid, be sure and let me know." — Anthony Myers.

"Eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow we shall die." — Imhotep (2667-2648BCE), egyptian architect, physician and chancelor.

"The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one." — George Bernard Shaw.

"I used to drink, I did. I had to quit. Man, I was an embarrassing drunk. I'd get pulled over by the cops, I'd be so drunk I'd be out dancing in their lights thinking I'd made it to the next club." — Bill Hicks.

"I envy people who drink. At least they have something to blame everything on." — Oscar Levant.

"No free woman should be allowed any more than one maid to follow her, unless she was drunk." — Zaleucus, 7th century BC greek law code.

"An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do." — Dylan Thomas.

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day." — Frank Sinatra.

"Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut." — Ernest Hemmingway.

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading." — Henny Youngman.

"I am as drunk as a lord, but then, I am one, so what does it matter ?" — Bertrand Russell (1872—1970) British philosopher.

"If I had not some strength of will I would make a first class drunkard." — Ernest Shackleton.

"There are more old drunkards than old doctors." — Benjamin Franklin (1706-90) US scientist and statesman.

"I stopped drinking, but only when I sleep." — George Best.

"The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind." — Humphrey Bogart.

"I have to think hard to name an interesting man who does not drink." — Richard Burton.

"In college I took a class from a professor who changed my whole life. I can't really remember what his name was, or what the class was, or even which college it was, but I found that if you sit behind a really tall guy and kind of slouch down in your chair you can drink Scotch right from the bottle and not get caught." — Bill Ervin.

"Any man who eats dessert is not drinking enough." — Ernest Hemingway.

"An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools." — Ernest Hemingway, For Whom the Bell Tolls.

"'twas a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it." — W. C. Fields.

"On some days, my head is filled with such wild and original thoughts that I can barely utter a word. On other days, the liquor store is closed." — Frank Varano.

"I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me." — Winston Churchill.

"If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer." — Clement Freud.

"It's Faster horses, Younger women, Older whiskey and More money." — Tom T. Hall, 'The Secret of Life'.

"Why does man kill ? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage." — Woody Allen.

"If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it.
But if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it.
This is my position, and I will not compromise !" — A Congressman's response about his attitude toward whiskey.

"As a kid, whenever I got sick my mom would say: 'Don't worry, son. There's nothing so bad that it can't be fixed with a bottle of cheap Scotch and a couple of hookers'. Or was that the old crusty guy who hung around the schoolyard ? No matter — either way, it's terrific advice." — Bob Van Voris.

"Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose... it's how drunk you get." — Homer Simpson.

"The reign of tears is over. The slums will soon be a memory. We will turn our prisons into factories and our jails into storehouses and corncribs. Men will walk upright now, women will smile and children will laugh. Hell will be forever for rent." — Reverent Billy Sunday at the beginning of Prohibition.

"Prohibition ? HA ! They tried that in the movies and it didn't work." — Homer Simpson.

"Once during Prohibition I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water." — W. C. Fields.