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I truly thank you

Itry to explain what I want to tell :

- "is the maze at an end" sounds good

- "Crossed irruption".. mmm when I was in the Army, during the training, we could do two types of irruption (storming into a room?): 1) common type and crossed.. a bit more different.. soldier on the right go to left and soldier on the left go to right... mmm:

common:
-----><------
...°°°..°°°....

crossed:
-----X-----
.°°°..°°°..

- "The Polyclops Skull": I mean.. a grat skull with many eyes
look at this page :
http://www.webalice.it/baldessari/pag/tavola10.html

- "HALF WAY" and " IT'S PITCH BLACK" sound good !!

- "cyclopic tunnel".. I mean a tunnel that is not human dimension tunnel.. very big

- "An accurate lunge. " Captain has a combat knife, he kills the beast with a single, vertical hit
look at this (top right corner scene)
http://www.webalice.it/baldessari/pag/tavola12.html

)

Ok glad you like it..


1.
Irruption.. I just looked this word up, and you are correct in using it. However I do not believe it is in common usage.. I've never heard of it before yesterday.

I was never in the army, but my understanding is this. (I spent a long time looking for an English equivalent, I found nothing. )

In English, there is no elegant, short way to say what you want. Storming a room is correct. Breach and clear is better. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Breach_and_clear But the crossed part, well I just don't know how you could say it and we could understand. So I guess just say "breach and clear".

2. Yeah the polyclops skull does not really work, it feels clunky to me. Multi-eyed skull is less fancy way to describe the skull, but the meaning is clear. I also ran both of these by someone else, they had no idea what polyclops meant and understood multi-eyed perfectly. So I recommend Multi-eyed skull.

3. Great!

4. This is tricky for me.. Perhaps: Massive Xeno Tunnel..

5. I thought about this a bit, I would use 'a killing lunge'.

Anyway English is a mongrel of a language.. in school I was taught gaol is how to spell jail.. Yes its the same word, same pronunciation.. gaol is the insane British spelling.

Cheers hope that helps.

"breach and clear" is very good ;-)

mmm I thinking:

"The Polyclops, multy-eyed skull. The gate is swallowed by its cavernous mouth. It’s the entrance of the second level."

It can be ok?

Maybe today I'll edit and publish new pages

PS: I see your chaos space marine on devian art!! is very good!! are you a cartoonist?

Ah its hard.. to make it work ..


The Polyclops, a multi-eyed skull. Its cavernous mouth swallows the gate, the entrance to the second level.

This flows better IMO. I really recommend if you are studying English you work on sentence structure, because most of the time thats your only problem. I'd tell you the rules but I don't know them, as things are just instinctual for a native speaker. (I probably get it wrong aswell, but I am free!)

Thanks, I quite like that marine. I'm an amateur artist. It's funny but I never intended that picture to look so cartoony, its just because of my limited understanding of photoshop it turned out that way. Really need to draw some more.

Cheers.

I know!! Sentence structure is the most difficult thing for me.. I don't know when use "the", where put adjective, adverbs and a lot of other things

now I start editing the four pages

edit:
these days I can't.. techinical problems.. :( but stay tuned

New pages

(In the old pages I've added two things that I've forgotten.. "The bang is rewarding" and "The shadow pursue us. We have no time to lose")

spoiler:

I gave other people a chance to correct but since no one has I will try.

Everything in [square brackets] is mine..

[The] second level is a huge jail, full of corpses.
It’s a heap of ruins. Drilled ruins. [You means the bodies are drilled?]
Who’s the butcher?

Storming a room is always a delicate matter.
You don’t [remove word or you can say 'you never know..'] know who’s waiting for you, beyond the door.
The death in the shadow. [Seems wrong..]
The trap of the prey. [Does not make sense.. Maybe "Evil lurks in the shadows. We have become it's prey." I'm referring to the possessed beast here.]

[Disengagement] ! [correct spelling]
Disingagement!

Holy Emperor…

Take cover!

Damn, [a] possessed beast.

Natum!

Infernal machine.

Pag14
He’s alive… and he has primed his charges! [Primed means to have them ready to explode, triggered means they have exploded [unless they are on a timer]. So primed because he's talking in the next line..]

(stammering <---[ not part of the comic correct?]
Go-go away, chief…
I-I need a glorius...
[End]…

[Disengage]… quickly!

One blows, all blow…
Sympathy effect (it’s a technical term.. one charge blows, other near it blow.. but in Italian Sympathy aka Simpatia is Fancy, Liking.. I lose this game of words), [I think you are looking for 'chain-reaction']
fu.ki.ng ba.st.ard...

Farewell Natum…

We’ll see later, if Heaven['s] light will [not be] so dazzling.

Pag 15
The Altair [altar? I just wiki'ed it. Its a star?]

We fight [our] way, into palace’s heart.

Behind us, a magnificent explosion swallows the alien scum.

The last goodbye of a dear friend.

[The] Astropath’s voice lead[s] us.
We are near her [remove word] now.

It’s so awful,
Umo Drell.

Surrounded by a purple limbo, the great, absurd, insalubrious tower raises as far as the dark vaults. ["purple limbo" sounds funny what are you describing here? insalubrious, I think this word is like irruption, I've never heard of it before. perhaps "nauseating"]

[Transparent] capsules bloom from the structure.
Inside, Psycians [Psykers? This is a 40k word] float, racked by unrestrained convulsions. (they float and moving themselves by pain.. mm)

The crystal that contains the corpses isn’t sound-proofed and the chorus of moans and shrieks is piercing. Insufferable.

[The crystal that contains the corpses, fails to stop the chorus of moans and shrieks. They are piercing, insufferable.] <--- Thats how I would change it..

We need a priest…

I’m going to kill someone if they continue screaming!

Pag 16
Now I’ll overload the circuit.
Take cover, Umo Drell.

The first reasonable thing (talk sense?) that I’ve heard today.
[Can be .. "Now you are talking sense." "First sensible thing I've heard today."]


Shut up!

Negade opens fire. [It’s ]her personal remedy to solve all type of problems.

Let’s kill all of them…

We hide in a crematorium.

[Here, the Xenos burn the prisoner's corpses.] [ intubated, I had to look it up, this is a medical term about inserting tubes into hollowed organs lol.. I would just remove this word. ]
It’s too dangerous leave them in the havoc outside.

Respirator and visor down.
[OR ‘Respirators and visors are down’.. if its everyone’s gear]

The din becomes choked. [‘Din’ is noise, you can’t choke it. Need more info]
Emperor knows if we are safe.

Your support is vital !!


It’s a heap of ruins. Drilled ruins. [You means the bodies are drilled?]

The walls, the ruins, the talos doesn't open doors !!!

The death in the shadow. [Seems wrong..]
The trap of the prey. [Does not make sense.. Maybe "Evil lurks in the shadows. We have become it's prey." I'm referring to the possessed beast here.]

In English my sentences don't suond well Yours are ok!


(stammering <---[ not part of the comic correct?]
Go-go away, chief…
I-I need a glorius...
[End]…

stammering is not part .. I don't know how stammer in English !


One blows, all blow…
Sympathy effect (it’s a technical term.. one charge blows, other near it blow.. but in Italian Sympathy aka Simpatia is Fancy, Liking.. I lose this game of words), [I think you are looking for 'chain-reaction']
fu.ki.ng ba.st.ard...

yeah, chain reaction is good, maybe sympathy effect means also another thing and is less known


Pag 15
The Altair [altar? I just wiki'ed it. Its a star?]

I type it worng.... altar! I'll edit also the index


Surrounded by a purple limbo, the great, absurd, insalubrious tower raises as far as the dark vaults. ["purple limbo" sounds funny what are you describing here? insalubrious, I think this word is like irruption, I've never heard of it before. perhaps "nauseating"]

also in Italian sounds funny!
but the original meaning is:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limbo
or

is there any term more.. serious?


[Here, the Xenos burn the prisoner's corpses.] [ intubated, I had to look it up, this is a medical term about inserting tubes into hollowed organs lol.. I would just remove this word. ]
It’s too dangerous leave them in the havoc outside.

yeah, prisoners are divided in 2 groups: common people->hunted and psyckers, that are.. "connected" to the altar.. mmm intubated is wrong, maybe encapsulated? (in the crystal spheres)



Respirator and visor down.
[OR ‘Respirators and visors are down’.. if its everyone’s gear]

it has to sound like an order.. put the respirator and down the visor?

The din becomes choked. [‘Din’ is noise, you can’t choke it. Need more info]

The guards enter in the crematorium and close themselves inside. From outiside noise come in .. chocked?

On limbo.. There are people trapped in stasis by purple energy and this energy surrounds the tower? If so..

"A stasis field surrounds the absurd,..."

I know you cant change the word count because of space, but maybe..

"Projecting a purple light a stasis field surrounds the absurd, ...."

On intubated.. Encapsulated works.

"Respirators and visors off." They are ordered to take them off right?

On din...
So its sound coming through a wall..

Chocked makes no sense choked makes no sense look them up and you will see what I mean.

So

"The din penetrates the walls. "

"The walls fail to lessen the din outside. "

"The din is all pervasive, the crematorium offers no relief. "

My sentences are getting longer as I go.. so i'll stop.



Not to discourage you but I will tell you what I think about how we have done so far.

I think we are doing pretty good translating, but what you have is not perfect, mostly cause of the short sentences (which may not be complete sentences) trying and sometimes failing to communicate so much information. Anyways just warning you in case you think its perfect. I had a look at my old spawn comics the other day and there is way more dialogue to explain and set the scene etc. Also I find it difficult to figure out which part of the comic I should read to read it in order... Maybe thats just me.

Anyways your doing good work.. you make me want to draw a comic now.

thanks

the only think is about respirators and visors! it's the opposite !!

I know there are traslating problems;-) but this is an amatorial work
and it's right that will be never perfect.. I do my best and you too e that's important

If you draw something dont draw about wh40k.. something else and not copyrighetd

No worries.. I am getting better fixing stuff.

You see it different to me. If I draw 40k no one can steal my ideas.. because they aren't mine. haha.

the only thing is about respirators and visors! it's the opposite !!

So visors on eh? haha no worries.

Also next time don't put what you need corrected in spoiler tags.. I don't think it matters.

EDIT

I just noticed you tribute picture to you friend who passed away, Im sure he'd be honoured. The picture has a positive feeling.

BTW (by the way) I will keep correcting stuff whenever I can.

mmm I prefer free stuff to try to sell it

but Wh40k offers a very good background.. if you want an italian translation of your comic I'll do that

I must correct 2 errors.. I've written disingagement... wrong copy-paste...

I've change "stasis" sentence with xeno witchcraft, beacuase stasis looks like too imperial

new four pages:

BAM! Here you go.

Pag. 17
9 – Memories
The noise of broken crystal. ( what’s the noise of glass broken?” [nothing really in english for that. Clink, is the only sound I can think of and it’s not exactly what you are after. ]
Then a penetrating cry. It seems endless.
[These first two sentences are bad because they are incomplete. ]

[[Instead perhaps say:

We hear the sound of shattered/broken crystal.
A penetrating cry assaults our senses, it seems endless. ]]




Darkness becomes a whirlwind of lights and spirits.
A chorus of sobs, screams, laughs and farewells.

Daddy, don’t go!

Daddy… daddy.. daddy…

(solemn tone)
And I will receive the martyr
in my Light.
I will forge her memory (martyr is referred to a female… I can do this?) [yes]
in the bronze.
The glory of her unconquered deeds (not victorious, a martyr die. I can’t consider it a victory)
will be eternal.
I will sprinkle the flowers of her grave
with the foe’s blood.

We huddle together, overcome with memories, awoken by the [psyker’s : 40k spelling] energy. Painful memories. Precious memories.

Pag. 18
Quavee can’t be the best sniper in the regiment! He has taken forbidden substance to strengthen his sight. Xeno drugs, sir!

Eleventh has failed. You and your men haven’t been up to the task.
A million [remove ‘of’] Imperial citizens, captain. They are all dead.

[My soldiers are down there]! We cannot leave them behind!

It’s too late to [save] them, too soon to forget them. (referred to memories)

Pag. 19
Target acquired.

We’re alive.

There are corpses everywhere.

One of them [levitates] in the air.

Go to hell! (it's for euphory.. mmm) [I don’t understand euphory, go to hell is fine though. ]

We achieve the first goal.

I’m free, Umo Drell.

Is that her?

She’s the only survivor.

She have no somatic type (facial type? to recognize her) [confused.. From what I understand you could say: “She is unrecognizable”.]

It must be her.

She’s disgusting.

Let’s bring her to safety and follow orders.

We drag the astropath [to] a cell.
She doesn’t help us.
She has vaporized the altar[,] but she’s still pulsating [with light], full of energy.

The lamprey.
It has to be applied to astropath’s palate.

She’s slippery…

Keep her still!

The [artifact comes to] life. (?? It starts living)
It [takes root] in the brain, stimulating it . (twice “it”.. [I don’t feel it’s a problem in this case])
The impulses (pulses) are propagated by host’s abilities… [I understand this to mean that the lamprey has harnessed the astropaths ability so it can send its own message or code. Correct?]

[So I’d say:

[“The psychic pulses are directed by the Lamprey… “]

Pag. 20
… [and] detected (ref: impulses) in deep space.

Far side of the Burning Moon, half million miles away from Kiprael 9.

[Bridge of Sine Pietas, flagship of the fleet. ]

The Stormtroopers have [activated the device.] (device? System?)
Its signal has [breached/penetrated] the [Xenos] shield. [bewitched doesn’t work IMO]

[Our astropaths have located the adder’s nest, coordinates have been sent to the Cyclonic Torpedoes’ spirits.]

Let our cruisers [unleash] (trigger off, spark off) our fury.

To all attack units: target acquired. [Destroy] it. (or tear it apart, tear down, demolish?)


I think your getting better. Also when I say type something and end it with[...] It's a bad habit of mine, I suggest you avoid it.

Thanks!! now I start edit the draws

In the next pages begins final battle )

edit:
I forgot one sentence.. final sentence

"256 seconds to impact"

I hope it works for imperial torpedos

if you want an italian translation of your comic I'll do that

I remember that when/if the time comes.

"256 seconds to impact"

The final sentence has no problems.

“She is unrecognizable” was too long and then I ask to word reference help and they answer me: "Her face has lost her features"

next four:

Here you go..


Pag. 21
[Astropathic] Bait

The conflict has been extended. Eldar Raiders are on top of us. Thousands of them are coming, surrounding the altar’s ruins.

(ref: eldar) Like lethal shadows, attracted by the astropath’s light.

We need to move faster. Take off tactical packs. [Dump the tactical packs.] – sounds better IMO

[The] Xenos bombards us (hammers/pounds) with hysterical shrieks. Personal Voxs (walkie-talkie?? xP two-way radio? ) [are jammed. We remove our helmets] -- only for 40k does English use vox.

I’ll hold the tower, Quavee [take] the mansion. (yeah in this place there are a tower and a mansion.. they look like them )

We go the same [way she does]. I don’t want to die. [Could also say 'We follow 'insert name'. I don't want to die.]

Go away…
Save your life… [Save yourself] Sounds better IMO also adds variety as you say this twice.
[Those near me are condemned.]

I’m the bait, Umo Drell…
Go away…
Save your life…

We can’t.
We have another goal (to achieve).

Kill the adder.

Because we are specialists.
Because we are the best.
We are the [elite of the Imperial Guard] and we carry out [our] mission.

Pag. 22
We fortify the cell. Snipers begin to work: single shots accompanied with death-rattles.

They are so many.

They are too many.

Still [the] enemy doesn’t respond to our fire.
Then … an incoming whistle…

Out!

[The] Astropath… is dead.

Finally, [remove a] good new[s]…

Re-established line…
Incoming call…
Answer? --- [This confuses me, who’s answering? Maybe you’re looking for ‘receiving’ I don’t know]

Yes, grox!

[Say again!] I think it’s better than ‘repeat’.

…yes. [ Could say ‘affirmative’ that’s what people say on the radio to be clear. ]

First goal completed…
Orbital bombardment is under way…

New orders?

Let the mongoose [go] into the nearest hole…
It starts [to rain]…

Pag. 23
Surrounded.

Stave [them off]! (keep them away from us?)

Enemy vanguards overcome (cross) our sniper curtain barrage.
[Enemy vanguards breakthrough our sniper’s field of fire.] – If there is more than one sniper it is [snipers’] If there is one it is how I have corrected it. ]


We hold against enemy blades but we can [do] nothing against [the] heavy weapons fire.

Under Jlota’s position! Go! Go! -- [If I understand this correctly you could say “Fall back to Jlota’s position.” ‘Under’ is confusing.]

Pag. 24
We are playing into xenos’ hands: we [separate] and then they kill us, one by one.

Come on, adder, show [remove up] your face…

Now Quavee’s alone, [besieged] from [all sides]. He’s done for. --All sides sound better to me.

We cannot leave him

Kieve! Natum’s tactical bomb! Come on!

I’ll throw it! [‘Personally’ is redundant here]

The explosion will pulverize the mansion and the xeno. Quavee [will] probably die, maybe us, too.
Natum would have done the same.

You are definitely getting better with sentence structure.. I didn't correct the 'Because we are the best' sentences, because they still work.

Re-established line…
Incoming call…
Answer? --- [This confuses me, who’s answering? Maybe you’re looking for ‘receiving’ I don’t know]

Yes, grox!

[Say again!] I think it’s better than ‘repeat’.

…yes. [ Could say ‘affirmative’ that’s what people say on the radio to be clear. ]

yeah, I 've just repeated this scene:

http://www.webalice.it/baldessari/fingersofthegods/pag07.html

answer is referred to captain.. Vox-machine spirit ask him: do you answer to HQ in the space? I dunno if it's clear.. mmm

but affirmative sounds better and say again! is ..wonderful I've heard it playing some pc-game.. maybe operation flashpoint )

I dunno if it's clear..

To be consistent I would leave it the same. So use 'answer?'. It should be alright.. In the future I would something to bring across the fact that the voice is mechanical. For example in 40k they often use ++. So it would be ++Answer?++ But for now you're fine.

Ah say again.. glad your happy.

Cheers.

affirmative wa s too long :(

mm

next four.. I think there are a lot of.. broken sentences

Pag 25.
The adder.

Kieve leaps out, tactical bomb (or is better charge? Before I’ve used bomb) in hand. [charges is better IMO, but leap is ok also.]

She’s out! Cover fire!
(it should be only “cover fire!” but I must fill in the balloon..?)

The adder and his retinue.

[Elaborate armour, lightning movement]. (ref: adder and his eldars)

They [appear from nowhere]. (I would to say: they appear from nothing, I don’t find it in the dictionary)

Kieve [pays the price of] courage.

Pag.26
Quavee die[s].
We lose his precious fire support.

Now, we are all [remove the] more vulnerable. (or: Now, we are vulnerable, all the more? xP lol? )

We [charge] out. We give no quarter. [Charge might be better here.. We charge out.]

The [adder is in range. ]

He’s shielded.

I’ll recover (get back?) the charge! [Recover is good]

Our [fury] surprises the xenos.
We manage to push back them, [for the moment]. (??? I would to say: temporarily, for the time being)

Lead rain is ineffective. Rain… when do Navy Torpedo[e]s come? [what's lead rain? the squad shooting?]

Pag.27
The angels.

Emperor, protect me…

No ammo!

We die to serve! (it must sound like a maxim, a motto, a battle cry) The motto sounds a little lame in English.. maybe “Death before dishonor. “ I think that’s a marine one though. “Duty or death.” Maybe .. tell me what you think.

We advance, into [a] storm of shrapnel .

Into the storm of blades. (with spears I can use “forest of spears”, Can I do the same with “blades”?) [I think you can use forest]

Forward!

The charge… few meters are still wanting…

Negade, [the] tough (hard) Storm Trooper sergeant.

She lead[s] the assault.
She faces [the] enemies’ fury, meeting [her] death. (she dies)

Mission…

Pag. 28
… accomplished!

I no longer leave my soldiers. [behind?]

Jlota, my guardian angel.

[The] Euphoria of victory. (elation? High spirits?) It last[s] just a moment…

… a sequence of blasts [wash] over me.

Many little suns blinds me (myself my eyes). [][][][] I don’t know how to fix this exactly.. I wound just say “I am blinded.”]

The force (impetus ) of blast wave.
Under my feet there is void (air? Space?)
Or
Under my feet I feel the void.
( He’s flyng, pushed by the explosions)

[I feel the force of the blast wave.
Under my feet there is only air. ] My version.



BAM.. cheers..

thanks!

"lead rain" is the fire of the squad

"we die to serve" mmm it means that their death is the final part of their service.. they must face it with courage
"we die proudly to serve the Emperor!" so it's exetended.. ??

"duty or death" (or also "glory or death") is good but it's not the same thing, Negade is not a commissar, she gives the exaple to other soldiers

"death before dishonor" .. no

Oh I see,

In 40k English there is a quote.. "Only in death does duty end."

I think thats what your going for.

it's wonderful !!!

endig pages...
I think the most difficult part to translate xP!!

Sorry it took so long I didn't release there was a new page up till today.

I have changed alot of stuff this time. Feel free to question any of it so we can get it how you want it.




Pag. 29
Fingers of the Gods.

Imperial navy has struck the Vampire…
The palace is [exposed].

Incoming call…
Answer… answer… answer… answer… (Vox wakes up the captain )

Eagle?

Status…

It’s raining.

[The] Atmosphere is hostile…
You [don’t have much time] to complete the mission…(there is still little time to complete the mission)
Confirm the adder’s death…

Ronagar…

Ronagar [remove ‘has’] achieved the goal. [In a twist of fate]: the specialist falls because of friendly fire. (by friendly fire)

(ronagar speaks, before dying)
I’ve survived this hell… I didn’t want to leave home… I couldn’t leave them (his family) …

Eagle?

Status…

Mongoose is victorious.

Second orbital bombardment is under way…

Do you [still honour] the agreement? (pact.. condition.. term )

Affirmative…
Farewell, Captain…
We recommend the recitation of Morituris Gloria…

Pag 30
Jlota’s position.

A familiar (well-known) shape (Jlota’shape, profile, body)

Captain…

…I’ve finished Quavee off, before the xeno can…
I’m glad you are here, wi[t]h me…

In the black sky, torpedoes slowly come down.

Like [the] fingers of unknown gods.

Take us away.

Pag 31
The missive.

(it’s a letter.. )
From: Lt. Colonel V. Ibrasky
To: Lord Inquisitor [CENSORED]
Aphorism of the day: Life is a right blackmail. [This doesn’t make sense to me. Blackmail? Explain please. Also in English 40k the quote is “Thought for the day.”]

Gamede, 022.989.M41

I’m pleased to [report] good news. In spite of [several setbacks] and [its high risk nature], the experimental mission is crowned [as a] success.
[The Storm Troopers squad has confirmed the death of the Depraved Pact Cabal’s Lord [Codename: Adder] and we estimate a xeno casualty rate of 99.98%.]
Vampire has been [annihilated] by our Cyclonic Torpedoes. Kiprael 9, subject to your agreement, will suffer an accelerated meteor impact.
[I have rewritten the next sentence, the cabal is dead so ‘we can end” makes no sense, the dark days of suffering raids and piracy is over. I don’t understand your question on the “we can put the world end” sentence where is it supposed to go?] ]
[With the mission complete the dark days of Xeno raids and piracy in the Gamedian Sector are over.]

[An Honourable mention for Astropath Verdana Ji who volunteered for the mission, allowed herself to be abducted and directed the psychic targeting systems of our cyclonic torpedoes. She honours the Imperium and the Emperor with her sacrifice. ]
Without the astropath’s support, the mission was considered impossible, because of blasphemous witchcraft that shielded the palace to our sensors.

[I remain at your disposal.]

(now a bulletin, a written order..)
Inform the following [have been] killed in action to their respective regiments:

Ronagar Ine, Aster PDF Lieutenant
Note:
He’s been called (to arms?) by administrative mistake (error). He leave his wife and two children (sons?)
[Conscripted by Departmento Munitorum error. Spouse and dependants should be notified of KIA status.] {My version is to seem more bureaucratic.}

Negade Alendra, XIV Stormtrooper Sergeant
Volunteer.

Jlota Jenses, V Nerhan Raiders Lieutenant
Volunteer.
She suffers from a [incurable] degenerative [disease?] (I can’t write these worlds in order . :p

Quavee Octavious, II Ripian Mountain Division Lieutenant
Volunteer.
Note:
The [drugs charges are absolved]

Natum Qaud, XXVIII Fenix Saboteur.
Volunteer.

Kieve Borcic, XL Vostka Sapper.
Volunteer.

Umo Drell, XI Swordhand Captain.
Volunteer.
Note:
He’s [absolved] from all the responsibility about Medean Incident. [Honour has been restored to the regiment]. Let XI Swordhand [guardsmen] return to active [duty] within fixed (arranged, pre-established) time limits. [fixed time limits what do you mean?]

Pag 32
Captain Drell!

They honour him.
They have again the possibility to fight… to die fighting… for our beloved God-Emperor.

The end.

I'm glad for your help!! Dont'worry, I know this part is too much complex!!

then:

- "life is a right blackmail"
Imperial leaders blackmail people to subject them.. for exaple: if Jlota refuse the mission she stays in quarantine, for all her life
If Quavee refuse they charge him for xeno drugs

- "put the word end (I wrote "world" lol) " is referred to "the dark days of Xeno raids and piracy in the Gamedian Sector"
but.. don't worry, your version is really good!! as always

- "fixed time limits".. in the agreement between Captain Umo Drell and mission HQ, in case of mission complete, men have to be free within admistrative time, and so inevitable, burocratic time...

edit:
before I read the comic and:
"I’ll hold the tower, Quavee [take] the mansion. " is correct the second vers? Is missin "will" or we don't need it twice?

So that colonel's 'thought for the day' is anti the inquisition's methods? Is he subtly asking for a suicide mission? -- Thats what I thought.. Life is a right blackmail, doesn't work. I don't know how to change it either.. explain more of how you want the thought to be..eg One can never choose how to serve the Emperor.. Or maybe.. When the Emperor calls you can only answer.. Argh these are bad.. "Sometimes the Emperor blackmails you.. haha. Anyway needs work.


your version is really good!! as always --- thanks



fixed time limits".. in the agreement between Captain Umo Drell and mission HQ, in case of mission complete, men have to be free within admistrative time, and so inevitable, burocratic time...

Maybe it just me but I don't think its too hard for soldiers in 40k to be put on active duty.

But if you want it I would end the sentence with... active [duty] within the usual established time period.


before I read the comic and:
"I’ll hold the tower, Quavee [take] the mansion. " is correct the second vers? Is missin "will" or we don't need it twice?

It makes sense if the person speaking is addressing (speaking to) quavee. EG "Quavee take the left flank." If the person is addressing the whole squad then "will take..." probably makes more sense. Sorry I think you are right cause it sounds like a briefing so "will take" is better.

Cheers.

blackmail

Colonel is not anti Inquisitor's method . he simply write "this is a method to consider again" !!!
(yeah, this method, this tactic is suicidal for the squad, not for the colonel !!!)

wait! maybe you think the tought of the day is a translation of a GW aphorism but it's not so!! I write it by myself.. we must find a way to translate it..

"Only the Emperor can balckmail you" DD

"Your life. A holy blackmail."

..

First I have to say black mail isn't new at all to the inquisition.

I laugh thinking of this.

"I offer a chance to regain your place in the light of the Emperor, all it will cost is your lives."

Anyway here is the rest.

Blackmail is the key to motivation. (Hmmm no)


"Offer an honourable end or leave them with death and dishonour. " (not happy with this one either)

"Offer salvation or leave them in damnation. "

"Inflict damnation then offer salvation." (this one is my favourite.. because it has them causingthe problem (blackmail))

The best i could do if you don't like any of them you just have to explain it some more.