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Suddenly, a giant hole appears above. Even with your incredible size, it pulls you in like a dust bunny to a vacuum cleaner. The hole throws you around a bit, then brings you to an indescribable maze of chaos and shapes. Such madness destroys the minds of lesser men.
For you, just another Wednesday.
A form appears. Also indescribable. You can feel it "look" at you as it begins to speak.
"Awake. Right on schedule."
The idea of being on someone else's schedule does not please you.
"On schedule? You claim to be behind my awakening?"
"Of course. Just as planned."
What a dick. Who does he think he is, having a schedule. Making plans.
"Who are you to plan for me?"
"I am Tzeench, I am the great planner, he who knows all that is and is to come."
Great. A know it all too. Suddenly, an idea hits you. This guy must be one of those chaos gods Jorg told you about. Time to put him in his place.
"Well then, how about a game?"
"Games are not to be played now."
"O Rly?"
"Ya, rly."
"Well, we could play my game, or I could rend you with my secret weapon."
"You have no such thing."
"Wanna bet?"
The shape that was Tzeench began to pulse with what you could only assume to be pissed-off-edness
"Fine. Your game."
"GREAT. A chess match. You against humanity's greatest tactical genius.
"Fine."
Another hole appears between you both, this time a stock figure appeared, with a massive coat, chomping on a cigar, with no apparent surprise to his situation. Tzeench "turns" back to you.
"Happy?" you say.
His response:
"Not as planned."
Now chess is traditionally boring to watch, and such awesome and such boring at the same time would take ages.
To be short:
Then, already fed up with you, Tzeench spits you back into the throne room with cheering custodians and Red robe dudes. Some actually crying. Like Jorg.
F*ck yeah.
This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2011/06/09 01:02:07
oh,you know. in a basement...cooking ponies into cupcakes....
"ok.now weres those woman i ordered?"
Deathshead420 wrote:As your leader, I encourage you, from time to time and always in a respectful manner, to question my logic. If you're unconvinced a particular plan of action I've decided is the wisest, tell me so! But allow me to convince you. And I promise you, right here and now, no subject will ever be taboo … except, of course, the subject that was just under discussion. The price you pay for bringing up either my Chinese or American heritage as a negative is – I collect your f g head. [Holds up Tanaka's head] Just like this f r here. Now, if any of you sons of bitches got anything else to say, now's the f g time! [Pause] I didn't think so.
Nothing like beating a deity to get the male systems working. You recall your previous orders to Jorg, and proceed to ask:
"Jorg, where are those wemins I requested?"
It seems Jorg has lost his stiffness, and responds without surprise and full-heartedly:
"Just now arrived, sir! You were gone for a couple days."
Sir now, is it? A couple days? Wiggedy wack.
You look around and notice the other door, the three-mile or so high ones, crack open, and a legion of females appear.
Problem is, they all look more or less the same. Tough-faces, jaw line length hair, in white robes. Some go wild with the occasional tear tattoo or some similar mark.
Pretty creepy, actually.
oh,you know. in a basement...cooking ponies into cupcakes....
"errrr....why do they all look so....similar?"
Deathshead420 wrote:As your leader, I encourage you, from time to time and always in a respectful manner, to question my logic. If you're unconvinced a particular plan of action I've decided is the wisest, tell me so! But allow me to convince you. And I promise you, right here and now, no subject will ever be taboo … except, of course, the subject that was just under discussion. The price you pay for bringing up either my Chinese or American heritage as a negative is – I collect your f g head. [Holds up Tanaka's head] Just like this f r here. Now, if any of you sons of bitches got anything else to say, now's the f g time! [Pause] I didn't think so.
These drones that Jorg considers women wait expectantly for a response. You turn slightly to Jorg and ask:
"Why do they all look the same?"
Jorg responds somewhat exasperatedly:
"Uniformity helps to insure that the sisters know their place, so as to avoid heresy."
Heresy? They're religious? Space Nuns?
Well, drones are better than nothing. You turn fully to Jorg:
"Well then. Jorg, I need some personal time with these women. A hundred minutes should do. And, if possible, some smooth jazz music and a video recorder."
Jorg gets the notion, proding you with his elbow.
" 'Feels so Good' by Chuck Mangione?"
"Is that all you have?"
"Yes."
Well, you could have done with some sweet sax action, but it will do.
What follows must be censored
Enjoy the music:
This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2011/06/09 18:53:16
oh,you know. in a basement...cooking ponies into cupcakes....
ah,that was good. now,i still need one of you perminatly..." throws weapon very far. "who ever gets it and kills all the others shall be my bride!"
Deathshead420 wrote:As your leader, I encourage you, from time to time and always in a respectful manner, to question my logic. If you're unconvinced a particular plan of action I've decided is the wisest, tell me so! But allow me to convince you. And I promise you, right here and now, no subject will ever be taboo … except, of course, the subject that was just under discussion. The price you pay for bringing up either my Chinese or American heritage as a negative is – I collect your f g head. [Holds up Tanaka's head] Just like this f r here. Now, if any of you sons of bitches got anything else to say, now's the f g time! [Pause] I didn't think so.
The alternate blood flow must be giving crazy ideas, 'cause one just hit you.
You pick the Bolter-Pike you prevoiusly held, and throw it back at the throne, embeding it blade first in the seat.
"Ladies, you have all completed the appointed task. But I have one more."
You pause to stand taller and seem more epic.
"Only one can be my bride."
Now on that word, BRIDE, several sisters past out on the spot. For you, it's just a normal male desire.
For them, it's HOLY FETHING SH*T.
"My task for you is to take the weapon on the throne, and defeat your sisters in Mortal Kombat!"
Now the bolter-babes go nuts, trampling each-other and screaming their heads of to get that pike.
One with a scar across her cheek makes, and makes fire rain upon her sisters, screaming madly.
The Throne room had been so neat when you first awoke. Now six dozen bolter-babe corpses litter the ground.
Your new-fiance takes a moment to relax before coming down to meet you below.
After all, she just killed more than seventy of her sisters.
Hot.
Now, she steps down in front of you, only half your height.
"Have I done well, lord?"
You let the intensity settle before you respond:
"Indeed. You have shown yourself to be the strongest of your sisters. We shall have a wedding, and all my Imperium shall attend. What think you of Thursday?"
She gives a bit of a pout:
"Wouldn't Friday be better?"
oh,you know. in a basement...cooking ponies into cupcakes....
"friday..ok and we can have a huge fry fest to celebrate!"
Deathshead420 wrote:As your leader, I encourage you, from time to time and always in a respectful manner, to question my logic. If you're unconvinced a particular plan of action I've decided is the wisest, tell me so! But allow me to convince you. And I promise you, right here and now, no subject will ever be taboo … except, of course, the subject that was just under discussion. The price you pay for bringing up either my Chinese or American heritage as a negative is – I collect your f g head. [Holds up Tanaka's head] Just like this f r here. Now, if any of you sons of bitches got anything else to say, now's the f g time! [Pause] I didn't think so.
oh,you know. in a basement...cooking ponies into cupcakes....
i just picture it as he just randomly got revived.
Deathshead420 wrote:As your leader, I encourage you, from time to time and always in a respectful manner, to question my logic. If you're unconvinced a particular plan of action I've decided is the wisest, tell me so! But allow me to convince you. And I promise you, right here and now, no subject will ever be taboo … except, of course, the subject that was just under discussion. The price you pay for bringing up either my Chinese or American heritage as a negative is – I collect your f g head. [Holds up Tanaka's head] Just like this f r here. Now, if any of you sons of bitches got anything else to say, now's the f g time! [Pause] I didn't think so.
Darkvoidof40k wrote:The Emperor is a skeleton.. and there aren't any Guards in his throne room. Just responding to the first few posts I saw on page 1.
This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2011/06/09 22:06:36
Friday. You suppose it's alright to get down on Friday.
"Very well. Friday we shall wed, and we shall celebrate as the Imperium never has before!"
So, with your plans in place, you begin to plan for the days to come. However, Jorg stops you before you can immerse yourself.
"Two things. One, shouldn't we do something about the whole Astronomicon?"
Pfffft... Space lighthouses.
"Why? Such a thing was never very important."
Now Jorg gets worried.
"The astonomicon is what allows warp travel. The only thing supporting the Imperium beyond the Solus system!"
"Turn it back on."
''Maybe I would, had you not converted it to a weapon."
Right. First things first.
Save the universe. Then get married.
oh,you know. in a basement...cooking ponies into cupcakes....
"what other races have high speed travel? buy a new, better version from them.also make me a new throne,one just for sitting,not to plug me into."
Deathshead420 wrote:As your leader, I encourage you, from time to time and always in a respectful manner, to question my logic. If you're unconvinced a particular plan of action I've decided is the wisest, tell me so! But allow me to convince you. And I promise you, right here and now, no subject will ever be taboo … except, of course, the subject that was just under discussion. The price you pay for bringing up either my Chinese or American heritage as a negative is – I collect your f g head. [Holds up Tanaka's head] Just like this f r here. Now, if any of you sons of bitches got anything else to say, now's the f g time! [Pause] I didn't think so.
Darkvoidof40k wrote:The Emperor is a skeleton.. and there aren't any Guards in his throne room. Just responding to the first few posts I saw on page 1.
Darkvoidof40k wrote:The Emperor is a skeleton.. and there aren't any Guards in his throne room. Just responding to the first few posts I saw on page 1.
Does it really matter? This is just a humor related thread anyway, meant to make people laugh. It doesn't have to make sense because he's the Spehs Emprah and what the Spehs Emprah says happens whether it defies the laws of the universe or not!
WARORK93 wrote:Does it really matter? This is just a humor related thread anyway, meant to make people laugh. It doesn't have to make sense because he's the Spehs Emprah and what the Spehs Emprah says happens whether it defies the laws of the universe or not!
WARORK93 wrote:Does it really matter? This is just a humor related thread anyway, meant to make people laugh. It doesn't have to make sense because he's the Spehs Emprah and what the Spehs Emprah says happens whether it defies the laws of the universe or not!
Please continue Kasrkai....
I'm with this guy.
If you'll excuse me good sirs, I'm going to return to brooding in my dark corner. Brooding and scowling.
Darkvoidof40k wrote:The Emperor is a skeleton.. and there aren't any Guards in his throne room. Just responding to the first few posts I saw on page 1.
New fluff is new.
Fluff is like wine. It gets better with age, and you get pissed when GW takes it away or Matt Ward drinks it all.
oh,you know. in a basement...cooking ponies into cupcakes....
lol. wine...can it be orange juice instead?
Deathshead420 wrote:As your leader, I encourage you, from time to time and always in a respectful manner, to question my logic. If you're unconvinced a particular plan of action I've decided is the wisest, tell me so! But allow me to convince you. And I promise you, right here and now, no subject will ever be taboo … except, of course, the subject that was just under discussion. The price you pay for bringing up either my Chinese or American heritage as a negative is – I collect your f g head. [Holds up Tanaka's head] Just like this f r here. Now, if any of you sons of bitches got anything else to say, now's the f g time! [Pause] I didn't think so.
oh,you know. in a basement...cooking ponies into cupcakes....
but-but-its sooooo juicy!
Deathshead420 wrote:As your leader, I encourage you, from time to time and always in a respectful manner, to question my logic. If you're unconvinced a particular plan of action I've decided is the wisest, tell me so! But allow me to convince you. And I promise you, right here and now, no subject will ever be taboo … except, of course, the subject that was just under discussion. The price you pay for bringing up either my Chinese or American heritage as a negative is – I collect your f g head. [Holds up Tanaka's head] Just like this f r here. Now, if any of you sons of bitches got anything else to say, now's the f g time! [Pause] I didn't think so.
oh,you know. in a basement...cooking ponies into cupcakes....
NOOOOOO! no suits! they want me to go into those weird padded rooms!
Deathshead420 wrote:As your leader, I encourage you, from time to time and always in a respectful manner, to question my logic. If you're unconvinced a particular plan of action I've decided is the wisest, tell me so! But allow me to convince you. And I promise you, right here and now, no subject will ever be taboo … except, of course, the subject that was just under discussion. The price you pay for bringing up either my Chinese or American heritage as a negative is – I collect your f g head. [Holds up Tanaka's head] Just like this f r here. Now, if any of you sons of bitches got anything else to say, now's the f g time! [Pause] I didn't think so.
g head. [Holds up Tanaka's head] Just like this f 
