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So the Lord Militant goes into his library, but found that his books are all torn up with bitemarks in them! Who could have done this?

The Word Eaters.

So the Lord Militant wants to ensure that nobody tampers with his finances whilst he is away. Who does he hire to watch over them?
The Debt Guard

So the Lord Militant needs his teeth cleaned, but a group of heretics stand in his way. Who are these defenders of decay?
Plaque Marines

So the Lord Militant comes face to face with the leader of a heretical crusade, however part-way through the leader gives up and calls a retreat. Who was this coward?
Abaddon the Desponder

So the Lord Militant hired some hive gangers to help him out. But now he can't sleep cause they're playing their loud music all night, who are these noisey gangers?
Clan Or-ROCK

So the Lord Militant wants to meet with some hive gangers but he keeps getting lost! Their base is a maze of optical illusions. Who lives in this bizarre base?
Clan Escher

So the Lord Militant hired some hive gangers to get supplies like combat drugs and illicit weapons. But they never have what he needs! Who are these unprepared hive gangers?
Clan Dey Lack

So the Lord Militant is supposed to meet with a hive gang, but before they open the gate they're making him do bird calls. Who are these strange gangers?
Clan Caw Door

So the Lord Militant wants a hive gang to work for him but they're too busy painting pictures of France on their Ford Aerostar. Who are they?
Clan Van Saar

So the Lord Militant hired a hive gang but every time he tells them to fight they say they come over and say they can't cause they have a bad rash. He thinks they're telling fibs, who are they?
Clan Go Lie Itch


Automatically Appended Next Post:

Lord Castellan wrote:
So the Lord Militant goes into his library, but found that his books are all torn up with bitemarks in them! Who could have done this?

The Word Eaters.

Spoiler:

Am I doing this right?

Just perfect!

We'll make people beg for the sweet, sweet relief of the black and white space marine joke.

Lord Dante decides to write a book What is it called?
50 shades of red.

So, the Lord Militant needs some Greek spies to infiltrate the Euro zone. Who is he using?
The Alpha Legion.


Automatically Appended Next Post:
I'm not good at this


Automatically Appended Next Post:
The Kindergarten is swarming with Space Marines! WHo could they be?
Emperors Children.

Long ago in a distant land, I, M'kar, the shape-shifting Master of Chaos, unleashed an unspeakable evil! But a foolish Grey Knight warrior wielding a magic sword stepped forth to oppose me. Before the final blow was struck, I tore open a portal in space and flung him into the Warp, where my evil is law! Now the fool seeks to return to the real, and undo the evil that is Chaos!

^ picture isn't showing up.

The Lord Militant is shocked! The fangirls of a certain sparkly book have penetrated his palace! Who are these intruders?

The Pink Horrors

So the Lord Militant is trying to fight the Xenos but they keep knocking on his door wanting to borrow a cup of AB+, who are they?
Blood Ask Orks

So the Lord Militant is trying to fight the Xenos but they keep dropping their pants and wiggling their ugly butts at him, who are these disrespectful Xenos?
Bad Moon Orks

So the Lord Militant is screaming his battlecry at the Xenos but they're all like 'what?' 'huh?' who are these fools?
Deaf Skull Orks

So the Lord Militant is fighting the Xenos and suddenly finds among their ranks his own children! Who could twist his offspring so?
Evil Sons Orks

So the Lord Militant is inspecting captured Xenos records, Chaos Tomes, Tau computer disks, Eldar data crystals and so on. And then he finds some serpents with ones and zeros written on their backs. Who keeps records like this?
Snake Byte Orks

So the Lord Militant is trying to fight the Xenos but they all called in sick. Who are these sickly aliens?
Cough Orks

Anything on these two channels:

http://www.youtube.com/user/alfabusa

http://www.youtube.com/channel/UCu-gp8eEmEz4bDt2Q5pXVbQ