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"I didn't expect some kind of Spanish Inquisition."

"Haha, you fool, you fell victim to one of the classic blunders, the most famous of which is 'never get involved in a land war in Asia,' but slightly well known is this: never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line."

"My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. "

Mitch Hedberg

"Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I. "

Oscar Levant

Got a lot of good quotes - but in German.

"Der Tod stellt aus versorgungsrechtlicher Sicht die stärkste Form der Dienstunfähigkeit dar." - (Unterrichtsblätter für die Bundeswehrverwaltung)
"Concerning compensation law, the death constitues the strongest form of disability for service." - (Teaching material for the administration of the Federal Armed Forces of Germany)

"Die Artillerie - verleiht dem vulgären Gemetzel Würde!" - Friedrich der Große
"The Artillery - confers a dignity on the slaughter!" - Fredrick the Great

"The human body contains six litres of blood: Enough to cover the walls of a big apartment." - Fatherland by Robert Harris

"The first thing you have absolutely no control over: Where you are born.
You can leave - but it haunts you like a ghost.
And then you come back and then you are the ghost."

"I'm here to tear down everything around you and you know what I am going to replace it with? Something new!"

“Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things: One is that God loves you and you’re going to burn in hell. The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love”

“When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities”

“There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible”

"Proof positive I rule and you're all varying degrees of suck. Choke on it, bitches!"

Wow I really expected nothing to happen with this post but i was wrong it seems.

"you know dis means War" ~ The Bugs Bunny

"The members of Arlington Cemetary would like to thank all the people protesting war for not letting their sacrifice be in vain."

"If ignorance is bliss then why do I so badly want to know who said that?" -Various

"The answer to any question, no matter how profound, is 'why not?'"

"It takes more courage to retreat than to advance"

"These are my principles and if you don't like them, well I have others."

"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read."

"My honor is my loyalty."

"Today is a good day for someone else to die!" Dwarvish Battle Cry.

"Make an inventory of you pockets, of your bag. Ask yourself about the provenance, the use, what will become of each of the objects you take out.

Question your tea spoons."

--George Perec

"Fortunatly,I have a way to lie and con the people out of their money and they'll still love me,I think it's called Marketing."

Reacher Glit.

The boundlessness of my own stupidity is the most important lesson I have ever learned in my entire life.

Erm, I saw this on the internet!

"If actions speak louder than words, why is the pen mightier than the sword?"

One of my drunken uni buddies...

Once, we accepted that everything was the way it was, and that was enough for us. Now, we question our own existence. Clearly, we are approaching a problem. What if, in our quest to determine whether we are real, we find that we are not?

"Life is uncertain, eat dessert first!"

"I never let my schooling get in the way of my education." - Mark Twain

Never hit a person with glasses. Use something much harder and sturdier.

".....Why do you waste my time?
Is the answer to the question on your mind
And I'm sick of all my judges
They're so scared of letting me shine...."
Sam's Town by The Killers

"I worked at a factory owned by Germans, at coal pits owned by Frenchmen, and at a chemical plant owned by Belgians. There I discovered something about capitalists. They are all alike, whatever the nationality. All they wanted from me was the most work for the least money that kept me alive. So I became a communist."
Nikita Krushchev

"Communism doesn't work because people like to own stuff."
Frank Zappa


"The point of war is not to die for your country, but to make the other poor b****** die for his."
I'm pretty sure this was Patton

"I don't subscribe to your religion"
Ringo Starr in Help

Pretty much everything R. Lee Ermey says. Especially in Full Metal Jacket since the entirety of his 10 minute period of yelling was apparently improvised.

Congratulations, you are strange and unique. Just like everyone else...

“Love One Another, As I Have Loved You”

Lesson 23 – Luke 22:1-38; John 13

"Knowledge is Power" forget who said it
"If Your Going Through Hell Keep Going" - Winston Churchill
"You take the blue pill, the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill, you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes"- Morpheus (The Matrix)

this has to be mine

"war, war never changes
or does it ?
the war has changed
did it ?
the answer is no!
unless it is yes
no of course it is, is war
yes!
no
yes??"
stolen from this which is awesome
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eE_msAKWdOs

In no particular order, some of my favourites:

We are supposed to meddle with things we don't understand. If we hung about waitin' till we understood things we'd never get anything done. - Terry Pratchett

I believe that a scientist looking at nonscientific problems is just as dumb as the next guy. - Richard Feynman

Let us try to teach generosity and altruism, because we are born selfish. - Richard Dawkins

When you've seen a nude infant doing a backward somersault you know why clothing exists. - Stephen Fry

To disagree with three-fourths of the British public is one of the first requisites of sanity. - Oscar Wilde

"Beware the fury of a quiet man".

"I beseech you from the bowels of Christ to consider you might be mistaken."

Oliver Cromwell, asking the Scots to give up their alliance with the Royalists. Because really, if you were to pick the best possible place from which to beseech somebody, could you think of a more appropriate place than the bowels of our Lord and Saviour?

"Never debate sebster or dogma. It's like trying to put your fist in your mouth; it's nigh impossible to do and unpleasant when done."

-WarOne

WarOne wrote:

n0t_u wrote:

Cheesecat wrote:"Why do these threads keep popping up!"

-Cheescat, April 2011

"I don't know, Cheesecat. I think people like hearing what awesome people have to say."

-n0t_u, April 2011

"I lick myself in places I didn't know I had."

-WarOne, April 2011 (Unconfirmed)

Pics plex

...or it didn't happen.

WarOne wrote:"Never debate sebster or dogma. It's like trying to put your fist in your mouth; it's nigh impossible to do and unpleasant when done."

-WarOne

Why does everyone forget shumagorath he's just as skilled of a debater as sebster and dogma.

Who is the more foolish? The fool, or the fool who follows him?
- Ben Kanobi "Stars Wars Episode IV A New Hope"

You dont have to be fast, just faster than the person behind you.

He was made the guard because he figured out which way the pointy of the spear went. -Magic the Gathering card Goblin watchman

Get your Muscle on, then get your hustle on.

"The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves,
'You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.'"
George Carlin

Cheesecat wrote:

WarOne wrote:"Never debate sebster or dogma. It's like trying to put your fist in your mouth; it's nigh impossible to do and unpleasant when done."

-WarOne

Why does everyone forget shumagorath he's just as skilled of a debater as sebster and dogma.

Oh and Ahtman.