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Firstly, I am mildly bothered: I have a metric butt-ton of models to do, and I am starting to get a bit bogged down. Moreso than that, my wife (owner of an amazingly large eldar army) seems content to let them stay in boxes, and not play, paint, or assemble anything. She insists she wants to, but gets easily frustrated, and that my games room is "not suited' for her painting: too crowded, too messy, and too...mine I guess. She also refuses to paint anywhere else in the house on principle. Any ideas?

Secondly, (and more for my personal reference), heres what I have to do (unrelated to her 6000pts of unpainted eldar)
Tau:
Riptide, flyer, 24 pathfinders, 9 suits, broadside and 100 kroot to paint
6 hammerheads to update the paint scheme, plus all the guns, etc
40 drones
Swamp bases for 250 models.
Swamp display base for next years army on parade

Imperial Guard:
fix my heavy weapons (noticed some mould lines, etc), and add a couple more
Squad of Vostroyan
About 2 dozen misc. models (comissars, preachers, techmarines, psychers, etc)
Baneblade

Dark Angels Marines
Dreadnaught, flyer
Arms for 60 painted veteran marines
Painting for 50 terminators

Other
Update my reaver titan
Loads of terrain (the big trenchworks box set, plus the aquila, firestorm, and fortress)

Any ideas what I should do first? I tried out some of the water bases and some of the trenches recently, but it kind of feels like I am spinning my wheels.

"My games room is "not suited' for her painting: too crowded, too messy, and too...mine I guess. She also refuses to paint anywhere else in the house on principle. Any ideas?"

Sounds a lot like my space
Perhaps stowing a lot of the extra stuff some where like the attic and set up a his her table will appease the one who is always right.

Its also a good way to stay focused.

I recently over came a long time not painting (about 4 years) by having to get stuff ready for a big apoc game that stated painted models only.

Have you tried setting a goal for a particularly special game? Or rewarding a decent sized dent in the list by buying something special?

The bases stand out to me as they can be done in batches and with water effect they'll need lots of small stages. The Reaver would be at the other end of the scale, they can take a long time to build and paint but I have a friend building and painting mine for Christmas and he is making very quick progress with an airbrush.

My painting room used to be a nightmare mess (as in couldn't see the floor past all the boxes and models and clamps and tools). Fiance was... displeased by it, let's say. Surprised her one day by disappearing for a few hours and then calling her in, everything was pretty spotless. Nothing on the floor, everything in a drawer, paints on a rack that I'd screwed to the wall. She went from hating the room to happily going in there with me to read while I paint. She's not going to ever paint or play, but I consider that a win. On the plus side I never realized how much WAAAAAY nicer it is when I have actual space on my desk and don't have to do gymnastics to reach my chair. As always, she was right.

Short version: clean your room! Shuffle stuff you're not using somewhere else and make some space. Make it less yours and more 'ours'. Even if it doesn't get her to get her stuff together, it's a win/win anyway since you'll feel better about stuff when you're in there. I can pretty much guarantee that.

I try and break it down into do this, this month. The painting and modelling forums has a nice section for painting and modelling vows per month that can help you set goals and keep on track. In regarads to her saying it's not suitable for her, have you tried setting up a separate desk or something in the space?

Know the feeling of being bogged down!
I've got so much stuff to get around to painting or building that I've lost count. Having it all there waiting within sight is offputting. I fins its best to have the whole lot packed away, except the one thing I'm working on. This way I can keep focus on it and not get sidetracked working on this or that, or even disheartened by the mountain of 'to do'
Latley I've been trying to force myself to paint it all before I'l allow myself to purchase some more. Seems to be working, as I really want to get some armour for my orks, But if I did, then the tanks would be painted, and all the boyz left behind.

Might even come to selling off the unstarted projects when I cant bare finishing them anymore.