Night before Battle - Skaven fiction comics

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**rohatakrysa**

**Mr Nobody**

Interesting, I hope to see more.

**Buttery Commissar**

Very very nice art, it reminds me of the black and white war comics I could buy when I was young.

Please share more with us when you have made them!

Some of the phrasing is a little strange. If you would like any help with the grammar, I'm certain folks here could help you.

**flamingkillamajig**

I like the art and the story is fitting of skaven and it mostly seems to fit. All that said most humans tend not to know about the skaven and seem to think of them as some sort of beastmen or other mutated rat. Some human referring to the skaven as skaven is rare indeed if it ever even occurs. They're more likely to be referred to as 'those things' or 'rat-men' than skaven.

**Mr Morden**

Nicely done - loo forward to more

**rohatakrysa**

Thank you for positive response. I'm sorry for grammar mistakes, I rarely use english except of reading, so I let other people translate story. If some text looks weird for natural english speakers, tell me, I'll correct it.

Alas I'm not good in drawing, I'd only write script and I have several more scripts, but no artist to make it. So if there is someone, who want draw a comics story, tell me, I can offer you a story, skaven and otherwise.

**Platuan4th**

flamingkillamajig wrote:
I like the art and the story is fitting of skaven and it mostly seems to fit. All that said most humans tend not to know about the skaven and seem to think of them as some sort of beastmen or other mutated rat. Some human referring to the skaven as skaven is rare indeed if it ever even occurs. They're more likely to be referred to as 'those things' or 'rat-men' than skaven.

It's only the Empire don't know about the Skaven. Other human nations(Border Princes, Bretonnia, Estalia, etc.) are well aware that the Skaven exist, that they're called Skaven, and that they're a threat.

**flamingkillamajig**

Platuan4th wrote:
flamingkillamajig wrote:
I like the art and the story is fitting of skaven and it mostly seems to fit. All that said most humans tend not to know about the skaven and seem to think of them as some sort of beastmen or other mutated rat. Some human referring to the skaven as skaven is rare indeed if it ever even occurs. They're more likely to be referred to as 'those things' or 'rat-men' than skaven.

It's only the Empire don't know about the Skaven. Other human nations(Border Princes, Bretonnia, Estalia, etc.) are well aware that the Skaven exist, that they're called Skaven, and that they're a threat.

Well i know dwarfs know and elves might know. I'm guessing lizardmen probably know considering all the fighting though somebody mentioned slann are only semi-conscious and i dunno how skinks think. If i remember lizardmen are made to be warriors and they're designed around that role with slann to lead them (and maybe some skinks). Anyway i just always thought most humans weren't aware. That's what the skaven army book seems to say anyway.

**Buttery Commissar**

rohatakrysa wrote:
Thank you for positive response. I'm sorry for grammar mistakes, I rarely use english except of reading, so I let other people translate story. If some text looks weird for natural english speakers, tell me, I'll correct it.

Alas I'm not good in drawing, I'd only write script and I have several more scripts, but no artist to make it. So if there is someone, who want draw a comics story, tell me, I can offer you a story, skaven and otherwise.

It's a good story and I hope you can find an artist!

I have suggestions to help your grammar to flow better for native English readers, I have tried to not change the point of your story.

Page 1

Spoiler:

Page 2:

Spoiler:

Page 3:

Spoiler:

Page 7:
Panel 2:
"go to" > alert / raise

Page 8:
"Sigmar" > Sigmar's

I hope that is okay, I don't mean to offend you - you have both worked very hard on this.

**Platuan4th**

flamingkillamajig wrote:
Platuan4th wrote:
flamingkillamajig wrote:
I like the art and the story is fitting of skaven and it mostly seems to fit. All that said most humans tend not to know about the skaven and seem to think of them as some sort of beastmen or other mutated rat. Some human referring to the skaven as skaven is rare indeed if it ever even occurs. They're more likely to be referred to as 'those things' or 'rat-men' than skaven.

It's only the Empire don't know about the Skaven. Other human nations(Border Princes, Bretonnia, Estalia, etc.) are well aware that the Skaven exist, that they're called Skaven, and that they're a threat.

Well i know dwarfs know and elves might know. I'm guessing lizardmen probably know considering all the fighting though somebody mentioned slann are only semi-conscious and i dunno how skinks think. If i remember lizardmen are made to be warriors and they're designed around that role with slann to lead them (and maybe some skinks). Anyway i just always thought most humans weren't aware. That's what the skaven army book seems to say anyway.

I'll have to double check, but every mention of humans not knowing about them in the Skaven book is a reference to the Empire(such as the tapestry that they make a point in desecrating in that one museum). The book even specifically mentions the Tilean hatred of the Skaven and the constant battles they wage in the sewers of Miragliano.

**rohatakrysa**

Buttery Commissar wrote:
rohatakrysa wrote:
Thank you for positive response. I'm sorry for grammar mistakes, I rarely use english except of reading, so I let other people translate story. If some text looks weird for natural english speakers, tell me, I'll correct it.

Alas I'm not good in drawing, I'd only write script and I have several more scripts, but no artist to make it. So if there is someone, who want draw a comics story, tell me, I can offer you a story, skaven and otherwise.

It's a good story and I hope you can find an artist!

I have suggestions to help your grammar to flow better for native English readers, I have tried to not change the point of your story.

Page 1

Spoiler:

Panel 2:
"We lure" > We'll lure (we'll means we will/shall lure = future tense)
"Vermins" > Vermin (collective is singular)
"By Knights attack from flanks" > As our knights attack their flanks (or) As our knights attack from our flanks

Panel 4:
"Experiences" > experience
"Cannons" > cannon
"Enemies" > the enemy

Page 2:

Spoiler:

Panel 1:
(My suggestions for rephrasing - the original sentence is very difficult to take apart and correct without losing meaning)
"I trust only in hands grasping sharp swords, not modern contraptions liable to fail us when needed! Many of them cause more damage to our own army than the enemy. Thanks to my battle plan the Ratmen rabble will be utterly destroyed by tomorrow night."

Panels 2/3:
Both "for victory!" would be more typically, "To victory!" but they are your men, you know what they would shout!

Page 3:

Spoiler:

Panel 5:
"We should go sleeping" > we should sleep

"maybe that's the last time" > maybe it's the last time (or) maybe for the last time

Page 7:
Panel 2:
"go to" > alert / raise

Page 8:
"Sigmar" > Sigmar's

I hope that is okay, I don't mean to offend you - you have both worked very hard on this.

Thank's for correction, I'd fix errors according to your suggestions.

**rohatakrysa**

In my opinion, most people in Empire don't belive Skaven exist, but men in high position know them. They may consider them as some kind of beastmen, but may call them Skaven, what is name from fairytales. Outside Empire people know about Skaven existence, especialy at Tilea.