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Zack Snyder's Justice League (the 4 hour version)

The Snyder/Wedon theatrical version was not good. This is... somewhat less not good. More consistent. Other characters get some screen time and character development. The villain is not as cardboard.

It's still not good, but kinda acceptable.

Scream 2

It’s about as good as Scream 1. The hair and outfits are more 90’s, and it’s always great to see Liev Schreiber, Laurie Metcaf and Sarah Michelle Gellar, but otherwise it’s pretty much more Scream. If you like Scream, you’ll probably like Scream 2.

The Burbs

Another classic and for me, Tom Hanks at his absolute best. Though I always forget Carrie Fisher is in this, and that Art isn’t in fact portrayed by Dan Aykroyd. Or that Dan Aykroyd isn’t in this film at all.

A very carefully measured, slightly absurdist romp. Kind of a study of bored men that really, really need to find a hobby.

Thrash

This is Netflix's answer to Crawl. A hurricane hits, the streets flood, and they are suddenly full of sharks! An agorophobic, and a pregnant lady that works at a meat processing plant attempt to escape the waters. Yes, there is a pregnant woman who works at a meat packing plant in a shark attack movie. It's not bad, though it never really achieves much menace or tension. I'm more shocked by just how many details of a hurricane town they got wrong. There's not a shutter in sight, no one has any flashlights or backup gear, and there's a basement. In a town close enough to the sea for storm surge. Also it is very, very bright, and the winds are no threat whatsoever beyond an initial gust.

It works well as a flood and shark film. They really could have led with a dam breaking, and I would have been much more comfortable with it.

 Kid_Kyoto wrote:
Zack Snyder's Justice League (the 4 hour version)

The Snyder/Wedon theatrical version was not good. This is... somewhat less not good. More consistent. Other characters get some screen time and character development. The villain is not as cardboard.

It's still not good, but kinda acceptable.

It took two more hours to get to acceptable. That is rather damning.

It really doesn't use that time well. There's probably a perfectly acceptable 2:45 version of the film that could exist. The Snyder Cut wastes a LOT of time on random folk song sequences and the like that add very little. Even some of the action scenes suffer from bits that would be better cut. Notably when Diana defends the hostages with her bracers, there's a shot that establishes her inches in front of the shooter before he reaches to flip to full auto that makes the whole thing really silly that obviously should have been cut. The mini series is absolutely loaded with this kind of stuff.

I can't say I remember much of either version, but what I remember is that the Synder cut lost any humor in addition to making you sit through twice the stuff. I liked the normal cut better.

We'll never know what the original film would have been like because when they brought Snyder back they just let him turn it into a miniseries, essentially, and I doubt it would have been a four hour theatrical release. It would not have had the Jared Leto post credit cameo either, I imagine. He keeps popping up.

 Mad Doc Grotsnik wrote:
The Burbs

Another classic and for me, Tom Hanks at his absolute best. Though I always forget Carrie Fisher is in this, and that Art isn’t in fact portrayed by Dan Aykroyd. Or that Dan Aykroyd isn’t in this film at all.

A very carefully measured, slightly absurdist romp. Kind of a study of bored men that really, really need to find a hobby.

Such a lovely, fun film. Yeah, Art SHOULD by all reasoning be played by Akroyd. Either way, it's a fun film.

About Statham - is he the last pure action guy whose films get into cinemas any more?




I'm watching Mrs.Parker and the Vicious Circle (1994). Watched it AGES ago on TV, must have been the first TV run of it around here. Even then, I was mesmerized by the film. Earlier today I looked through Altman's filmography, saw he produced this one, remembered really liking that film in middle school and now I'm watching it again (it's on youtube). What lovely 20s-US-literature wankery. And what a bloody performance by Jennifer Jason Leigh. She's amazing.

Excalibur

This. Is. Bonkers. And like a fever dream. And as someone who gets gnarly fever dreams, I’m not using that term lightly.

Whilst it lacks some things? Ambition is not one of them.

The fight scenes are really cool, but due to a general lack of heraldry it’s hard to tell who is who or on what side.

It’s also really weird to see Richard Bucket playing a warrior.

When I was in 2nd grade, we were reading a kid-friendly version of King Arthur and our teacher told us all to watch the new movie about him, Excalibur. Wild time to be a child, the 80’s.

I’m definitely enjoying it. At times it feels like it’s about to swerve into Krull or Hawk the Slayer territory and camp it right up. But whilst it never really goes further than a general veneer of fantasy, and feels more historical, without trying to be historical.

It’s a marvellous balancing act, though not quite perfect, as every so often the fantasy is overt (Merlin being sealed away) in a way that jars you. Almost as if it’s a rogue scene from another movie spliced in accidentally. Perhaps from a dodgy Italian knock off.

Excalibur is THEE* King Arthur movie. It covers it all.




* = Intentional spelling

Certainly I’m confident if we didn’t have Excalibur, we likely wouldn’t have had Robin of Sherwood.

As well as sharing cast members (Mordred is Guy of Gisborne), it has the blurring between Christian and Pagan themes. Similar production values and look too.

Robin of Sherwood is excellent! I remember some good dialogue between the Sherriff and Gisbourne. Time to dig out the DVDs again.

I’ve got the lot on DVD too. A spectacularly good show for its era and budget. Also the reason Morgan Freeman turned up in Prince of Thieves, as no Robin of Sherwood? No Azeem as a character type.

Though clearly, Maid Marian and Her Merry Men tops all. Even when it’s not p-p-p-p-p-pancake day.


Automatically Appended Next Post:
Ender’s Game

A lot better than I recall it being. And I appreciate the subtext of “rope ‘em in young” when it comes to atrocities.

Also I’ve realised what it is about Asa Buttefield that freaks me out. He looks like me when I was a kid. Or kid my looks like him. Whichever way you like it. Not spitting image like, and I’d never have a career as an impersonator. But his then build, facial features, hair and eye colour? Me when I was 12.

Birdemic: Shock and Terror

I could lie to you and say this movie was so bad it's good. But I can't do that.

I'm not sure there were any birds in the first 45 minutes of the film... just a lot of driving... parking... driving... parking... driving some more...parking...driving... parking... driving... parking... driving some more...parking...driving... parking... driving... parking... driving some more...parking...driving... parking... driving... parking... driving some more...parking...driving... parking... driving... parking... driving some more...parking...driving... parking... driving... parking... driving some more...parking...driving... parking... driving... parking... driving some more...parking...driving... parking... driving... parking... driving some more...parking...driving... parking... driving... parking... driving some more...parking...

And a relationship between a man names Rod, who might be the world's worst business man, and a Victoria's Secret cover model...

Oh and then there's some birds attacking... some....terrible... cgi birds.

Damsel (2024)

A young noblewoman enters into an arranged marriage to a prince to save her broke home town from increasingly harsh winters. Unfortunately there's some fine print about a princess and a dragon she doesn't know of.

It's an okay fantasy movie. It looks pretty and there wasn't a whole lot that bothered me. Mostly I just found it lacking in standout moments. Good to watch once, but I don't think there's much reason to come back to it.

Troy (2004)

Inspired by Iliad. Stuff happens. Everybody dies. It's a damn Greek tragedy.

I saw this one in theater, but not since. It's a bit of a weird movie.

It's a perfectly decent movie if you want to watch people stab each other for three hours. The story threads and character writing are neat and fit together fine. Overall it looks well crafted.

On the other hand it goes out of its way to insist the war for Troy is going to be the greatest war ever and that the city can withstand a siege for ten years, which is understandable given the source material, only to show explicitly and unambiguously that there's three days of fighting, two weeks of bumming it out on the beach and a big party at the king's palace with backstage passes and everything. For a movie that doesn't look to have many flaws at all, that's got to be one of the biggest disconnects I've ever seen in a movie.

Kind of feels like it would have been a better fit to make this a Conan movie or something instead of a historical/mythological one, and just embrace that the three week siege only lasts three weeks and it's fine and plausible that it only lasts three weeks.

The Dead Don’t Die

Now. I’ve seen a lot of zombie movies. Like, a lot. From genre defining classics to low tier utter drivel pumped out in Italy. Even the entirety of The Walking Dead.

But I’ve never seen anything quite like this one.

Bill Murray, Adam Driver, Tilda Swinton, Danny Glover and many others star in what is a bizarrely languid zombie flick.

All the tropes are here, but none of the mania of say, Return of the Living Dead or societal breakdown of Dawn of the Dead. Instead it’s a very languid affair, just sort of meandering.

I enjoyed it, but I don’t think it’s going to be for everyone.

 Mad Doc Grotsnik wrote:
I don’t think it’s going to be for everyone.

Pretty much sums up Jim Jarmusch's oeuvre.

Michael (2026)

Michael Jackson had a very rich life and trying to cover it all in a single film was never going to happen, so this film sensibly focuses on MJ's early battle to be free of abuse from his own father, Joseph. I was impressed although I do wonder if there will be a sequel given the hint at the end...

I've heard from multiple sources that the production had shot and edited a third act that dealt with all the child abuse allegations and his death but found out there was a clause in one of the victims settlements that said something along the lines of the time period not being allowed to be used in a narrative in some way, so they had to scrap it entirely. Instead of coming up with a new way to end the movie it just sort of ends after the second act. Obliviously this has led some to say the production glossed over or are hiding that part of his life but the reality is they legally aren't allowed to present it.

Fackham Hall

A sweary spoof of Edwardian Big Hoose Period Drama. Written by Jimmy Carr.

The jokes are predictable. The jokes are unfunny. Mr Carr has such utter contempt for his audience, one of the “jokes” is a main character pointing out what a terribly funny pun Fackham Hall is, because Mr Carr is such a genius he needs to explain even the most basic of things to his audience.

The trailer made this looked enjoyable. The trailer lied. This. Is. Dross.