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If the enemy is in range, so are you.
If you can see the enemy, they can see you.
Incoming fire has the right of way.
Friendly fire isn't.
The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
Don't look conspicuous: it draws fire. This is why aircraft carriers are called bomb magnets.
There is always a way.
The easy way is always mined.
Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.
Professionals are predictable, it's the amateurs that are dangerous.
The enemy only attacks on one of two occasions: When you're ready for them, and when you're not ready for them.
Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy someone else to shoot at.
If you can't remember, the claymore is pointed at you.
If your attack is going well, you have walked into an ambush.
The enemy diversion you have been ignoring will be the main attack.
Don't draw fire, it irritates the people around you.
When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.
If it's stupid but works, then it isn't stupid.
When in doubt empty the magazine.
Never share a fox hole with anyone braver than you.
Anything you do can get you shot. Including doing nothing.
Make it too tough for the enemy to get in and you can't get out.
Mines are equal opportunity weapons.
A Purple Heart just proves that were you smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.
Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last and don't ever volunteer to do anything.
The quartermaster has only two sizes: too large and too small.
Five second fuses only last three seconds.
It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.
A "sucking chest wound" is nature's way of telling you to slow down.
If you're short of everything but the enemy, you're in a combat zone.
When you have secured an area, don't forget to tell the enemy.
Never forget that your weapon is made by the lowest bidder.
You are not a superman.
No plan survives the first contact intact.
If you are forward of your position the artillery will always fall short.
The important things are always simple.
The simple things are always hard.
No combat ready unit ever passed inspection.
Beer math: two beers times 37 men equal 49 cases.
Body count math: two guerillas plus one portable plus two pigs equals 37 enemy KIA.
Things that must be together to work usually can't be shipped together.
Radios will fail as soon as you desperately need fire support.
Tracers work both ways.
If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will have more than your fair share of objectives to take.
When both sides are convinced that they are about to lose, they are both right.
If it moves, shoot it.
If it doesn't move, poke it with your gun barrel and then shoot it.
Overkill works.
Murphy was a grunt.

I thought that these are quite funny, do you?

Read most of these before, but its always good to read them again so good find old bean

Most important rule?

Keep your bloody head down!

overkill works hehe like that one...

Shoot him again to make sure he's dead!

If you can hold your head up high when all around are losing theirs, then you seriously haven't grasped the seriousness of the situation!

'A kick in the balls is worth two in the face.'

That's mine, feel free to use it.

My grandpa said the first thing the commanding officer told him when he arrived in Korea was "Forget what you learned overseas, just do what it takes to survive.".

My uncle said, "If you join the military just die a few times during training and they'll put you somewhere you won't get shot at as much." he died a record 12 times during the same survival exercise in the marine corp and guess who survived Vietnam by becoming a technician?

For Navy, "Be important, it might get you the life boat with a motor on it." from my dad who was that important.

For Army, "The fox hole is always filled with rocks if you aren't in it already." from my grandpa who found rocks in a foxhole he jumped in.

For murphy's laws I would also say that before joining any branch it is a good idea to see how many relatives/ancestors have served and lived. I think its hereditary as all of my relatives have survived war or battle situations, including a great uncle who was stationed at pearl harbor.

While humorous, a lot of these are just plain stupid.

"If you can't remember, the claymore is pointed at you. "

If you set up a a claymore wrong you deserve to get blown up. The words "This side towards enemy" are literally stamped on the metal.

"When in doubt empty the magazine. "

Awful idea. The combat load for a M16 is 210 rounds. I'm not going to waste a full 30 round magazine unless I'm sure I need to.

"If it moves, shoot it."

Funny story, civilians move too. Fancy that


"If it doesn't move, poke it with your gun barrel and then shoot it. "

Killing wounded civilians or enemies is a really good way to end up in jail. Unless they're shooting back, then it's open season.

IAmTheWalrus wrote:While humorous, a lot of these are just plain stupid.

"If you can't remember, the claymore is pointed at you. "

If you set up a a claymore wrong you deserve to get blown up. The words "This side towards enemy" are literally stamped on the metal.

"When in doubt empty the magazine. "

Awful idea. The combat load for a M16 is 210 rounds. I'm not going to waste a full 30 round magazine unless I'm sure I need to.

"If it moves, shoot it."

Funny story, civilians move too. Fancy that


"If it doesn't move, poke it with your gun barrel and then shoot it. "

Killing wounded civilians or enemies is a really good way to end up in jail. Unless they're shooting back, then it's open season.

Dude you are a kill joy. You don't get it. Please do not reply.

Oddly enough I found his input funnier than the actual 'laws'.

Anyway, required LOL now fulfilled.

Enjoy your thread, killjoys make the world go round.

"Don't backtalk my funny!".

Also, http://www.murphys-laws.com/. Laugh at the stupid jokes all day, and enjoy doing it.

Deff Jaw wrote:

IAmTheWalrus wrote:While humorous, a lot of these are just plain stupid.

"If you can't remember, the claymore is pointed at you. "

If you set up a a claymore wrong you deserve to get blown up. The words "This side towards enemy" are literally stamped on the metal.

"When in doubt empty the magazine. "

Awful idea. The combat load for a M16 is 210 rounds. I'm not going to waste a full 30 round magazine unless I'm sure I need to.

"If it moves, shoot it."

Funny story, civilians move too. Fancy that


"If it doesn't move, poke it with your gun barrel and then shoot it. "

Killing wounded civilians or enemies is a really good way to end up in jail. Unless they're shooting back, then it's open season.

Dude you are a kill joy. You don't get it. Please do not reply.

Dude, you are THE kill joy. It would seem that you do not get it... please reply more so we can laugh more.

Murphy's Law #5001: If at first you do not succeed... try a bigger hammer.

Admit nothing, deny everything, demand proof - then blame a Private.

Recoilless rifles - aren't.
Suppressive fires - won't.
You are not Superman; Marines and fighter pilots take note.

There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole.

If you are short of everything but the enemy, you are in the combat zone.

If you are wearing body armor they will probably miss that part.

'Armor' is a fantasy invented by your C.O. to make you feel better.


Automatically Appended Next Post:
If you drop a soldier in the middle of a desert with a rock, a hammer, and an anvil, tell him not to touch any of it, and come back two hours later, the anvil will be broken. "Because soldiers gotta feth with gak". (quoted from an Officer during an interview in which the Officer was asked why barrels were thickened on the M-16A2).

jp400 wrote:

Deff Jaw wrote:

IAmTheWalrus wrote:While humorous, a lot of these are just plain stupid.

"If you can't remember, the claymore is pointed at you. "

If you set up a a claymore wrong you deserve to get blown up. The words "This side towards enemy" are literally stamped on the metal.

"When in doubt empty the magazine. "

Awful idea. The combat load for a M16 is 210 rounds. I'm not going to waste a full 30 round magazine unless I'm sure I need to.

"If it moves, shoot it."

Funny story, civilians move too. Fancy that


"If it doesn't move, poke it with your gun barrel and then shoot it. "

Killing wounded civilians or enemies is a really good way to end up in jail. Unless they're shooting back, then it's open season.

Dude you are a kill joy. You don't get it. Please do not reply.

Dude, you are THE kill joy. It would seem that you do not get it... please reply more so we can laugh more.

Murphy's Law #5001: If at first you do not succeed... try a bigger hammer.

???????????????????????????????????????????????? where did you come from?????????? What the hell happened to you? You used to be "nicer." ALSO STAY THE HELL OUT OF MY TOPICS! I DON'T BOTHER YOURS! YOU ARE THE REAL KILL JOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOT IT! Remember friendly fire isn't and you are very friendly.

Q_Q?

Q_Q.

Moar Pew Pew... Less Q_Q !!



G

squilverine wrote:Most important rule?

To be a man you must have honor, honor and a penis.

Fixed.

I liked Wargames observation

"A most curious game, it seems the only way to win is not to play"

Deff Jaw wrote:

jp400 wrote:

Deff Jaw wrote:

IAmTheWalrus wrote:While humorous, a lot of these are just plain stupid.

"If you can't remember, the claymore is pointed at you. "

If you set up a a claymore wrong you deserve to get blown up. The words "This side towards enemy" are literally stamped on the metal.

"When in doubt empty the magazine. "

Awful idea. The combat load for a M16 is 210 rounds. I'm not going to waste a full 30 round magazine unless I'm sure I need to.

"If it moves, shoot it."

Funny story, civilians move too. Fancy that


"If it doesn't move, poke it with your gun barrel and then shoot it. "

Killing wounded civilians or enemies is a really good way to end up in jail. Unless they're shooting back, then it's open season.

Dude you are a kill joy. You don't get it. Please do not reply.

Dude, you are THE kill joy. It would seem that you do not get it... please reply more so we can laugh more.

Murphy's Law #5001: If at first you do not succeed... try a bigger hammer.

???????????????????????????????????????????????? where did you come from?????????? What the hell happened to you? You used to be "nicer." ALSO STAY THE HELL OUT OF MY TOPICS! I DON'T BOTHER YOURS! YOU ARE THE REAL KILL JOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOT IT! Remember friendly fire isn't and you are very friendly.

Looks like someone can't take sarcasm very well...

Relax dude. Seriously!

And remember... If it ain't broke... fix it till it is!

Here's one I got from verydemotivational.com

'It's always the dick with the flamethrower!'

Replace flamer with Supa Gatler!!!