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2014/08/31 06:57:01
Subject: What Are your favorite Euphemisms for The God-Emperor of Mankind?
I went to Hershey Park in central PA this year, and I have to say I was more than a little disappointed. I fully expected the entire theme park to be make entirely of chocolate, but no. Here in America, we have "building codes," and some other nonsense about chocolate melting if don't store it someplace kept below room temperature.
2014/08/31 08:42:56
Subject: Re:What Are your favorite Euphemisms for The God-Emperor of Mankind?
I went to Hershey Park in central PA this year, and I have to say I was more than a little disappointed. I fully expected the entire theme park to be make entirely of chocolate, but no. Here in America, we have "building codes," and some other nonsense about chocolate melting if don't store it someplace kept below room temperature.
2014/08/31 17:29:18
Subject: What Are your favorite Euphemisms for The God-Emperor of Mankind?
This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2014/08/31 18:36:36
The Viletide: Daemons of Nurgle/Deathguard: 7400 pts
Disclples of the Dragon - Ad Mech - about 2000 pts GSC - about 2000 Pts
Rhulic Mercs - um...many...
Circle Oroboros - 300 Pts or so
Menoth - 300+ pts
2014/08/31 20:28:35
Subject: What Are your favorite Euphemisms for The God-Emperor of Mankind?
I'm quite fond of "Empy". ^^; But only out of character.
"That time I only loaded the cannon with powder. Next time, I will fill it with jewels and diamonds and they will cut you to shrebbons!" - Nogbad the Bad.
2014/09/01 00:52:17
Subject: What Are your favorite Euphemisms for The God-Emperor of Mankind?
The Norwegian Blue enjoys kipping on its throne. Wonderful bird, beautiful plumage.
Greebo had spent an irritating two minutes in that box. Technically, a cat locked in a box may be alive or it may be dead. You never know until you look. In fact, the mere act of opening the box will determine the state of the cat, although in this case there were three determinate states the cat could be in: these being Alive, Dead, and Bloody Furious.
Orks always ride in single file to hide their strength and numbers.
Gozer the Gozerian, Gozer the Destructor, Volguus Zildrohar, Gozer the Traveler, and Lord of the Sebouillia
2014/09/01 05:01:05
Subject: What Are your favorite Euphemisms for The God-Emperor of Mankind?
His Holy Honorable Venerable Eternal Humble Grand Powerful Holiness.
Thought for the day: Hope is the first step on the road to disappointment.
30k Ultramarines: 2000 pts
Bolt Action Germans: ~1200 pts
AOS Stormcast: Just starting.
The Empire : ~60-70 models.
1500 pts
: My Salamanders painting blog 16 Infantry and 2 Vehicles done so far!
2014/09/01 10:28:54
Subject: What Are your favorite Euphemisms for The God-Emperor of Mankind?
The Norwegian Blue enjoys kipping on its throne. Wonderful bird, beautiful plumage.
' Look, I took the liberty of examining that Emperor, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been NAILED there.
(pause)
Well, o'course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that bird down, it would have nuzzled up to those Custodes, bent 'em apart with is teeth, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!
"VOOM"?!? Mate, this Emperor wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! 'E's bleedin' demised!
No no! 'E's pining!
'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This Emperor is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the Throne 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible!! THIS IS AN EX-Emperor!!'
The Viletide: Daemons of Nurgle/Deathguard: 7400 pts
Disclples of the Dragon - Ad Mech - about 2000 pts GSC - about 2000 Pts
Rhulic Mercs - um...many...
Circle Oroboros - 300 Pts or so
Menoth - 300+ pts
2014/09/02 13:17:20
Subject: What Are your favorite Euphemisms for The God-Emperor of Mankind?
Ascalam, thinks for the help. As always I refuse to apologize for this.
Spoiler:
Mr. Praline: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.
(The owner does not respond.)
Mr. Praline: 'Ello, Miss?
Owner: What do you mean "miss"?
Mr. Praline: (pause)I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!
Owner: We're closin' for lunch.
Mr. Praline: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this emperor what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.
Owner: Oh yes, the, uh, the Norwegian Blue...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?
Mr. Praline: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's dead, that's what's wrong with it!
Owner: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resting.
Mr. Praline: Look, matey, I know a dead empeor when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.
Owner: No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable man, the Norwegian Blue, idn'it, ay? Beautiful plumage!
Mr. Praline: The plumage don't enter into it. It's stone dead.
Owner: Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting!
Mr. Praline: All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up! (shouting at the cage) 'Ello, Mister Corpse Emperor! I've got a lovely fresh Psyker for you if you show...
(owner hits the throne)
Owner: There, he moved!
Mr. Praline: No, he didn't, that was you hitting the throne!
Owner: I never!!
Mr. Praline: Yes, you did!
Owner: I never, never did anything...
Mr. Praline: (yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly) 'ELLO EMPY!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!
(Takes the emperor off of the throne and thumps its head on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)
Mr. Praline: Now that's what I call a dead emperor.
Owner: No, no.....No, 'e's stunned!
Mr. Praline: STUNNED?!?
Owner: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! Norwegian Blues stun easily, major.
Mr. Praline: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That emperor is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged rallying speech.
Owner: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the fjords.
Mr. Praline: PININ' for the FJORDS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got 'im home?
Owner: The Norwegian Blue prefers keepin' on it's back! Remarkable man, id'nit, squire? Lovely plumage!
Mr. Praline: Look, I took the liberty of examining that emperor when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its throne in the first place was that it had been NAILED there.
(pause)
Owner: Well, o'course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that man down, it would have nuzzled up to those Custodes, ripped 'em apart with its teeth, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!
Mr. Praline: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this man wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! 'E's bleedin' demised!
Owner: No no! 'E's pining!
Mr. Praline: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This emperor is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the throne 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible!! THIS IS AN EX-EMPEROR!!
(pause)
Owner: Well, I'd better replace it, then. (he takes a quick peek behind the counter) Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh, we're right out of emperors.
Mr. Praline: I see. I see, I get the picture.
Owner: (pause) I got a warboss.
(pause)
Mr. Praline: Pray, does it talk?
Owner: Nnnnot really.
Mr. Praline: WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?
Owner: N-no, I guess not. (gets ashamed, looks at his feet)
Mr. Praline: Well.
(pause)
Owner: (quietly) D'you.... d'you want to come back to my place?
Mr. Praline: (looks around) Yeah, all right, sure.
Alternate ending:
Mr. Praline: (sweet as sugar) Pray, does it talk?
Owner: Nnnnot really.
Mr. Praline: WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?
Owner: Look, if you go to my brother's shop on Cadia, he'll replace the emperor for you.
Mr. Praline: Cadia, eh? Very well.
(The customer leaves.)
(The customer enters the same shop. The owner is putting on a false moustache.)
Mr. Praline: This is Cadia, is it?
Owner: (with a fake mustache) No, it's Krieg.
Mr. Praline: (looking at the camera) That's inter-galactic transport for you.
(Mr. Praine goes to the trsnaport station. He addresses a man standing behind a desk marked "Complaints".)
Mr. Praline: I wish to complain, Intergalactic Transportation Person.
Attendant: I DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS JOB, YOU KNOW!!!
Mr. Praline: I beg your pardon...?
Attendant: I'm a qualified Tech-Priest! I only do this job because I like being my own boss!
Mr. Praline: Excuse me, this is irrelevant, isn't it?
Attendant: Yeah, well it's not easy to pad these python files out to 150 lines, you know.
Mr. Praline: Well, I wish to complain. I got on the Cadian flight and found myself deposited here in Krieg.
Attendant: No, this is Cadia.
Mr. Praline: (to the camera) The shop man's brother was lying!!
Attendant: Can't blame Intergalactic Transports for that.
Mr. Praline: In that case, I shall return to the shop!
(He does.)
Mr. Praline: I understand this IS Cadia.
Owner: (still with the fake mustache) Yes?
Mr. Praline: You told me it was Krieg!
Owner: ...It was a pun.
Mr. Praline: (pause) A PUN?!?
Owner: No, no...not a pun...What's that thing that spells the same backwards as forwards?
Mr. Praline: (Long pause) A palindrome...?
Owner: Yeah, that's it!
Mr. Praline: It's not a palindrome! The palindrome of "Cadia" would be "Aidac"!! It don't work!!
Owner: Well, what do you want?
Mr. Praline: I'm not prepared to pursue my line of inquiry any longer as I think this is getting too silly!
Commissar: Quite agree, quite agree, too silly, far too silly... (takes customer by the arm) Come on, you, you've got to go do another sketch now! Come on... (he walks off stage left, followed by the director and cameramen, leaving the owner alone on the set)
Owner: (to the audience) Well! I never wanted to do this in the first place. I wanted to be... a lumberjack!
(he takes off his white lab coat to reveal a checkered shirt and suspenders under it)
Floating down the mighty rivers of British Columbia! With my best girl by my side!...
This message was edited 2 times. Last update was at 2014/09/02 13:44:54
Greebo had spent an irritating two minutes in that box. Technically, a cat locked in a box may be alive or it may be dead. You never know until you look. In fact, the mere act of opening the box will determine the state of the cat, although in this case there were three determinate states the cat could be in: these being Alive, Dead, and Bloody Furious.
Orks always ride in single file to hide their strength and numbers.
Gozer the Gozerian, Gozer the Destructor, Volguus Zildrohar, Gozer the Traveler, and Lord of the Sebouillia
2014/09/02 13:42:23
Subject: What Are your favorite Euphemisms for The God-Emperor of Mankind?
The Viletide: Daemons of Nurgle/Deathguard: 7400 pts
Disclples of the Dragon - Ad Mech - about 2000 pts GSC - about 2000 Pts
Rhulic Mercs - um...many...
Circle Oroboros - 300 Pts or so
Menoth - 300+ pts
2014/09/02 13:43:34
Subject: What Are your favorite Euphemisms for The God-Emperor of Mankind?
If you can dig it up, check out the 1001 Adepta Sororitas jokes thread over in General. Not only is there a couple converted Python skits, I also converted "Who's On First?".
Greebo had spent an irritating two minutes in that box. Technically, a cat locked in a box may be alive or it may be dead. You never know until you look. In fact, the mere act of opening the box will determine the state of the cat, although in this case there were three determinate states the cat could be in: these being Alive, Dead, and Bloody Furious.
Orks always ride in single file to hide their strength and numbers.
Gozer the Gozerian, Gozer the Destructor, Volguus Zildrohar, Gozer the Traveler, and Lord of the Sebouillia
2014/09/02 15:27:37
Subject: What Are your favorite Euphemisms for The God-Emperor of Mankind?
Always a fan of E-Money.. I mean.. he has a golden psychic toilet for crying out loud.
Vorradis 75th "Crimson Cavaliers" 8.7k
The enemies of Mankind may employ dark sciences or alien weapons beyond Humanity's ken, but such deviance comes to naught in the face of honest human intolerance back by a sufficient number of guns.
2014/09/02 15:57:30
Subject: Re:What Are your favorite Euphemisms for The God-Emperor of Mankind?
Emperor's Eagles (undergoing Chapter reorganization)
Caledonian 95th (undergoing regimental reorganization)
Thousands Sons (undergoing Warband re--- wait, are any of my 40K armies playable?)
2014/09/02 18:33:34
Subject: What Are your favorite Euphemisms for The God-Emperor of Mankind?
No good will come of this, No good at all
WAAAGH! FOR THE EMPEROR!
Midnight Dragons: 2000pts Wins 3 Loses 1 Draws 0
The Fox Knights: 4218pts Wins 1 Loses 2 Draws 0
King Krumpz Boyz: 2965pts Wins 1 Loses 1 Draws 1
Tigrus Vespa Hive: Spawning Wins 3 Loses 5 Draws 0
500-pts
2014/09/02 20:06:03
Subject: What Are your favorite Euphemisms for The God-Emperor of Mankind?
The Empire 
1500 pts
: 
Tyranids: 1000+ pts
Word Bearers: 1500+ pts
Emperor's Children: 1500+ pts
Minotaurs: 2000+ pts (killed by Primaris, thanks GW)
Custodes: 1000+ pts 
Innocentia Nihil Probat. 
Son of Dorn 
Vorradis 75th "Crimson Cavaliers" 8.7k
Emperor's Eagles (undergoing Chapter reorganization)
Thousands Sons (undergoing Warband re--- wait, are any of my 40K armies playable?) 
The Fox Knights: 4218pts Wins 1 Loses 2 Draws 0
King Krumpz Boyz: 2965pts Wins 1 Loses 1 Draws 1
500-pts