d-usa wrote:
Excellent post.

 timetowaste85 wrote:
Also, I'll admit there have been a few days while driving home I've thought to myself "I think I'd like to see ***** ****** and **** ****** pleasure each other with a ****** while inserting ******* into *******."

azazel the cat wrote:Here's me callous and entirely accurate take on the situation:


If your significant other prefers porn instead of you, then the problem is you.

Relapse wrote:

 Corpsesarefun wrote:

Relapse wrote:
I can see from the last opinions expressed, no one wants to bother talking to anyone affected by this or do any real research, but instead just rely on what they imagine to be true.

You refused to provide evidence and instead told me to "go out and find people affected", why should we believe what you imagine is true?

What evidence do you want? Stories of what people told me about how it affected their lives? You already don't believe me there, and I figured you wouldn't so that is why I invited you to talk to some people that have been affected or obtain literature from a reputable psychiatrist that you could trust. If you want I can spend a few minutes in a google search, but I doubt that would do any good since you don't appear to want to accept the fact that it can ruin people's lives if they let it take over as I have seen. At least talk to a divorce lawyer and ask him how often porn viewing was given as a reason for divorce.
I am not basing this on religion, but on what I have seen happen with people or been told by those on both sides of marriages or relationships that ended due to soomeone not wanting to give up porn.


Something from Psychology Today:


http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/inside-porn-addiction/201112/is-porn-really-destroying-500000-marriages-annually


From a divorce lawyer's site, quoting the similar statistics:

http://www.memphisdivorce.com/tennessee-divorce-law/divorcing-because-your-spouses-internet-pornography-addiction/


Huffington Post:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/vicki-larson/porn-and-divorce_b_861987.html.

The Huffington Post is the closest, I imagine to what you would be willing to accept here, but the American Association of Matrimonial Lawyers statistics on divorce are cited a few times in these articles, and it's a significant percentage. Quite a far cry from what is being put forward by most posters here.

I will say it again, ask a few divorce lawyers what percentage of divorces have porn viewing mentioned as a reason. If you don't believe what I've put out here,find out for yourself.

 Peregrine wrote:

 d-usa wrote:
Excellent post.

This. I don't see why the concept of porn addiction is so controversial, and I'm a devout atheist who watches plenty of porn. This thread is like a bunch of people who went to Vegas one time and had a good time complaining about how stupid it is to talk about gambling addiction. Yes, porn (and gambling, online games, etc) can be an enjoyable part of a healthy life, but that doesn't in any way mean that it's impossible for it to become an extremely bad thing for some people. Try not to let the absurd religious lectures on how sex is always bad (unless you're doing it the way Jesus told you to) get in the way of reasonable discussion.

 master of ordinance wrote:

azazel the cat wrote:Here's me callous and entirely accurate take on the situation:


If your significant other prefers porn instead of you, then the problem is you.

Well said, and very true.

Relapse wrote:

 Corpsesarefun wrote:

Relapse wrote:
I can see from the last opinions expressed, no one wants to bother talking to anyone affected by this or do any real research, but instead just rely on what they imagine to be true.

You refused to provide evidence and instead told me to "go out and find people affected", why should we believe what you imagine is true?

What evidence do you want? Stories of what people told me about how it affected their lives? You already don't believe me there, and I figured you wouldn't so that is why I invited you to talk to some people that have been affected or obtain literature from a reputable psychiatrist that you could trust. If you want I can spend a few minutes in a google search, but I doubt that would do any good since you don't appear to want to accept the fact that it can ruin people's lives if they let it take over as I have seen. At least talk to a divorce lawyer and ask him how often porn viewing was given as a reason for divorce.
I am not basing this on religion, but on what I have seen happen with people or been told by those on both sides of marriages or relationships that ended due to soomeone not wanting to give up porn.


Something from Psychology Today:


http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/inside-porn-addiction/201112/is-porn-really-destroying-500000-marriages-annually


From a divorce lawyer's site, quoting the similar statistics:

http://www.memphisdivorce.com/tennessee-divorce-law/divorcing-because-your-spouses-internet-pornography-addiction/


Huffington Post:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/vicki-larson/porn-and-divorce_b_861987.html.

The Huffington Post is the closest, I imagine to what you would be willing to accept here, but the American Association of Matrimonial Lawyers statistics on divorce are cited a few times in these articles, and it's a significant percentage. Quite a far cry from what is being put forward by most posters here.

I will say it again, ask a few divorce lawyers what percentage of divorces have porn viewing mentioned as a reason. If you don't believe what I've put out here,find out for yourself.

Im sorry, but no. Porn, despite the religious zeal against it, is not a bad thing. Porn addiction does not exist.
Porn may be cited as the reason for breaking up with your spouse, but if it is then there was something wrong with your relationship, and it is best to let things die.

 d-usa wrote:
Porn addiction can be a very real and very destructive thing.

It's not destructive because you are addicted to porn. It's destructive because you are addicted to something.

When you spend all your money (not just disposable income, but actual money that you need for other stuff) on porn, sex chatrooms, stuff like that; you may have a destructive addiction.

When you are neglecting your friends, partner and family for porn; you may have a destructive addiction.

If you are sitting at work and are just counting down the hours until you can get home to boot up your computer to start looking at porn; you may have a destructive addiction.

If porn becomes the most important thing in your life and your thoughts are preoccupied with it; you may have a destructive addiction.

People can get a psychological and physical high from watching porn. The psychological high is from the thrill of watching it. They physical high comes from the endorphin release caused by the activity that usually happens while watching porn. Combined they can be just as addictive as many other things. Heck, even WoW can be addictive.

Now that doesn't mean that anybody and everybody that watches porn is addicted to porn. That's a broad generalization. But porn addiction can be a very real thing.

As far as relationships go it can be a difficult question. You can always say that it is stupid for a partner to demand that the other partner choose between "porn or me". And even making that ultimatum is a topic that could be talked to death on here. But in the end relationships are about compromises and sacrifices. So in the end both of you have to decide what to do. Is your partner important enough to you to look the other way and let them do something that bothers you? Is your partner important enough to you to give up something that you enjoy because you enjoy them more? That's what relationships are about. Both of you decide what is more important there.

That doesn't mean that you have a problem with porn addiction just because you decide that the ultimatum is stupid or because you decide that she is not important enough to no longer look at it. She may very well just be manipulative and controlling and is using your porn viewing against you. She may be more religious than you and that is causing some friction there, and you can tell that if porn is already an issue because of different religious thoughts then this may very well be a red flag for more issues down the road. None of that means that you are a porn addict.

But some people are addicted and will throw what was once a fruitful and passionate relationship down the toilet because of it. They will either call out the partner and say "fine, I choose porn" because they are legitimately addicted to it, or they will hide it from their partner and make a net of lies to hide it. If you are as preoccupied with the fear of your partner finding out about it as you are about watching it, then that is a pretty good sign of an addiction.

Porn Addiction is not just the act of "watching porn and liking it", it's all the activities that go with it such as tanking your money into it, running up debt because of it, hiding it, working a 12 hour day then gohome to watch porn for 8 hours then sleep 2 hours and then going back to work for a 12 hour day, waiting for your partner to go to sleep so you can sneak off and watch it while being scared that you might get caught because you know it will ruin everything you love but you can't stop even though you want to...that kind of stuff.

Now are they are a lot of people that just like to watch porn? Sure. Is it the vast majority of people that watch porn? I think so. Do most of them not have a problem? More than likely. Do people say "I'm addicted!" because they are embarrassed that they got caught? Probably. Can "me or the porn" be a bigger sign of a fundamendal problem in the relationship instead of porn addiction? Definetly.

But porn addiction can also be a very real thing with very destructive results for some people.

Now, that doesn't mean it's any more destructive than other addictions because it's porn that you are addicted to. It's just another addiction with the same destructive properties and risks as many other addictions.

Relapse wrote:


If porn means more to someone than a real relationship then there is definitely something wrong. I think d-usa summed the whole thing up pretty well in his post. If someone is spending inordinate amounts of time, money, etc on porn they should realize something is wrong and out of balance in thier life.
Personally, I despise porn not only on religious grounds and the way I have seen relationships end because of it, but in the way I think it turns humans into objects and cheapens one of the most intimate ways people can relate to each other. I despise it for the stories I read of those forced into it and basically are having nothing more than rape happening to them for the entertainment of others. As a father, I grieve for parents whose children have found their way into this industry and pray that this will never happen to mine.

 hotsauceman1 wrote:

Relapse wrote:


If porn means more to someone than a real relationship then there is definitely something wrong. I think d-usa summed the whole thing up pretty well in his post. If someone is spending inordinate amounts of time, money, etc on porn they should realize something is wrong and out of balance in thier life.
Personally, I despise porn not only on religious grounds and the way I have seen relationships end because of it, but in the way I think it turns humans into objects and cheapens one of the most intimate ways people can relate to each other. I despise it for the stories I read of those forced into it and basically are having nothing more than rape happening to them for the entertainment of others. As a father, I grieve for parents whose children have found their way into this industry and pray that this will never happen to mine.

Get off your high horse. Porn is only harmful to those who have massive insecurities. We like looking and sexy people. It is a fact. Some of us dont have a GF or Wife to help us. We have to get our own rocks off.
And the only reason you "Grieve" IS because you see porn as evil, well it isnt. I could say how fast food industry reduces you to an object, that is what every job does.

 Shadow Captain Edithae wrote:
"Good" meaning "He agrees with me".

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
He never said pron is a blight. It isnt. Why cant you let other people get on with their lives and not interfere with your morality

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
Because you try to make other feel bad for their want to watch porn

 d-usa wrote:
People on here try to make people feel bad for drinking, smoking, voting for democrats/republicans, liking gays, not liking gays, liking GW, liking Mantic, liking Chapterhouse, liking superheavies, liking college athletics, believing in God, etc etc etc.

Him saying "I think porn is bad" doesn't interfere with your morality one single bit unless a post by a stranger on the Internet keeps you from being able to have a tab with porn open. He's not calling for the criminalization of producing or watching it. He's voicing his opinion that he thinks it's bad.

It's not the end of the world...

 Cheesecat wrote:

 d-usa wrote:
People on here try to make people feel bad for drinking, smoking, voting for democrats/republicans, liking gays, not liking gays, liking GW, liking Mantic, liking Chapterhouse, liking superheavies, liking college athletics, believing in God, etc etc etc.

Him saying "I think porn is bad" doesn't interfere with your morality one single bit unless a post by a stranger on the Internet keeps you from being able to have a tab with porn open. He's not calling for the criminalization of producing or watching it. He's voicing his opinion that he thinks it's bad.

It's not the end of the world...

Yeah, that's how I saw it as well.

 d-usa wrote:
I was thinking of adding ObamaCare to the list, just for you

Too much agreeing going on in here

 Piston Honda wrote:
Porn helped me get through college.

I'm just going to put that out there.

Relapse wrote:

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
Because you try to make other feel bad for their want to watch porn

You're the one making yourself feel bad if my opinion and statistics I put out affect you that way. From some of your other posts, I gather that you are still a teenager. A rather intellegent one, but still a teenager, with a lot of life experience waiting ahead that will shape your opinions of the world. I hope you are currently keeping a journal of your thoughts and feelings so that you can refer back to it when you're my age and have raised a family so you can compare it to the way you will probably be thinking then. Will you feel the same as you do now? I don't know, but I believe that if you are like most people, you won't.
I say this because your opinions remind me a lot of my own when I was your age.

 hotsauceman1 wrote:

Relapse wrote:

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
Because you try to make other feel bad for their want to watch porn

You're the one making yourself feel bad if my opinion and statistics I put out affect you that way. From some of your other posts, I gather that you are still a teenager. A rather intellegent one, but still a teenager, with a lot of life experience waiting ahead that will shape your opinions of the world. I hope you are currently keeping a journal of your thoughts and feelings so that you can refer back to it when you're my age and have raised a family so you can compare it to the way you will probably be thinking then. Will you feel the same as you do now? I don't know, but I believe that if you are like most people, you won't.
I say this because your opinions remind me a lot of my own when I was your age.

First. Thank yu for calling me Intelligent, I dont get that alot
Second, Im in my early 20s
Third: No, I am not. And Life experiance is not something I lack, just because someone is young does not mean life experiance is beyond you. I have seen marriages fall apart for many reasons, money, non-compatability and many other things. I have seen people enter marriages too early with people they just met, and try to make it work and stay miserable because their religion makes them. Older generations like to think they know more then younger and that younger generations do not have the ability to understand.
I remember this one article, from a published accredited journal, where in Croatia they studied peoples porn habits and sexual habits, their was only a small change.
http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00224499.2012.681403#.Uvm5bvldW8o

 Piston Honda wrote:
Porn helped me get through college.

I'm just going to put that out there.

 hotsauceman1 wrote:
*Sigh* Yes, people change over time. But the idea that all young people have are stupid ideas in just Ageist.

Relapse wrote:


If porn means more to someone than a real relationship then there is definitely something wrong. I think d-usa summed the whole thing up pretty well in his post. If someone is spending inordinate amounts of time, money, etc on porn they should realize something is wrong and out of balance in thier life.
Personally, I despise porn not only on religious grounds and the way I have seen relationships end because of it, but in the way I think it turns humans into objects and cheapens one of the most intimate ways people can relate to each other. I despise it for the stories I read of those forced into it and basically are having nothing more than rape happening to them for the entertainment of others. As a father, I grieve for parents whose children have found their way into this industry and pray that this will never happen to mine.