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Wake up.
Get in Valyrie or other Transport
Get out of Transport.
Get mortally wounded.
Watch as Leman Russ's do all the work.
Envy Leman Russ drivers.
Die.

6:00am - Awoken by automated alarms and superiors
6:15am - Shower, equip armor and weapons
6:30am - Breakfast from high quaility automated machines
6:45am - Formation and battle plan via holograhic display, handed data-pad with infomation to review post-hence
7:00am - Depolyed in Skimmer transports as frontline scouts
7:45am - Depolyed at the outskirts of imperial guard base
8:00am - Set up with effective stealth systems
9:05am - Markerlight deployed on key targets
9:08am - Powerful surgical strike from manned robotic suits from the sky destroy said targets within a difference of 2 seconds apart
9:09am - Skimmer tanks armed with hyper-Velocity Projectile launchers quickly to eliminate armored units, 98% of armor destoryed within 57 seconds of engagement
9:10am - More robotic suits armed with cloaking devices cause interal havoc across the base, cutting power to the facility entirly
9:12am - Comrades in several Skimmer transports deployed to remove remaining enemy forces
9:33am - 92% of enemy forces eliminated. Remaining forces accpted terms of defeat.

10:am - VICTORY FOR THE GREATER GOOD

Superscope wrote:6:00am - Wake up with blue skin. This is already going badly.
6:15am - Shower; equip unwieldy, oversized pulse rifle.
6:30am - Breakfast, which is laced with hormones and psychotropic drugs.
6:45am - Briefing; everyone is fed their daily dose of propaganda.
7:00am - Assigned to largely vestigial battlefield role.
7:45am - Cower in transport.
8:00am - Cower behind stealth fields.
9:05am - Wave flashlights at Imperial forces, attracting their attention.
9:08am - Watch supporting battlesuits get swatted from the sky by Hydra batteries. Begin to feel concerned.
9:09am - Watch the transport next to you explode violently as it takes a direct hit from a battle-cannon shell.
9:10am - Wet your shiny armoured pants as several companies of Imperial infantry begin to advance on your position.
9:12am - Attempt to return fire as said Guardsmen open up en masse before initiating a bayonet charge.
9:33am - Get skewered, trampled, burninated, or otherwise brutally slain by the loyal servants of the Immortal God-Emperor, Blessed Be His Name.

10:am - Righteous victory for the Emperor and the Imperium of Man.

Fixed.

Carry on, Guardsman.

Superscope has the better version.

More realistic too. Truth is probably 2/3 his, 1/3 Owain's.

Morgrim wrote:Superscope has the better version.

More realistic too. Truth is probably 2/3 his, 1/3 Owain's.

Thanks, cookie for you ;p

"OT, but i actualy am playing blood angels for bit of a change (shooting, shooting and more shooting can get boring after a tick) but once 5th editon tau arrive i shall march with repairs of my 2500pt+ tau army and quickly increase the ranks by a extra 2000pts+ ;p"

1. Wake up in tent

2. Fight overwhelming horde of (insert enemy here)

3. Suvive for three weeks in the face of horrible odds while your friends and comrades die around you.

4. Marines swoop in and save the day.

5. Forget to retie shoe, executed by commisar.

6:00 AM- Wake up/shower.

6:30 AM- Gear up

7:00 AM- Under attack by Nurgle Renegades

7;01 AM- Start to lose to superior Chaos tactics.

7:05 AM- NURGLE ZOMBIE GUARDSMEN!!!!!

0530 Wake up
0532 Shower and dress
0545 Breakfast
0615 Fall in and Daily Briefing
0700 Clean Kit
0720 React to surprise attack
0900 Wonder what is for lunch
0915 Get shouted at by CO for daydreaming
0930 Clean toilets as punishment
1000 React to surprise attack
1200 Have lunch. Not as good as you hoped
1230 Sentry duty. Try to do a better job than those ***** who let 2 surprise attacks happen
1315 Sneak off for a smoke
1316 React to surprise attack
1530 Notice SoB have arrived. Watch Private Incompetent wolf-whistle and be executed by Commissar Agro
1600 Drill. Wonder what is for dinner
1700 PT
1720 React to surprise attack. Contemplate that at least it gets you out of PT
1900 Dinner. Better than expected
1905 React to surprise attack. End up missing dinner
2000 Entire regiment reprimanded for surprise attacks; 200 pushups each, then a 6 mile run. Last back executed
2145 Hungry. Preparation for night recon mission.
2200 Recon. Spend 3 hours lying in a ditch. Its raining. Find nothing of note
0100 Return to find camp annihilated by surprise attack
0101 Swear loudly
0102 Killed by hidden sniper

vodo40k wrote:

THAT is one of the most epic things I have ever read on dakka, along with these....

Funnily enough i actually inspired the 2nd image i had a short rant about how the dark angels are incredibly gay and i think it was cheese elemental that responded with the roman thing about the ultramarines

Guard players, post a day in the life of YOUR regiment!

The Asphodel 5th on campaign against Orks:

5:30- Wake up, perform daily hygiene, and get dressed.

5:45- Breakfast; standard rations augmented with local produce.

6:00- Inspection and briefing; assigned to forward observation.

6:30- The Executioner has cleared inspection. Saddle up.

6:40-7:25- An uneventful ride though no-man's land.

7:30- Contact with Orks. Weapons free.

7:30-9:00- The Orks have all been killed or routed. Return to base.

10:00- Tea and scones.

10:30 onwards- Pass on the coordinates and watch artillery bombard Ork positions to smithereens.

Lol, your guardsmen are treated much better than mine. Tea and Scones? Only models with a value of 4 somewhere on their stats deserve such foods. My guardsmen get by on field rations and fire in their bellies (Probably from said field rations)

One good "life of a guardsman" memory comes up. A Killa Kan with enough DCCWs to satisfy a horse was charging through my lines, so I sacrificed a few squads of guardsmen to slow him down long enough to rethink my strategy.

0500 Woken up by commissars bolt pistol on your squad mate for "sleeping in"

0510 Wash, clean teeth and get dressed in bullet marked, blood soaked uniform.

0530 Eat paste from tubes for breakfast, your squad mate grumbles about how the storm troopers always get double helpings. He is quickly assigned to clean out the latrines by platoon captain.

0600 Clean weapons and get shouted at for how your uniform is still covered in "Filthy xeno blue Tau blood" and get to clean the entire platoons weapons and boots as punishment.

0700 Drill and marching practice.

0800 Load up in chimera for front line duty

0822 Narrowly avoid broadside fire.

0830 Leap out of chimera in time to see most of your squad mown down by Tau fire warriors.

0840 Inspired by the commissars bolt pistol, charge the tau fire warriors and slaughter them in hand to hand with a precise bayonet charge.

0900 Commissar is picked off by a sniper, moral raises considerably.

1000 Spend the next hour slogging across the battlefield until scouts discover Tau reinforcements have arrived.

1100 most of the platoon is wiped out by the encroaching XV8s until the space marines arrive and claim all the credit.

1200 Begin the long slog back to camp as your chimera has been destroyed.

1330 Arrive at camp to find it has been destroyed by air attack.

1400 Set up moldy ponchos in bags as tents.

1500 Begin to eat lunch before platoon lieutenant (captain had been killed) orders you to hand over your rations to the storm troopers.

1600 Tired and hungry you are given sentry duty.

1800 Relieved of post in time for dinner, a bowl of IG grade chicken soup and a cup of coffee.

1900 Feeling rather sick after the soup, begin evening drill and marching practice.

2000 Clean weapons, before a tech priest insists the proper maintenance rights and prayers are not being used and are again ordered to clean what is left of the platoons boots and weapons.

2100 Evening sentry duty.

2300 Relieved of post, in time to crawl into the moth eaten moldy sleeping bag you prepared under a poncho.

Fl@nked wrote:Lol, your guardsmen are treated much better than mine. Tea and Scones? Only models with a value of 4 somewhere on their stats deserve such foods.

Does a 4 in the Leadership stat count?

No, at Leadership 4 scones are very intimidating. Start smaller, maybe fairy bread or something.

Hmmm, and they couldn't even begin on the tea. Maybe we should start them off on something softer like Hot Chocolate or maybe a Coke?

Orange juice. coke makes a scary fizzing noise.

No! It's too brightly coloured! Scary.

how about apple juice?

Mmmmm..........Coke..............
I'm addicted to that stuff!
My Inquisitorial regiment I think would prefer commisars looking over thier shoulders rather than an Inquisitor!

Emperors Faithful wrote:

Fl@nked wrote:Lol, your guardsmen are treated much better than mine. Tea and Scones? Only models with a value of 4 somewhere on their stats deserve such foods.

Does a 4 in the Leadership stat count?

I knew someone was going to say that.

And for the record yes, guardsmen with a LD 4 do get something better than rations. A bolter round.

Oh. Joy.

And for the record, the consumption of apple juice involves a sickly sweet taste that may startle our men. We should at least wash it down a little with water to preserve thier courage, if not their cavities.

Indeed, imagine a Ld 4 Guardsman at the dentists...

Holy Emperor! Oh, the humanity! *cue weeping and lamenting*