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Hey guys im sorry if I've posted this in the wrong place but I've decided to do a Iron Hands successor chapter instead of a fists one and id like to chuck around a few ideas and see what you guys think.
They like their parent chapter see the flesh as being a weakness and have a good relationship with the ad mech
Due to the nature of their home world and the little sector they rule over they are cold calculating relentless and merciless
With the exception of guard regiments raised from the small system they rule over they have no problem chucking their allies into the meat grinder to win a battle as such this has meant that with the exception of the mechanicus and their fellow sons of Ferrus other chapters don't like having to work with them.
Battle doctorine wise they are codex compliant but prefere mechanised and bike assaults
They were founded during the opening years of M.37

It sounds just like the Iron Hands themselves. What makes your chapter different from them?

Frankly...they're Iron Hands with bikes. There's not a lot there that is unique.

Champion of Slaanesh wrote:
Hey guys im sorry if I've posted this in the wrong place but I've decided to do a Iron Hands successor chapter instead of a fists one and id like to chuck around a few ideas and see what you guys think.

No worries, but for future reference: Threads like this go in the Dakka Fiction sub-forum rather than 40K Background because we're talking about material that you've written rather than canon 40K background material. Maybe the Mods/Admins can do us a solid and move this to the right forum, please.

Champion of Slaanesh wrote:
They like their parent chapter see the flesh as being a weakness and have a good relationship with the ad mech
Due to the nature of their home world and the little sector they rule over they are cold calculating relentless and merciless
With the exception of guard regiments raised from the small system they rule over they have no problem chucking their allies into the meat grinder to win a battle as such this has meant that with the exception of the mechanicus and their fellow sons of Ferrus other chapters don't like having to work with them.
Battle doctorine wise they are codex compliant but prefere mechanised and bike assaults
They were founded during the opening years of M.37

As curran12 said, at the moment, they just sound like Iron Hands on bikes. But, if you're set on writing a Chapter and want feedback, here's a few tips:

-- There's nothing wrong with your Chapter being very similar to its parent Chapter, but it needs something to help define who they are (otherwise you might as well be using Iron Hands). You can do this in a number of ways, the most popular of which is a combination of giving them a few relatively unique traits as well as adding in fluff to their history that sets them apart.

-- You said that except for a select few allies, your Chapter is more than happy with chucking people under the bus. Why? Because without further expansion of this idea, this just makes them sound horrible for absolutely no reason and it's a bit off-putting as an idea.

-- Almost every Chapter is founded as part of one of the Foundings. A Chapter is almost never founded outside one of these events. My recommendation is that if you want them to have been founded in M37, it's probably better to go with The Sentinel Founding [23rd Founding].

Also, maybe check out this site as it has a lot f examples of both good and bad fan-made Chapters as well as a couple of How To pages which contain information that might help you with how you write your Chapter.