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So I have desperately wanting to go see pacific rim. I Called my friend up to see if he wants to go, he says no he is going to hang out with othe friends. Fair enough I think it was short notice. We resolve to do it the next day. the next day he calls and says his glasses broke. Im a bit miffed because he is flaking out on something again, but I understand. Resolved for today. I call him and see if he is ready. He asks if we can do it tomorrow. Now I'm pissed because he made plans with friends when he knew we had plans. I could have gone to my FLGS for some gamage but i decided not to so i could hang out with him. Now the thing he could do is something he does every Tuesday with those same friends and he suggested Tuesday. So im pissed right now because he cancelled again. He is known for canceling. For a pathfinder game he has canceled 4 times, because he couldn't commit, whether it be to go hang out with friends or he couldn't get the car. On one week he didnt even tell us he was leaving. It was him nt commiting that made the GM give up. He is embarrassed to have me around his friends, who are all Mormons, because I am not(I think, he didnt like I ordered coffee one night). He has never invited me anywhere to hang out with his friends, but I have invited him. Quite frankly, even though I have been friends with this guy since I was 3, should I give up?

It's kinda harsh to say but...

Maybe he just doesn't like you dude? Get some new friends.

I'm a Mormon bro, and if you were hanging out with me, you could have a shot of Jack in your coffee for all I care. I'm assuming this is a younger group?
Just hang out with some of your other friends and not bother with the guy if he's treating you like crap after that long an association.

Stop inviting him to things if he is a constant no show

Lose him. Life's too short for unreliable compatriots.

My age, 21-23.

I just remembered that you've posted threads like this before, I presume it's the same guy?

And if you don't mind answering, do you have many friends? As in friends that you regularly do things with.

Murder him, of course. Your honor has been insulted, you need to cleanse the stain of shame and ensure that nobody will ever break their plans with you again.

 Corpsesarefun wrote:
I just remembered that you've posted threads like this before, I presume it's the same guy?

And if you don't mind answering, do you have many friends? As in friends that you regularly do things with.

I only have one friend im really comfortable to hang around with. My other friends I love but im still nervous around.
And it may be, for a bit he was good, but then he got a job so he was un available for a bit, which I understand, then he joined a youth thing and he stopped talking much.

 hotsauceman1 wrote:

 Corpsesarefun wrote:
I just remembered that you've posted threads like this before, I presume it's the same guy?

And if you don't mind answering, do you have many friends? As in friends that you regularly do things with.

I only have one friend im really comfortable to hang around with. My other friends I love but im still nervous around.
And it may be, for a bit he was good, but then he got a job so he was un available for a bit, which I understand, then he joined a youth thing and he stopped talking much.

I thought as much, which explains why you've tried to stick with this guy and find it difficult to simply "get new friends" as most people would suggest.

I think you two have just grown apart and, while it's sad, that's a normal part of life... All you can do is try to meet a few new people that you can be comfortable around. Hell if you look at it statistically, the more people you meet the more likely you are to find someone that you ARE comfortable with.

He's making his choices, and those choices are showing that right now there are things he'd rather do than hang out with you. It's up to you to make your own choice as to whether you want to keep on trying or not.

We set up another time to see the movie tommorow, Im wondering whether I should just go without him early in the day.
But his mom still owes me money for watching the dag.

 Peregrine wrote:
Murder him, of course. Your honor has been insulted, you need to cleanse the stain of shame and ensure that nobody will ever break their plans with you again.

I recommend dueling whippy sticks at dawn. Appropriate dueling garb would be either a 19th Century French Cavalier's uniform, or a clown outfit. But not both. That is against the Treaty of Ghent.


Automatically Appended Next Post:

I think you two have just grown apart and, while it's sad, that's a normal part of life... All you can do is try to meet a few new people that you can be comfortable around. Hell if you look at it statistically, the more people you meet the more likely you are to find someone that you ARE comfortable with.

This is truth.

I think it might also be a girl, Why else would he be willing to blow me off so frequently and make a fool of himself dancing ZUMBA

Lose him, I've had flaky friends in the past but it's not worth the stress so I breakup with them plus I have a little over half a dozen friends who are fairly or really committed to being friends so it's easier for me to say no.

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
I think it might also be a girl, Why else would he be willing to blow me off so frequently and make a fool of himself dancing ZUMBA

If he's willing to dance Zumba, it's either for a girl, or because he's a total spanker.

If it's the former, you just are not going to win the battle for attention. If its the latter, let him go, because he willingly dances Zumba.

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
I think it might also be a girl, Why else would he be willing to blow me off so frequently and make a fool of himself dancing ZUMBA

Because you've grown apart.

Seriously dude, stop making excuses to yourself and try to at least look at things objectively.

 sebster wrote:

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
I think it might also be a girl, Why else would he be willing to blow me off so frequently and make a fool of himself dancing ZUMBA

If he's willing to dance Zumba, it's either for a girl, or because he's a total spanker.

If it's the former, you just are not going to win the battle for attention. If its the latter, let him go, because he willingly dances Zumba.

He can dance if he wants to.

He can leave his friends behind.

Because his friends don't dance and if they don't dance well they're no friends of mine!




*ahem* Yeah, if he's screwing you over this often then it's time to lose him, or at least tell him how you're feeling. Sometimes people don't realise what they're doing unless they're told. Then again, some people are just arseholes.

I think I might try to tell him, he really is clueless sometimes.

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
I think I might try to tell him, he really is clueless sometimes.

Again...

Maybe he isn't just being clueless, maybe he isn't distracted by some girl...

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
I think I might try to tell him, he really is clueless sometimes.

Just be prepared for him to potentially take offence, but don't let that possibility stop you doing it. Either you tell him and he might see, or you don't and you end up letting him go anyway since he's really not acting like a friend right now. You're in a bit of a bind, but doing nothing won't get you out of it, so you're going to have to take action one way or another.

I think so, he is a good person and I do not think he is doing this on purpose or with any malice. Im just going to tell him how i feel

And the advice here is still valid.

Wait gak, rereading that thread you sound like you're talking about yourself in this thread?

Im not talking about myself, and I totally forgot I even made that thread.
Maybe it is time to cut him loose.

My advice is to simply find new friends - that if you continue to hang out with this person, you're sort of reinforcing that you're a person it's OK to walk all over. Life is short - it doesn't seem that way if you're young but man it is - so find someone else to hang out with. Make the effort, you deserve better. However, if you choose to follow other advice....

 Peregrine wrote:
Murder him, of course. Your honor has been insulted, you need to cleanse the stain of shame and ensure that nobody will ever break their plans with you again.

make sure afterward you also eat his heart to gain his strength, and then if he is (well, was) seeing a girl, seize her as your own. Your display of aggressiveness should bring her into heat, I imagine.

Story time:

I have one friend like that. About once a year or so, me and my gaming group are the biggest thing in his life. He's all about hanging out with us constantly and making plans for us to game all the time and he'll be there to help us and all that fun stuff.

He's like that for about 4 months, then he'll get bored and move on to his stoner friends, or his music friends and repeat the process. But he just drops everything to the group he leaves. It was ok in High School when we didn't do gak all, but now he's cutting out after making big plans to help us. Like when one of the gaming friends opened a new FLGS, this friend said he'd be there every night, hanging out and going to conventions and running booths promoting the store and all that jazz, but he got bored and wandered away to his stoner friends for a few months. Now we the gamers are interesting again and he's hanging out with us again.


But we don't count on him anymore for anything. He's not a bad dude, but he lost all credibility with us over the year while we helped FLGS friend get everything ready for his opening. We know that if we make plans involving him, like going to a movie or getting help on a various project, to not plan for him to follow through. We are pleasantly surprised when he shows up to help, or to hang out when we've planned to go see a movie or whatever.


If he's being flaky but you still want to be friends, just don't count on him. Be pleasantly surprised when he follows through. I try to never end friendships, but it's only a matter of time before it kinda dies on it's own. And if he's a friend you've had almost all your life, it can be hard to let go, or to just not really care whether or not he meets you halfway. But you've done all you can. It may be only a matter of time before excuses turn into complete silence.

 Iur_tae_mont wrote:
Story time:

I have one friend like that. About once a year or so, me and my gaming group are the biggest thing in his life. He's all about hanging out with us constantly and making plans for us to game all the time and he'll be there to help us and all that fun stuff.

He's like that for about 4 months, then he'll get bored and move on to his stoner friends, or his music friends and repeat the process. But he just drops everything to the group he leaves. It was ok in High School when we didn't do gak all, but now he's cutting out after making big plans to help us. Like when one of the gaming friends opened a new FLGS, this friend said he'd be there every night, hanging out and going to conventions and running booths promoting the store and all that jazz, but he got bored and wandered away to his stoner friends for a few months. Now we the gamers are interesting again and he's hanging out with us again.


But we don't count on him anymore for anything. He's not a bad dude, but he lost all credibility with us over the year while we helped FLGS friend get everything ready for his opening. We know that if we make plans involving him, like going to a movie or getting help on a various project, to not plan for him to follow through. We are pleasantly surprised when he shows up to help, or to hang out when we've planned to go see a movie or whatever.


If he's being flaky but you still want to be friends, just don't count on him. Be pleasantly surprised when he follows through. I try to never end friendships, but it's only a matter of time before it kinda dies on it's own. And if he's a friend you've had almost all your life, it can be hard to let go, or to just not really care whether or not he meets you halfway. But you've done all you can. It may be only a matter of time before excuses turn into complete silence.

If I'm honest I'm quite similar to this friend of yours, I move from friendgroup to friendgroup every few months... Though I don't tend recycle groups and I keep a stable of core friends (2-3) that I also spend time with on a regular basis but don't move on from.

 Corpsesarefun wrote:

 Iur_tae_mont wrote:
Story time:

I have one friend like that. About once a year or so, me and my gaming group are the biggest thing in his life. He's all about hanging out with us constantly and making plans for us to game all the time and he'll be there to help us and all that fun stuff.

He's like that for about 4 months, then he'll get bored and move on to his stoner friends, or his music friends and repeat the process. But he just drops everything to the group he leaves. It was ok in High School when we didn't do gak all, but now he's cutting out after making big plans to help us. Like when one of the gaming friends opened a new FLGS, this friend said he'd be there every night, hanging out and going to conventions and running booths promoting the store and all that jazz, but he got bored and wandered away to his stoner friends for a few months. Now we the gamers are interesting again and he's hanging out with us again.


But we don't count on him anymore for anything. He's not a bad dude, but he lost all credibility with us over the year while we helped FLGS friend get everything ready for his opening. We know that if we make plans involving him, like going to a movie or getting help on a various project, to not plan for him to follow through. We are pleasantly surprised when he shows up to help, or to hang out when we've planned to go see a movie or whatever.


If he's being flaky but you still want to be friends, just don't count on him. Be pleasantly surprised when he follows through. I try to never end friendships, but it's only a matter of time before it kinda dies on it's own. And if he's a friend you've had almost all your life, it can be hard to let go, or to just not really care whether or not he meets you halfway. But you've done all you can. It may be only a matter of time before excuses turn into complete silence.

If I'm honest I'm quite similar to this friend of yours, I move from friendgroup to friendgroup every few months... Though I don't tend recycle groups and I keep a stable of core friends (2-3) that I also spend time with on a regular basis but don't move on from.

That's not really the problem though. I'm cool with that, but when you throw down that you're going to do a lot to help a friend start a new business and just kinda drop off the face of the planet while the rest of us not only do what we said we would, but have to cover for you, you lose some serious credibility with me. FLGS owner took a big risk and after he was promised the moon, flaky friend, who is the reason I met and therefore befriended new FLGS owner, doesn't even try to a fraction of what he promised. You don't do that man.

Hotsauce....as your Uncle Sargie Wilki that's on top your food chain. Just give him a breather a bit. He might actually be going through one of those phases on "what am I to do short term goal" type of thought process. Unless you think he's like a serious depression then best invite him over for a few beers and grill time. Or he might actually be hung up on a female either in thought or in action