Forum adverts like this one are shown to any user who is not logged in. Join us by filling out a tiny 3 field form and you will get your own, free, dakka user account which gives a good range of benefits to you:
No adverts like this in the forums anymore.
Times and dates in your local timezone.
Full tracking of what you have read so you can skip to your first unread post, easily see what has changed since you last logged in, and easily see what is new at a glance.
Email notifications for threads you want to watch closely.
Being a part of the oldest wargaming community on the net.
If you are already a member then feel free to login now.
Shadow Captain Edithae wrote: This thread is turning into one hell of a bromance. Its like we're all sat around a campfire, swapping stories of sexual conquests and discussing sexual habits.
This one time, at Band Camp....
Avatar 720 wrote:
Now, who's up for a game of "guess my internet history"?
Yeah...I'll give you credit for wearing your religion on your sleeve, but this is just bad:
We can only speak for ourselves. The specialized nature of Sexaholics Anonymous can best be understood in terms of what we call the sexaholic. The sexaholic has taken himself or herself out of the whole context of what is right or wrong. He or she has lost control, no longer has the power of choice, and is not free to stop. Lust has become an addiction. Our situation is like that of the alcoholic who can no longer tolerate alcohol and must stop drinking altogether but is hooked and cannot stop. So it is with the sexaholic, or sex drunk, who can no longer tolerate lust but cannot stop.
Thus, for the sexaholic, any form of sex with one’s self or with partners other than the spouse is progressively addictive and destructive. We also see that lust is the driving force behind our sexual acting out, and true sobriety includes progressive victory over lust. These conclusions were forced upon us in the crucible of our experiences and recovery; we have no other options. But we have found that acceptance of these facts is the key to a happy and joyous freedom we could otherwise never know.
Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.
Yeah, people getting side [Mod Edit - Seriously?] isn't necessarily destructive so long as the couple is OK with open relationships, for some people conventional monogamous relationships doesn't work for them or isn't desirable.
This message was edited 2 times. Last update was at 2014/02/09 02:16:53
The only people who think pornography is addictive are people who believe masturbation is a sin.
Very wrong, The stories I have heard from people who have told me the fact that they or their husbands couldn't give up porn even though it ruined their Marriages proves to me how wrong you are.
Automatically Appended Next Post:
Corpsesarefun wrote: And you can't see the link between your religion and thinking that porn addiction is a real thing?
I can see you have your beliefs that an internet chat with a stranger won't change.
This message was edited 2 times. Last update was at 2014/02/08 19:07:08
I watched one marriage disintigrate right in front of me when the wife asked her husband to quit watching porn and his literal reply was that he "Couldn't give up his girls".
If you were to say porn was like alcohol, with varying effect that depends on the person using it, I would be in agreement.
This message was edited 2 times. Last update was at 2014/02/08 19:13:23
If someone responds to a "me or the porn" ultimatum with porn then there are clearly way deeper issues in their marriage and that's saying nothing of the partner who gives the"me or the porn" ultimatum.
Corpsesarefun wrote: If someone responds to a "me or the porn" ultimatum with porn then there are clearly way deeper issues in their marriage and that's saying nothing of the partner who gives the"me or the porn" ultimatum.
Talk to some wives of men who were deep into porn sometime. It goes far deeper than you seem to realize than the wife trying to control the husband. I can tell you the things they have told me about how it affected their husbands and the way they acted towards their wives, but I would really encourage you to hear these stories for yourself.
You're welcome to provide some evidence if you like, preferably with the specific reasons the wives told their husbands to stop. If the words "masturbation is a sin" appear at any time they are invalid.
Corpsesarefun wrote: Y If the words "masturbation is a sin" appear at any time they are invalid.
+1
Religious arguments are irrelevant when the person you're arguing with doesn't share your religion.
"X is a sin! Believe in my god or you will go to hell!"
"I don't think your god exists so why should I care?".
Excessive use of pornography, like video games, is a bad habit, not an addiction. There are no chemicals involved, you're not developing a physical addiction to a chemical. All it takes to stop is willpower. If you want to stop, then just do it. Decide for yourself that its unhealthy for you, and stop using it.
I play video games waaaay more than is healthy for me, but I don't wallow in self pity and pretend its an addiction. Its just a bad habit. I play video games because I enjoy them and want to play them.
Corpsesarefun wrote: You're welcome to provide some evidence if you like, preferably with the specific reasons the wives told their husbands to stop. If the words "masturbation is a sin" appear at any time they are invalid.
The only time masturbation comes into it is from the story I was told from one woman that divorced her husband. He was so into computer porn, he couldn't have normal relations with her but would masturbate to pictures of her on the computer. Other women get tired of being frozen out of their husband's lives because they would rather watch porn than be with them, or the increasingly repulsive demands the husband would make on them.
The best thing I can tell you, though, is to find out for yourself firsthand what is being said by going somewhere there is a support group of people trying to stop watching porn or others who have been negatively impacted by porn.
Wikipedia (you can check it's citation trail for credibility) has an article on porn addiction and describes it as a behavioral addiction influenced by compulsive behavior, while I do believe that porn addiction can be real (I believe anyone can become addicted to anything) I think most people
who claim they have porn addiction or that others have it actually have other deeper issues at hand.
Corpsesarefun wrote: Y If the words "masturbation is a sin" appear at any time they are invalid.
+1
Religious arguments are irrelevant when the person you're arguing with doesn't share your religion.
"X is a sin! Believe in my god or you will go to hell!"
"I don't think your god exists so why should I care?".
Excessive use of pornography, like video games, is a bad habit, not an addiction. There are no chemicals involved, you're not developing a physical addiction to a chemical. All it takes to stop is willpower. If you want to stop, then just do it. Decide for yourself that its unhealthy for you, and stop using it.
I play video games waaaay more than is healthy for me, but I don't wallow in self pity and pretend its an addiction. Its just a bad habit. I play video games because I enjoy them and want to play them.
To be fair, getting off (and we all know that's what porn is for, we can be adults), releases the body's natural endorphins: basically, "feel good" chemicals. It helps you relax, calm down and de-stress. Now, honestly, seeing how its a chemical your body produces naturally, I see nothing wrong with it. If God didn't want us to do it, I sincerely doubt he'd make it good for us and make it a basic part of our bodies. Whole point of my statement is that chemicals are involved. But they're natural ones that are part of your body and you can't remove them. By the way, I fully consider myself a Christian, believe in God, Jesus and many aspects of the Bible, but I also believe that God gave us the ability to question and to decide-and based on what we as a species know to be good for our bodies, how could getting off truly be a sin: "you're feeling good! Sin!!" Yeah..I don't think so...
Reality is a nice place to visit, but I'd hate to live there.
Manchu wrote:I'm a Catholic. We eat our God.
Due to work, I can usually only ship any sales or trades out on Saturday morning. Please trade/purchase with this in mind.
Corpsesarefun wrote: You're welcome to provide some evidence if you like, preferably with the specific reasons the wives told their husbands to stop. If the words "masturbation is a sin" appear at any time they are invalid.
The only time masturbation comes into it is from the story I was told from one woman that divorced her husband. He was so into computer porn, he couldn't have normal relations with her but would masturbate to pictures of her on the computer. Other women get tired of being frozen out of their husband's lives because they would rather watch porn than be with them, or the increasingly repulsive demands the husband would make on them.
So porn addiction is completely unrelated to masturbation? The only thing you're doing now is making yourself less credible, it's feasible that someone could compulsively masturbate to pornography but to suggest that people are addicted to simply viewing pornography independant of sexuality is bizarre to say the least.
The best thing I can tell you, though, is to find out for yourself firsthand what is being said by going somewhere there is a support group of people trying to stop watching porn or others who have been negatively impacted by porn.
Funnily enough there are no support groups for people trying to stop porn anywhere near where I live.
Corpsesarefun wrote: You're welcome to provide some evidence if you like, preferably with the specific reasons the wives told their husbands to stop. If the words "masturbation is a sin" appear at any time they are invalid.
The only time masturbation comes into it is from the story I was told from one woman that divorced her husband. He was so into computer porn, he couldn't have normal relations with her but would masturbate to pictures of her on the computer. Other women get tired of being frozen out of their husband's lives because they would rather watch porn than be with them, or the increasingly repulsive demands the husband would make on them.
So porn addiction is completely unrelated to masturbation? The only thing you're doing now is making yourself less credible, it's feasible that someone could compulsively masturbate to pornography but to suggest that people are addicted to simply viewing pornography independant of sexuality is bizarre to say the least.
The best thing I can tell you, though, is to find out for yourself firsthand what is being said by going somewhere there is a support group of people trying to stop watching porn or others who have been negatively impacted by porn.
Funnily enough there are no support groups for people trying to stop porn anywhere near where I live.
I mentioned it like that, just to let you know she wasn't saying mastubation is a sin. I'm not saying it's unrelated to masturbation, which is silly to think.
It could probably be more easily found than you think. If there are any children's advocacy groups where you live or even a psyciatrists office,
They could probably supply you with a lead or some literature on the subject. The group I suggest you seek by the way, is not for people trying to stop porn, but people that have been impacted by it.
This message was edited 3 times. Last update was at 2014/02/08 19:56:27
I think there's a keenness to medicalise an issue that isn't a medical problem. Porn is often described in terms that make it out to be some evil disease that people become addicted to and are gripped by. But it's not a chemical addiction, getting addicted to poem is like becoming addicted to anything, like buying too much Warhammer. The only thing stopping you is apathy and lack of will power.
People whose marriages are destroyed by porn, no they are destroyed by people. People who clearly have more complex issues with themselves and the relationship that is suffering. Blaming the porn is just a means by which they are encouraged to shirk responsibility and direct the blame elsewhere, it also gives those with an agenda the opportunity to accuse an industry they wish to see undermined.
Porn 'addiction' for what it's worth, is a symptom of other problems, it's not the root cause of family breakdown. Some people blame computer games for causing violence, but the link of cause and effect just doesn't work like that in reality. Stop finding a scapegoat for people's problems and stop using it as a means to attack certain industries traditionally opposed by religious groups; porn, video games, RPG games even.
I'm not a great fan of porn but this is a joke. People who get 'addicted' to porn need to sort themselves out and be honest about what they want in life, instead of hiding behind accusations that porn has ruined them and is an evil that destroyed their life. I'm sure people whose marriages break down 'due to porn' are in fact unhappy or dissatisfied in those marriages but can't admit it to themselves or others, so look for other outlets, short of having an affair they use porn. That's not the fault of porn, it's their fault.
Automatically Appended Next Post: These anti porn campaigns and similar are often backed by religious groups, I think it's very common for religions to tell people that they're the victim in this situation, and that porn or similar, is the evil bogey man that got them. They can offer the 'victim' comfort and support from this problem, which exactly what the person wants to hear. That it wasn't their fault, that it's a medical or addictive problem and that they fell victim to an evil in the world. They don't want to be told that the fethed their life up. But that's the issue, 'porn addiction' is a failure of personal responsibility, it's not a disease that you caught or a scam you were tricked by, and you're not a victim.
This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2014/02/08 20:49:53
azazel the cat wrote: Here's me callous and entirely accurate take on the situation:
If your significant other prefers porn instead of you, then the problem is you.
Well, I wouldn't go so far as to say that, but I would raise the point that they're probably sexually incompatible.
Not everyone's going to be content with just missionary. Especially in an age where talking about sex is becoming less and less taboo. But for those who prefer to keep their sex lives on the bland side of things, with 7 billion people in the world, there's probably someone else out there who is similarly conservatively minded.
Although, from the LDS members that I've met, they tend to marry extremely young while not looking too kindly upon the idea of experimenting before then, either. In situations like that, finding out that you're sexually incompatible with someone isn't exactly going to be unthinkable.
This message was edited 3 times. Last update was at 2014/02/08 23:57:59
I can see from the last opinions expressed, no one wants to bother talking to anyone affected by this or do any real research, but instead just rely on what they imagine to be true.
Relapse wrote: I can see from the last opinions expressed, no one wants to bother talking to anyone affected by this or do any real research, but instead just rely on what they imagine to be true.
You refused to provide evidence and instead told me to "go out and find people affected", why should we believe what you imagine is true?
Relapse wrote: I can see from the last opinions expressed, no one wants to bother talking to anyone affected by this or do any real research, but instead just rely on what they imagine to be true.
You refused to provide evidence and instead told me to "go out and find people affected", why should we believe what you imagine is true?
What evidence do you want? Stories of what people told me about how it affected their lives? You already don't believe me there, and I figured you wouldn't so that is why I invited you to talk to some people that have been affected or obtain literature from a reputable psychiatrist that you could trust. If you want I can spend a few minutes in a google search, but I doubt that would do any good since you don't appear to want to accept the fact that it can ruin people's lives if they let it take over as I have seen. At least talk to a divorce lawyer and ask him how often porn viewing was given as a reason for divorce.
I am not basing this on religion, but on what I have seen happen with people or been told by those on both sides of marriages or relationships that ended due to soomeone not wanting to give up porn.
The Huffington Post is the closest, I imagine to what you would be willing to accept here, but the American Association of Matrimonial Lawyers statistics on divorce are cited a few times in these articles, and it's a significant percentage. Quite a far cry from what is being put forward by most posters here.
I will say it again, ask a few divorce lawyers what percentage of divorces have porn viewing mentioned as a reason. If you don't believe what I've put out here,find out for yourself.
This message was edited 5 times. Last update was at 2014/02/09 01:21:12
The psychology today article does nicely actually, I'm somewhat confused as to why you'd think that I would view the huffington post is a more reliable source.Though all it really proves is that some divorcees do cite porn as a cause for their divorce rather than porn addiction being a real thing.
I admit that it's entirely possible that people can become compulsed to view pornography to the point of believing that they/their spouse are addicted to it and that can cause marital difficulties.
Porn addiction can be a very real and very destructive thing.
It's not destructive because you are addicted to porn. It's destructive because you are addicted to something.
When you spend all your money (not just disposable income, but actual money that you need for other stuff) on porn, sex chatrooms, stuff like that; you may have a destructive addiction.
When you are neglecting your friends, partner and family for porn; you may have a destructive addiction.
If you are sitting at work and are just counting down the hours until you can get home to boot up your computer to start looking at porn; you may have a destructive addiction.
If porn becomes the most important thing in your life and your thoughts are preoccupied with it; you may have a destructive addiction.
People can get a psychological and physical high from watching porn. The psychological high is from the thrill of watching it. They physical high comes from the endorphin release caused by the activity that usually happens while watching porn. Combined they can be just as addictive as many other things. Heck, even WoW can be addictive.
Now that doesn't mean that anybody and everybody that watches porn is addicted to porn. That's a broad generalization. But porn addiction can be a very real thing.
As far as relationships go it can be a difficult question. You can always say that it is stupid for a partner to demand that the other partner choose between "porn or me". And even making that ultimatum is a topic that could be talked to death on here. But in the end relationships are about compromises and sacrifices. So in the end both of you have to decide what to do. Is your partner important enough to you to look the other way and let them do something that bothers you? Is your partner important enough to you to give up something that you enjoy because you enjoy them more? That's what relationships are about. Both of you decide what is more important there.
That doesn't mean that you have a problem with porn addiction just because you decide that the ultimatum is stupid or because you decide that she is not important enough to no longer look at it. She may very well just be manipulative and controlling and is using your porn viewing against you. She may be more religious than you and that is causing some friction there, and you can tell that if porn is already an issue because of different religious thoughts then this may very well be a red flag for more issues down the road. None of that means that you are a porn addict.
But some people are addicted and will throw what was once a fruitful and passionate relationship down the toilet because of it. They will either call out the partner and say "fine, I choose porn" because they are legitimately addicted to it, or they will hide it from their partner and make a net of lies to hide it. If you are as preoccupied with the fear of your partner finding out about it as you are about watching it, then that is a pretty good sign of an addiction.
Porn Addiction is not just the act of "watching porn and liking it", it's all the activities that go with it such as tanking your money into it, running up debt because of it, hiding it, working a 12 hour day then gohome to watch porn for 8 hours then sleep 2 hours and then going back to work for a 12 hour day, waiting for your partner to go to sleep so you can sneak off and watch it while being scared that you might get caught because you know it will ruin everything you love but you can't stop even though you want to...that kind of stuff.
Now are they are a lot of people that just like to watch porn? Sure. Is it the vast majority of people that watch porn? I think so. Do most of them not have a problem? More than likely. Do people say "I'm addicted!" because they are embarrassed that they got caught? Probably. Can "me or the porn" be a bigger sign of a fundamendal problem in the relationship instead of porn addiction? Definetly.
But porn addiction can also be a very real thing with very destructive results for some people.
Now, that doesn't mean it's any more destructive than other addictions because it's porn that you are addicted to. It's just another addiction with the same destructive properties and risks as many other addictions.
This message was edited 2 times. Last update was at 2014/02/09 03:32:14
