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Shout "LOOK, AN EAGLE!!" at the top of your voice whilst pointing and looking amazed/shocked at a top corner of the room. Then, whilst your opponent is 'distracted' pick up their Land Raider/Greater Demon of Khorne/Dreadnought/BattleWagon etc and hide it under the table. Bonus points if they don't notice.

1. Come dressed in as a Space Marine. Every time you talk, make the VOX noise before you speak and after you are done.

2. Before each roll of the dice, shout, "Here comes the pain!!!"

3. Don't bathe for a couple days prior to the game, and wear a tight half shirt and low slung pants.

4. When talking to your opponent, refer to them as "Sport." ("Hey Sport, you think that is a good idea." "Looks like I just killed a bunch of your dolls Sport." "Thanks for letting me kick your @$$ Sport.")

5. When your opponent gets his army out, start laughing. When they ask what is funny, just ask if their kid/younger sibling painted their army.

6. Everyone's favorite...... Dispute every move, and demand rule verification.

Cheese Elemental: I think the cryptic references your mysterious FLGS worker was making could possibly have been in reference to a webcomic called "TSOALR", or "Turn Signals On A Land Raider". It details the adventures of a couple of space marines of the "Emperor's Pointy Sticks" Chapter as their owner drags them through games at his FLGS. At one point they had a Land Raider in a Fantasy game. With a Sister of Battle. And a daemonette. Yummy.

The same guy who chucked who chucked the squigs at my LR occasionaly will start his turn with nothing but a few solid minutes of staring at the board in silence, dispite my vocal protest. He just... does... nothing for a while.

I am making this guy sound like a jerk, but to be fair he's a really nice guy with a few annoying habits.

he sounds amazing! anyone who chucks a squig bomb at a LR GETS MY VOTE!

MO' POWA TO 'IM

ixlar wrote:3. Don't bathe for a couple days prior to the game, and wear a tight half shirt and low slung pants.

This is not something that has to actively be done by some gamers. Hygiene is a word they seem unfamiliar with.

Constantly question EVERY rules interpretation, and whine like a 4 year old when you don't get your way.
(In a tournament situation, this will usually only get you ZERO sportsmanship - only because you can't get negatives).
In a 'friendly, it'll just get you treated as a pariah, and you will give up the hobby because no-one will play you, as you've become TFG.

Hygiene, by STRICT gamer definition is what you say when your buddy Gene walks into the room.

There is no other meaning.


Eric

chromedog wrote:
This is not something that has to actively be done by some gamers. Hygiene is a word they seem unfamiliar with.

Oh yeah, all to aware of that. That is why I threw in the half shirt and sagging pants. I figured that should be a different enough than your typical stinky gamer showing up.

play khorne and sing "berzerker"
"it is time for making ****!"
"BERZERKER"

3. Don't bathe for a couple days prior to the game, and wear a tight half shirt and low slung pants.

I thought this was a requirement for playing any GW game in a GW shop.

My other half wont even come in to my local GW shop because of the niff.

And we wonder why more women don't get involved. :S

Bring on a large reserve unit of snotlings... randomly... from your nose.

Okay, perform some sleight of hand BS and pretend to continually remove different snotling models from your nose, and add them to your units.

Fit a small gas torch into your hellhound.

Fit a small oxygen torch to your warhound.

Get an 18" ruler tattooed to your forearm and hand.

Play Ultramarines and play loud cruising hip-hop from a 15" speaker directly beneath the gaming table.

Refuse to play when your lawyer isn't present. Keep demanding your 'one call', and slam your fists near coffee cups (or spear-armed units).

Have Chessmaster open on a laptop nearby and keep trying to generate 'best moves' during game time.

Have a pen, a tiny calculator and a huge piece of paper, and keep trying to generate 'best moves' during game time (through extensive theorectical rolling, pre-measuring, multiple scenarios, and finally deciding not to move any models that turn).

and finally...

Stelek's Tarpitting with Sisters and IG.

Take an agonisingly long time to make even the simplest of decisions.

Move your units up to a point, and then suddenly realise you've played into your opponents hands and demand to undo the move.

Roll your to hit dice and the second they hit the table, start grabbing them at random, before anyone could possibly tell what was actually rolled, claiming them to be successes.

Have a sibling or parent on hand to help you argue the slightest nuance of the rules in the vain hope that by having backup you are automatically correct.

Happily declare yourself in Rapidfire range, do so, and then claim your opponent is not in assault range (a physical impossiblity) until you are red in the face.

Have a random bretonnian knight, sans head and right arm in the front rank, so that once combat is joined you can suddenly claim him to be your Battle Standard bearer.

Pay no attention whatsoever to your opponent, despite him taking care to declare his targets to you, and what he is rolling for, so you can turn around, see an above average success, and demand a re-roll on account you didn't see him roll.

Ensure you spread your unique vision of how the game should be played with your Foghorn like voice, just to make sure those on tables next to you cannot possibly hear what their opponent is saying.

And whilst using your foghorn voice, don't forget to take the opportunity to point out what players playing next to you are up to, and how to avoid their opponents trap. After all, you are the self appointed Warhammer Master, even though you lose most of your games.

Trash talk your opponent during deployment in a tournament about how good you are and how he has no chance. Keep doing so even though it doesn't effect him in the slightest.

Then, loudly declare your opponent is an a** when you are well into your shooting phase and realize you forgot to move your Devilfish. Keep doing so until he lets you move it.

Call you opponent an a** again when you go to shoot said Devilfish and you are 1/2" outside of range and he won't let you nudge it forward/ take the shot. Keep muttering under your breath after he doesn't let you.

Then, after your opponent tables you, call him an a** again, but quietly and under your breath.

Some kid did this to me at a tourney a few years ago, I was quite annoyed yet glad I tabled him.