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Keys are important, they let us into our houses, sometimes even into our places of work. Some are made of metal, others are magnetic cards or even number combinations. But what do our keys say about us? Can we define ourselves based only on what keys we have and what they open? Below I have constructed an elaborate method of determining your awesomeness based on the keys you possess. Simply add your points together and see how you fare against the other members of Dakka.

Type of key:
Regular keys: 1 point (includes yale and mortis keys of all types) – not particularly interesting keys.
Magnetic keys: 5 points – these are pretty cool, so far as keys go. Usually reserved for getting into interesting areas.
Biometric keys: 10 points – fingerprint scanners, voice activated keys, etc are all very cool and futuristic. However, you actually have to be able to use them to open something to get the points.
Number combinations: 0.5 points – although these kind of keys can get you into interesting places, you can’t really show them off, so only half a point for this kind of key.
Wireless keys: 3 points – (keys which open things from a distance) bonus points here for wireless keys, as they are pretty cool.
Passwords: 0 points. Everyone has passwords, and they just don’t count. These cannot be stacked with any of the bonus points below, unless they let you into restricted, hazardous, or classified areas (includes within computers).


Bonus points (add these onto whatever points your key is worth):
Opens regular door: 0 points. Regular doors are not cool. Hence why they are regular. No bonus points for this key.
Opens door into restricted area: 5 points. You are able to get into places most people can’t, which is pretty cool.
Opens door into hazardous area: 10 points. Whether it is large machines or chemical waste, danger is exciting (can be stacked with restricted or secret area bonus points).
Opens door into classified/secret area: 15 points. You may get shot for admitting it, but your key gets you into a top secret area, which is really cool (can be stacked with hazardous but not restricted bonus points).
Interesting key: 1 point. Your key may be decorative or otherwise unusual. This will give you extra kudos on showing it off.
Accesses computer only: 2 points. While computers are interesting, they are not that interesting.
Accesses doors + computer: 5 points. These keys are pretty cool. They get you in the building and log you into your computer as well.
Activates some kind of machine: 2 points. Some machines are cooler than others, so feel free to add on another 5 points if the machine it activates is dangerous. Cars do not count as dangerous machines.

Tally your points and see how cool your keys, and by extension you, are.

My total is: 71 (I have a lot of keys and codes to restricted areas within the hospital I work at, hence my quite high score).

Uh... I collect keys and keyrings. Do they count if I never use them for anything?

Everyone has 10 points by default

I only have one key...

@Arctik_Firangi - sure, they are still keys. But if they don't do anything, you just get the base cost of the key.

@ n0t_u - I will edit it so that it has to actually do something, rather than you just having well... fingerprints and things

Only thirty or forty points, despite having my own office, magnetic keys and 24hour access to my school's radioactive sources. :(

I do have keys to the key cabinets in the science department though, so that might put me well into the hundreds.


Automatically Appended Next Post:
Oh, what if I have many copies of the same key? I have at least 5 copies of the key to my carpark, and similar numbers for windows in my flat, etc...

I don't think that multiple copies of the same key count for this exercise

Cabinet keys may well tip you over the edge, but do you carry them with you most of the time? If not, I don't really think you can class them as being "your" keys.

I have keys to 10 different confined spaces locked up in my desk at work. That's 100 points before I count my personal keys.

Can I have a cookie?

kronk wrote:I have keys to 10 different confined spaces locked up in my desk at work. That's 100 points before I count my personal keys.

Can I have a cookie?

Not until you explain how you get 100 points from having 10 keys locked in a desk

Apparently I'm pretty lame. I've got a house key, a car key (the old fashioned kind. you actually have to stick it in the door.). and a key that locks the center console of my car. Not even worth tallying up the points.

My car is a complete deathtrap, does it count as a dangerous machine?

The keys I use total 47.5... my apartment uses magnetic keys, I have two copies... two keyless entries for the car plus a copy of a friend's... voice access to two personal computers is 12 points each if I can count those too. Miscellaneous keys and combination codes make up the rest.

I have well over a hundred 'useless' keys in my collection and I'm not going to go and count them now... but I guess I must be pretty awesomeness!

rubiksnoob wrote:My car is a complete deathtrap, does it count as a dangerous machine?

Since it is you, have some extra points

SilverMK2 wrote:

kronk wrote:I have keys to 10 different confined spaces locked up in my desk at work. That's 100 points before I count my personal keys.

Can I have a cookie?

Not until you explain how you get 100 points from having 10 keys locked in a desk

Each key opens a hazardous location. There are 10. I am their keeper so they're mine.

kronk wrote:Each key opens a hazardous location. There are 10. I am their keeper so they're mine.

In that case you have 110 points, 1 for each key, and 100 for being dangerous

Feel free to grab an e-cookie whenever you feel like it

Woo Hoo!

I have 10 house keys (doors, windows, window security locks, garden shed, etc) a wireless remote key (spare) for the wife's car, and a bilock (unusual) key for the Dangerous Goods cage where I used to work (and ALL of the segregated cages where different kinds of DG were stored, so acids, other solvents, ethanol, chlorine,etc).

What about the key to the padlock on my Gimp?

What about devices for generating one-time codes for secure remote computer access?

9 points.

Magnetic key for work, house key, gf's house key, car key and key for the drawers by my desk in my office (that's never been locked, the key is sitting the top drawer but I'm claiming it because my score is crap)

warpcrafter wrote:What about the key to the padlock on my Gimp?

I think that is probably 10 points for hazardous

Kilkrazy wrote:What about devices for generating one-time codes for secure remote computer access?

Hmmm... if it can be used on any computer and does not require the other user to agree to your access, then that is pretty cool and I think it deserves a 30. If it is as before, but the other user has to let you on, then that is less impressive, so 5.

If it can only be used on a handful of computers (say within your company), then that is not as impressive, so the scores would be 10 and 1 respectively for the criteria above.

Hmmm only 42 points

I tend to work in a lot of restricted areas with heavy machinery and chemicals (printing inks/thinners can be far from pleasant) however the number of keys I own are quite few, for the most part they are signed out for the time I am on site.

124.

Partly because I have a bunch of Japanese stuff as well as a bunch of British stuff.

So, do Japanese keys transform into mighty robots, ready to defend the land from godzilla (again)?

Sadly not. They are pretty much like keys elsewhere. I just have an extra ration because of having a bunch of keys for the UK and for Japan.

My biometric key is Japanese. Well, actually it's English because it is my finger but I use it in Japan.

4 points! 4 points! I think I'm going to be at the kiddies table for this one.

Managed 42 points, mostly through my work badge.

Mere 2 for normal keys (house and car)
5 for my badge for work (not strictly a key, but I do need it to punch in and out for work...I'd say it's the key to my paycheck)
3 for my car fob. Hey, under your own specifications, it counts. It does open things from a distance (unlocks the doors and it'll open the trunk)
3 for my garage door opener. Again, it opens things from a distance, although I'd be hard-pressed to call it a 'key', per se.
2 points for the car (hey, it's not dangerous, but it is a machine)
2 points for work badge. Only way to clock in is to swipe the nametag using the punch machine.
10 points for my badge again - another technicality, because there are two different types of computer that I need to have the badge to access.
15 for my work badge as well. While technically anyone can just walk into the dangerous/restricted areas at work, my badge says that I'm allowed back there, so meh.

Now that I think about it, damn, my work badge is cool.

As of now:
Apartment key - 1
RFID tag attached to apartment key which scans me into the building - 10 (counting this as magnetic)
Key to parent's house - 1
Key to gym locker - 1
Key to bike lock - 1
Key to safe - 1

Total=15.

As of yesterday (last day of work), all of the above plus:
Magnetic key to server room, and mechanical room - 10
USB key for member and employee records - 15 (magnetic, and dangerous due to identity theft)

Total=40.

It is interesting to see how many people have access to restricted areas in their works

How many points are these keys worth?

Unless you play in concert and use your hands to play the top two keyboards, and the bottom keyboard with your todger, 0 points. If you do play like that, 100,000 points.

Does a Axe count?