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2010/12/10 20:27:31
Subject: Best "Cease and Desist" letter of all time?
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Incorporating Wet-Blending
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I've added the photo, where's what it says if you can't read it:
Dear Mr. Haberny,
After sending back your zip lock bag of bag of gold painted rocks that you considered “14 karat gold nuggets found on a soul searching pilgrimage in Tibet with a quadriplegic hooker you picked up in Singapore,” we find it truly unfortunate that you can not understand the concept of “Do Not Contact Us Again.”
Your fraudulent attempt to extort money from our seasoned geologists (who are experts in identifying precious metals) has forced us to take extreme action; this is your final warning before we contact the authorities. Your “rocks” have shown up in our inventory three times now. We will not longer attempt to return them, but will keep them as evidence. You are not entitled to any money, especially the ludicrous amount of $1,423,061.92 you demand for your Cash 4 Gold payment. Your petition for an “ungreased backdoor; Hammertime lovemaking session” with our telemarketer’s Carol and Tracy is feral and preposterous. Your absurd request to be reimbursed for postage ($167.45, 138.33 & $142.73) is unwarranted and completely illicit. As a reminder Mr. Haberny, Ed McMahon passed away June 23, 2009. It is not only disrespectful but also utterly moronic to request that he host your birthday party at McDonalds.
This is the last time that we will be in contact with you.
Sincerely,
Jeff Aronson
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Mannahnin wrote:A lot of folks online (and in emails in other parts of life) use pretty mangled English. The idea is that it takes extra effort and time to write properly, and they’d rather save the time. If you can still be understood, what’s the harm? While most of the time a sloppy post CAN be understood, the use of proper grammar, punctuation, and spelling is generally seen as respectable and desirable on most forums. It demonstrates an effort made to be understood, and to make your post an easy and pleasant read. By making this effort, you can often elicit more positive responses from the community, and instantly mark yourself as someone worth talking to.
insaniak wrote: Every time someone threatens violence over the internet as a result of someone's hypothetical actions at the gaming table, the earth shakes infinitisemally in its orbit as millions of eyeballs behind millions of monitors all roll simultaneously.
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2010/12/10 20:29:48
Subject: Re:Best "Cease and Desist" letter of all time?
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Nigel Stillman
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That was hilarious and pretty awesome
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2010/12/10 20:32:06
Subject: Re:Best "Cease and Desist" letter of all time?
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Aspirant Tech-Adept
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I dunno, this is pretty good as well. (A cease and desist over canned Unicorn meat from Think Geek as an April Fools joke)
http://www.thinkgeek.com/blog/2010/06/officially-our-bestever-cease.html
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2010/12/10 20:43:08
Subject: Best "Cease and Desist" letter of all time?
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Rotting Sorcerer of Nurgle
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I like where this is going.
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This is a little story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody.
There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it.
Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.
Somebody got angry about that because it was Everybody's job.
Everybody thought that Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it.
It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done.
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2010/12/10 20:51:01
Subject: Re:Best "Cease and Desist" letter of all time?
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Decrepit Dakkanaut
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This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2010/12/10 20:52:34
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2010/12/10 21:03:28
Subject: Best "Cease and Desist" letter of all time?
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Highlord with a Blackstone Fortress
Adrift within the vortex of my imagination.
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Wow your links turned the thread from funny to depressing. idiot GW idiotic policies.
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n'oublie jamais - It appears I now have to highlight this again.
It is by tea alone I set my mind in motion. By the juice of the brew my thoughts aquire speed, my mind becomes strained, the strain becomes a warning. It is by tea alone I set my mind in motion. |
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2010/12/10 22:57:48
Subject: Best "Cease and Desist" letter of all time?
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Decrepit Dakkanaut
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That one on chilling effects has a spelling error in the first paragraph...
EDIT: Make that two...
EDIT 2: One in the fifth paragraph too.
EDIT 3: Another in the second to last and final paragraphs...
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This message was edited 3 times. Last update was at 2010/12/10 23:02:49
Mandorallen turned back toward the insolently sneering baron. 'My Lord,' The great knight said distantly, 'I find thy face apelike and thy form misshapen. Thy beard, moreover, is an offence against decency, resembling more closely the scabrous fur which doth decorate the hinder portion of a mongrel dog than a proper adornment for a human face. Is it possibly that thy mother, seized by some wild lechery, did dally at some time past with a randy goat?' - Mimbrate Knight Protector Mandorallen.
Excerpt from "Seeress of Kell", Book Five of The Malloreon series by David Eddings.
My deviantART Profile - Pay No Attention To The Man Behind The Madness
"You need not fear us, unless you are a dark heart, a vile one who preys on the innocent; I promise, you can’t hide forever in the empty darkness, for we will hunt you down like the animals you are, and pull you into the very bowels of hell." Iron - Within Temptation |
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2010/12/10 23:02:43
Subject: Best "Cease and Desist" letter of all time?
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Napoleonics Obsesser
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Good thread! OP's post is full of win.
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If only ZUN!bar were here... |
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2010/12/10 23:06:54
Subject: Best "Cease and Desist" letter of all time?
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Decrepit Dakkanaut
Mesopotamia. The Kingdom Where we Secretly Reign.
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OP:
Where did that pic come from?
Is that letter yours?
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This message was edited 2 times. Last update was at 2010/12/10 23:07:22
Drink deeply and lustily from the foamy draught of evil.
W: 1.756 Quadrillion L: 0 D: 2
Haters gon' hate. |
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2010/12/10 23:32:32
Subject: Re:Best "Cease and Desist" letter of all time?
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Tail-spinning Tomb Blade Pilot
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Nice find there.
Shame it's fake. http://consumerist.com/2010/12/cash4gold-denies-hilarious-letter-as-fake.html
The letter's creator has fessed up too.
"No, obviously the letter is a fake," CEO Jeff Aronson told Consumerist with a chuckle. "We didn't send it out. We have no customer by that name."
By email, the artist, going by the name "Gregory Haberny," explained to Consumerist his impetus for crafting the parody letter.
"They are extortion artists. I'm a conceptual artist. I beat them at their own game," the prankster wrote Consumerist.
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If I am not in my room, is it still my room? |
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2010/12/11 00:21:55
Subject: Re:Best "Cease and Desist" letter of all time?
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Longtime Dakkanaut
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2010/12/11 00:24:51
Subject: Re:Best "Cease and Desist" letter of all time?
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Decrepit Dakkanaut
Mesopotamia. The Kingdom Where we Secretly Reign.
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The unicorn one would have been better off if it didn't have to follow the Cash for Gold one.
That really eclipses it, even though it is quite funny.
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This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2010/12/11 00:25:04
Drink deeply and lustily from the foamy draught of evil.
W: 1.756 Quadrillion L: 0 D: 2
Haters gon' hate. |
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2010/12/11 00:46:33
Subject: Best "Cease and Desist" letter of all time?
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Legendary Master of the Chapter
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sounds like this Also Heres a few things that I planning on doing this week.
1. Finish the gaking project (WIP)
2. Find the coyote den.....
3. Understand the principles of indoctrination and its ideals
4. Commander the SC2 custom maps team project
5. Kill the brutalisk
6. Use a new type of personal training.
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This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2010/12/11 00:46:52
From whom are unforgiven we bring the mercy of war. |
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