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Honestly, I've had a few, but I want to say this. I'll try to keep spelling mistakes to a minimum. Wargaming and painting/modeling may have saved my life. I'm not exaggerating. If not for these little pieces of plastic, I could have been dead. For years I've struggled. I was diagnosed with everything from ADHD to Bipolar, only to find out that they were all wrong and I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I'm not here to write about that. I don't need anyone's sympathy. I am a strong man. But some days, most days actually, things get hard. I feel anxious, I have flashbacks, and I'm always on high alert. I'm usually always scared. But when I'm painting or modeling or writing up a new army list, it is like I enter a different world. The anxiety and PTSD disappear and I can just feel normal. I actually set up a little painting room in my apartment. I took a walk in closet and put in a desk, laptop, monitor (for DVDs), speakers, and all my supplies. When I go in there and shut the door, everything changes. I don't feel anxious or scared. And it isn't like I'm lying to myself. I don't convince myself that I am some kind of warrior in a different realm. But it really helps to concentrate on every little brush stroke. Every one has a meaning to me, a purpose. And my pieces are turning out much better than I expected. This makes me happy. I'm sorry to ramble, but this isn't just a hobby to me. I am a successful college student with a full time job. To those around me, I am the definition of success. They don't know about the struggle, the flashbacks, or the night terrors. And it has been so hard to seek help since I am not a veteran. Combat is most definitely not the only cause of PTSD.

I know I said this, but I am sorry for rambling. This just means so much to me. When I close myself up in that little room and start sculpting, or putting dark angels together, or painting, all the bad memories disappear. For the first time, I have been able to forget all of the bad things for awhile and just live in the moment. It is helping me heal.

I know GW has demonstrated some really crappy business practices, and I feel them too, but I truly feel like they have helped me. I'm a social guy and I like to go out and have friends, but when I am painting or talking to my buddies about a game or project, I just feel happy. When your entire life is a war, when you are always on edge despite the fact that nothing is happening, it is so important to have that one thing that brings you back down.

I would also like to thank this community for being so welcoming to me. I have already made a few trades and have really appreciated all of the gaming and life advice I have received. I am happy to be here.

And I would just like to say that if there is anyone out there struggling with this but afraid to get help, send me a PM. I am by no means a doctor or a psychiatric professional, but I know what the struggle is like and I'm always here for a friendly member.

Cheers

Happy to know you've found something that helps you. I've been there myself. I've found that miniatures helped me in the same way. Anyways, I totally get where you are coming from.

Glad you found something that helps, and that the forums haave been a positive experience for you - keep painting, and take care of yourself! All the best,

Its good to see that youve found a good thing like this. Ive used the hobby to forget things or get away from reality in the past and it is a good way to do it.

They mean alot to me too.

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.co.uk/2010/04/alot-is-better-than-you-at-everything.html

Not PTSD for my, but pretty bad depression. Wargaming is usually one of the only things that really feels good when everything else feels like gak.

Great, now I want an alot, too.

Thank u, Ketara!

Thanks for the replies guys! Apparently I was a little emotional when I came back from the bar last night. I also went on ebay and bought some DV bikers for $12 that I don't remember buying haha. Glad I did that one. That was a good deal. I need to disable ebay when I've been drinking, just in case.

-Cheers

You get alot only after you get a round tuit.


Automatically Appended Next Post:
I like my 15mm ACW miniatures the best ATM.

Welcome to Dakka! May it be a part of the peace and calm you find, my friend.
Can't wait to see what you do with those DV bikes! But FFS, don't assemble/paint them drunk too!

You’re not alone in this feeling I have 2 good friends at my FLGS that could say the same thing. One is a multi felon that used to game and when he got out of prison decided to get out of the life style of drugs and partying. He says if it wasn’t for the FLGS he would be in prison now. The other is a combat war veteran who like you has PTSD. He describes some of the same feelings when he games and participates in the hobby and the sense of togetherness or camaraderie that he felt when he was “in the sh!t.” If it wasn’t for those good feelings about this hobby I would have quit a long time ago.

I hear ya. Modelling/painting and gaming keeps me out of my depression and my best buddy out of the worst of his PTSD.

icarusthepilot wrote:Thanks for the replies guys! Apparently I was a little emotional when I came back from the bar last night. I also went on ebay and bought some DV bikers for $12 that I don't remember buying haha. Glad I did that one. That was a good deal. I need to disable ebay when I've been drinking, just in case.

-Cheers

Been there, done that - worst was when I woke up to find £100 worth of amazon receipts by email the week before payday - I've never hit 'cancel order' so quickly!

Never drink and post!

Glad to hear that miniatures have been a positive force in your life and a healthy coping mechanism. Miniatures are just a hobby for me (one that I really enjoy, but still just a hobby) but much respect to you for your honesty.

It's always good to get a reminder to be more accepting and understanding of those (there are far more than most of us realize) with PTSD and other Mental/Emotional disorders.

One thing I have learned is this, dont drink and paint, it may look great while doing it but the next morning its more like "who painted this "

Its good to hear that wargamming has helpped you out, cheers

Warhammer is the same for me currently. I used to have my friends at my last base that I played warhammer with. We were all Iraq and Afghanistan Vets and just had fun. To our little group it was more than just playing, it was all of us forgetting for a while and enjoying a little time. Now I moved back home and have had a hard time adjusting back to civilian life. I have a corner of my house dedicated with shelves of my minis, my painting desk, lamp, and after I close the door, its my world without the storm clouds. just techno and paint

had a gun pulled on me at work. I built the Lego model on top instead of going to a bar:


the Lego Star Destroyer took 2 months to build and is almost 3 feet long


Some people drink. Others smoke. We models/paint. To each their own.

hey OP, you're not alone.

i was into 40k when i was a teenager. but other hobbies showed up. for the next twenty years or so drugs were my hobbies. after numerous spells in recovery, detox, mental health units etc. i've been clean for two years now. but my god, i was so bored. i read a lot, but i couldn't get into computer games, too physically damaged to do sports. but i knew if i didn't find something to do i wouldn't make it. about 8 months ago, apropos of nothing i bought a copy of Space Crusade off ebay. then realised i needed to paint the figs, or it wouldn't be worth it. and there i found my happy place. i love painting these things, i look forward to those evenings when i get home from work and have no other responsibilities and can sit down and paint. im not really very good, being blind in one eye and occasionally a bit wobbly, but the sense of calm and peace i get from this is like nothing else. my family say i seem healthier than they can remember. all because of a little bit of plastic and some over-priced paints

 jason1977 wrote:
had a gun pulled on me at work. I built the Lego model on top instead of going to a bar:


the Lego Star Destroyer took 2 months to build and is almost 3 feet long


Some people drink. Others smoke. We models/paint. To each their own.

I just noticed the bottle of Jack Daniels on one of the lower shelves there.

But in all seriousness its great to hear that you found something that helps because some people don't and it is realy great when people find something they enjoy so much that it makes the persons world that much better.

OP, I don't think anyone will fault you for sharing. While I don't have any trauma or addiction (plastic crack notwithstanding) eating at the back of my mind, I'll admit that painting and modeling is a very zen thing for me and is more or less my chief way of relaxing. It's pretty much my favorite way to relax and calm down at the end of the day. I'm glad it can help you as much as it does, and that it's as meaningful to you as it is.

And as for drinking and posting, I do it all the time, but I'll never tell I draw the line at drinking and painting though - this is precision stuff!

Good to hear OP.
MAde me smile for a while, and I don't know why.
Thanks

chiefbigredman wrote:

 jason1977 wrote:
had a gun pulled on me at work. I built the Lego model on top instead of going to a bar:


the Lego Star Destroyer took 2 months to build and is almost 3 feet long


Some people drink. Others smoke. We models/paint. To each their own.

I just noticed the bottle of Jack Daniels on one of the lower shelves there.

But in all seriousness its great to hear that you found something that helps because some people don't and it is realy great when people find something they enjoy so much that it makes the persons world that much better.

My father-in-law's perfered drink and they are empty. Gonna make some lights out of them.

Back to topic.

 Kilkrazy wrote:
You get alot only after you get a round tuit.

My grandmother sells novelty wristbands that have "I finally got a ROUND TO IT!" written on them.

Glad you found a way to deal with it in a healthy way OP. I know a couple of guys who have similar conditions and they seem to find the hobby helpful as well.

I don't have anything quite that bad, but since my career and a lot of my hobbies involve incredibly loud noises, it's nice to have a hobby that requires no noise whatsoever. I've already started to develop a mild tinnitus (aka "eeeeeeeeeeeeeee", ironically from a freak firework accident) so the brief moments of peace I get when painting help a lot. It'll never repair my hearing, but at least it doesn't make it worse.

OP I found your reading your post to be an uplifting experience, have a DCM on me

 Icarusthepilot wrote:
I also went on ebay and bought some DV bikers for $12 that I don't remember buying haha. Glad I did that one. That was a good deal. I need to disable ebay when I've been drinking, just in case.

There are far worse things you can do (and forget about) when drunk. Look at the DV bikers as a boon.

I have Apergers, (even i'm not sure i can spell it!) which i know isn't exactly original for this particular hobby, and i dont have it so bad either, but i can find things in life very stressful and difficult to deal with. I find this hobby a great retreat from reality which i just can't get fro the TV or video games, drinking certainly doen't help me either.

Everything from writing an army list, to assembling a new kit and even just browising this message board (as is typical with my condition, i get very set in my ways, so Dakka is the only board i regularly visit... ) I find it greatly theraputic, and it is great to know others find if helpful in the same way.

Thanks for sharing!

Nice, stargasm... glad it is a help. It is for me, too, and I don't think I've ever been diagnosed with anything interesting

OP, I'm glad you shared. As you can probably tell, you're not alone in having 40k as a coping mechanism. I've always suspected that I've had anger management issues, and I definitely know that I never had a great patience, and 40k has been my coping mechanism for the past decade. When I took a few years' hiatus, the change was noticeable.

In any case, I'm glad you've decided to stick to this community. Yeah, we bicker and fight a lot sometimes over the dumbest topics, but let's be honest - we're bickering over toy soldiers. At the end of the day we're still all connected by our hobby as a group, no matter how far.

True for me too OP. Wargaming is such an multilayered and theraputic hobby, that it really can help some people to get involved. Sitting down and painting and converting, or discussing the storyline has always been a nice release, and since it is about the only hobby with as many facets, I really think there is always something that can be done to your models when you need to take time and relax.

What everyone has said is very true, and why I love wargaming. If only I had come in a few years earlier, I'm sure I would have had much more fun (third edition seemed so cool right?), but the hobby is still the same for me. And its not just playing the games, its a social hobby, a way to meet other people so that you can do other stuff. I met three of my best friends at a FLGS, and we discovered we had other common interests besides wargaming, because lets be honest, deep down, wargaming attracts the same kind of people.

So when my FLGS closed it completely crushed me. I didn't have anyones numbers so I couldn't get a hold of them. I've never had as much fun in my whole life as I did there, but painting still helps me.

This seems like a cool thread and I understand it.

Peace bros
-Color Sgt. Kell