Forum adverts like this one are shown to any user who is not logged in. Join us by filling out a tiny 3 field form and you will get your own, free, dakka user account which gives a good range of benefits to you: No adverts like this in the forums anymore. Times and dates in your local timezone. Full tracking of what you have read so you can skip to your first unread post, easily see what has changed since you last logged in, and easily see what is new at a glance. Email notifications for threads you want to watch closely. Being a part of the oldest wargaming community on the net. If you are already a member then feel free to login now.

Hi people;
I collect/paint/play 40k, orks. I live & work in a West-european city, moved there half a year ago from a smaller town.

I'd like to share with you a weird & annoying experience: I have a hard time actually finding game at my local GW store, although it's the biggest in the country and always has +10/15 people around, sometimes 20. Now I go there after work on their gameday when its open later, but when I arrive all the guys are mostly painting or playing eachother or standing around talking. The thing is when I ask them they always say no (although I see them play a bit later); they won't socialize with me, etc. So I kinda look like a fool standing there with my case full of orks... and then just have to leave bc standing around there longer than 10 min without something to do is akward. Can't paint there, would be too much trouble to also bring that to work etc, already shamefull enough to bring my army. I did play a few games, almost always vs older guys (30-40) or kids (12-16). But the guys who are like me in their twenties always ignore me.

So in a way we case talk about social exclusion. Which is weird because I am not a weird guy. I'm a normal guy, although not extrovert but still friendly, who has a good carreer etc. People like me in general. I'm not that big into the hobby/40k lore, but I like painting in the evening while listening to the radio & playing the game itself. But it seems to me that unless you are big into the whole fantasy of it, these guys tend to be hostile? I can see how I'm not the most interesting person to them, I can't laugh at their lore jokes.. I don't get overexcited about things that happen on the board etc. I like the tactics.

In a way I'm proud of the nerds for excluding me, been bullied at school too as a kid & maybe it's a way of getting back. But it sucks... It's SO embarresing to walk though the city from work with ur case, enter a hobby store full of people... and then 1/2 times have to go home. Last time I just walked by...last 2 times I had to retreat.. I didn't even dare to go in anymore.. if it happened a 3rd time I'd quit the hobby I think. Which is sad, bc I invested in it a bit; & got a trauma of having to give up gaming hobbies bc either there was no competition or the scene died by the time I got into it.

So what do you guys think? What can I do? Going to another city just to play this game is a bit too much for me I think, unless it's a tournament. I was thinking that if I do get a game again once (with some older guys), I could try to arrange other games, instead of just hopping by looking for opponents. Maybe hopping by looking for opponents is not done? I don't know, you tell me.

Maybe they're more scared of you than you realise? You just said that you're a normal guy, and that they're the "weird/nerdy guys". That normality of yours probably prevents you from ever entering their circle.



Just kidding. But I'd probably just keep perservering, or find a mate to enter the store with.

The fact that you're judging them as being weird and looking down on them may be linked to the problem you're experiencing. They may sense that judgment and not find you an appealing partner for a game. If you're genuinely interested in playing with these guys, and that outweighs the negative value judgements you're making about them, then you probably need to bridge the social gap in some way.

Maybe you could make more of an effort to strike up a conversation or two with the guys, and make friends (at least to some extent).

Another approach worth considering would be finding space in your army case for a couple of paints and brushes, and going ahead and sitting down and doing some painting alongside the other guys. While you're doing that you can ease into a conversation and hopefully they'll get more comfortable with you.

Bro, story of my life. Half the time I am in the local gaming store in my tie after work. There is some guy in the back with a fething wizard hat. Nobody will talk to me. The neckbeards are the main reason Im simply content with collecting and painting because I dont want to spend time around those people. Maybe I come off as a dick but seriously I have no time for these slobs. Being a socially awkward jackass is not a prerequisite of 40K.

This hobby does tend to attract a certain 'type' and I completely understand what the OP is talking about. However I think you need to realise that socially awkward / shy people are not going to walk up to you and welcome you to the store as they probably don't have the confidence to. I'm sure that if you make the first move [go over and tell someone you really like their painting, ask what armies they play, whatever] then they will respond. If they don't then yeah, they are s

Having said that you do come across as very judgmental. Referring to people as nerds and geeks as though it's a bad thing because they play 40k is pretty funny considering that YOU play 40k. I'm not a socially arkward person, I have a good job, a very pretty fiance and [a few!] friends, but that doesn't make me any more 'normal' than anyone else, just luckier than some maybe?. Perhaps the problem is your preconceived notions of people?

Also you seem to be embarrassed by your chosen hobby. Perhaps seeing 'geeks' playing 40k reinforces the idea that you play a 'nerdy' game. I'm proud to play 40k, tell anyone who cares to listen and my favourite T-shirt is one with 'Warhammer 40k' on the front. I'm a geek and proud of it. Embrace your inner geek and in turn you will be embraced.

Edit
Oh, and d3m01iti0n, you do come across as a dick, you really do.

Thx for your replies.

First of all: Yes you are correct I formulated things in a judgemental way. The bigger joke is, I'm a sociologist so I should have seen this comming. My bad & good point.
I used those words to make a distinction for their group + to make clear there is nothing weird/smelly/repulsive about me that could cause this. Maybe I'm also nerdy in a way; I was into (video)gaming for a long time + in the end we both play 40k so stigma is same for all. Let's just say I'm just in a very diffirent environment + I just can't laugh at these lore jokes or jump on a story about sector 5's Grey knight moonbase raid or smt.

However I don't 'look down on them' when I'm there; rather the way around. I try to be friendly. It's just that I feel like such a fool being ignored :-/ There seems to be no middle way between not playing & being totally into it. I could askt he staff to play a game now & then; but... theres no future in that.

But to ask questions:
- Are (bigger) GW stores meant for meeting up people to play games; or is it just not how it works (you go there to paint & buy + play with people you bring?) Maybe I just get the concept wrong?
- Another theory I have is that it's bc I play orks & that's not interesting to them? (takes long, etc).

(And Tyronnosaurus (hehe we share the name), It's easy to not be ashamed when you got a beautiful fiance! I am a bit ashamed of it, stigma against the hobby is a reality + life's hard & I'm ambitious thus can't have too much stigma on me, but that's not the object of discussion. )

There was a gaming group I used to go to in my city that was probably worse than what you're talking about. On one of the few times I got a game, the guy looked at my army list, took it to the corner, and wrote a list specifically to counter it, then gloated when he won. It was a miserable and exclusive circlejerk of guys who had no interest in welcoming new blood to the group.

A lot of gaming groups have a forum or mailing list where you can book a game. Have you checked to see if there is one? It might help if you can say "I'll be there at 8pm with 1500 points of Orks, who wants to game?" or something like that. I doubt it's your army choice, since Orks are fairly profilic.

I tend not to talk to people until i get a game with them.
Start talking to one guy, and the rest will follow, if they see their friends like you they might aswell

I had the opposite happen to me. Some guy who was new wanted to play Tau, he asked to play with one of us and we said sure so he can learn how to play. We told him tips and stuff, and he ended up really liking the game.

At the end one of us asked for his number so we can continue to play, because my group is pretty open to people. Needless to say he got his number but the guy said (and I'm paraphrasing) "Just so you know, I'm probably not gonna call you."

Pffft haha whatever bro, just don't expect us to play a game with you again.

T-rex wrote:


(And Tyronnosaurus (hehe we share the name), It's easy to not be ashamed when you got a beautiful fiance! I am a bit ashamed of it, stigma against the hobby is a reality + life's hard & I'm ambitious thus can't have too much stigma on me, but that's not the object of discussion. )

Wasn't attacking you personally dude - I completely get where you're coming from, and if you've tried to be friendly and they haven't responded then yeah, they're the dicks.

For me everyone is a 'geek' about something, whether it be football, watching X-Factor, whatever. Some are more socially acceptable than others but who cares? You play a game that requires creativity, artistic skills, interpersonal skills and a basic grasp of maths. How many other hobbies require that? I say be proud to play 40k. Having said that I've never tried to get a game in a GW shop because I hate the atmosphere [hard sell, kids everywhere etc.] Try to find a gaming group is my advice.

I'll let you know next time I'm coming to Deutschland [as I love your country - especially the beer] and I'll give you a game

EDIT

Just realised it was the Belgian flag - still love your beer! Offer of a game still stands as well

Instead of going in to find a game, why not organise one before hand?

For example, when i first went to my LGS, i was very conscious that i wouldn't find a game. So i went to their forum, and asked if anyone wanted to play. Spoke with a person and organised a game on the forum. When i arrived at the LGS, i had a game with this fellow without feeling awkward/excluded. Not only that, but his friends came over and spoke to him, and i introduced myself to them, and started speaking to them. Not only did i get a game, but i met a few of the locals. Maybe you could do the same?

That is why I don't go to GW stores or FLGS to play. It seems weird/shamefull as you said. I guess shamefull if nobody want to play. My god, I am over 40, and I have to ask, if I can play with you? LMFAO.

I wasn't bullied much in school, but I was shunned. I wasn't cool enough to be with the cool crowd. I was considered a dork/geek/nerd. Thing is, I wasn't smart enough to hang with the geek/nerd crowd. So I guess that makes me a dork and a loner. Funny how geeks/nerds complained about being bullied, but sometimes they are even worse than the muscle headed jocks.

Thing is I find alot of people who play 40K, to vengfull. By that, they have to show their superiority of being a dork/geek/nerd by playing Magic or 40K and to show they are better than you , just like how the jocks bullied them.

Yes I know, it's not all people who play 40K, but there is a few who are acting like "jocks". All you can do is feel sorry for them. Hell, I would even go up to them and in a nice way say how they are the bullies now and they are not cool. Like, "what you think you are better than me because you can play with plastic toy soldiers?" Thing is, they will never get a girl and this is their only comfort now. Really a pitty for them.

Then again, my teenage daughters says we are all dorks for playing with plastic toy soldiers. I said they are not just any plastic toy soldiers, but over priced plastic toy soliers.

edited for content - MT11

To the OP I understnad where your coming from. In general I do think a large percentage of adults that play this game are more introrverted and that goes had in hand with being a bit of a nerd (I include myself in this group!) I just started W40K but have played other miniature games at the local shop. I am suprised for such a popular game how hard it can be to get a match as a new player. I agree with many of the comments by others about not reading too much into it. Because I am painting my army right now and can't field a large force I am just enjoying the painting and going down to the shop and watching some games occasionally. I am sure there will be those I will want to socialize with and others I wont but thats life in general lol.. As a 39 year old with a family and a busy career I also dont have alot of time to stand around waiting for a game forever. So I am fortunate that there are a number of venues in my area so I am just stopping by all of them while I am still painting my army to find a venue I click best in so to speak.

Good luck!

Davor wrote:
That is why I don't go to GW stores or FLGS to play. It seems weird/shamefull as you said. I guess shamefull if nobody want to play. My god, I am over 40, and I have to ask, if I can play with you? LMFAO.

I wasn't bullied much in school, but I was shunned. I wasn't cool enough to be with the cool crowd. I was considered a dork/geek/nerd. Thing is, I wasn't smart enough to hang with the geek/nerd crowd. So I guess that makes me a dork and a loner. Funny how geeks/nerds complained about being bullied, but sometimes they are even worse than the muscle headed jocks.

Thing is I find alot of people who play 40K, to vengfull. By that, they have to show their superiority of being a dork/geek/nerd by playing Magic or 40K and to show they are better than you , just like how the jocks bullied them.

Yes I know, it's not all people who play 40K, but there is a few who are acting like "jocks". All you can do is feel sorry for them. Hell, I would even go up to them and in a nice way say how they are the bullies now and they are not cool. Like, "what you think you are better than me because you can play with plastic toy soldiers?" Thing is, they will never get a girl and this is their only comfort now. Really a pitty for them.

Then again, my teenage daughters says we are all dorks for playing with plastic toy soldiers. I said they are not just any plastic toy soldiers, but over priced plastic toy soliers.

Had a man with teenage daughters come to my LGS I'd gladly befriend him.

@fishy bob

That sounds wrong in every sense possible...

@T-rex

Stop being so judgemental, you're at a nerd shop, carrying a case or two of nerd toys, trying to play a nerd tabletop game, failing that, you're now on a nerd forum asking for help, what makes you better than them? You hate being judged, so you judge others? Good going there, hero! If I feel someone approaching me with any kind of disdain in their eyes, I know I wouldn't want to talk with them either, no big surprise there. If you're so ashamed of yourself for playing with plastic little men, pretending to be firing your grim dark guns at your imaginary enemies, then may be it's time to change your hobby. Personally, I play/read/watch/listen to what I like, I don't need some stranger's permission to enjoy myself, least of all, some morons who judge me by my hobbies rather than who I am.

Really though, us nerds are anti-social introvert, part of the reasons why we carry such stigma on us, so do as others have said, organise a game ahead of time instead of trying to small talk your way into a game. And stop being ashamed of your own hobby, I think it's more shameful than spending countless hours designing, converting and painting plastic little men.

Are there any other game stores in the area that you can try?


Sometimes a particular store just ends up with a group that treats it as their private club and doesn't want new people (in fact new people are a source of outside threat to unite against!). It has nothing to do with who you are, how normal you are, whatever, the only thing that matters is that you aren't part of their group. All you can do in that case is find another place to play, where hopefully the people are more open to new players.

(And in a way you're kind of lucky. Of all the bad gaming groups to encounter, at least you picked one that knows how to shower!)

hi T-rex,
I'm from Belgium to.
Where doe you live? The only shop were I play sometimes is in Antwerp.
I don't have a problem there with the people but I agree that it's dificult to find a game there if you don't want to play against a kid of course (not that that is a problem). Most of the time I take a friend with me
If you go to Antwerp I like to play against your orks. I like orks a lot
I even have an ork pirate army myself and my brother has a larger ork army.
Pm me if you want

WAAAAGH
Brennian

yous stupid nerds yous

Baronyu wrote:

Stop being so judgemental, you're at a nerd shop, carrying a case or two of nerd toys, trying to play a nerd tabletop game, failing that, you're now on a nerd forum asking for help, what makes you better than them? You hate being judged, so you judge others? Good going there, hero! If I feel someone approaching me with any kind of disdain in their eyes, I know I wouldn't want to talk with them either, no big surprise there. If you're so ashamed of yourself for playing with plastic little men, pretending to be firing your grim dark guns at your imaginary enemies, then may be it's time to change your hobby. Personally, I play/read/watch/listen to what I like, I don't need some stranger's permission to enjoy myself, least of all, some morons who judge me by my hobbies rather than who I am.

Haha u'r going hard man But u'r misreading me think, I'm not attacking you or your hobby nor saying I'm better.

I'm not judgemental, don't put me in that corner, I research/advocate poor people for a living so I definatly take the perspective of the socially weak, no guilt there. I used to be into video games big for like 6 years, but I noticed it wasn't good for me, also in relations to girls etc. I'm more of a deserter than an outsider let's say
Ow, when I was there last, they were standing outside in a group of 10 & 1 girl. Ofcourse nobody wanted to play. Then the girl said something stupit, & one of the guys (fat one) said to her: 'now say your a whore!' and kept repeating it. This was one of the most akward things ever. finally another guy said 'I'm a whore' to stop it. So I backed off... Maybe it was an insider joke or smt & I'm just getting the wrong impressions.

Anyways.. Thx for the advice.

+ To Brennian: Jep we do go to the same store then! I'll PM you once I guess for a gamenight on thurs, just hope you are not the guy I've been talking about haha !

 d3m01iti0n wrote:
Bro, story of my life. Half the time I am in the local gaming store in my tie after work. There is some guy in the back with a fething wizard hat. Nobody will talk to me. The neckbeards are the main reason Im simply content with collecting and painting because I dont want to spend time around those people. Maybe I come off as a dick but seriously I have no time for these slobs. Being a socially awkward jackass is not a prerequisite of 40K.

I'd be glad to never spend time with you either tbh, even if im not part of the wizard hat wearing, socially awkard nerds group..

And to the OP. This is why i play with my IRL friends, and dont really goto the GW store (that, and its not really local to any of us, like a 40 min trip..) just easier to play with home, that and you dont have to deal with kids that way

if it happened a 3rd time I'd quit the hobby I think. Which is sad, bc I invested in it a bit; & got a trauma of having to give up gaming hobbies bc either there was no competition or the scene died by the time I got into it.

didnt they tell you that , if not going to the hobby with a group of friendds you will rarely get regular games unless you go to tournaments ?

All you can do in that case is find another place to play, where hopefully the people are more open to new players.

I doubt people are more open anywhere . It is simple given an option to play against someone you know and someone you dont , you will always pick the dude you know , to avoid the whole doesnt know FAQ/way this playgroup plays/shop rulings/etc . People at the store who want to sell stuff may give them a demon game and that is more or less it . At least that is how it was always here . You either start with a group of friends or you play only tournaments .

Often times, it can be awkward to just walk up to people we don't know and start a conversation. So we don't do it.

The problem is that people then notice you standing around, not talking to people, and they judge you. You become that weird guy who comes in and never talks to anyone.

And after a while, none of them will want to talk to you or play with you.

The way to get around this is to organise an event where they have no choice. A campaign or tournament, where everyone has to play everyone else. I mean, you don't need to organise it yourself, but maybe suggest it to the store staff.

Playing in an event like that shows people that you're a normal guy who isn't weird, and afterwards they'll be more than happy to play you.

T-rex wrote:

Haha u'r going hard man But u'r misreading me think, I'm not attacking you or your hobby nor saying I'm better.

I'm not judgemental, don't put me in that corner, I research/advocate poor people for a living so I definatly take the perspective of the socially weak, no guilt there. I used to be into video games big for like 6 years, but I noticed it wasn't good for me, also in relations to girls etc. I'm more of a deserter than an outsider let's say
Ow, when I was there last, they were standing outside in a group of 10 & 1 girl. Ofcourse nobody wanted to play. Then the girl said something stupit, & one of the guys (fat one) said to her: 'now say your a whore!' and kept repeating it. This was one of the most akward things ever. finally another guy said 'I'm a whore' to stop it. So I backed off... Maybe it was an insider joke or smt & I'm just getting the wrong impressions.

Anyways.. Thx for the advice.

Your FLGS is really weird then if that is the case...

Anyhow, I should apologise, it wasn't that you offended me, but more that it really annoys me, for some reason, when I see nerds in denial... But anyway, sorry.

T-rex wrote:

Ow, when I was there last, they were standing outside in a group of 10 & 1 girl. Ofcourse nobody wanted to play. Then the girl said something stupit, & one of the guys (fat one) said to her: 'now say your a whore!' and kept repeating it. This was one of the most akward things ever. finally another guy said 'I'm a whore' to stop it. So I backed off... Maybe it was an insider joke or smt & I'm just getting the wrong impressions.

What on earth...? That's terrifying!

I've tended to find that sometimes things at the FLGS can get a bit cliqueish. I've been going to my store for 4 years now, and I still feel like somewhat of an outsider. I'm not sure how GW stores work with it, but if people are being obstinate about a game I'll just let the employee running gaming that night know that I'm looking for a game, and he'll usually get things set up.

Once you get a few games in with those folks they'll start to loosen up, you just gotta get over that hurdle in the first place.

It is a rather natural and normal form of symbolic violence in small groups , what T-R can also confirm .

+ To Brennian: Jep we do go to the same store then! I'll PM you once I guess for a gamenight on thurs, just hope you are not the guy I've been talking about haha !

No I'm rather an outsider myself and I find it indeed difficult to integrate in the group.
btw I do find most of 'em weird
PM me in time so I can check my schooltimetable
Brennian

Baronyu wrote:
Anyhow, I should apologise, it wasn't that you offended me, but more that it really annoys me, for some reason, when I see nerds in denial...

You're on the wrong forum then

I tend to want to play more often than even my gaming group would like or is able to and definately more times than I can spare to get to a GW store that plays so I did the next best thing and built my own table and got some more armies from e-bay to play myself. With the new allies rules, I'm having a ton of fun on my own and have surprised myself quite a few times with what I ended up doing.

I still play with the other people but this way I can get a game going work nights, get a turn or two in, leave a marker on who's turn it is for myself and come back the day after to finish up. One game of apoc vs myself took me about a week and the better part of the weekend to finish 6000 points a side.