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hello everyone, I have begun trying to write a novel. so far I have written a first draft of the first chapter (I plan on expanding and editing it with information gained here and from friends and teachers.) and it is 25 pages long.
the general premise of the novel is that it is based on a post-apocalyptic society.
at the age of sixteen, each member of the people must gather to the Citadel. the citadel itself is the centre of the entire people.
any way, they have to enter this machine, the 'lexicon of transcendence' in the machine, they are injected with a mutagen (or somewhat) and are branded.
this brand shows the rune of one of the three castes. the young person is put into that caste for life.
the three castes are:
builders: the most numerous caste, the builders number in the millions, and are the menials and workers of the Humanii (the name of the peoples) empire.
Healers: the second most numerous caste, the healers number in the thousands. they are scientists and doctors, politicians and such. the entire empire is led by the Three arch-healers.
warriors: the least numerous caste, the warriors number around one thousand (to begin with). the warriors are hated by the other castes, treated like scum, they are ignored at best, cursed at worst. they are seen as useless, as the people are told by the arch-healers propaganda that the warriors are evil and blood-mongers (the arch-healers don't like the warriors, for a reason to be revealed later.) so that the common people do not know of the vicious struggle the warriors face in the southern borders, against the savage ERN( see below).
after a time, some one can also choose to participate in a second transcendence, effectively becoming their caste +1.
these include:
the immortals: the second form of the Warriors. immortals, rather than displaying limited physical mutations, have become effectively werewolves without a human form. their bodies are wolf-like, covered in fur, and such.
the architects are the second form of the builders, and are, well, architects.
the healer primes are effectively the same as healers.
the Ern.
the Ern are the "enemy" race, and are a species of human-like beings that display a savage hatred for the Humanii. they live in large "hive" structures that are made of all kinds of materials.
the main character of the story is a sixteen year old named Ryser. both of his parents are builders and he assumes himself to be destined to be as such. but, when the day of judgement comes, fate has other plans.
EDIT: technology. the Humanii have energy weapons and advanced electro magnetic devices. think forerunners from halo except a few steps back.
welp, that's it. the premise or rather setting of the book. what do y'all think?

Looks like you're off to a good start in terms of setting, some of it is fairly standard Dystopia but that's no bad thing, as it means both you and the target audience are familiar with the concepts to a certain extent. The only bit that maybe jars a bit is the level of tech combined with a post-apocalyptic setting, which just doesn't seem to gel. Maybe go with the route of having a major event in the past that shapes the modern society, but not something apocalyptic (apocalypse-type events usually shove humanity back into the dark ages). If you've read The Hunger Games, think of the war that started it all off; it sets up the societal structure without nearly wiping out humanity, you want something like that.

The ideas of a caste structure is an interesting one, but you'll want something to set it apart from the typical version of it. For example, where did the Machine come from? Was it a relic from before The Event, and as such has acquired a mystical, pseudo-religious place in society? Is is more recent, an attempt from the rulers that rose from the rubble to ensure their control for generations to come? Of course, there's no need to explain any of the workings and reasons to the reader, but you yourself need an idea of the whats, whys are wherefores of the Machine. You could work it into the plot, but you don't have to. Maybe even set it up as a red herring, so the reader assumes it's important until the Big Reveal that there's something else in play.

And a few general writing tips:
-Plan. You don't need to subscribe religiously to whatever plan you come up with, but you need to have a very firm idea of where the plot going, how it gets there and why is does so. This plan will remain in constant flux while writing, but it's better to have a changing plan than just making it up as you write.

-Don't worry if it doesn't seem that good to start off with. Your first draft, unless you are some kind of writing god, will be riddled with errors, poor turns of phrase, possibly clunky characters and plot, but it really does not matter. The first run through is to get the skeleton of the story down, get used to the characters and just get a firm grip on what it is you're writing. Be prepared to re-write almost everything the second time around, and don't be put off it it just feels rubbish the first time you look back on it. It's just a fact.

- Know what you are doing. Every character, place and concept you introduce needs some kind of basic backstory to them, as even if you don't put any of it in writing, it informs how they act and interact with the setting. Think of it this way; your life experience makes you who you are, and the people that you meet won't know much/any of it, but it still determines how you act around them and therefore how they see you as a person. Your characters are the same; the reader doesn't need to know what the character's childhood's were like, or their parents, or what type school they went to, but you do, so you can make them as real and deep as possible. If a character is kind/uncaring/brutal/inquisitive, there has to be a reason, even if it's not written down. The same with places, they all have a history that will inform the dynamic of the setting.

Hope that helps, good luck, and go for it.

For what it's worth, Ryser is a painfully awful name for your protagonist. You might as well name them something as silly as "Katnis Everdeen," "Anastasia Steele," or "Cypher Raige."

As far as setting is concerned, the "Caste system that rigidly defines everyone's life path and is clearly wrong dismantled by a chosen one who transcends the system with a defiance for conformity that establishes the value of individuality, thereby saving society and the world" is overdone these days. It's pretty much today's Twilight.
Build your society more carefully, make something more believable out of it. Think about why these systems would be developed in the first place, and more importantly, how they'd get the support of the populace at large. As twisted as your villains may be, remember that they must see themselves as the heroes of their own story.

Thanks bot of you for the adive, it's really helpful.
@fafnir, I agree that the whole "special snowflake, chosen one" thing is really over done, and am just going to kind of have Ryser go with it, you know.
He didn't want to be a Warrior, but he's like "oh well, This is my life. Let's get to it." and he pretty much conforms. The only not-conformy part is that he expected to be a builder.
And even then, I want to write that off as personal arrogance. I want his character to be very sure of himself, confident, and arrogant.
P.s: don't like the name Ryser? The other main characters names are: Strider, Wander, Tyreen, ferren, Jerome.

As always, I suggest you use the resources and individuals available to you at WritingForums.org

Where the hell did Jerome come into play alongside those other ridiculous names?

 cincydooley wrote:
Where the hell did Jerome come into play alongside those other ridiculous names?

Aerith and Bob is a staple of the genre

First of all, you need a better plan. It is a very, VERY common mistake I see in a lot of amateur writers, you are focused all on the world's setup and "rules" that you have not given any thought to the message of your story. What is your goal? Where are you going? Stop using energy on this setup until you have your plan in place, as you are wasting it right now.

Your world and its rules should SERVE the story. If they are done first, they are just hampering it.

That said, a lot of your rules are pretty illogical and confusing. Why do people hate your warriors if they are fighting to kill a bunch of hideous bug people? That is complete nonsense, and the "we'll find out later" is a cop-out. Tell us now. If you can't get me interested in the summary, I am not going to read the story to get there.

It is post-apocalypse, yet energy swords and electromagnetic super weapons? What?

The caste system clearly shows that you are putting work into only one of them to be interesting. It's clear that you are only interested in the warriors, just look at the "caste +1 descriptions".

 LordofHats wrote:
As always, I suggest you use the resources and individuals available to you at WritingForums.org

Man, that website is amazing, thank you!!!

Ok well, by "post apocalyptic", I probably should have said "social collapse."
Technology before the event was this good, and I'll go into greater detail about the current technology later.
An event, probably a hyper advanced war, happened a lOng time ago (hundreds if not thousands of years ago)
When the smoke cleared, small factions of people were all that was left.
One particular faction, made up of genetic scientists and average people, were quickly dying out because of brutal attacks from the other factions.
The scientists, who quickly took the lead of their faction, began to experiment on their subjects.
Eventually, these experiments brought forth the first warriors, and the faction began to hold their own, even conquering nabour factions. quickly, it became apparent that the Warriors, with their heightened aggression, weren't going to be particularly useful when it came time to rebuild society. So the Scientists again experimented, and created the builders, but this time there was a side effect. Exposure to the experimental formulas they had been creating mutated the scientists, their fingers grew in length, their craniums flattened, and the Healers were born.
The Scientists created the lexicon, containing and self-replicating the mutagens for all three Castes, and tyrannically demanded that all of their growing population be changed by the machine.
Soon,'after most of the living lands (the large country sized space in north America which was the only known area not destroyed and or irradiated by the social collapse/ mega war.)
Were under the Healers control, they felt the warriors were no lOnger needed, as they had shown signs of possible revolt, which the Healers assumed a sign of war-lust. The Healers tryed to eliminate the Warrior Mutagen from the lexicon, but failed. So instead they disgraced the warriors, and over generations, the warriors dwindled, untill just a thousand or so lived.
And ever DEcreasing number.
Enter, start of story.

The logic of that falls apart though, unless they are somehow able to completely hide the Ern. They aren't behaving in any kind of believable way, except to make sure that your main character is disgraces for the sake of your plot. It feels extremely contrived.