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bringing up a new AM army, just want to give it some fluff... army is urban themed, entire army to have respirators, grey suits, black armor, orange and purple trim / effects (orange visors on helmets, purple stripe on helmet, maybe purple shoulder pad or knee pad, orange targetting devices, etc... )


home planet is forgeworld with massive stores of materials needed for plasma weapons so plasma weaponry and power is the focus of forgeworld development, as such Adeptus Mechanicus has always had a presence and interested in the system

nearby planet in system was terraformed to produce ogryn for use as labor in factory's (they have proved more resilient to the radiation and toxic fumes produced by the many chemicals and processes on the forgeworld)

the "golden age" of the system was heralded by a leader by the name of Makarios Quintus, who was loved by the population as a fair and wise ruler. He was also well known as a family man and his wife (Mara? havent finalized name yet) was also loved and widely respected [ thinking Makarios was the ruler of the system, Mara the leader of the home planet specifically, not sure what their titles would actually be], however in his later years chaos cultists became an issue on the home planet, which ended with a full chaos incursion on the homeworld, Makarios called in the inquisition personally, but when they arrived he found them to be led by an over-zealous inquisitor with an attitude of "better to kill the planet than risk a cultist surviving"

after much argument and negotiating Makarios convinced the inquisitor to let his wife Mara and their children to come up from the planet onto his ship, they could be personally inspected for any hint of chaos taint, if they were found clean and allowed to stay aboard the inquisitors ship, Makarios promised to personally lead his men planet-side and destroy all chaos forces within 7 days to the inquisitors satisfaction. during which time any ships coming or going from the planet would be destroyed on sight.

so Makarios went down to fight leading his forces- not a lot of details are known about the specifics of the battles other than a few mentions of meritorious conduct by certain squads, etc... but at the end of day 5 Makarios sent word to the inquisitor that the cultists had been pushed back and contained within a handful of sectors, however they had succeeded in summoning several greater demons of nurgle. day 6 after confirming the claims of the chaos being contained the inquisitor went planet-side with his personal guard to get an update and speak with Makarios, however when he arrived he found the army in defensive positions surrounding the chaos sectors, but the army was sullen many weeping.

they relayed the story of Makarios's plan devised with the Adeptus Mechanicus techpriests. the sectors still held by cultists were largely the most noxious and contaminated of the forgeworlds warehouses and factory's, it was suspected that was why it had been chosen by nurgle. with knowledge from techpriests and workers that had escaped those facilities he had come up with a plan to infiltrate the underbelly of those sectors and open flow valves allowing several chemicals and factory waste materials to overflow the drainage system of those sectors, it would take several hours for the chemicals to overflow to the point needed, during which time these control points would need to be defended, but once the overflow reached a certain point the fumes would flow into the furnaces of a couple factories and ignite the entire area, purging the entire city sectors with flames exceeding 1 billion degree Celcius. this would also incinerate all those who defended the flow points which was somewhat irrelevant because he had explained that simply being exposed to these chemicals and materials overflow for this period would be a death sentence by itself so atleast they would be saved from a slow death, but the planet would be saved from the chaos and the inquisition. when he explained the plan to his commanders and called for volunteers every commander volunteered their company. He chose the best, and gave a recorder to his secretary with the order to relay the recording to the inquisitors ship only after the fires had burned the sectors for an hour and no sign of further chaos activity had appeared.

the inquisitor was moved by the commanders devotion to save his loyal guardsmen, and a short while later the flames spread purging all the infected sectors. after the flames were extinguished the inquisitor led an investigation of the survivors on the planet, finding it clean. he played the recording to Mara as after a short message explaining the success of the mission of the inquisitor it contained messages for his wife and children.




so that's the basic overview of the fluff for the army, but basically i dont know 40k lore that well, so I just want help cleaning it up, what are the appropriate titles for Makarios and his wife, i need to finalize a name for the wife and come up with a name for the inquisitor, name the planets in the system( debating "Ferrarius" as main planet name - latin for blacksmith... or "Incus" latin for anvil) and basically tell me where fluff-wise I am either horribly wrong about something or you have an idea that would make something neat or some details that could add something,etc...

composition wise the army at its core has lots of armor, lots of plasma and will have access to mechanicus allies, have ogryn (respirator heads only), and inquisition as they left a presence after the incident

also help me come up with some fluff titles and sayings, etc for the army stuff for me to put on banners and vehicle sides... maybe "Makari's Promise" or "Incus's Flame"

Okay, first off the bat. Capitalization and grammar are important. If your lore is badly edited, it sends the message to your readers that you really don't care about what you're doing, and if that is the case, why should I (the reader) care about it, either?

Now some actual lore questions.

How the heck does a planetary governor have a direct line to the Inquisition? They are not that important.

Also, wiping out a planet to stop an incursion is not really over-zealous. That is the Inquisitor's duty as necessary. This is something that all Inquisitors more or less have done, will continue to do and are prepared to do. Plus, it should not have been a surprise to Makarios. Inquisitors are universally feared by all, you wouldn't just call one in and expect things to go well.

"but once the overflow reached a certain point the fumes would flow into the furnaces of a couple factories and ignite the entire area, purging the entire city sectors with flames exceeding 1 billion degree Celcius" - this is just downright silly. You are clearly reaching for a big number to make it sound impressive, but it is falling flat on its face.

The Inquisitor is not going to be touched or volunteer to care for his wife and children. That just would not happen. Inquisitors are not caregivers, nor do they perform the wishes of a mere planetary governor. Inquisitors are the most exceptionally ruthless and uncaring people in the Imperium. The most you could expect from this scenario is that the Inquisitor would see the remaining guardsmen from the planet and incorporate the elites into his own retinue.

ok, you've pointed out flaws

but as I said, i dont know the lore that well, i've never read any of their novels, etc... so help me out with a suggestion somewhere

second point about the 1 billion degree fire, it's actually very achievable here ya go with a quick google search http://www.livescience.com/614-record-set-hottest-temperature-earth-3-6-billion-degrees-lab.html

and we can do that with our current technology, not crazy future alien plasma tech





*a quick side note, if a person asks for help with lore because they dont know lore and you're answer is to bash their silly lack of lore knowledge, you're only going to drive people away from the lore aspect of the hobby, not encourage it. I know i dont know lore, as I stated in my request for help.

Well, I think the biggest issues is that you need a basic idea of the scale of the Imperium, as well as the nature of the Inquisition. Also a bit on how everything operates. You asked for the holes in your fluff and I pointed them out, getting snippy and defensive is not going to help you, just fyi.

The Inquisition is the big elephant in the room for your fluff. The things you need to keep in mind are that Inquisitors are literally above all other authority in the Imperium. Your character would not call them directly for help. The usual MO for planets in peril is to put out a general call for aid, which will bring in a slow, but increasing amount of aid from other Guard regiments in the area, nearby Space Marines and so on. The Inquisitor in your story would most likely hear of the incursion through this method and decide to come on their own accord. In short, you don't call the Inquisition, they call you. And when they do, that is when things have gone from 'bad' to 'catastrophe'.

The arrival of the Inquisitor and their desire to declare Exterminatus is not an unusual act. It is the Inquisitor's job to eliminate all traces of taint and corruption. And as you have it described now, your planet is very much in that category. The only thing that is going to save your world at this point is going to be some major overriding reason such as irreplaceable technology or strategic value that only your world can provide. The pleas of a governor for his family are not going to stop an Inquisitor for even a moment, in fact, those kinds of pleas are more likely to be interpreted as defense of corruption and lead to execution or being on the planet when the Exterminatus happens. Inquisitors are very ruthless people because they have to be, exceptions do not happen.

So how does this work in your story? Frankly, I think the Inquisitor aspect needs to be lessened.

This can either come form your character acting on his own or lessening the overall threat. For the former, perhaps your character knows just how perilous the attention to corruption is and in an attempt at a noble end, decides to try to burn out the corruption before it can be noticed by the wider Imperium. For the latter, the Inquisitor can show up earlier, chasing rumors of the cult rather than when things have gone to the apocalyptic category. Inquisitors will not just nuke a planet on arrival, but if they show up at the point where greater deamons are coming out en masse, yeah, they are gonna push the button. But if he shows up when it is still cults, it might work better.

good job man. Now, to make it more GW appropriate. Change the name as often as possible to get people really confused. Viola