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Buddy of mine and I were brainstorming Black Templars, here is one of the more balanced lists we made.
(Black Templar players still exist)
HQ (355)
Chapter Master - artificer/ storm shield/ storm bolter/ relic blade
Honour Guard - 5 man - banner
TROOPS (520)
Crusader Squad - 10 man - Sgt w/ power maul/ meltagun/ power weapon
Crusader Squad - 10 man - Sgt w/ power maul/ meltagun/ power weapon
Neophyte Squad - 5 man - snipers/ camocloaks
Neophyte Squad - 5 man - snipers/ camocloaks
FAST (125)
Storm Talon - assault cannon/ skyhammer missiles
HEAVY (500)
Vindicator - no upgrades
Vindicator - no upgrades
Godhammer Land Raider - no upgrades

Chapter Master "Beatstick" and his merry men are in the Land Raider (decided to take standard because unit has grenades)
Vindicators form and Land Raider form a wall for Crusaders to safely walk across the board
Neophytes learn the importance of guns and backup fire
Talon may or may not be a little rascal. If he gets in trouble and gets grounded, he had his fun. Mainly there on off chance of enemy flyers

You don't really have room for spare points but I'd try to fit the Burning Blade on your CM so that he can punch through 2+ armor at initiative, if not, then at least find the points for the shield eternal. As it stands a techmarine could insta-gib you without you killing him first...

This seems like a fun fluffy list knowing Black templars
I think the burning blade is abit overated and rather use the eternal shield along with a thunder hammer then again the setup you have here isnt fully bad.. but i'd prefer to have more honour guard along with the CM.

I wouldn't count on a pair of Vindies and a Landraider screening your troops. Granted, things like Firewarrior gunlines will have trouble, but there are a whole lot of nasty things that can circumvent your tank-wall altogether.

In terms of fluff, it feels very Vanilla to me. Crusader Squads built like Tactical squads (10 men and no mixed armor) with an extra PW, and snipers...yick. But then I am something of a puritan. I do love those good ol' Vindies though

Anyway, in my opinion a footslogging Crusader squad needs more than 10 bodies. Not just on a matter of fluff, but because hoofing it is dangerous, and ablative wounds are (practically) a must. Taking Neophytes (even if you stick with 10 men) is a good way to scrape together extra points, too.

Heretical as they are, Snipers are good units. Even more so with Landspeeder Storms, but I don't see anywhere to get the points for them, so I wouldn't worry much about it.

The Raider seems like a bit much to transport a 6 man squad, even a fairly killy 6 man squad like you have there. A Stormraven would save you a nice chunk of change (which you could use to add more Honor Guard), allow you to bring in the Stormtalon at the same time, give you greater mobility, and it still has a nice supply of firepower. Of course, this would pretty much invalidate the tank-wall idea entirely, so it's not a small change to make if you take one.

You might be better off with 2 Landspeeders than a single Stormtalon.

Just my two bits.