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 Shadow Captain Edithae wrote:
You've described me almost to a T (well, besides the family tragedy and unhappy upbringing). My uncle was diagnosed with Aspergers a couple years ago, my family and my uncle himself think I probably have it too. In fact, I'm apparently so much like my uncle that my Dad gets us both confused and frequently calls me by my uncle's name (his younger brother).

Which parts in particular do you mean? Did you move a lot too? Did you form online relationships as well? I can say both sucked.

Take my advice and try to get relationships in college. I'm getting a bit old for it now (turning 29 at the end of the month) but if you keep yourself in a decent state you should be able to get various friends and possible romantic partners in classes in school. Try to go for classes that have women too like science, art and psychology. If you take a class like engineering then you welcome yourself to dudes-ville.

That ship has sailed I'm afraid. Been through college and uni and I'm 24 now. What I meant was I had a similar experience with social awkwardness and bullying etc when I was younger.

I'm getting very involved in my gaming club now (on the committee, running a d&d campaign as dm, and may join a pathfinder campaign as a player). Also been doing karate for 6 months.

My entire social life now revolves around gaming tbh.

 DarkTraveler777 wrote:
Instead of "letting go" of the problem I obsess over it until I am an anxious mess or depressed to the point of suicidal thoughts.

I found it took time to be able to get over that, but then I had the same obsession pattern with anxiety, but felt more positive as for me at least it was about undoing the process where as with anxiety it was always a downward spiral of obsession.

What I have learned from mindfulness after all these months is recognizing those old thought and behavior patterns and, when I am cognizant of those destructive patterns, I am able to talk myself through the issue and eventually stop the negative thoughts/actions. What frustrates me is that it sometimes takes a day or two (or three or four!) before the light bulb clicks and I realize what I am doing.

I found that more with pure CBT than mindfulness. CBT helped me recognize what I was doing, and how I was in a destructive loop, but didn't give me much in the way of tools to get out of that loop.

One express train to Depression Town for me is reminiscing about past fights with friends or significant others and realizing that I was reacting not to them but to my anxieties at the time and then feeling awful for what transpired in the fight. I really wish I could turn my thoughts/memories off sometimes.

That's was similar to the problems I was having. As above I found CBT helped me recognize that I was reacting to anxieties rather than the reality. Not really fights, but more just general life. Convincing myself that I had said or done something wrong, which would spiral in to me thinking people hated me, or I would latch on to something else and blow it all out of proportion. My big one was storage space in the house. I would have a panic attack over not having enough space to store stuff. Stuff I did not have or want, but still convincing myself that one day I might buy something, so where would it go (I blame GW for that. Them and their plasticrack).

Interesting how people react differently to different therapies.

 flamingkillamajig wrote:
Even before that i moved usually once every 5 years with my family which isn't easy on your friendships and other relationships.

That's harsh. It's hard enough for NT kids to form relationships when they move all the time, never mind people who are ASD.

Anxiety and depression, and PTSD. i've been off work for two months now, prescribed sertraline and have been referred to our local Psychiatric therapy team and also to a trauma counsellor. I will be having trauma focused CBT and also some psychodynamic therapy.

I've lived with PTSD for twenty three years and reached crisis point this year. My GP has been fantastic, and I'm very lucky to have a supportive wife. I will get through this.

Heading to the doc on tuesday. Wife has been on at me for ages to see someone. My department head at work recommended a doc to me, one that he had seen for the same reasons previously.

Thanks for this thread. It helped.

Relapse wrote:

 ImAGeek wrote:

 Buttery Commissar wrote:
I can only really relate to the difficulties of a completely different medical system... over here we are hamstrung by obscene waiting times (in some cases six months, to be seen for common issues like depression). So I appreciate that your efforts to help yourself must have come at the expense of stress and other pressures.
Keep going, fella. And remember you (and everyone else) are allowed to have gak days. Just get up the next morning.

My mum had to wait over 6 months for therapy for her depression (which was pretty severe), which as someone who has suffered from depression, 6 months is a long time and a lot could happen, if you catch my drift. Luckily I was under 18 at the time so I was seen quickly, but when you're in a delicate mental state, time is definitely of the essence.

Holy crap, that is a long wait time. How long is it between visits when you finally do get to see a doctor?

Once she actually got through to therapy, it was weekly sessions.

I'll just come out and admit it. I'm definitely suffering from BPD and CPTSD. Most likely an alcoholic, at the minimum an abuser/dependent. Possibly either trans or bi.

I have incredible sympathy for the transgender cause, because feth it, even when I'm ripped out of my mind, I HATE my body. I hate having male genitals. I hate being tall and muscular. I see these somewhat cute girls of average height with skinny/lean builds and I don't want to hook up with them...I want to be them...so badly. It's driving me insane. At 6' I have zero chance to transition. I just hope brain transplants happen at some point. FFS.


The above post was typed after taking 8 shots of Fireball in 30 minutes.

 trexmeyer wrote:
At 6' I have zero chance to transition.

Why? Plenty of tall, athletic girls out there.

The above post was typed after taking 8 shots of Fireball in 30 minutes.

Fireball... so tasty, so smooth.... but the hangover hits so hard.

-------

 Rainbow Dash wrote:
No point in trying to crack that nut, in the end I'd just be a beta provider and she'd never really love me anyways.

Best advice for you: dump the MRA-style self pitying act. The whole alpha/beta thing is pseudoscientific nonsense invented by a bunch of guys who were bitter about how they weren't getting enough sex and/or narcissistic enough to assume that they're the only "real men" while everyone else is a hopeless loser. It doesn't impress anyone, and it isn't going to help you make your life better.

i have found women by and large are not fun to be around, they are always offended about something, always upset about something, always wanting something.
...
There won't be any love from them, or genuine kindness, just nagging and taking of my money.

And dump the stereotypes. If you want to die bitter and alone that's your right, but please don't post ridiculous sexist stereotypes about half the people in the world.

 Shadow Captain Edithae wrote:
Its not a mental illness as such, but does anyone have Aspergers Syndrome?

Yes.


Automatically Appended Next Post:

 trexmeyer wrote:
I'll just come out and admit it. I'm definitely suffering from BPD and CPTSD. Most likely an alcoholic, at the minimum an abuser/dependent. Possibly either trans or bi.

I have incredible sympathy for the transgender cause, because feth it, even when I'm ripped out of my mind, I HATE my body. I hate having male genitals. I hate being tall and muscular. I see these somewhat cute girls of average height with skinny/lean builds and I don't want to hook up with them...I want to be them...so badly. It's driving me insane. At 6' I have zero chance to transition. I just hope brain transplants happen at some point. FFS.


The above post was typed after taking 8 shots of Fireball in 30 minutes.

Have some massive sympathy for me. I have talked with enough transpeople to understand your pain very well.

Which is why I am an activist.

 trexmeyer wrote:
I'll just come out and admit it. I'm definitely suffering from BPD and CPTSD. Most likely an alcoholic, at the minimum an abuser/dependent. Possibly either trans or bi.

I have incredible sympathy for the transgender cause, because feth it, even when I'm ripped out of my mind, I HATE my body. I hate having male genitals. I hate being tall and muscular. I see these somewhat cute girls of average height with skinny/lean builds and I don't want to hook up with them...I want to be them...so badly. It's driving me insane. At 6' I have zero chance to transition. I just hope brain transplants happen at some point. FFS.


The above post was typed after taking 8 shots of Fireball in 30 minutes.

A large part of what gender clinics and their counselling do is regarding helping you feel comfortable, and better about your own image. I can't say whether or not you can transition, but you could benefit from speaking to somebody about these feelings.
We all start with the idea that we can't be happy without reaching a set ideal. Be it healthier, thinner, more feminine... Learning to turn your thoughts to appreciate what you do have, and the small adjustments we can make to feel positive, that's where counselling can help.

It's not bad to feel how you do, you just need to find a balance, and seeking help for that isn't a failing at all.

One of my good friends is a 6' 8" trans lady, and she not only rocks it, but she looks dainty. A lot of it is posture and holding yourself.
But I don't wish to turn this into another Trans 101 topic, so I apologise for my brevity.

 Shadow Captain Edithae wrote:
Its not a mental illness as such, but does anyone have Aspergers Syndrome?

*sticks hand up*

I can mostly mask some of my weirder quirks in day-to-day stuff, so people can't really tell, but I still occasionally get caught out by sarcasm, which can lead to awkwardness.

Most of the issues I have are related to being unable to read people socially, as well as basically just ending up sat in the corner trying to calm down if there are too many people in one place quite often, as well as the noise sensitivity, which leads to sometimes struggling to sleep properly because everything is so loud all of the time. I still get messed around by the obsession side as well, in that I'll end up finding something amazingly cool and know that I'll always enjoy it, then find a new one a few weeks later once I've bought the stuff to do it with. See: Baking, Cake-making, Netrunner, Marvel: Legendary, Airbrushing, Scratchbuilding, Runescape, Board games (every few months), and rock climbing.

It gets too the point where I can't stop thinking about whatever it is that I'm obsessing over because I need to do X, but then as soon as I've done it it either gets replaced by something else or I slowly lose interest because the itch has been satisfied.

Also being unable to look after myself effectively with regards to diet/exercise/finance, but I'm trying to work on that.

Also I kinda struggle with tone in conversation, even if I'm able to use emoticons or inflection (IRL), so I apologise if at some point on the forum I have come across as a dick to you; I genuinely dislike upsetting people, so it really wasn't my intention.

Also a general confusion about what the hell is going on with regards to my sexuality/gender, and a dislike of myself as a person, but I'm not sure those are really diagnosable.

Oh, and semi-diagnosed* depression that I need to go to the doctors for but still haven't gotten round to doing because I'm currently down south and not registered with a GP.

*Semi-diagnosed in that I went to the doctors and was found to be massively deficient in Vitamin D, but they thought I could also have depression as well, and the symptoms have persisted well after my Vitamin D levels were normalised.

Hello folks how are ya doin? I noticed alot of you suffer anxiety depression ect. Anyone try effexor? Great stuff and really calming. I have been on the stuff since I was 14 the docs said I seen all people as threats and dangerious which was damaging then after a couple of fights and having stomach issues due to street related something they put me on effexor, and propanalol... Or something like that. They are pretty cheap drugs because I took them before I had money or a drug plan. Also not alot of side effect I know of other then being sleepy.


On a sode note I am a full time dad thx to being on disability and at bedtime when all the lights are off the kids are asleep the wife is passed out. I play alot of online games and take none seriously so if you want to play some games drop me a line.

Oh btw exercise can help alot of problms with add adhd anxiet depression ect. Idol hands are the devils tools after all :-)

OgreChubbs wrote:


Oh btw exercise can help alot of problms with add adhd anxiet depression ect. Idol hands are the devils tools after all :-)

Activity in general has great theraputic effects. Cleaning a room, cleaning the house. Going for a walk round the garden, the block, the park etc. Easier said than done when looking at depression.

Anyways I have recently been talking to a family friend and it turns out one of their lads suffers from anxiety related issues, since I have suffered for years I am something of a go to expert for family and friends. Speaking about this kids issues it seems he is on the spectrum for autism AND I can relate to his issues. The more we talk about his idiosyncrasies the more I feel they relate to me and what I do/dont do.

Ticking.
Difficulties in large groups, deciphering emotion.
Sticking to schedules and timetables and really going off on one if anything goes off script. (this is a biggie for me. If something doesn't happen when it should I can worry about and get depressed for hours).
Reading above his age (I was reading adult novels and scientific texts by 7 or 8).

There is more I have in common I am wondering If I should ask for testing to see if I have any other issues. I'll admit the past cannot be changed and there's little to be done since I can function pretty well, but having a diagnosis and being able to say, oh 'thats why I do x or feel y' would go a long way to helping with my anxieties.

 Mr. Burning wrote:

OgreChubbs wrote:


Oh btw exercise can help alot of problms with add adhd anxiet depression ect. Idol hands are the devils tools after all :-)

Activity in general has great theraputic effects. Cleaning a room, cleaning the house. Going for a walk round the garden, the block, the park etc. Easier said than done when looking at depression.

Anyways I have recently been talking to a family friend and it turns out one of their lads suffers from anxiety related issues, since I have suffered for years I am something of a go to expert for family and friends. Speaking about this kids issues it seems he is on the spectrum for autism AND I can relate to his issues. The more we talk about his idiosyncrasies the more I feel they relate to me and what I do/dont do.

Ticking.
Difficulties in large groups, deciphering emotion.
Sticking to schedules and timetables and really going off on one if anything goes off script. (this is a biggie for me. If something doesn't happen when it should I can worry about and get depressed for hours).
Reading above his age (I was reading adult novels and scientific texts by 7 or 8).

There is more I have in common I am wondering If I should ask for testing to see if I have any other issues. I'll admit the past cannot be changed and there's little to be done since I can function pretty well, but having a diagnosis and being able to say, oh 'thats why I do x or feel y' would go a long way to helping with my anxieties.

ocd is linked to anxiety disorders such as counting thing. Not like i have 5 apples but like. Locking a door then turning the knob 5 times and counting it out, or flicking the lights of then counting til you hit a number to male sure they are off ect.

Yeah, it's not touched on commonly, but OCD can also be reinforcing anxiety causing thoughts. The average person may stew a few ideas, with OCD you become a fething high power distillery.
It's definitely not all switching labels on jars and washing hands.
I have the deepest sympathy for anyone going through it. I can't pretend to understand how that level of intensity must feel.

I have a tendency to overthink to the point that I talk myself out of doing things. Because I'm dyspraxic, which comes under autistic spectrum... It means (in my case) I cannot judge time, organise or prioritise, especially under mild pressure. Getting out of the house in time becomes extremely distressing, and like some hideous memory game.

This morning trying to get out on time, I noticed that it was the day to put recycling out. I did that and then left. Ten minutes later I got a call from my partner that I left the keys in the door.
Which is something everybody can do. But I do it dozens of times a day. Day in, day out.
I'm not sad, I've never known any other kind of existence. Plus I can see stuff other people miss, so it's not all bad.

I can empathise with that. I'm awful at time management.

Left to my own devices, I can handle it. But if I have something to do for a certain time, or I have to leave on time, I find my brain becomes an almost painful clusterfeth of things I can't handle.

It also manifests in being unable to judge speed. I can only cross roads if traffic has stopped, or isn't there, because I can't tell if something has 5 seconds to reach me, or 30.

Anxiety, chronic depression (over 20 years & counting) and diagnosed as having high functioning autism only 3 years ago. Might by undergoing ECT later this summer. Very tired all the time too. Might be vitamin B12 deficiency which I hope I can get tested for next week (due to taking metformin for type 2 diabetes). Alone.

 trexmeyer wrote:


The above post was typed after taking 8 shots of Fireball in 30 minutes.

Dunno what that is but i'm guessing 8 shots of 'Fireball' may impair your judgment. I mean not saying what you said isn't true but i'm curious if it is next time you post.

 Buttery Commissar wrote:
I have a tendency to overthink to the point that I talk myself out of doing things. Because I'm dyspraxic, which comes under autistic spectrum...

You are ? I was diagnosed with dyspraxia since I was a child, but I've never really understood what it did to me.

 bubber wrote:
Very tired all the time too.

I know it sounds dumb, but try drinking more water. It helped me quite a bit with that issue.

Anyways, I am lucky enough to live in California. People are a bit more progressive out here, so the stigma against mental health problems isn't as bad.

I had my own issues pretty well managed until chronic pain set in, been a roller-coaster since.

The great thing about the military was that we didn't have such huge wait times to be seen by mental health specialist and that often if things started to get bad you usually only had to place a single call and most of the time you were in someones office or being seen within a hour. Army did a bang up job in that regard.

Se of the docs start skeptical because lets face it there are folks who fake things and they had little tolerance for it. Me personally they were able to get in my head pretty well and gave me a better understanding of myself. The anxiety was one of the first things they diagnosed, the constant paranoia even when in a safe environment was obvious, the PTSD also was almost a given just due to the job, but it took them awhile to nail down the anti social personality.

The way I described how I would compartmentalize my life, work, home, public, with friends, just utter disregard I have for most people or things, or how every social interaction was some sort or minigame drew well... odd looks. At first they though it was high functioning autisim, then aspergers. It was frankly physically painful to be completely honest with all the questions and tests and it almost seemed like they didn't want to diagnose it. When it finally was I actually had a doctor who flat out said they no longer wanted to work with me.

Ultimately we found the way that I functioned best was within a set of rules which thankfully the military provided. Now that I'm out it's still my credo I guess you say only now I regulate myself instead of my 1sg or commander always looking over my shoulder. The things I hated the meds they would try as they always made me feel like I was "losing my edge" and that they would pry in my marriage, which is understandable but the Mrs. is a take-no-flak hardass and loves me for who I am so we've honestly never had a problem.

I'll end my rambling there. So far being a nutter has had it ups and downs but overall life isn't that bad, there are folks out there that care about you, even if you don't care about them and they genuinely want to help you. It sucks, some people will look at you weird or even say you are weak but, I've personally found that it takes alot more willpower to put yourself out there and get help than it does to stay locked up in your own head.

G'night dakka!

 Ir0njack wrote:
The way I described how I would compartmentalize my life, work, home, public, with friends, just utter disregard I have for most people or things, or how every social interaction was some sort or minigame

I envy you on that point.