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Ok so here is the opening tale of my Chaos Marine Warband. I hope everyone enjoys it.


Sorcerer Hindari sneered.
"My how the faithless gather, soon they shall hear and know the truth" he mused to himself allowed.

The truth being that the eastern fringe was within their grasp and the first stop is the Imperial world of Barrius Prime. Hindari bit his lip with anticipation, black blood slowly trickled down to his chin. 40 Billion souls, all of them lost to the corpse god. The non-believers need to be taught the Pure Word. The most Holy and scared passages of Chaos needed to be preached and received so that they may know what power they bring. Deliverers of the Pure Word, knew how to stir a planet and send it into bedlam, Parts of the current war band were former members of the Word Bearers Legion. The aqua marine planet slowly drifted in its orbit. He also knew that the grand strategy of the Bishop Ludtgor would play out wonderfully according to the demands of their master the revered Apostle. He exited the viewing dome and down the halls where infernal chanting could be heard and the cries of the slaves were like a sweet wine to his ears. The most scared form of praise was coming from his chambers by his coven;they were beseeching the daemons of the warp to come forth. Purple smoke stung his eyes as he saw a fresh victim felled in the ritual.

This would be his time where he would ask the Apostle for his own group of followers to strike out on his own to preach the good word. This would be his Jyhaad, this would be his time to rise in power. As a sixth sense kicked in he spun and struck the Monsingoir that was behind him, Eparch's eyes narrowed and fire was in them for this pathetic creature entered silently and disturbed his reverie.

"What" Hendari asked impatiently.

"Milor..Milord...His Holiness Lord Ludtgor re...requests an audience...audience in the Hall of Damnation." was what the Monsingoir said.

He let the shell of a man fall and hit the floor as a discarded rag. The sorcerer exited with out word or acknowledgment of the Monsingoir. The vox casters filled the halls with praises of the Dark Gods. The Eparch strode with purpose and direction through the ship. The Hall of Damnation was a Cathedral with in the ship, a constant choir of praise, litanies, and hatred of the corpse god echoed along with the sweet smell of burning incense. The cries of joy, anguish, pride, hatred, fear was a symphony to his ears. Upon entering his saw the Apostel, Slayer of the Kullderain Stars, Reaper of Tau Empire, Destroyer of the Craftworld Gul-torhain. Apostle Uriah. Skins of the fallen were flown as victory pennants as were banners and unholy icons of their faithfulness to the ruinous powers. The Delivers of the Pure word were a testiment of a new coming and planned on being at the forefront of a new black crusade in the eastern fringe.


"And So Shall it Be" intoned Apostle Uriah

"With Glory, Power and Honor" replied the congregation of marines.

With that the mass was ended and the final preparations of their crusade would begin on this miserable rock.

With a hand the Bishop called over Hindari. A wicked smile crossed over his cruel face. his teeth like fine razors. The jagged scars crisscrossed his face made him that much more of a terrible sight to lesser mortals.

"So...you think you will lead this up coming assault on this planet?" growled out Ludtgor.

"I do believe the Apostle shall let me lead his glories in this fight." replied Hindari smoothly

Ludtgor leveled his eyes coolly at the sorcerer as to size him up the sorcerer should no fear and remained calm and collected. He knew his counter part was a faithful and reverent believer in Khorne's ways but his patron was the changer of ways. The stand off continued then Hindari broke the stare down.

"But it is worth noting that the Apostle did take on an apprentice recently so glory maybe stolen from both of us." he replied causally.

"Hrrmph...that boy couldn't fight his way out of squig pen if his life depended on it." Ludtgor said through clenched teeth barely containing his rage fury and ire at the sorcerer.

Hindari smiled peacefully and said " We shall see when our lord beckons us to the arming chamber won't we?"

""BAH!" Ludtgor said as he stormed off knowing the sorcerer was right and but until then Bishop Ludtgor would bide his time.

reading that tomorrow too!

dear mods please do not lock my thread i asked him to commit the threadomancy as im going to be reworking on it soon

all well that ends well, eh?^^

*Deliverers of the Pure Word...

thank you for noticing i suck at spelling...other than a HUGE typo on that how did you like it alf?

Not bad, decently easy read, several spelling errors, but nothing that couldn't be fixed with some editing

well i think some of the errors are due to my dyslexia and not proof reading i will be more careful in the next installment. i hope the characters came off as believable. well 40k believable.

any tips you think you could provide me? i would like to make this thread a more normal thing i do

Um... just work at it scene by scene, and if you're unsure of how something looks/sounds due to your dyslexia, say it outloud as clearly as you can, and if something sounds wrong, it probably is wrong

lol thanks man i think that sounds about right well i have more nefarious plots to plot with these guys so lemme go write some rough drafts up.

i love spell check by the way

well... it was a good read... I may have to add I am not that firm with chaos fluff... so I over read a lot I guess... but I think here is a good story developing... I get a bit touchy always when too much violence of torture and stuff gets told... but I guess we have to live with such things in a chaosy story, eh?^^...

one small detail I would rethink... the term you used for the holy war... well I think that could be a touchy item for some peeps... you might rethink that term?...

other than that... back to your writing desk... there is more of that story in your brain... and pens are far better ways to get this out of it than mallets

cheers, vik

well i agree the word i used was touchy but in a way its kind of appropriate. In their minds it will be a jihad or holy war it is something they feel it will be something great and they all aspire to daemon hood as their idea of promise land in a way. i thought about that term long and hard and that was the best one i could think of because a crusade i think normal space marines so i went to the other extreme and went with jihad. again they are both considered holy wars so they are the same thing essentially.

so back to my writing desk for more nefarious writings

A most evil and devious character this sorcerer seems.

Hope to see more of this in the future, though you could do with describing rooms a little more vividly.
Loved the atmosphere you set, though, good work.

Castra

check better descriptions of the area.

oh the sorcerer is one of my favorite characters so far but you have not seen the Bishop shine yet he is still being fleshed out in my mind.

well i think the atmosphere of a story sets the mood and sets the stage and sets the pace in a way..

I agree with Castra that the Sorcerer is indeed evil! And a heretic to booth!!

But beside that well done. I like it

thank you very much trondheim that means a lot coming from you i read most of your fiction and i will take your praise and let it get the juices flowing again

i understand you thoughts bama... (concerning terms and stuff all is well^^)

well this is a story told from the bad guys point of view it is not supposed to be sunshine and rainbows vik lol

*broadens his shoulders* "ye got some problems with fluffy ponies and rainbows chap? them´s fighting words!"

i know, i know^^... but that´s why i can´t bring myself to make the real chaosy stuff...as:

And when you gaze long into an abyss the abyss also gazes into you. ....

right?

som,ething like taht but i prefer

Reflections are slightly altered and things are alot more wierd mind bending than they actually appear

where is that from then?

its my take on the warp actually and a lot of alternate realities take that stance also you see your self but you are changed slightly and more menacing and always askew and not quite perfect and you do things that are not normal and just descend into madness. kinda like cthulu and some other things.


another way to view it is madness is at the heart of every being what brings that madness will shatter the existence of man

plus i played a lot of world of darkness games and alternate eaths with dark backgrounds and the like so that helps too

i dabbled in cthulu as well... twisted and mind bending to say the least!...

and well... we all have a darker side in us... see dr. jekkyl for referrence... and sometimes i too fear what might become of me when the darker side overtakes... i think what saves me for now is the mere thought that it could happen...thus giving me the "borderline" i don´t cross...(if that wasn´t too weird an image)

its fine vik....


any way new part to the story so here it goes and lemme know what you all think.

Incense coiled the arming chamber and hymns and prayers were sung through the laud hailers. It was time to make war upon the Impierium once again. It would be a small contingent of marines invading the planet below before the main assault. The cultists were staged about in various parts of the planet ready to wreak havoc and devastation. This world would know fear and know pain.

The apostle in his wisdom thought it fitting that his apprentice lead the first assault into the planet he would strike at the space port with some terminators and a few marines the cultists would be gathered en mass to overrun the perimeter and kill any in their path. He gathered his bolt pistol and power sword. He looked to his attendants and shot nine of them to hopefully gain Tzeentch’s favor he then slayed another eight with his sword and took their heads to offer to Khorne so that his fury and wrath knows no bounds. The ship shook and the dimly lit lights went out for a moment they were entering orbit of the planet. He feeling his sacrifices were justified he made his way to the teleportarium. The halls were echoing with choirs singing unholy praises, the screams of the dying slaves were amplified through each hailer. The ship was shaking violently again. another sorcerer grabbed his head as his eyes nose and ears began to hemorrhage. Kellian looked impassively on the dead human when he looked up Hindari was there with a smile.

“Kellian glad to see your appointment of leading the first wave I have no doubts you will meet your masters expectations and more.” He stated in a friendly tone.

Kellian eyed the sorcerer with suspicion.

“Do not toy with me Hindari I am no puppet to control and your honeyed words will fall on deaf ears I know my duty and what is to be expected of me now is the teleporter ready?” Kellian said.

Hindari smiled “Since we do not have time for pleasantries, yes it is ready when you are pray that the warp doesn’t favor you today and you become lost in it on the way down.” Hindari mused while walking away to enact the final ritual of to send Killian and the terminators off to war. His mind cool and collected, Acolyte Kellian, flexed his ceramite gauntlet and rolled his neck taking slow deep breaths for the teleport. He knew that Hindari and Ludtgor would be watching for failure and for weakness, as hungry dogs would maul a lame child. With a sickening purple light washing over the room the words of hindari became cries, whispers, shouts of rage, tongues utterly foreign and things not to spoke by man and with a brilliant flash, Kellian was on his way to the planet of Barrius Prime.

Travelling through the warp was a strange feeling things would claw at you and try to steal your soul rip your mind asunder and terrors that howl in the night those are the dreams and realities of the warp. Kellian knew his travel would be short but the actual time in the warp seems to take forever the riots of color the sound of fear the smell of existence the hate boiling into envy to greed and lust. And within this power you find beacons that should be consumed. Kellian was no exception if his travels took any longer he would be consumed and Hindari would be right the warp did favor to end his existence.

interesting new presence...kellian is promising...
the warp travel is a nice and descriptive... and shows your creativity...

but when hindari slay all these "bystanders" i think you could have been a bit more discriptive... just to toss numbers of slain victims at us is a bit empty... don´t ask me... but maybe describe how one swing with his sword decapitates two or more at the same time... pictures of the gruesome deeds have to be sparking in our minds...

lol well i dont know how well i could make that translate to paper i see it in my mind i just cant put it to words cause it wasn't an epic fight just him killing off attendant nothing really to describe i mean i could mull it over some and see what i can come up with if that is the general consensus.

Over all i like your work. But I've sold my soul to Khorne

but the jihaad term is a little awkwardly put. Having come from an entire military family. It just doesnt sit right with me. I know its chaos, and "holy war" but why not

Black Crusade
The exodus wars
The purging.

Any of these I'd say hit Chaos on it's head without pushing onto a term that although you mean it one way. Can be skewed to seven ways to sunday. If you understand what I'm trying to say. Otherwise brilliant work. I approve.

High Emperor, totally get what you mean im also glad you liked the story so far too its quite fun to write fromt he bad guys perspective ( i always rooted for cobra to win in GI JOE )

tell you what how about we get some audience participation in and list other crap we could call it and by popular vote we change it to that as to not ruffle feathers. (even though some good writers do ruffle feathers lol)

well nothing as of yet haven't found my muse she is either on vacation or coffee either way will post something when i get that going

Haha same here, always cheering for the bad guys then booing when the inevitable victory of the good guys comes about. & yeah that would work great. But you have the final whistle.

well every once in a great while evil needs to win

oh as a note of interest the inspiration for this was the dark apostle series