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This one time, the space emporoer saw a reshirt salse pitching his best mate, so the space emporoer got very(x2) mad and was like "OMG!111!!!!!!1ONE!!!!ELEVEN!!!!!ONEHUNDREDANDELVEN!!!!" so the space emporer roundhouse kicked the redshirt in the face and sent him really(xA GAZILLION) far back in time cos he went really really really really really(x5) fast. faster than light.

Every night the bogey man checks his closet for <S>chuck norris</S> The space emporer

*BASED ON A NOT TRUE STORY*

One time a Space Marine on a Space Bike was driving all fast and drunk on the Space Marine highway. He was showing off and poping wheelies and doing all kinds of Very (x2) cool tricks. This made him ultimate cool. This ticked off one of the Guys Who Burn Witches On Sticks guys, who don't like Drinking and Driving. This ESPECIALLY ticked off the guy because he was a card carrying member of Guys Who Shoot U Careless Killing Spacebikers Drunk, Intent on ChicKS. Hmm. That would be a cool bumper sticker if it were only somehow shorter... So the Witch Burner dude pulled out a Psy Cannon and shot the space biker. Magically, because the Turboboosting save is treated "as invulnerable" and psycannons ignore invulnerable saves, the SpaceBiker was totally rox0rzed in 1 shot.

This made the Space Emperors Space Lawyer so mad, he wrote a one (x1) page article against rules lawyering even though he is a lawyer. He must spend most of his time locked up in a closet hating him self. This is very (x2) funny to me. He said that when people have disagreements they should Shut The Freak Up and roll d6 to see who is right. I think this is a very (x2) good rule in life and much simpler than laws and all that other complicated stuff. This is why I now own the country of Luxembourg. The people there were like "We own it!" and I was like "No I OWN it", so I rolled a 6 and the rest of the population only rolled as high as a 3! lolz! Well, the fixed dice didn't hurt either.

Update: This convinced the Space Emperor that lawyers are dumb hypocrites, so he fed them all to the Squats, who were fed to the Tyranid, who will eventually be killed by the Space Emperor. Thus completing the circle of life.

- Sneak Preview of Codex: Rules

Y'know Skyfyre I've been really lenient allowing people to post all kinds of things about the Space Emperor but that list bit about the Space Emperor's Space lawyer is just too unrealistic.

I mean come on... a witch h8er with a psycannon?

What? H8er dudes don't get psy cannons??? How are they supposed to h8 on 43 guy units of Black Space Elf Ninja Jedi Master Psykers then ?????

Hrm... Looking through the codex... Hrm... I guess they don't... Does this mean Black Space Elf Ninja Jedi Master Psykers are demons then? I'm confused...

The Black Space Elf Ninja Jedi Master Psykers aren't demons, they are daemons. Big difference. And they are heart-breakingly beautiful, like a pony, or Jesus. The Space Emperor lets them live because they amuse him, much like Dorn amuses him.

He will consume their souls someday, and they will be glad for the opportunity.

Of course they're demons just like turbo boosting bikes, assassains and wraiths.

D'uh.

This one time the Space Emperor went to Vega$

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What? You expect to hear more?

d00d you know what happens in Vega$ STAYS in Vega$!

This one time the Space Emperor was flying through space buck naked on a surfboard



when all of the sudden the Storm Lord of the Herald of the Storm jumped out of the shade and was all like "there's a storm a'comin' and I'm the lord of it!"




And the space emperor put on his solid gold rain coat and was all like "thanks yo!" and the Storm Lord of the Herald of the Storm was all like "word yo" so the Space Emperor and the Storm Lord of the Herald of the Storm went to Hooters and had jello shots. They were going to go to the Fall of Medusa V but it was too rainy and cold on account of the storm.

This one time the Space Emperor was walking down the street and these guys passing in a Rhino yelled out "Hey, Space Emperor! We don't like you!" This made him very(x2) sad. So some Witch H8er guys on the other side of the street got in their ride, chased those guys down, and burned them for being heretics(cause not liking the Space Emperor is heresy).
And that's why you can't play Rhino Rush anymore.