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Send her a fax breaking the news, it's classy!

Only ever had to break up with someone once, and that day I traveled 90 miles to talk face to face the day my cousin died. Mine was the not loving her anymore, be friends, being told I couldn't see my cousin in hospital-control issues as well, and also some other stuff. Stay calm, be nice about it and hopefully it will go ok. Unfortunately mine involved halls security and almost police due to the anger and abuse I received from her and her parents who travelled down, but hopefully that won't happen to you.

Monster Rain wrote:I wouldn't blame myself, though.

I don't blame you MR, you did everything you could.

Sounds like this girl is not worth the points cost.

Try one with better profile, besides the best girls are taken as Rare rather than Special choices

KGatch113 wrote:

Quick back ground....to spend more time with the girlfriend, I stopped going to roller derby on the weekends, playing DnD on Fridays, and pretty much stopped watching football on Sundays to spend time with her, the majority of the time being spent at her parents on the weekends, watching Fox News or movies I dont care to see. It was...frowned upon for me to take models to work on or my laptop....

I asked over a month ago if it was ok to play in tournaments on the 13th and 20th, and the 24th in September. I was given verbal permission, and no email answer was given.

Tonight I was told I should not have planned things on those days without discussing them with her, and she doesn't want to see me this weekend ( immature response).

I've given up tons...asked her not make one change or stop doing small things that disturb me ( week night outings with her all male co workers)....

So I decided tonight things were over.

So......should I really go over and tell her, or is an email or phone call really too cold and inpersonal?????

To be blunt here...

Grow a spine. Women find confident men far more attractive. Whilst compromise is part of a relationship, folding like a deckchair leads to situations like this.

Indeed. That's why I said don't let yourself be intimidated. If you do, you'll just get stepped on.

Cannerus_The_Unbearable wrote:

-Say "I know I suck, I can't believe I'm actually doing this" at random intervals and just blame yourself for everything. It's entertaining how much less crap you have to hear and they're prone to believe you.

Or you could like, be an adult and tell her the truth?

Orlanth wrote:Sounds like this girl is not worth the points cost.

Try one with better profile, besides the best girls are taken as Rare rather than Special choices

MeanGreenStompa wrote:
Grow a spine. Women find confident men far more attractive. Whilst compromise is part of a relationship, folding like a deckchair leads to situations like this.

nectarprime wrote:

Cannerus_The_Unbearable wrote:

-Say "I know I suck, I can't believe I'm actually doing this" at random intervals and just blame yourself for everything. It's entertaining how much less crap you have to hear and they're prone to believe you.

Or you could like, be an adult and tell her the truth?

"Yes, honey, that dress does make you look fat...."


@ OP: Don't dump her just yet. We haven't heard the entire story, so we don't know. But as someone else in the thread said, start watching your games, playing DnD, and other stuff, without her "permission", and see what happens. That's my advice, if she is willing to work around it, good for her, if not, watch her walk away with a smile on your face.

Why bother?

If you even need to ask permission to do something that you've enjoyed doing since before you two were together there is a bit of a problem. Compromise is one thing, changing completely is quite another.

Monster Rain wrote:Why bother?

If you even need to ask permission to do something that you've enjoyed doing since before you two were together there is a bit of a problem. Compromise is one thing, changing completely is quite another.

I'm going to have to agree with this one. The point of relationships is to have two completely different paths connect, you know, inviting each other into their hobbies, meeting each others friends and family, etc. There are always things you need to compromise on in a relationship, but I would never ask any guy I date to give anything up, ESPECIALLY if it's something that has been around before me, like in your case, gaming. And I would deck someone in the face if they told me to stop doing what I like to do to make them happy. If it was that much a problem she wouldn't have started dating you, or at least I like to think other girls see it this way too. Do what you want, and if she loves you she'll stick around. If not, you'll be glad to get rid of this excess nagging and baggage.

How long have you two been together anyhow?

Tonight I was told I should not have planned things on those days without discussing them with her, and she doesn't want to see me this weekend ( immature response).

Say "OK", go to your tournaments, and let the cards fall where they may. I have learned the hard way that dealing with a shrew going critical and leaving is far less unpleasant than trying to keep one around for an extended period.

If she really wants to stay, she might even open her ears and listen to what you have to say when the dust clears. If she doesn't, or shes playing with your head...well...you will find out pretty quick, and you will be a lot better off without her.

LadyGray wrote:

Monster Rain wrote:Why bother?

If you even need to ask permission to do something that you've enjoyed doing since before you two were together there is a bit of a problem. Compromise is one thing, changing completely is quite another.

I'm going to have to agree with this one. The point of relationships is to have two completely different paths connect, you know, inviting each other into their hobbies, meeting each others friends and family, etc. There are always things you need to compromise on in a relationship, but I would never ask any guy I date to give anything up, ESPECIALLY if it's something that has been around before me, like in your case, gaming. And I would deck someone in the face if they told me to stop doing what I like to do to make them happy. If it was that much a problem she wouldn't have started dating you, or at least I like to think other girls see it this way too. Do what you want, and if she loves you she'll stick around. If not, you'll be glad to get rid of this excess nagging and baggage.

How long have you two been together anyhow?

My feelings exactly.

2 years this fall. But we dated 22 years ago in high school for 6 months.

KGatch113 wrote:

My feelings exactly.

2 years this fall. But we dated 22 years ago in high school for 6 months.

(Ignoring Monsters post, not sure if it was directed at me)

Maybe she thinks of you the same as you were back then?

Also, if you were in high school 22 years ago, how old are you?!?

Slarg232 wrote:(Ignoring Monsters post, not sure if it was directed at me)

I'm going to assume that this isn't supposed to be as hostile as I originally interpreted it.

I was referring to this:

Slarg232 wrote:@ OP: Don't dump her just yet. We haven't heard the entire story, so we don't know. But as someone else in the thread said, start watching your games, playing DnD, and other stuff, without her "permission", and see what happens.

There's a lot of women out there that aren't going to be so demanding of your time. I guess that's the main point you should take away from my statements.

If you do decide to break up, face to face is the most honorable way. It also provides the most closure. Just be mature and polite as possible about it and if things get bad, you maybe should leave until she is able to pull herself together/out of a rage and let things cool down. One thing I've learned is don't burn bridges and be open.

Monster Rain wrote:

Slarg232 wrote:(Ignoring Monsters post, not sure if it was directed at me)

I'm going to assume that this isn't supposed to be as hostile as I originally interpreted it.

I was referring to this:

Slarg232 wrote:@ OP: Don't dump her just yet. We haven't heard the entire story, so we don't know. But as someone else in the thread said, start watching your games, playing DnD, and other stuff, without her "permission", and see what happens.

There's a lot of women out there that aren't going to be so demanding of your time. I guess that's the main point you should take away from my statements.

No hostility meant, sorry if you took any from it

Fair enough, too. I'm honestly not the best to ask Relationship advice.

Slarg232 wrote:No hostility meant, sorry if you took any from it

Nah, I was saying that I assumed I was misreading it, which I apparently was. It's all good in the hood!

I've also had a couple of beers, so.. you know... that's part of the picture as well.

Given that we are getting a snapshot, and lack larger context, it's hard to say for sure. But even just given the little info we have, some of the data here strongly indicates a Bad Person. Or at least a Bad Person To Be In A Relationship With.

"I asked over a month ago if it was ok to play in tournaments on the 13th and 20th, and the 24th in September. I was given verbal permission"
"Tonight I was told I should not have planned things on those days without discussing them with her,"

That could conceivably be something a person could forget. If you only discussed it once, if she was distracted at the time and you didn't mark it on a calendar or otherwise put up some reminder; she could conceivably have forgotten the discussion. This is where you need to look carefully at yourself and your communication and figure out if you have been clear. Whether you have asked for the things you want clearly, and expressed your desires and requirements. If not, this may be your own fault. If so, however, then she is quite likely an awful and controlling person, and you should (to quote Dan Savage) DTMFA.

biccat wrote:

Ma55ter_fett wrote:Also, maybe Cannerus could offer some sort of couples counseling?

I think he does. Just not in the way you might expect. Or, maybe exactly like you would expect.

Never had the problem.

My wife INSISTED I keep my gaming hobby.

My previous relationships were during lulls in gaming, so it's not like I was 'giving' anything up for it.

Face-to-face is always best. You'll score some cool facial scars that way, and the chickeez did the scars.

I had one who cried every time I left to go to a tournament, rather than do something with her. That is, a tournament 15 minutes away, that was 8 hours long. I'm still trying to figure how how she survived without me when I left for Adepticon. It got to the point where I told her that I was concerned that she was 'too emotionally attached to me, and in ways I couldn't reciprocate.' In an email. A paragraph later, I told her that she could come by my place to pick up her things and discuss further if required. Ultimately, if you're done with her, and it sounds like you are, who cares how you get rid of her. Do it in the way most comfortable to you and most befitting of your particular situation. If a phone call does it, then a phone call does it. If not, then do it over coffee in a public place so she can't make a scene, or something.

Were it not for the fact that you talked about 22 years ago in High School, I would actually ask if this were the same girl.

nectarprime wrote:

Cannerus_The_Unbearable wrote:

-Say "I know I suck, I can't believe I'm actually doing this" at random intervals and just blame yourself for everything. It's entertaining how much less crap you have to hear and they're prone to believe you.

Or you could like, be an adult and tell her the truth?

Or you could be an adult and take the path of least resistance. It's not like you're going to talk to her for a while anyway.

Why the hell do people change so drastically for others? The only thing I did differently was hang with her instead of my brother so much lol. Now Im not saying go out and find your wife and all that mushy crap, but I am saying if your g/f doesnt want you to do your things, then tell her to feth off in what ever manner you deem necessary

OP - how old are you? Is this girl worth changing yourself for?

The correct answer to the second question is NEVER.

Cannerus_The_Unbearable wrote:Howdy, I'm Cannerus, and I'm god when it comes to women. If it's been serious, do face to face if possible. Ways to powergame a breakup:

-Sending a "we need to talk" text is okay and if she just so happens to insist that you do it over the phone right then, then you're in the clear as well.

-Say "I know I suck, I can't believe I'm actually doing this" at random intervals and just blame yourself for everything. It's entertaining how much less crap you have to hear and they're prone to believe you.

-May sound cold, but be painting a model while you do it. Having something to focus on emotionally besides her will help you stay more objective.

You're welcome.

Can, have I told you lately how much I love you?

TheWildHost wrote:Let me give you the extremely limited dating advice a teen has.

In a now modern age a phone call is ok. You can hang up if things get bad
A text,email is not, solely because they can't immedatly respond
Face to Face can have some unwanted results making you feel bad and you can't get away fast like the phone
Just my opinion but if you want to keep her respect and/or friendship take the risk with face to face.

Lost one, no.
Do to my reputation of nerdiness though, a girl refused to give me her phone number( Although I later found out she didn't have a phone making me feel like a total ass after asking her 3-4 times over a year) yet I caught her staring a few times, and she has caught me. Is her doing this out of hate never know cuz women have a wierd mind much like eldar, us Huma-I mean males will never understand.

Just the two cents of a

Best advice in thread?

Try asserting authority first. If that doesn't work, do, strangely enough, what Cannerus has said. In a recliner. Painting a Wych. Without pants.

If you do this I will send you money.

KingCracker wrote:Why the hell do people change so drastically for others? The only thing I did differently was hang with her instead of my brother so much lol. Now Im not saying go out and find your wife and all that mushy crap, but I am saying if your g/f doesnt want you to do your things, then tell her to feth off in what ever manner you deem necessary

because men like to impress girls with their changing because girls want change and guys don't. Its just how relationships are. *said the only once relationship guy*

Kasrkai wrote:Try asserting authority first. If that doesn't work, do, strangely enough, what Cannerus has said. In a recliner. Painting a Wych. Without pants.

If you do this I will send you money.

No, send me money, I am your Nigerian Prince!

MeanGreenStompa wrote:To be blunt here...

Grow a spine. Women find confident men far more attractive. Whilst compromise is part of a relationship, folding like a deckchair leads to situations like this.

I agree, but to be a little less blunt (although taking MGS' advice on the chin might not be a bad idea, either):

I'd be hesitant about taking relationship advice from a gaming forum about a nearly 2 year relationship, based on the tiny amount of information you posted, when you were obviously upset with her.

My wife hated the hobby (I picked it up again after a hiatus after we were already married) but now, seeing how much I enjoy it, has adapted to support me in it. She helped me base my last army. She seems to be buying me a figure case for my birthday. I.e... if you love each other, you'll work it out.

The question isn't: "Should I break up with a woman who won't let me game". The question is... Do you love her, and do you have the patience to work through it? I think you need to really think about it, let her know what you feel, and see what happens. Work it out with her, and who knows, maybe you'll be surprised... as I was

Meh. Any relationship where one person wants absolute control, should be terminated with extreme prejudice.

I can get the missus saying 'fair enough, but remember next Thursday we're doing (insert activity here)'. Indeed it would be hypocritical of my standpoint to simply say 'screw you bee-atch, I be rollin' wit my homies (not just hypocritical, but also perhaps a little suspect) if she wants to do something else on a given night.

Essentially, both persons should have 'their' nights, where rather than needing permission to indulge in such activities, the other person needs to request it be suspended for a night instead.

And remember, give in to unreasonable behaviour once, and that is ground you will never, ever retake in that particular relationship. Take Parris, a girl from my work. Absolutley drop dead gorgeous. 6'1" of model quality, slim nordic blonde, and fantastic personality to boot. I gave her precisely the same information, when her bloke, who will regularly go away on 'lads weekends' forbid her (yes, actually forbid) her from going to Magaluf with her girly friends. She didn't take the advice, and has told me she regrets it. I'd like to press my advantage here, but I used to teach her French several years ago, and that's just a little too scandalous, even for me!

Asherian Command wrote:

KingCracker wrote:Why the hell do people change so drastically for others? The only thing I did differently was hang with her instead of my brother so much lol. Now Im not saying go out and find your wife and all that mushy crap, but I am saying if your g/f doesnt want you to do your things, then tell her to feth off in what ever manner you deem necessary

because men like to impress girls with their changing because girls want change and guys don't. Its just how relationships are. *said the only once relationship guy*

Im a married man my friend, I dont need advice on women. Obviously, me NOT changing who I am, netted me women.