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DarkHound wrote:This is pretentious rubbish. Why is it getting applauded? He's written all of 250 words and calls it a prologue to his novel, which is at best unrealistic. Vulkan needs tremendous work on his diction, structure, and grammar.

Mate, when I was his age my writing didn't look much better. After all, what better way to practice and learn than by writing?





@Vulkan: A couple of pointers:

- You need to work a little on the flow and grammar of your sentences. Capitalise names and places, place commas when you want a break, and always finish with a full stop.

- You should try to expand upon narrative elements rather than generalising. For example, instead of saying "commanders from most regiments", you should make a note of who (or what rank) they are, wherever they hail from, and provide a little more information about the meeting. In other words, provide context. It doesn't have to happen all at the same time (information overload is a massive no-no), but we need to know details at some point before you generalise. How secretive is the meeting? Where is it being held? Who's attending? What's the atmosphere in the room like? What's the general consensus about the Chaos occupation? This is supposed to be a prologue after all, and needs to establish the setting for the narrative ahead. The meeting is a good literary device, as it allows free discussion and gradual exposition, but you haven't really grabbed the opportunity by the balls, as you should have.

- Characters need to be more pronounced. A quick and easy way to distinguish a character involves focusing the attention of the reader upon one or several unique attribute that the character doesn't share with anyone else. Captain Hazon is really big, and his eyes (eyebrows I think you mean, and if you do mean his actual eye(s), was it just one, or both? Lol...) are scarred. Otherwise he's a typical Salamander in terms of appearance. Ok, that's enough to go on for now, as we can associate that imagery with the name Hazon. Now, what about the other characters?

- Show, don't tell. Instead of directly explaining the planet's recent history, maybe the characters should discuss it during the briefing?






PS: You should treat characters with respect. For example, Captain Kambon. He's obviously an important and educated man, and yet Thule treats him like a little kid. Little oversights like that can put off the reader a little. otherwise, good job!