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Only Glaive Company Co has the ultimate awesome power to summon the unholy Honkey Bro. Fitting, as Honkey Bro is a black dude.

I hear that Paul keeps him locked in a footlocker in an undisclosed basement somewhere in northern Oregon.
In many swingers clubs in the northwest area, Glaive Company Co and Honkey Bro are known as the "Wonder Twins".

True story.

HonkeyBro was the last word uttered by Charles Nelson Reilly, Syngman Rhee, and Helen Keller.

Posted By Pariah Press on 07/16/2007 7:31 PM


(BTW, can anyone provide a link to the Mauleed vs. JTS batrep? I'm very curious.)

Sadly, we can only look at the outside of it anymore.

The actual contents are lost to time and memory, even to the 'wayback machine'.

Y'know Yakface, that's ALMOST true... but the data is still there if you know where to look. Here is the full report, even with all the PHOTOS still included... the only thing lost are the stylesheets, and hell that might actually make it easier to read:
http://web.archive.org/web/20040430112817/johnsons40k.com/jtsvmauleed.html

It's hard to believe that all that stuff happened almost exactly four years ago and it's still in the collective subconscious. Then again, maybe it shouldn't be, given that I stopped playing 40k about 3 years ago and still for some strange reason like to see (about once a year) if Dakka still lives on. Dakka as a store and a gaming group was a pretty cool thing. Dakka, as an online community, impacted even more people in significant ways. I'm glad to have contributed to the folklore and experience that is, was, and will be Dakka.

I still have my "Got Dakka?" button from the 98 Baltimore GT, and my honorary Dakka Staff shirt from the store. Or was it 99? I forget...

I've been a lot of places and done a lot of things since then. If you remember me and want to be in touch, don't contact me here, I won't see it. Try me on http://www.myspace.com/jts1 to re-establish contact.

Here's a toast to this incredible community that all of you created, and to Russ above all for making, guiding, and maintaining the space for it to happen. It was an awesome gift to an incredible number of people, and I'm grateful for my time here.

-JTS

I'm pretty sure some guy got his todger out and slapped it down on the table at some point, but I can't find that bit. Also, who was it that, as a result of this batrep, labelled Ed as a "Well nourished [fragment missing], and not the alpha male he professes to be"? (paraphrased) I seem to remember it was one of his most ardent critics. Ah, good times, definately one of the best Dakka moments, I can't believe it was '03, it seems like an older memory.

 

Also, I can now add JTS to my myspace stalking list (along with color crayons and Malfred) :kiss:

Posted By Broon on 07/17/2007 11:29 AM

I'm pretty sure some guy got his todger out and slapped it down on the table at some point, but I can't find that bit. Also, who was it that, as a result of this batrep, labelled Ed as a "Well nourished [fragment missing], and not the alpha male he professes to be"? (paraphrased) I seem to remember it was one of his most ardent critics. Ah, good times, definately one of the best Dakka moments, I can't believe it was '03, it seems like an older memory.

 

Ha! Now I know why I lampooned this pic!!



Edit:

Here is the original pic:
web.archive.org/web/20040430112817/http://johnsons40k.com/images/batreps/JTSvMauleed/mauleed-smile.jpg

Posted By Broon on 07/17/2007 11:29 AM

Also, I can now add JTS to my myspace stalking list (along with color crayons and Malfred) :kiss:

I knew you were a stalker, Broon!

Its "stamp of doom" now...

The "slapping his richard on the table" story is MUCH older than that match. It's positively an apocryphal tale now. I wasn't THERE for the event, but here's how it was told to me. Names removed, but remembered.

STORYTIME:
"It was Baltimore 1997 Grand Tournament. Now, this was still the old days, the last year of the 2nd Edition 40k Grand Tourneys, and there were only 60 guys there packed into the Holiday Inn BWI Airport ballroom, so it was a small bunch. Dave Handy was still bringing his wacky Ork armies and the new crew of cheese from 3rd edition hadn't yet hatched, so it was kind of the last hurrah of the 15-model army and the bizarre character-and-wargear driven cheez of second edition. Warp Spider Exarchs with Banshee Masks and Mandiblasters, and Space Wolf Termis with 3+ on 2d6 saves, and Vortex Grenades on Assassins, and Graviton Guns, hells yeah, amen.

Anyway, in those days they didn't let youngsters into the tournament, so everyone there was of drinking age and most of the inclination. There wasn't much call to be a dink, because everyone knew everyone else in short order. Now, the richard-slapper in question was one of the most well known guys there - an absolute champ of a guy from New Jersey, we'll call him BOB IAN. (Not his real name.) BOB IAN was one of the most fun guys you'll ever meet, a real jovial and down to earth guy with a family and a job who really liked having some drinks and playing with his toy soldiers. He's long gone from the scene now, but in the day he was pretty typical of guys I'd keep going back to GTs to hang out with once a year.

BOB IAN is trying to have a good day, he really is, and his first opponent of the day is an awesome fellow I still have the pleasure of being friends with to this day. They hit it off smashingly, and have a great start. But his second opponent is a twinky, somebody without much personality to speak of, and a bit of a twit to boot when it came to playing the game.

Then BOB IAN meets his third opponent, and this guy is a downright tool. He's front-to-backing, dickering about Line of Sight, pulling all kinds of crummy little gak... and it doesn't matter, because BOB IAN is such a good sport and still rolling forward with his army. BOB IAN's crappy opponent (we'll call him DORKUS) just keeps blinking rapidly and fidgeting, trying to figure out some way to steal this game. Eventually, he figures out that he can't win, if the game goes 4 turns. So, he stalls.

He moves units, then moves them back, then moves them again. He adjusts units, fusses over LoS, rolls dice one at a time for everything... You notice the rule in the GT Rulebook about stalling? It's in there because of this event. These games only were scheduled for 2 hours... and after 20 minutes in DORKUS' movement phase, BOB IAN finally tells him to get a move on. DORKUS gets pissy and continues to stall. After all of this - after all of the fussing and stalling and crabby behaviour, BOB IAN finally loses it, and enters the halls of legend.

BOB IAN, upon hearing this guy argue one final ridiculous rule-bending point, stops the guy flat. As he reaches down and unzips his fly, he shouts at Dorkus:
"If you're gonna keep trying to F*** ME, WHY DON'T YOU JUST SUCK MY D*** FIRST?!?!"
At which point, he slaps his schlong onto the table with a resounding THWAP."

...and that's the story as it was told to me. It wasn't me, and not one of the "Jervis' Johnsons", but definitely an old-school guy from 1997 that I liked.

-JTS

Wow. JTS is back. Clearly it is the end times....

Now if only MegaDave would return...

Heh, awesome.

This is my new best memory of Dakka. Thanks for the history lesson.

Which one is Broon?

Now I wonder why I've been avoiding the tournament scene all of these years...

PariahPress: Umm... because you're a "todger"? Hehehehe...

Flagg: Them were the days when GTs were fun. I might even go back if I had the time to play or paint, now that Dave Taylor is in charge. He was a decent bloke who could hold his liquor, have a good time, and be a reasonable guy.

Syr: Don't worry, rabbi. It's the end days, but they won't last long. I've got a lot of fire dancing and other shenanigans on my plate, I'll only pay attention to this thread for a few days before vanishing again for another year.

-JTS

LOL.

I suppose I could flop myself on the table, all six and a half feet of me, but that could be... awkward.

my best memory is being told off by Yakface repeatedly when I first became a member for my incoherent arguements, bad spelling and grammer and for generally pissing people off.

Another cherished memory of Imperial Dakka

When Penguin copy/pasted the contents of WD into the discussion forum and criticised it's mediocrity, enraging then editor Paul Sawyer and causing him to take his ball home. Ice Wind Dale 1, Dakka 0, Paul Sawyer -1.

Posted By beef on 07/18/2007 8:24 AM
my best memory is being told off by Yakface repeatedly when I first became a member for my incoherent arguements, bad spelling and grammer and for generally pissing people off.

No wonder I can read this post!

*hug*

Lots of great memories, many noted in here. Good to see some of the oldies crawling out for a look.

I'll add:

When I joined (earlier than some, later than others), the Modeling Forum was the bees knees. Just some amazing crap in there, day after day.

Jester - his posts have remained remarkably consistent even as the board has slowly changed, his sense of humor was always appreciated, even when brought to bear on me.

Wow. That archive page of the UBB boards really brings me back.

Man, that software kicked ass. Great color scheme and blazing fast.

I met Russ and the old Dakka gaming group way back in 10th grade x.x... I'm 24 now.  Being there the first night of the Dakka store opening.  Playing in the Armageddon campaign mega battle all through the night.  Doing dry erase board artwork at the store for game time >.>.  Then I went and joined the Army and was stuck with only the Forums for my fixes.  Running Dakka Modelling Forum Painting Competitions just for the sake of bragging rights ^_^.  I've been lucky enough to have found such a wonderful community both back in New England when I was still there, and online since I haven't been able to be around since  July 2001.  I can't wait to see what the future brings one of the greatest online wargaming communities in the world.

-Aaron

Posted By bigchris1313 on 07/18/2007 4:28 PM
Wow. That archive page of the UBB boards really brings me back.

Man, that software kicked ass. Great color scheme and blazing fast.

QFT

Posted By JTS1486 on 07/17/2007 9:59 PM

Syr: Don't worry, rabbi. It's the end days, but they won't last long. I've got a lot of fire dancing and other shenanigans on my plate, I'll only pay attention to this thread for a few days before vanishing again for another year.

-JTS

Heh.

Seeing the old Imperial Dakka reminded me of so many who used to haunt these halls: benlallen, Wolfguard99, Vlad_The_Rotten, Wolf13, Kensai, Dysartes, Araqiel, Rebel_Princess, Grand_Preceptor, Lordtendril...Some I know are still around and lurk, some have moved on to other forums, or still post infrequently. Nevertheless, these sometimes less-often-heralded made the forum what it was for me.

Posted By grey_death on 07/18/2007 5:22 PM
I met Russ and the old Dakka gaming group way back in 10th grade x.x... I'm 24 now.  Being there the first night of the Dakka store opening.  Playing in the Armageddon campaign mega battle all through the night.  Doing dry erase board artwork at the store for game time >.>.  Then I went and joined the Army and was stuck with only the Forums for my fixes.  Running Dakka Modelling Forum Painting Competitions just for the sake of bragging rights ^_^.  I've been lucky enough to have found such a wonderful community both back in New England when I was still there, and online since I haven't been able to be around since  July 2001.  I can't wait to see what the future brings one of the greatest online wargaming communities in the world.

-Aaron

Nice to see you back Aaron. Yeah those comps were great, that one where the Shaggoth beat Lysette because the guy got all his friends to vote it up, good stuff. I won one of those comps! The only win I've ever had, but I beat JF and Scarab, so I was pleased

Actually JT, while a pecker never hit the table, a sack did make it out of a zipper. It was Mike what's his name (not Kistler).

Posted By Broon on 07/17/2007 11:29 AM

I'm pretty sure some guy got his todger out and slapped it down on the table at some point, but I can't find that bit. Also, who was it that, as a result of this batrep, labelled Ed as a "Well nourished [fragment missing], and not the alpha male he professes to be"? (paraphrased) I seem to remember it was one of his most ardent critics. Ah, good times, definately one of the best Dakka moments, I can't believe it was '03, it seems like an older memory.

That battle report is great as a grudge match as well as illustrative of the utter cheese that 40K can become ...  Tank Shocking a castle formation to win the game?  It's both classic and horrifying.   That's a great write-up!

Memorial props to names from the past:

Great Wolf Lazerous, Karandras,  Drew (And his bouncy skeleton), KWade, The Phantom Lord, Penguin Dude, Snord, Despot, Task, Plastictrees, Mannahnin, NicoleWakelin, Games Workshop (For whom  none of this would have been possible), Judd, Pinkoir, and the hundreds of other past posters who I enjoyed reading when I lurked on the many incarnations of DakkaDakka.

It's not over yet, but with the name being sold I think this place will seem a bit less comfortable.  Thanks Russ for the many years of effort you put into the community.  This was a cool place to hang out away from the normally blistering heat of the GW-fanboy-inferno.

 

 

When the Pan Fo were reviled.

Should Dakka explode and/or turn into a pumpkin tonight, I wanted to say thanks to Russ and Dakkites new, old and truly ancient. Been a good 5 years, and should Dakka continue on then I'll stick around longer, no doubt.

Jester, Nyarla, Kid, Gonads, Migs, Hardcoil, Necros, Jamsessionein, Hellfury, Hammer, Fellblade, [Mauleed too] ... Good show lads, and good luck whether this all goes TU or not




- Boss Salvage

"Y'know Yakface, that's ALMOST true... but the data is still there if you know where to look. Here is the full report, even with all the PHOTOS still included... the only thing lost are the stylesheets, and hell that might actually make it easier to read:
http://web.archive.org/web/20040430112817/johnsons40k.com/jtsvmauleed.html"

Lol -  its funny how internet personalities can sort of put images of what the person looks like into your mind. 

I sort of imagined Mauleed as some ultra well toned muscle bound macho arrogant gunnery sgt type (arnie, or maybe eastwood), but that pic of him is just not what I expected!

[edit - yes, Clint eastwood is it, when I'm reading mauleed posts I can often see the Eastwood sgt in the film where he takes over the training of a recce squad, and ends up fighting cubans on some island with them, and his obvious disdain of his commanding officers]

Thank you everyone for all the kind words and thoughts.

My fondest memories are probably doing the inital army profiles with local players that got the site noticed in the first place. 

I also really enjoyed when the site expaned beyond our local group and other folks started really contributing great modeling and army profile photos.

Let's not forget Task, a great moderator, contributor, and maker of some of the coolest army profiles with great photo shop effects.

Thanks to everyone over the years, and I can't wait to see what the future holds for Dakka under Yak's stewardship.