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I'd suggest removeing all the individual wargear costs and just listing the total unit cost, people get picky about that.
As for the list, I'm not a huge fan. Magnus is short on warp charge with only 13+d6 when he really wants ~20 to himself (give or take a bit for siphon). The Tzaangors (which you've listed as 1x instead of 20x) are dead weight since even if they can run and charge, they're rocking a 6++ save, so they're going to get shot to hell and back before they get into charge range and even if they do get into combat, they're str3 the majority of the time and aren't fearless (without the Exalted sorc), so they're going to lose combat and likely get run down to boot. If you do have the exalteds in with the Tzaangors, since they're not on disks, then you can't run and charge either, at which point, why bother taking the formation since you lose ObSec for an extremely unlikely benefit.
The sons in rhinos are going to achieve nothing but giving up first blood easily since you've got 2 AV11 boxes on the board in a meta geared to deal with the gladius's razorspam, not to mention that 10 marines for 300 points is never a good deal.
Magnus doesn't belong in a Sons list, he wants to hang around with Daemons IMHO who can more easily support his warp charge addiction as well as give him some buffs and support options.
It's a fluffy list, but I don't rate Tzaangors and Rubricae are just flat out terrible, especially as MSU due to the cost of the sorceror.
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