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Gf, gf, gf, gf,(and gf several more times) then marriage, THEN divorce, gf, gf, then GF for 5 years.

It's been a great run. I love her more than any woman I've ever met. Never connected with anyone on such a deep level.

...but its been a rough year. I've gotten custody of my young son who's a handful due to a heavy learning disability and his mom's inability to act sane. We've argued a lot during this year, and the custody battle may have effected my ability to pay the attention to her that she deserves. Worse, she's a free-spirited "hippie" type who's really not digging the responsibility of a 7yo when dad isnt around.

She just dropped the bomb on me tonight (after I forced it out of her, she's acted weird for the last few days)...she might be on the way out. Frustrated that our relationship isn't what it used to be BEFORE my son, she says she still loves me but it might not be enough. She's beginning to resent my son, and is thinking about leaving b/c it's not fair to him/me. Excuse? Maybe.

It's a shame, I feel like I'm being dumped (and I almost bought a RING for her for X-Mas...you know...to essentially set in stone that we're getting married soon. )...and my son could really use a female in his life that isn't a total lunatic...like his real mom.

I know its her decision to make. I don't hold it against her, this year has been tough. I so wish I could fix it. I'm turning 40 this year and have NO wish to reenter the dating scene. ESPECIALLY since I've got a kid to think about now. She's such a perfect person for me to keep around....but she feels like she's not up to it.

All I can do is try to give her more attention, schedule a date-night weekly, and do what I can to make her happy. That, and prepare for the day she decides to pack her bags.

Redacted by the Family Inquisition.

Wow, tough situation to be in.


If she can't handle being around your son, I don't think it will work out in the end.

Stormrider wrote:Wow, tough situation to be in.


If she can't handle being around your son, I don't think it will work out in the end.

Troof, troof.

I'm not so much asking for help here. I know what's going to go down.

She'll either stay, or go. I can try to be more attentive to her in the meantime, but in the end, she's got a decision to make.

She's agreed to go to family counseling with me in the meantime. Maybe that will help. I sure hope it does.


You know when you're not religious in the least. Essentially not even believing in God....

...but then you feel like you want to sit on the couch and pray for something, or at least the strength to get through not having it?

...yea, I'm there.

Aww man, that is rough. I am not overly religious, but I have had some difficult situations in my life where prayer just seemed like the only choice.

A similar situation is getting ready to happen to my little sister. She got an apartment with her (high school drop-out, barely literate) boyfriend who has a 6 year old son (he's 21). He used to see his son every other weekend or so, as far as I could tell, but now the mother of the child is tossing it to him to raise him. We told my little sister not to get involved with someone with a kid unless you are ready to have the responsibility, but now she is not sure how to react that they are going to have a 6 year old moving into their apartment.

He has had a job for about 2 months now so that is a record.

I know what you mean.

It is a really big responsibility taking on someone elses children in a relationship. I took on 3 boys! Tough isn't the word for it and it is a big factor when there are no children of her own to consider.

You mention that you had a battle and whilst I am sure that it was an important thing to get done the fact that you've said that you did kinda ignore her probably only leaves her to believe that now your son is at home she has the same to look forward to from you.

I am sure your son does need some care and takes a lot of time, I admittedly have no idea, BUT she also has needs. If this is all she has to look forward to she isn't going to be looking rosily to the future is she?

Not to be a downer, but one thing to consider is how her attitude to your son affects him. Kids are perceptive, and if he feels resentment from her, that's going to hurt him.

Polonius wrote:Not to be a downer, but one thing to consider is how her attitude to your son affects him. Kids are perceptive, and if he feels resentment from her, that's going to hurt him.

If any good parenting advice can come from a message board for toy soldiers, this is about as good as it gets. He'll pick up on it, if he hasn't already.

Best of luck, man.

Deadshane1 wrote:

Stormrider wrote:Wow, tough situation to be in.


If she can't handle being around your son, I don't think it will work out in the end.

Troof, troof.

I'm not so much asking for help here. I know what's going to go down.

She'll either stay, or go. I can try to be more attentive to her in the meantime, but in the end, she's got a decision to make.

She's agreed to go to family counseling with me in the meantime. Maybe that will help. I sure hope it does.


You know when you're not religious in the least. Essentially not even believing in God....

...but then you feel like you want to sit on the couch and pray for something, or at least the strength to get through not having it?

...yea, I'm there.

Yarp. Not everyone can handle children matey. And rather than an excuse of 'not fair on you and your son' I think that's a very honest reason. It sucks, and it certainly seems she's not enjoying it anymore than you are.

Hope you can work something out.

Mate, you cant blame the lass, i went out with a super hot girl once, she was working as a catwalk model and i thought my luck was in when she gave me her number.

But... she had a three year old kid... so i hit it a few times then moved on about a month later.

Isnt that what most men would do?

What i cant understand is why guys would be confused about women doing the same?

Many of us arent that fond of kids, kids are a pain in the arse. I dont think i want any of my own, and i certainly dont want to pay for and spend all my time administering somebody else's, especially if the child has issues as well.

I sympathise with your situation, but the best advice i can give you is to keep looking. There are some really great people out there with a strong sense of commitment and love. (not selfish like me) but also a great many that just simply will not be willing to take on what your offering.

Keep trying, and one day you will meet a bird who is willing to take on this responsibility, but i would expect to be disapointed a few times before it happens. Just try and enjoy the sex and dont get bitter, its alot to ask of someone if you ask me!

Good luck to you, it sounds rough.

@mattyrm: I'm glad that you 'hit it and quit it" but I think you are missing some key points that make it different than your booty call example. Instead of a short term self gratifying relationship, imagine you were in a long term loving relationship with the model and than one day introduced a child into the scenario.

mattyrm wrote:Mate, you cant blame the lass, i went out with a super hot girl once, she was working as a catwalk model and i thought my luck was in when she gave me her number.

But... she had a three year old kid... so i hit it a few times then moved on about a month later.

Isnt that what most men would do?

What i cant understand is why guys would be confused about women doing the same?

Many of us arent that fond of kids, kids are a pain in the arse. I dont think i want any of my own, and i certainly dont want to pay for and spend all my time administering somebody else's, especially if the child has issues as well.

I sympathise with your situation, but the best advice i can give you is to keep looking. There are some really great people out there with a strong sense of commitment and love. (not selfish like me) but also a great many that just simply will not be willing to take on what your offering.

Keep trying, and one day you will meet a bird who is willing to take on this responsibility, but i would expect to be disapointed a few times before it happens. Just try and enjoy the sex and dont get bitter, its alot to ask of someone if you ask me!

Whats not being mentioned is another scenario. Don't plan on being with anyone until the child is older.

Ahtman wrote:@mattyrm: I'm glad that you 'hit it and quit it" but I think you are missing some key points that make it different than your booty call example. Instead of a short term self gratifying relationship, imagine you were in a long term loving relationship with the model and than one day introduced a child into the scenario.

I think i would still force myself to leg it mate, if she kept it from me for that long. It might be hard, but i would make sure i did it.

See! I have a heart man!

Kept it from you meaning that you didn't have to live with the child or that she kep the kid a secret? The female in question knew that he had a son well before he got custody of his son.

Your son should be your priority here, if she doesn't love you enough to care for your son then she just doesn't love you enough.

If she is a "carefree hippy type" at your age then she needs to mature a little.

A sad turn of events Shane,I can only say I wish you the best of luck and hope things work out for the best.

Sadly, and I know that my view is not shared, you both have to give and take a little to make it work. She cannot be expected to take on your son in the relationship unless you make the effort too. Yes, I did read your post, I know your son would take extra care BUT so does she.

If all else fails and she leaves any partner you have will need input from you and if you cannot give to both your son and your partner you are going to lose said partner.

corpsesarefun wrote:Your son should be your priority here, if she doesn't love you enough to care for your son then she just doesn't love you enough.

If she is a "carefree hippy type" at your age then she needs to mature a little.

I have to agree with this. My sister in-law is like that and she is so incredibly immature for her age, shes 36. All she wants to do is party, goto bars and be "care free" but then she complains that she cant find the right people in her life. It sucks, and really, I hope for the best, but I agree with Corpsesarefun

Elmodiddly wrote:Sadly, and I know that my view is not shared, you both have to give and take a little to make it work. She cannot be expected to take on your son in the relationship unless you make the effort too. Yes, I did read your post, I know your son would take extra care BUT so does she.

If all else fails and she leaves any partner you have will need input from you and if you cannot give to both your son and your partner you are going to lose said partner.

I think your view is shared actually, although maybe it comes across as a bit...ineloquent. The introduction of a child is a huge change and there are quiet often growing pains associated with the adjustment. I think the most common manifestation (when there is an issue, it doesn't always have to be extreme) is when the mother dotes over the child so much that she forgets the father of the child. That is the scenario I am most familiar but i wouldn't be surprised at all if studies show it being even or the other way around. Still, many, an as an optimist i would to think most, work together and work through it together without getting to that point. I don't get the impression here that our good friend has been one of these people as much as the lady friend is just having much more difficulty in the adjustment.

I obviously can't give you any useful advice or Protips but I do hope it works out, mate.

Unfortunately, I thought the title of the thread said "Being SIMPLE" so I was unprepared for the seriousness of the subject matter.

That's a bummer, man. All I can say is what I think I'd do in a similar situation and that would be focus on raising my kid for a while. Adding a child is going to cause a paradigm shift in any situation.

KingCracker wrote:

corpsesarefun wrote:Your son should be your priority here, if she doesn't love you enough to care for your son then she just doesn't love you enough.

If she is a "carefree hippy type" at your age then she needs to mature a little.

I have to agree with this. My sister in-law is like that and she is so incredibly immature for her age, shes 36. All she wants to do is party, goto bars and be "care free" but then she complains that she cant find the right people in her life. It sucks, and really, I hope for the best, but I agree with Corpsesarefun

Must resist whatwhat style sig...