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I tore throughout the battlefield, chainaxe swinging, and bolt pistol firing. I roared as I wrecked havok on the puny Guardsmen. I caught one in the back with my chainaxe, cutting through his back. I ripped it out, smiling at the site of blood. I advanced, accompanied by the rest of my Iron Warriors brethren. My name was Khalax. I was a vicious Iron Warriors Berzerker champion. I had served in the Iron Warriors “Iron Fists” chapter for many decades now. And our ultimate mission? Destroy the Imperium. A Guardsman let out a cry of fear, and slowly backed away from me. He fired a few shots at me, all deflecting of my tough Artificier armour. I shook my head.

“It’s not going to work, Imperial scum.” I said, with an amused look. I swung my Chainaxe, disconnecting his head from his body. Such a waste. I motioned for a nearby Berzerker squad to follow me. The came rushing over, splattered with scarlet blood. A strong looking Berzerker came up to me. Jalthron. I had known Jalthron for many years now, going back to when we were still fighting for the Imperium.

“Jalthron. How many kills have you gotten?” I asked as if it were no big deal. A hint of a smile formed on his lips.

“Already? Only 34...” He grumbled. I shrugged.

“Well, plenty more up there.” I raised a finger at a large Imperial fortress.

“Move!” I shouted to those around me. We ran up to the entrance, then stopped. I quickly pulled out a Frag grenade, and chucked it at the door. A few seconds later, we where walking in from the flaming ruins. I spotted a lone Guardsman. He looked, and uttered something into a Vox-Grille. Instantly, two bullets erupted into his chest. I put my Bolt pistol away. We all walked up to the Vox-Grille.

“Hello! What is your situation?” A voice barked from the Grille. I put my foot down, crushing it. I nodded my head towards a staircase, where we slowly walked up. I heard yelling from somewhere. I tried to follow the sound.

“What was that?” I hissed. The other members of my squad shrugged. Another scream. Again. I could barely make out the words. I walked towards the sound, trying to find where it was. I reched a door, and could make out words.

“Let me out of here, Imperial scum! You shall die a terrible death!” A voice screamed. Someone laughed.

“And how is that possible, Heretic, with you chained up here, hm?” Another voice said, in an arrogant voice.

“You’ll be sorry you ever found me!” I turned to my squad members, talking quietly.

“Does anybody have any heavy weapon on them?” I asked. A Havoc came forward, handing me a Missile Launcher.

“Back up!” I said. We all backed away from the screams. I raised the Missile Launcher, and fired. A huge missile went fort, exploding the door. I raised my Chainsword, and rushed in. Inside, I found a person dressed in robes, which bore icons of Chaos, and The Blood God, Khorne. I looked to the other side, and found a Guardman. His eyes widened, and he backed up. He hit a wall, and fumbled around for something. I pulled my Chainaxe up with both hands, and swung it down. It cleanly sliced through him, shredding his body in half. I went over to the person, and sliced off the chains. He got up.

“Thank you. We need to get out of here, reinforcements are arriving soon.” He said.

“I will decide about that. What is your name?” I asked. He grinned.

“I am Githrax, Blood cultist of Khorne. And who the feth are you?” He asked.

“ I am Khalax, Berzerker champion of Khorne, member of the Iron Fists.” I said, simply. One of the Chaos marines whispered to another.

“Old Khalax, boasting again.” I swung out my bolt pistol, firing into his head. His body fell with a thud.

“And, I do not tolerate fools.” Githrax showed an amused smile on his face.

“And, what is the mission today, Khalax?” he asked.

“Kill some important Commissar. Once we do that, we escape by a Stormraven, and virus bomb the whole planet.”

“Splendid. When do we start?”

“Right now.” I said with a smile. We walked through a hallway, our deadly weapons ready. We turned a corner, to find a Veteran squad waiting.

“Fire!” Their Veteran Sergeant yelled, firing his Lapistol. The rest of the squad fired their guns, felling a few Berzerkers. We returned fire, killing three. Githrax raised his arms, and a huge blast of Raw energy erupted from his hands, obliterating the Veterans. Where once stood a Veteran squad, all that was left were mutilated, and burned bodies, and torsos. I nodded.

“How did you do that?” I asked, while the rest of the force stared at him. He shrugged, slightly amused.

“Well, I study Dark Magic, as well as Sacrifice.” He said.

“Very nice. You sure know how to kill Imperial scum.” I said, satisfied. He may be very useful in the future, I thought. He nodded. We immediatly began trudging up through the fortress, until we reached a door.

“Got any more Dark Magic, Githrax?” I asked, staring up at the Adamantium door. He shook his head. Feth. Feth. Feth. How where we going to get in? I was thirsting for more blood. I knew that bothing we had could penetrate it. Jalthron came up to me.

“Hey, you have to check this out.” He said. I followed him to a corner of the room. He made a cut deep into the floor, and lifted it up. A tunnel!

“Good work. Come on!” I yelled to my fellow slaughterers. We all went in, one at a time, and went to the darkened tunnels. We walked for quite a while, waiting to reach an entrance. We came to a stop, and looked around for an exit. My fist hit the top of the tunnel, making a large hole big enough for us to climb through. I jumped up into the room. A startled Commissar stumbled back. I shot my Bolt Pistol at him, hopefully ending his life. He dodged, and fired his own. The blast impacted my left shoulder, causing pain.

“ARRRGH!” I yelled, and lunged forward, swinging my Chainaxe. He ducked, just as my Chainaxe hit a wall. He swung his Powersword at me, hitting me in the chest. I uttered a cry of pain. My pack of Berzerkers flooded through the room, surrounding me. The Commissar slashed at the two nearest Berzerkers, causing them to ooze out scarlet blood. I raised back my fist, and swung, knocking him away from me. He coughed up blood. I tore my Chainaxe out of the wall, swinging it at the Commissar. It hit him in the chest, sticking in his body. He coughed, spewing out dark, red blood. I gave it a tug, and it came out. I looked up to my comrades.

“Well, best be going. The Stormraven shall be waiting.”

The first part for “A Thirst for Blood” has ended! I shall try my best to keep up with the writing, and adding new parts. So, who was your favorite character in this part?

I'm looking forward to more; this is well written. Also, there aren't enough stories from the perspective of Khorne Berzerkers; they're interesting characters, enslaved to a mad God and addicted to the thrill of combat. I'll make sure to read the next part. My only complaint was that Githrax could practice Dark Magic; Khorne Worshipers can't use magic. Maybe you should edit it so that he serves Chaos Undivided Instead.

My favorite character so far was Khalax, since hes one of two named characters in this part. He's surprisingly calm for a Khorne Berzerker. In fact, he reminds me of Kroegar from Storm of Iron in that he was still fighting to retain a portion of his sanity while serving the Blood God at the time. Of course, I'm willing to bet he'll steadily become more violent as time goes on.

Thank you, LoneLictor, the point of Githrax worshipping Khorne is the fact that I would like to suggest the idea of Khorne "Sorcerers". Anyways, thanks again, new part coming out soon.

I opened my eyes, thinking about what would be happening. Jalthron would be bragging about how many Imperial scum he had killed, and the others would be praying to the Blood God, and telling ancient tales. Instead, I found darkness. I looked around, and found myself on a stretched out bed. I sat up, only to feel pain in my shoulder. I looked down, noticing a large Gash in my armour, with dried blood. Ah, must of been the fight with the Commissar. A door opened quickly, and shut. Githrax, and a Servitor walked in. The door shut, surrounding the room with darkness. Githrax spoke.

“You suffered some bad wounds there, Khalax. That swine roughed you up a bit.” Githrax said. I got up, only feeling more pain in my waist. I growled.

“Well, we are going to....make you better. However, it is very painful” Githrax said. I nodded. I was used to pain. Githrax nodded to the Servitor. He pulled out a Syringe, filled with toxic looking green fluid. I braced myself for a long painful time. And then, the Syringe came into my neck.

I awoke in a room, still dark. I got up, expecting to feel pain, but felt nothing. It had worked! I stood up, searching for an exit. Where was it? Searching around more, I came to a conclusion that I had been locked in. I pounded my fist into the Iron-hard wall again, and again.

“Let me out!” I screamed. Suddenly, to my right, a door opened. Githrax walked in. He walked up to me.

“Khalax, calm down.” Githrax said, smiling at me. I glared at him.

“How come you saved me, Githrax? You could have let me die.” I asked.

“Why do you ask that. You saved my life, I saved yours.” I shrugged.

“Come on, we must go.” He led me down a few hallways, and then I stopped.

“Where are we?” I asked, waiting for an answer.

“Well, we are onboard the Chaos cruiser “Desolate”, and you must go see the Lord Commander, Astrek.” I shivered. Astrek was an Emperor’s Children Lord Commander who had been working with the Black Legion for millenia. Armoured with ancient Artificier armour, and a deadly Blade, he was a force to be wary of. Oh, well, he probably wants to know about the battle. As we came to a vast hanger room, we saw Astrek. Sitting in an obsidian throne, guarded by five deadlt looking Terminators. To his left were countless numbers of Traitor legionnaire, and various troops. To his right were Plague marines, Noise marines, and Thousand sons. A vast army. I walked up to him, and bowed.

“Lord Commander Astrek, you wished to see me?” I watched as five captains led all of the troops to other rooms, leaving me, Githrax, and Astrek the only ones in the Hanger. He nodded.

“Yes. So, Githrax told me all about the battle. How he was captured, and you saved him. You then went on to kill the Commissar, and we Virus bombed the planet. After you were off, of course. And, you played an amazing distraction....” Astrek said.

“Distraction?” I asked, confused, How did I provide a distraction.

“Well, you provided the perfect distraction for us. While you were off to kill a Commissar, we, as in Emperor’s Children, infiltarted an Imperial shrine containing valuable artifacts. Good job.” I had been played a coy. I was a mere distraction.

“I lost good soldiers on that mission, and now you tell me this was all a distraction for you arrogant Emperor’s Children to find some unimportant relic?” I bellowed. Rage surged through me. I had been a mere distraction.

“Well, if you count Iron Warriors as soldiers, then yes, and it was a very important artifact.” He smiled. I pulled out my chainaxe, and held it up to him. Too bad his Terminators weren’t here to help him.

“Do no mess with me. We are the true soldiers, not arrogant wimps like you. Do you know what I did when I found an Imperial citizen? I tore out his guts!” I yelled. He rose up.

“And when I found an Imperial citizen, I injected his bloodstream with a toxic fluid, causing his insides to boil.” His five Terminator guards strode out. One pulled me up by the neck, choking me.

“Ah, Khalax, I can make your life a living hell, if you want me too. Do you want that?” He asked.

“.....Ug...N..o...” I gasped for air. He Terminator dropped me onto the ground. I coughed, gasping.

“I’ll give you another chance, Khalax. One more. Be out of my sight.” Astrek hissed. I stood up, and walked out, followed by Githrax.

“What where you thinking!? Now Astrek is going to tear you apart.” Githrax yelled once we reached the exit for the Hanger.

“I don’t know what motivated me to. I really am in trouble. Feth. Feth. Feth!” I said. He walked off, leaving me alone.

Nice new part. I've said it before and I've said it again; the Emperor's Children are jerk. Also, I'd like to repeat that he seems to have more restraint than most Berzerkers, considering a Lord Commander is just bossing him around.

Thanks! Very short part here, hope you like it. New part up tommorow.

I walked down a hallway, leading to a large room. I went inside, and sat down on a small throne covered in skulls. Along the walls were ancient inscriptions, left by Dark Apostles. I thought about what had motivated me to do such a foolish thing. Why had I done that? Well, he was an arrogent wimp, like all Emperor’s children. And he says Iron warriors are not true soldiers? I groaned. It did not matter anymore. I would have to hope he did not kill me. I stood up, pushing these thoughts out of my head. Githrax came in. He bodded to me.

“Khalax, we have orders from Astrek to go to planet “H’greon”, an Imperial world.” He said.

“And why is that?” I asked.

“He just wants to wipe out a large sector of people, and capture some Space marines to torture, and interogate. Apparently, there has been an attack planned on Desolate, as it being one of the main Chaos cruisers. He thinks that they have been organizing the attack on H’greon.” I nodded.

“So, what chapter occupies the planet?” I asked Githrax.

“Just some Raven guard. Oh, and Astrek wanted you to know that there shall be some Emperor’s children coming along.” I glared at him.

“So, now your Astrek’s messenger? How splendid.” I declared.

“I did not say tha---” I interrupted him.

“Shut up, Githrax. I could easily kill you too. Leave me.” I said. He growled, and left. I got up, and walked out ino the Hanger, expecting to find Astrek. Instead, I found a Chaos Marine of the Emperor’s Children.


“Get over here Iron Warrior; We are going. We will show you that Iron warriors are weak fools.” That was enough. I pulled out my Chainaxe, swinging it at his neck. His decapitated head flew off.

“Whos weak now?” I said with a smile. Arrogant wimp. I looked forward, seeing the Chaos Stormraven. Inside were about a dozen emperor’s Children, and even more Black legion. I got inside, and sat down, waiting for takeoff.

----

As the ship arrived, a Veteran Sergeant, who’s name was Vilatrax went over what the whole point of the mission was. I did not listen, knowing already what I would be doing. Salughtering. I noticed that Githrax was not with us. Oh, well. More blood for me. We all got out, setting up barricades. I sat down on a rock, thinking about what would happen. Vilatrax walked over, and nodded to me. Just as he was about to say something, a bullet flew out, hitting him squarely in the chest. He fell down, spewing blood out of his mouth.

We are under attack!” I yelled to my comrades. We all pulled out our deadly weapons, and prepared to fire.

Nice new part. Keep up the good work.

Thanks so much, LoneLictor. Any comment is appreciated.

Loading up my Bolt Pistol, I fired in the direction of the shot. Several Black Legionaires followed me, and fired their bolters. I squinted ahead of me, barely making out the shapes of the Raven Guard firing at us. I looked around me, spotting a Havoc. I yanked his Missile Launcher out of his hands, and targeted the Raven Guard. How many? Five, or so. Iooked through the scope. My hand pulled down on the trigger firing. I watched as the Missile hit the Raven Guard, causing a nice explosion. I looked at the Raven Guard again. None left.

“None left! Load all weapons, be prepared to tear the Imperial scum apart! Any casualties on our side?” I barked. A few grumbled, until a Plague marine spoke up.

“None, except Sergeant Vilatrax.” I looked down at his body. Oh, well. Sacrifices must be made. I set up a a tent, and fortified the defenses. I made sure that the Stormraven was fully functional, and working. We had better watch out. The Raven guard could come at any time. They were known for deploying large units of Assault marines, and Jump pack infantry.

“Now, everyone, prepare for an attack on the Raven Guard. We shall go on my orders.” I declared. An Emperor’s Children marine hissed at me.

“What puts you in charge, Iron Warrior?” He asked, in a cold tone. Seconds later, his body lay on the rocky ground, a shot from my Bolt Pistol embedded in his forehead. What is it with you Emperor’s Children? Now, we need someone to scout. I looked to my left, seeing thick woods a few kliks ahead. I spotted Jalthron.

“Jalthron, go scout. We need to be ready for some Imperial swine.” I told him. He walked off, Chainaxe in hand. I stood up, squinting to where the Raven guard where. Nothing. Wait, what was that? Suddenly, I spotted five Vanguard Veterans rushing at us, weapons raised. I didn’t have to remind my comrades to fire. They all fired as much as they could, hopefully killing a few. But, the agile Veterans dodged, and rushed up to assault us. The flew at us with deadly power swords, slashing away. Three Plague marines were sliced into pieces by the fury of the Vanguard. I fired my Bolt pistol at the Sergeant, the bolt hitting his chest. He flew back, not quite dead. I activated my Chainaxe, rushing over to him.

“Death to the False Emperor!” I yelled, bringing it down on his chest. His stomach tore open, spewing dark red blood, which splattered over my face. The other Veterans charged other Troops, with one being killed. One Vanguard Veteran rushed at me, his Power sword coming for my neck. I blocked it with my Chainaxe, ripping it through his arm. As he yelled in pain, I finished him off with a slice to the head. I looked around, seeing one Veteran left. He tried to retreat, only to be shot down. I looked down at our casualties. Seven. Feth! At least we had gotten rid of the Vanguard. I looked to my Brethren.

“No point staying here! Let’s move!” I said to them. We marched in a straight line for half an hour, noticing an outpost with dead Raven Guard. Must have been the ones we slew. We eventually reached a large fortress. So, how do we get in?

Sorry for the short part! Next one shall be large, I promise.

Yer writing style/voice is definitely improving! Lines like "I squinted ahead of me, barely making out the shapes of the Raven Guard firing at us" make it a lot easier to imagine the action and stuff. Keep up the good work!

Thank you, Lonelictor. I hope you like the next part. Full of long and painful tortures for Imperial Scum!

This story is well written. Tghe only problem, I can se is that your areas of speech are very short, and generally just sounds. "Arrrgh!" "Die Imperial Scumbags!"


However, from the perspective of Berserkers, this worksd well. They are not likely to stand around talking.

Good Job.

Thanks. I shall try to make the speech longer.

Alright, new part up soon.

“How do we get in? Anybody have any siege weapons?” I asked. A few soldiers shook their heads. I looked to an Emperor’s Children, raising my eyebrows. He shook his head. Feth. I activated my Chainaxe, hoping to penetrate it. After a short while, I stopped, looking at the damage. Nothing but a scratch. I growled. I sat down, looking at my Chainaxe, which brought back old memories.

(Flashback) I fired again, and again at the Space marines advancing. I aimed at a Veteran, effectivley sending shots into his head. An Assault marine charged me, yelling words of hatred. I quickly pulled out my jeweled dagger, stabbing him in the gut. I tore it out, spilling blood all over. A Space Marine rushed up to me, yelling insults. He swung his chainsword, swinging it at me. I dodged, and shot him with my Bolt pistol. I laughed as his useless corpse fell down. I spotted Altries, swinging his enourmous Chainaxe, decapitating the Imperial scum. A scout reloaded his Shotgun, firing at Altries. The shot blew his head off of his body. I ran up to him, staring at his corpse. To the side of him lay his Elaborate Chainaxe. I picked it up, testing it’s weight. Not bad, I thought. I rushed at the enemy, killing all in my path.

I got back up, not thinking about the flashback. Just as I was about to give up hope, the door creaked open. I raised my Chainaxe, prepared to fight. A Chapter Master with Artificier armour came out, Power Sword raised. I attacked immediatly, swinging my Chainaxe at his chest. But, he dodged, firing an intricate Bolt pistol at me. I blocked it, and attacked again, blocked by his Power Sword. I looked at my Brethren, seeing them in combat with a Tactical squad. I turned back to my Imperial adversary, firing my Bolt pistol. Both shots penetrated his Armour, but failed to wound him. Instead, he pulled out his Pistol, to return fire. I knocked it out of his hand, the bullet flying into a Noise Marine’s head. I swung my chainaxe, hitting against his helmet, but not enough to kill him. He screamed out in pain, clutching his face.

“Anything else, Imperial scum?” I asked, not waiting for an answer. I brought the Chainaxe down on his face, cutting it in half. Time to go. I walked into the fortress, the darkness engulfing me. I was soon followed by my other squad mates. I flashed on a searchlight, giving a better view of the room. Imperial Shrines, and doorways. I looked at the wall, seeing a large portrait of a Space Marine. I fired my Bolt Pistol at the head, blasting a hole in the portrait.

“Alright, look out for anyone. There could be anyone here...” I said, as my battle brothers followed me in. I presumed, cautiously, and was on my guard. I heard a rattle. I quickly turned my Bolt Pistol in the direction of it. Nothing. I could have swore I heard something. I walked forward, looking at the Imperial shrine. On it was a scripture, telling of a great battle. Above the Imperial shrine was a picture, showing a Space Marine Chaplain holding up a bloody Chaos head. Another rattle.

“Did anyone hear that? What was that sound?” I questioned my comrades. A few shrugged. An Emperor’s Children spoke up.

“Probably nothing. Although, we should be careful. I feel as if we are going into a trap.” He said, breathing hard. I shook my head, walking deeper into the large building. A large figure emerged from the shadows. Ancient Terminator armour, huge Power Sword, and Storm Bolter. He fired two shots, immediatly hitting two Black Legion soldiers. He unsheathed his glimmering Power Sword, swinging it at me. I activated my Chainaxe, counterattacking him. He slashed at me, hitting my side. I roared in pain, and anger, rage surging through me. I advanced on him, being aided by my soldiers. A Noise Marine fired at the Imperial, but missed each shot. He returned fire, filling his head with bullets.

"Die, Imperial Scum!" I yelled, to get his attention. He looked at me, a little too late, giving me enough time to attack. My chainaxe nearly caught him in the chest, instead, hitting his leg. He groaned, clutching his leg, while firing at me. I dodged each attack swiftly, bringing my Chainaxe against his chest. He flew back, coughing up blood. I came up to him.

"You.....Chao---s....Shall....die..." He gasped. I shook my head.

"Not on my watch." I said, bringing the Chainaxe against his neck.

"Let's move." I said to my comrades.

Nice new part. There's more dialogue and your writing style is improving. The only advice I have is that it seems like too many of the sentences start with, "I." Of course the story is from a first person perspective so it's hard to avoid this. Keep on writing!

If you want to avoid this type of thing, try this.

Instead of saying " I growled. I sat down looking at my chain axe"

try

" Looking at my chain axe, I sat down, and growled. "

Instead of saying " I raised my chainaxe and attacked the ugly guardsmen trying to laser me to death"

Try saying, "Raising my chain axe, I attacked the puny guardsmen who was trying lasering me to death."

Helps avoid the deadly "Repetitive word crisis."

Alright, thank you for the advice.