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The shotgun's bark thundered across the tunnel, the muzzle flash suddenly banishing the darkness for a split second. It was a split second but in that one brief moment the enemy was seen: several ragged men in dusty overalls with picks, mattocks and pistols. They added their own chaotic noise and flashes to the cacophony. The enemy had the numbers, the defenders could only hope that they could hold out as long as possible until reinforcements arrived.

Mining was always a very delicate undertaking. Even more so when you were digging underneath enemy positions. Things could get even hairier if the enemy knew that you were down there, then they would send their own diggers in against you. Mining and counter-mining, collapsing tunnels, raiding enemy tunnels. It was all part of the daily underground grind that took as many lives as on the surface.

A demi-squad of Korps combat engineers was busy putting the final touches on a special operation when the enemy broke through with a tunnel, intent on raiding and sabotaging anything they could find. The two Krieg sentries were killed in a few short seconds, taken completely by surprise by the ambushing renegade miners. Only three now remained, desperately holding off the enemy until reinforcements could arrive to relieve them and held defend the objective.

A heavy explosion rumbled through the tunnel, flattening all with its concussive force that shook the tunnels and made dirt shake free from the walls and ceiling. The support struts groaned under the force.

Static and half-heard reports filled the receivers of the remaining engineers. 'Damn! They sealed us out, we can't reach you in time. You have the honours of opening our offensive. Emperor be with you all!'

Cut off and dead.

Groaning the engineer got to his feet, noting that his two remaining comrades were doing likewise. With a weary sigh the engineer resumed firing his shotgun, deciding to sell his life as dearly as possible. It was barking again and again, the cylindrical magazine rotating with each shot, loading a new round to the chamber as it went. Then, it ground stuck halfway between a reload. With a curse the engineer let go of his weapon, reaching for his bayonet and pistol instead. The Lucius pattern shotgun was prone to jams and was even more notorious for jamming at bad times. It could be cleared, but not now.

His pistol was impossibly loud and bright in the tight confines of the tunnel, making the engineer wish that he had a silencer or at the very least some sort of flash suppressor. Not that it mattered any more now anyway. He banged off his shots, trying his best to find the enemy flashes and flares. The pistol clicked dry and he reached for spare ammo.

Crack-thud!

Pain shot through the engineer as he doubled over, dropping his bayonet. An awful pain filled his gut as he was pulled back by two of his comrades, who quite unceremoniously dumped him against the objective they were protecting. They then returned to the fray again, desperate to hold off the enemy for as long as possible.

The engineer listed to the dual staccato of his comrades' shotguns over the crack of pistol fire, which turned to one and then just pistols, though soon all was silent. It was all down to him now. If only he had one more clip of ammo.. He noticed something lying near him and it dawned on the engineer what was expected of him.

Slowly the renegade miners advanced, carefully stepping around their own dead. Laboured breathing could heard up ahead. The enemy had put up quite a fight and were as tenacious below the surface as they were above. Carefully they passed two dead men, their bulky shotguns still in their hands. They came upon a low, wide chamber where the last enemy soldier lay, one hand clutching something over a hole in his carapace, the other holding an empty pistol. He was propped up against several large objects covered by tarpaulins. The renegade could not read, yet he had seen these objects before. It was a supply dump, such a bounty!

The fallen soldier looked up at his foes and laughed in painful rasps.

'So close, yet no victory parade for you,' one of the renegades barked, smiling despite the cost in life on his side. He held up his hand and kept his men back, no use in wasting ammo on a dying man who was no longer a threat. He holstered his pistol and brandished his mattock, expertly swinging it in his hands. 'Any last words before you die, dog?'

'Well.. At least you won't be seeing the sun ever again.'

The engineer let go of his pistol and pulled a tarpaulin behind him free. Several large crates and drums were stacked there, clearly marked with bright yellow warning labels. He then held up the thing he held in his hand.

A remote detonator.

'Subterran im Genitus!'

The ground shook and the men in the trenches on both sides were thrown off their fire steps and makeshift benches. A giant fountain of earth and debris was flung into the air, taking with it an entire section of enemy trenches.

The offensive had begun..

- - -

Oldie, written back in '08 as a means of breaking writers block I was going through back then, main inspiration being Imperial Armour 6. As always comments and criticism are welcome.

Going out with a bang? Huh? You just missed the detail of him activating the trigger as he died.

That should be obvious enough though, right? Show, don't tell as they say.

I was actually cracking a joke.

As for myself I'm a lazy reader. I must be told at times, not only shown. And it would be nice reading something along the lines that the Engineer pushed the trigger with his last ounce of strength watching the smirk disappear from the face of the heretic.

I mean Dan Abnett is a great author himself, but I have often been frustrated by my inability finding out which of his chars is stating what from time to time when reading the dialogues from books he has written.

Right, I'm going to go through it step by step. You need to rewrite these sections:

 BrookM wrote:
The shotgun's bark thundered across the tunnel, the muzzle flash suddenly banishing the darkness for a split second. It was a split second but in that one brief moment the enemy was seen: several ragged men in dusty overalls with picks, mattocks and pistols. They added their own chaotic noise and flashes to the chaos. The enemy had the numbers, the defenders could only hope that they could hold out as long as possible until reinforcements arrived.

Mining was always a very delicate undertaking. Even more so when you were digging underneath enemy positions. Things could get even hairier if the enemy knew that you were down there, then they would send their own diggers in against you. Mining and counter-mining, collapsing tunnels, raiding enemy tunnels. It was all part of the daily underground grind that took as many lives as on the surface.

A demi-squad of Korps combat engineers was busy putting the final touches on a special operation when the enemy broke through with a tunnel, intent on raiding and sabotaging anything they could find. The two Krieg sentries were killed in a few short seconds, taken completely by surprise by the ambushing renegade miners. Only three now remained, desperately holding off the enemy until reinforcements could arrive to relieve them and held defend the objective.

A heavy explosion rumbled through the tunnel, flattening all with its concussive force that shook the tunnels and made dirt shake free from the walls and ceiling. The support struts groaned under the force.

Static and half-heard reports filled the receivers of the remaining engineers. 'Damn! They sealed us out, we can't reach you in time. You have the honours of opening our offensive. Emperor be with you all!'

Cut off and dead.

Groaning the engineer got to his feet, noting that his two remaining comrades were doing likewise. With a weary sigh the engineer resumed firing his shotgun, deciding to sell his life as dearly as possible. It was barking again and again, the cylindrical magazine rotating with each shot, loading a new round to the chamber as it went. Then, it ground stuck halfway between a reload. With a curse the engineer let go of his weapon, reaching for his bayonet and pistol instead. The Lucius pattern shotgun was prone to jams and was even more notorious for jamming at bad times. It could be cleared, but not now.

His pistol was impossibly loud and bright in the tight confines of the tunnel, making the engineer wish that he had a silencer or at the very least some sort of flash suppressor. Not that it mattered any more now anyway. He banged off his shots, trying his best to find the enemy flashes and flares. The pistol clicked dry and he reached for spare ammo.

Crack-thud!

Pain shot through the engineer as he doubled over, dropping his bayonet. An awful pain filled his gut as he was pulled back by two of his comrades, who quite unceremoniously dumped him against the objective they were protecting. They then returned to the fray again, desperate to hold off the enemy for as long as possible.

The engineer listed to the dual staccato of his comrades' shotguns over the crack of pistol fire, which turned to one and then just pistols, though soon all was silent. It was all down to him now. If only he had one more clip of ammo.. He noticed something lying near him and it dawned on the engineer what was expected of him.

Slowly the renegade miners advanced, carefully stepping around their own dead. Laboured breathing could heard up ahead. The enemy had put up quite a fight and were as tenacious below the surface as they were above. Carefully they passed two dead men, their bulky shotguns still in their hands. They came upon a low, wide chamber where the last enemy soldier lay, one hand clutching something over a hole in his carapace, the other holding an empty pistol. He was propped up against several large objects covered by tarpaulins. The renegade could not read, yet he had seen these objects before. It was a supply dump, such a bounty!

The fallen soldier looked up at his foes and laughed in painful rasps.

'So close, yet no victory parade for you,' one of the renegades barked, smiling despite the cost in life on his side. He held up his hand and kept his men back, no use in wasting ammo on a dying man who was no longer a threat. He holstered his pistol and brandished his mattock, expertly swinging it in his hands. 'Any last words before you die, dog?'

'Well.. At least you won't be seeing the sun ever again.'

The engineer let go of his pistol and pulled a tarpaulin behind him free. Several large crates and drums were stacked there. He then held up the thing he held in his hand.

A remote detonator.

'Subterran im Genitus!'

The ground shook and the men in the trenches on both sides were thrown off their fire steps and makeshift benches. A giant fountain of earth and debris was flung into the air, taking with it an entire section of enemy trenches.

The offensive had begun..

- - -

Oldie, written back in '08 as a means of breaking writers block I was going through back then, main inspiration being Imperial Armour 6. As always comments and criticism are welcome.

And then it should be good.

Oh Whitey, you scamp.

A nice short story, well done.

Yup, I enjoyed that. Loved the setting and the anonymity of the characters.

 BrookM wrote:
The shotgun's bark thundered across the tunnel, the muzzle flash suddenly banishing the darkness for a split second. It was a split second but in that one brief moment the enemy was seen: several ragged men in dusty overalls with picks, mattocks and pistols. They added their own chaotic noise and flashes to the chaos. Chaos is repeated, maybe use a different word... cacophony is a good word. The enemy had the numbers, the defenders could only hope that they could hold out as long as possible until reinforcements arrived.

Mining was always a very delicate undertaking. Even more so when you were digging underneath enemy positions. Things could get even hairier if the enemy knew that you were down there, then they would send their own diggers in against you. Mining and counter-mining, collapsing tunnels, raiding enemy tunnels. It was all part of the daily underground grind that took as many lives as on the surface.

A demi-squad of Korps combat engineers was busy putting the final touches on a special operation when the enemy broke through with a tunnel, intent on raiding and sabotaging anything they could find. The two Krieg sentries were killed in a few short seconds, taken completely by surprise by the ambushing renegade miners. Only three now remained, desperately holding off the enemy until reinforcements could arrive to relieve them and held defend the objective.

A heavy explosion rumbled through the tunnel, flattening all with its concussive force that shook the tunnels and made dirt shake free from the walls and ceiling. The support struts groaned under the force.

Static and half-heard reports filled the receivers of the remaining engineers. 'Damn! They sealed us out, we can't reach you in time. You have the honours of opening our offensive. Emperor be with you all!'

Cut off and dead.

Groaning the engineer got to his feet, noting that his two remaining comrades were doing likewise. With a weary sigh the engineer resumed firing his shotgun, deciding to sell his life as dearly as possible. It was barking again and again, the cylindrical magazine rotating with each shot, loading a new round to the chamber as it went. Then, it ground stuck halfway between a reload. With a curse the engineer let go of his weapon, reaching for his bayonet and pistol instead. The Lucius pattern shotgun was prone to jams and was even more notorious for jamming at bad times. It could be cleared, but not now.

His pistol was impossibly loud and bright in the tight confines of the tunnel, making the engineer wish that he had a silencer or at the very least some sort of flash suppressor. Not that it mattered any more now anyway. He banged off his shots, trying his best to find the enemy flashes and flares. The pistol clicked dry and he reached for spare ammo.

Crack-thud!

Pain shot through the engineer as he doubled over, dropping his bayonet. An awful pain filled his gut as he was pulled back by two of his comrades, who quite unceremoniously dumped him against the objective they were protecting. They then returned to the fray again, desperate to hold off the enemy for as long as possible.

The engineer listed to the dual staccato of his comrades' shotguns over the crack of pistol fire, which turned to one and then just pistols, though soon all was silent. It was all down to him now. If only he had one more clip of ammo.. He noticed something lying near him and it dawned on the engineer what was expected of him.

Slowly the renegade miners advanced, carefully stepping around their own dead. Laboured breathing could heard up ahead. The enemy had put up quite a fight and were as tenacious below the surface as they were above. Carefully they passed two dead men, their bulky shotguns still in their hands. They came upon a low, wide chamber where the last enemy soldier lay, one hand clutching something over a hole in his carapace, the other holding an empty pistol. He was propped up against several large objects covered by tarpaulins. The renegade could not read, yet he had seen these objects before. It was a supply dump, such a bounty!

The fallen soldier looked up at his foes and laughed in painful rasps.

'So close, yet no victory parade for you,' one of the renegades barked, smiling despite the cost in life on his side. He held up his hand and kept his men back, no use in wasting ammo on a dying man who was no longer a threat. He holstered his pistol and brandished his mattock, expertly swinging it in his hands. 'Any last words before you die, dog?'

'Well.. At least you won't be seeing the sun ever again.'

The engineer let go of his pistol and pulled a tarpaulin behind him free.Seems kind of odd for a wounded man on the ground do be able to do this. Maybe change it to the tarpaulin slipped free or something? Several large crates and drums were stacked there.Maybe add that they had some kind of warning labels or signs... He then held up the thing he held in his hand.

A remote detonator.

'Subterran im Genitus!'

The ground shook and the men in the trenches on both sides were thrown off their fire steps and makeshift benches. A giant fountain of earth and debris was flung into the air, taking with it an entire section of enemy trenches.

The offensive had begun..

- - -

Oldie, written back in '08 as a means of breaking writers block I was going through back then, main inspiration being Imperial Armour 6. As always comments and criticism are welcome.

It's good.
Don't worry about not holding the reader's hand through the entire thing. I find using your own imagination for parts of a story to be better than being told everything.

Thanks Purps! You are now officially better than Whitey! Not that it took a lot to pull that off.

No problem, credit where credits due. I wouldn't mind hearing about the attack above ground after the explosion if you've got the time.

 Themanwiththeplan wrote:
No problem, credit where credits due. I wouldn't mind hearing about the attack above ground after the explosion if you've got the time.

Don't know if I'll ever tackle that, I did write about an assault years and years ago, but to me personally trench warfare and the inhuman waste of life just isn't as interesting to write about.

Oh right I thought they were blowing down a wall or something to get in some where, never mind it ok.

I like that very much, the atmosphere is really dark and you can tell how resigned he is to his fate.

I enjoyed this, please make more

Writing more, yes. About the automatons of Krieg though? I fear not, their lack of humanity makes it hard for me to connect with them on many levels.