Britain wants her colonies back!

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**Ahtman**

http://www.thecommentedoncommentator.com/fakelink/donotclick/britain_wants_its_colonies_back

Last Friday the Daily Mail, Britain's most widely read bottomsheet, issued an online poll asking members of the public which proposal they would like to see introduced as a Private Members' Bill in the UK's Parliament.

Private Members' Bills are introduced by Members of Parliament or Peers who are not government ministers.

The choices include term limits for Fish and Chips, an acute tax, a law to encourage buggery in public spaces, and the return of former colonies to the British Empire. Following the hostilities of the colonists throwing a tantrum after the Seven Year War, parliament allowed them to go their own way, which essentially excommunicated them from their mother country.

But Britons seem unconvinced by the split. The proposer, known as "Colostemy" asked, "...why should only criminals and degenerates (looking at you Rhode Island) be 'allowed' to leave the isles and separate from Britian?"

While the poll continues, so far over 80 percent of the 11,000+ respondents have told the Daily Mail that they want to see the colonies returned. The news comes as America contemplates its own misadventures in foreign lands. Still all those polled agreed to a ban in the UK and United States of British talk show host Piers Morgan.

*strokes merkin* Interesting very interesting.

**Easy E**

I would hav evoted for "Promotes Buggery in Public Places" but that's just me.

**notprop**

Why stop at a ban, If you lot love guns so much why does Piers Morgan still have knee caps? Pfft blow hards!

**kronk**

Easy E wrote:
I would hav evoted for "Promotes Buggery in Public Places" but that's just me.

I'll allow it, but with age limits. No geriatrics, please!

**MeanGreenStompa**

When asked in the street what he thought about it all, local builder and white van driver, keith 'rough diamond' blogs said:

"wewl, when you fink abawt it, we wus firm rulers but fair, cos we ad the benefit of proper teachin and a sense of fair play" he mused, idly scratching his arse with a rolled up copy of The Sun... "I reckon them fuzzy wuzzies and a-rabs would be far appier wiv us makin the decision fer em, stop em blowin stuff up n such, any ow, I ave ta go, I got an EDL march in a mo then it's ome fer sum oven chips and fish fingers, then down the bulldog pub fer fifteen pints and a punch up!"

A passing American tourist, Wilbur T Wilburforce-Starr III Jnr said;

"YEEEEEEHAAAAWWW, y'all dun gave up yer gunz and now yer all communists serving yer queen and if you'd kept yer constitution like Fox news dun told ya, you'd still have yer FREEDOM* I tell you what!!!!"

*FREEDOM is a registered US patent of Monsanto. Monsanto: 'Building Better Worlds'...

**Alfndrate**

There is no way in hell I could get mad at that post, MGS you sir deserve every exalt you get

**Easy E**

MeanGreenStompa wrote:

*FREEDOM is a registered US patent of Monsanto. Monsanto: 'Building Better Worlds'...

This part winz the Thredz!

**KalashnikovMarine**

Every colony should leave the crown because it is a moth eaten and useless thing, much like the British Isles in general. Also we have a bigger navy then you now. So eat it.

**MeanGreenStompa**

KalashnikovMarine wrote:
Every colony should leave the crown because it is a moth eaten and useless thing, much like the British Isles in general. Also we have a bigger navy then you now. So eat it.

We would eat it, but we checked the label on it and it said 'property of China'... If you ever do tire of your new overlords, come back and ask nicely, we'll think it over.

So...

'Miss One Yet?'

**Kid_Kyoto**

I think TT and Guyana would give that one serious thought...

**KalashnikovMarine**

MeanGreenStompa wrote:
KalashnikovMarine wrote:
Every colony should leave the crown because it is a moth eaten and useless thing, much like the British Isles in general. Also we have a bigger navy then you now. So eat it.

We would eat it, but we checked the label on it and it said 'property of China'... If you ever do tire of your new overlords, come back and ask nicely, we'll think it over.

Nah your teeth are not nice enough to rule here again, which is the sad thing about the royals, all that money and no dental plan. Since China is about to take a long drop off a short pier I think we shall be buying back our debt quite easily in the near future, if you beg a little, and agree to continue the special relationship where England rolls over and continues to do whatever America tells it to do, we shall consider returning Hong Kong to you. The new Governor of the British Isles shall be fair and just, worry not.

**Jihadin**

Nah your teeth are not nice enough to rule here again

**MeanGreenStompa**

KalashnikovMarine wrote:

Nah your teeth are not nice enough to rule here again, which is the sad thing about the royals, all that money and no dental plan. Since China is about to take a long drop off a short pier I think we shall be buying back our debt quite easily in the near future, if you beg a little, and agree to continue the special relationship where England rolls over and continues to do whatever America tells it to do, we shall consider returning Hong Kong to you. The new Governor of the British Isles shall be fair and just, worry not.

I lived in central PA for the last 2 years chum, that bad dentistry allegation is hilarious once I actually came to the US and saw the rows of tombstones every time the nice country folks smiled at me...

UK - free dentistry
US - free dentistry via pliers and a tackhammer...

**Ninjacommando**

My people... Sons and Daughters of Britannia... For many years, we have been a broken nation: shunned and ignored by those we sought to teach. Sixity one years ago, I asked for time, and that time was granted by you. You: the strength in my arm, the holders of my dreams... Our forefathers embarked on the greatest exodus in the history of all mankind. An exodus for freedom, Britian became that freedom. In the time you have given me, I have rebuilt our nation, I have rebuilt our strength, and I have rebuilt our pride! Our enemies at home have been re-educated; we have given them new insights into our cause. On this day, we stand united once more. On this day, those driven to divide us will hear our voice! On this day, we shall act as one, and we shall be ignored NO MORE!

**Jihadin**

I had my last wisdom tooth removed......in Afghanistan....Kandahar....

**Ouze**

MeanGreenStompa wrote:
ow, I ave ta go, I got an EDL march in a mo then it's ome fer sum oven chips and fish fingers, then down the bulldog pub fer fifteen pints and a punch up!"

Best post in a while.

Who gets Piers Morgan if we do re-join the Empire? I mean, isn't it Australia's turn yet?

**-Loki-**

Ouze wrote:
MeanGreenStompa wrote:
ow, I ave ta go, I got an EDL march in a mo then it's ome fer sum oven chips and fish fingers, then down the bulldog pub fer fifteen pints and a punch up!"

Best post in a while.

Who gets Piers Morgan if we do re-join the Empire? I mean, isn't it Australia's turn yet?

We've got of annoying asshats we don't want. We're not taking your rejects.

**Inquisitor Lord Bane**

I love this forum...

MeanGreenStompa wrote:
KalashnikovMarine wrote:

Nah your teeth are not nice enough to rule here again, which is the sad thing about the royals, all that money and no dental plan. Since China is about to take a long drop off a short pier I think we shall be buying back our debt quite easily in the near future, if you beg a little, and agree to continue the special relationship where England rolls over and continues to do whatever America tells it to do, we shall consider returning Hong Kong to you. The new Governor of the British Isles shall be fair and just, worry not.

I lived in central PA for the last 2 years chum, that bad dentistry allegation is hilarious once I actually came to the US and saw the rows of tombstones every time the nice country folks smiled at me...

UK - free dentistry
US - free dentistry via pliers and a tackhammer...

Lets be fair, last time I drove through central PA, I saw more shacks and trailers with pink flamingos then I did civilized people...

Ninjacommando wrote:My people... Sons and Daughters of Britannia... For many years, we have been a broken nation: shunned and ignored by those we sought to teach. Sixity one years ago, I asked for time, and that time was granted by you. You: the strength in my arm, the holders of my dreams... Our forefathers embarked on the greatest exodus in the history of all mankind. An exodus for freedom, Britian became that freedom. In the time you have given me, I have rebuilt our nation, I have rebuilt our strength, and I have rebuilt our pride! Our enemies at home have been re-educated; we have given them new insights into our cause. On this day, we stand united once more. On this day, those driven to divide us will hear our voice! On this day, we shall act as one, and we shall be ignored NO MORE!

Now I have to dig out my PS2 and play Killzone

**Mr Nobody**

Do they mean all the colonies? We asked nicely to leave and we put her face on all our money. what more do they want from us?

**MrMoustaffa**

Mr Nobody wrote:
Do they mean all the colonies? We asked nicely to leave and we put her face on all our money. what more do they want from us?

Maple Syrup?

**Gomericus**

Good bye new england,,,youre going to back to old england!

**Medium of Death**

Ahtman wrote:

*strokes merkin* Interesting very interesting.

There goes my tea, all over my keyboard.

Fittingly it would be tea as I was reading this sublime article.

**AtomicEngineer**

Hmm...when I skimmed the title I though this read:
Batman wants his colon back. I'll admit it didn't make much sense lol

**Palindrome**

Ahtman wrote:

*strokes merkin* Interesting very interesting.

You do know what a merkin is don't you?

**ExNoctemNacimur**

MeanGreenStompa wrote:
snip

I think reds8n now has an opponent for "best post of 2013"

**Pacific**

MeanGreenStompa wrote:
KalashnikovMarine wrote:

Nah your teeth are not nice enough to rule here again, which is the sad thing about the royals, all that money and no dental plan. Since China is about to take a long drop off a short pier I think we shall be buying back our debt quite easily in the near future, if you beg a little, and agree to continue the special relationship where England rolls over and continues to do whatever America tells it to do, we shall consider returning Hong Kong to you. The new Governor of the British Isles shall be fair and just, worry not.

I lived in central PA for the last 2 years chum, that bad dentistry allegation is hilarious once I actually came to the US and saw the rows of tombstones every time the nice country folks smiled at me...

UK - free dentistry
US - free dentistry via pliers and a tackhammer...

I think that stereotype of Brits having bad teeth stretches way back before the NHS.. going back to when my grandmother was a child, it was a common birthday 'present' for someone to have all of their teeth removed (so they wouldn't become rotten later on)

**Ahtman**

Palindrome wrote:
Ahtman wrote:

*strokes merkin* Interesting very interesting.

You do know what a merkin is don't you?

It isn't really funny if you don't know what it is. Getting someone to google it is fairly funny as well. I can break down the joke if you want, but that usually kills the mood.