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Mortifex scanned the area with determination. He listened to the shouts of rejoice from the defenders by the reclaimed door. He watched Dark Eldar putting up meager resistance as the ones that did not make it out were surrounded and cut down. All the while he stayed with his own crew of Clan Ivory Clawhorn. In the center of them all sat Xanshi Oshiashi, she was safe and he meant to keep it that way.

“Is all of this necessary Sergeant?” she asked yet again.

“Yes,” he blankly stated. He tried to keep his annoyance out of his voice.

“We have clearly won and the battle is over. I am safe, thanks to you, but I think I can now go and see my people.” She pleaded with him.

Mortifex did not take his eyes away from the carnage around them. He waited as long as he thought she could handle before he spoke again. “My orders are clear, I must keep you safe. If the battle is truly over we will receive word soon. Last thing I need is for some rogue xenos to strike you down while it played dead, or a some trap to spring and cut your face off. Your safety is my priority, I apologize for inconveniencing your political movement. If you desire to speak to your people, there are several of them right here. How’s that for a start? Have you met the members of Clan Ivory Clawhorn?”

She paused and looked around at the battleworn humans around here. Each was bigger and more muscled then she was. Each was dirtier than she was. Each one kept their eyes outward from their perimeter following Moritfex’s lead.

She resigned herself to having to wait and evaluated her people with the utmost honor and politeness, “I have heard of your clan but I know very little. They are high mountain folk, hard and vigilant. Keepers of the Sacred Mirrors, they used to call you. I believe it had something to do with mountain springs.” She hesitated reaching into her thoughts. “My father had an advisor, One With Flames, was his name. He did not speak often and even less to me, but when he did, the room would go still while everyone thought on his wisdom.” The clansmen gave no response and after a moment she continued. “I am honored to be with you now and I hope my family can once again benefit from the wisdom of your clan.”

One of the women in the squad stepped away from her mounted autocannon and towards Xanshi. Symmetrical purple and silver tattoos were in patterns up her arms, over her chest and around her throat. Her muscular arms were at her side and her hard eyes were a pale lavender.

She took several moments examining Oshiashi before her deep voice rumbled, “My people are only advisors to those that show courage, selfishness, and a vision for improving the lives of all under their rule. It has been a long time since anyone has requested the wisdom of my clan. It has been even longer since we have said yes.”

After a deep breath she looked to her people before looking back to Xanshi, “You have shown great promise and we will gladly help protect you for now. When we return to our homeland, we will share with our elders what we have seen. It will be up to them.”

She bowed, and Xanshi put her arms at her side and did likewise. Xanshi began to speak with other members of the squad, bowing and learning their names. Mortifex ignored their conversations as a figure strode through the smoky haze. Mortifex almost smiled at the sight, one he was unsure he would ever see again.

Tek’Ar ambled over, an ice blue pistol holstered at his hip. He saluted a sloppy salute as he got closer. “Sergeant, I have returned from my recon mission. The enemy leadership has been destroyed and reinforcements have been located. I have single handedly saved the day, you are welcome.”

Mortifex chuckled, paused and chuckled again. “I can not wait to hear this story, preferably from a more reliable source then you.”

Tek’Ar feigned his disgust before a wry grin crossed his face. “The Ice Angels saved my life. I snuck them into the enemy position. We killed some people and blew some things up. Xenos being the filth that they are, fell apart and began to flee. From what Sergeant Shar-Takazz told me, an Imperial Army is waiting for them outside, I doubt many Eldar will make it out with their lives.”

“Most likely they will hide and continue to be a menace from within this ancient wrecked Spire.” He paused and looked around once again scanning for threats. When he looked at Tek’Ar once again he thought about his squad.

Tek’Ar seemed to have the same thought, “What remains of our unit Mortifex?”

“Deklyn is dead. Saddicus is missing a leg but alive. Last I heard from Saddicus is that Xerin has entered a coma from his wounds but may still yet survive. Bonamire is presumed dead as is Olivero.”

“The Celestial Unicorn, is dead? I find that surprising. He was so annoying, I thought even death would have avoided spending time with him.” Tek’Ar added with a smile.

Mortifex shared a smile but then thought about their last member. He looked up to the giant door and spoke, “I wonder what happened to Micus?”

Tek’Ar shrugged, “He always seemed to show up when he was needed, perhaps his time with us is merely done.” He shook his head after a thought. “You know Mortifex, there was always something about him that worried me. It was like he knew way more than everyone else.”

Mortifex shook his head in agreement. “I wonder where Inquisitorial Captain Nefas will send us next.” He said absentmindedly. “I am sure it will be awful.”

Tek’Ar laughed, “probably.”

Nice bit Ice. One comment. 5th line up. The Celestial Unicorn, is dead? I still find that surprising."

How can he "still" find that surprising if he just found out?

While I'm stoked we're getting more story I'm also sad this may be the last we hear from Micus (at least he survived, so far)

Gitsplitta wrote:Nice bit Ice. One comment. 5th line up. The Celestial Unicorn, is dead? I still find that surprising."

How can he "still" find that surprising if he just found out?

Fair point Gits, I will have to get in there and rework that. I will let you know once I have done so.

Knightley wrote:While I'm stoked we're getting more story I'm also sad this may be the last we hear from Micus (at least he survived, so far)

*rubs hands together maniacally* I don't want to say anything but I want you to know that I am making giddy noises of excitement.

Evil excitement............

What what WHAT!?

“How much longer must we wait?” Olivero asked again.

Micus said nothing. He had retreated to the back of the overgrown garden and was sitting on the ground. He mumbled to himself and whispered. Occasionally he would open his eyes wide and stare at a specific spot in the air.

Inushi was on the opposite side of the chamber looking out over the jungle expanse before him. High up the side of the Spire they had climbed to a statue filled garden the size of a docking bay. Here they had waited. Olivero had complained the entire time but the wait was a welcome calm for Inushi. After studying the statues and the ruins around him he had sat at the lip of the open room to stare outwards. Mountains walled off the distance and clouds dotted the blue sky. Ships were flying and hovering around the city nestled in the valley. Buildings were still smoking within the walled city not far from the base of the Spire. More and more Imperial craft were entering the atmosphere.

While waiting he entered a trance like state that he was taught very early in his induction to the Mantis Warriors. For hours he sat motionless, lost in the tides of his consciousness. He thought on his own condition and the pain in his head. There was a cloud in his mind and he could not attune his inner self the way he wanted. Something felt, missing.

Aquilum had also taken the time to be alone. The long hike had begun as a fun adventure but a level of melancholy had settled back in as the monotony of hiking up the exterior of a ruined Spire fell upon them. Listening to the droning of Olivero had not helped the process.

Inushi took another deep breath to focus his inner self. He started with the easiest chakra attunement exercises and took his time with the process before doing the next exercise. It, as always, brought him back to better days. He was working on the second when a sound caught him off guard with a wave of confusion. His eyes opened and focused on a cloud that hovered in the shape of an ocean wave cresting a shore.

The sound was not of gunfire or wildlife. It wasn’t the creak of beams or metal, or the crashing of rubble beneath his feet. The sound was that of singing. A warm falsetto of the Emperor’s Prayer filled the room. The hum of the bugs stopped at the soothing tones, the birds and calls of life hushed as if to listen in.

Smoothly Inushi stood from his position. His gaze fell to Aquilum who was also pivoting in place. Next his sight caught Micus who was still sitting with his hood covering his eyes. Inushi could see the edges of a smile covering his face. An unusual stillness hung over the marine. Inushi noticed that his twitches and shakes disappeared as the beautiful melody continued.

A realization slapped Inushi as he finished his sweep to see the back of Olivero. The wonderful singing, like none Inushi had ever heard from a marine, was coming from the obnoxious ever complaining Olivero.

As silent as a stalking giant Mantis, Inushi moved through the garden to get closer. Rows of statues and garden boxes gave him ample cover as the urge to witness the song commanded his attention. He could not say why he had to witness the singing but Inushi needed to see it firsthand. Perhaps it was the logical side of his brain doubting the facts that something of beauty could come from Olivero but as the song continued, Inushi weaved his way through the plants and stones.

When he stopped he was less than ten feet away directly in front of the singing Olivero. His eyes were closed and his face showed a deep emotion as he sang. Inushi could feel Olivero’s pain, he could feel the sorrow in the words of the Emperor’s Prayer. It made him reevaluate the marine, perhaps Olivero was misunderstood and was not the aloof bullheaded marine Inushi had initially thought. Olivero’s voice crescendoed and suddenly died down to a whisper. Inushi leaned in closer to hear the closing lines of the song but they never came.

Olivero, eyes open, was staring daggers into Inushi. His brows were furrowed and his fists were clenched.

“Olivero,” Inushi stammered in amazement, “your singing is divine. It is amazing,”

“I know Inushi, you do not need to tell me. It would have been even better had your breathing not ruined the mood.” Olivero spat. That brought a bellowing laugh from Aquilum who was stilling standing at the otherside of the garden. Olivero stomped towards the laughing dreadnought.

The entire scene caught Inushi off guard and the confusion only compounded as he saw Micus standing with his hood pulled back. Aquilum and Olivero were verbally sparring in the background while Inushi wandered over to the filthy robed marine. Micus was still looking at a spot in the air.

“Do you see it? The bending of reality. The twisting and altering of the fabric, not a tearing, no, that would be damaging and it would leave a trail, but a slight adjusting, yes. A slight gentle shove of the fibers allowing a passage between here and there. I wonder how?”

Inushi was hoping for some clarification on, anything, but he was content looking up into the air in the general direction that Micus was. He did not see anything and spoke at the same time a thought came to his head.

“How long does this take?”

Micus did not respond.

“Should we get the others?”

Micus did not respond.

The confusion that was settling in his mind finally reached a climax and exploded within Inushi, except for once he did not blurt everything out. The questions were pushed aside and he took a breath trying to hold back the oncoming flood of head pain that was beginning to swell inside him yet again.

Aquilum and Olivero had both split apart and had approached at the tail end of Inushi’s words. Micus slowly turned his gaze away from the air and regarded Inushi thoughtfully. Micus seemed to sense the turmoil within Inushi. For a moment an intense sadness made Micus raise his hood to conceal his bedraggled features once again. His words came out in hushed tones, Inushi was unsure if anyone could hear them.

“I know very little Inushi. I apologize for that. My mind is a hazy thunderstorm that I fear I will someday be lost within. Only one light pierces the gloom and that light tells me that I need to save them. Somehow, I must save them. The accidental events of life have brought us together, maybe we can give thanks to the Emperor for that, but….”

Micus paused for a long time. Inushi raised an eyebrow, then the other to try and silently spur on the response. Micus lost focus for a moment while a beetle walked over his foot before recovering his senses. “We, must save them.” He stated with a finality that ended the conversation.

The sound of cycling weapons tore through the haze in Inushi’s mind. The simple sound activated so many built in responses that Inushi did not think as much as react. His hands were on his hilts. His stance instantly changed so he could move in any direction needed. Aquilum was behind him with his fists pointed into the air. The palms were both open to reveal the barrels hidden within.

Micus stood in front of Aquilum with his arms out. “Wait! Calm yourself Brother, it is not an enemy.”

The four of them watched a light pierce the air in front and above them all. It grew to the size of a humans head before the air itself rippled outward. A wave of intense heat crashed against them along with a deep guttural growl. A second growl joined. Through the haze of heat a giant form stepped through the opened portal. A pair of massive heads came first. The intense heat made the marines step backwards. Inushi looked between the two draconic heads, while each studied him with very large intelligent eyes.

As more of the creature came through, Inushi saw that the two heads were conjoined to the same body. The body glowed with inner heat like it contained a volcano within its chest. The armored plates were a dark gray, fading to black in the center. A battlement like structure adorned its back with tall wall like scales. There were all enough for marines to hide behind completely.

The thought came to his mind when he saw just that. A marine was standing behind one of the armored spikes. He was bare chested, his muscles covered in a sheen of sweat. He locked gazes with Inushi before revealing himself fully. He still wore bits of his power armor. One shoulder piece held on by straps, his waist and legs were still covered in gray armor. A vambrace on one arm and a gauntlet on the other hand. He had a beautiful thunder hammer in one hand.

He set the hammer down before climbing down the great beasts wall like flanks. He dropped the last few yards and stood between the two heads. The teeth rimmed jaws hovered in the air above everyone's heads as the marine slowly strode forward. He appraised Inushi and then the others before he spoke, his thick beard revealed perfect white teeth.

“I am Honored Brother Inigo of the Sons of Hades. You must be my reinforcements!” His tough look melted away as he began a deep barrel chested laugh.

Micus held out a bar of firm nutrient paste towards Inigo, “Cake?”

Oh you tease. Right before Christmas as well! its an amazing present.

Really enjoying the Micus sections (obviously)

So good!

When I was about 12 I painted some marines black with a metallic blue trim and called the made up chapter 'Ice Angels'.

I'm so glad you enjoyed it Knightley. I need to fix a few things that didn't turn out as well as i wanted but overall i like that section.

Riquende, I was about 12 when I started painting my Ice Angels as well. I stayed away from metallic paints though, not my style, lol.

The night sky was a vast sparkling sea filled with countless moving pieces. To his eyes, only a few could be seen moving but he envisioned every one of them hurtle through the darkness of space, each with its own orbit or destination. He thought of his men, his ships, his chapter. He thought of his enemies and the endless threat of xenos. His eyes glazed over each point of light pondering and absorbing the wondrous view. A warm night breeze wafted through the massive openings that at one time held windows. He saw light blurring around him as his antiseptic force field fought the microscopic war going on around him.

The thought made him tilt his head slightly over at the stub of his arm. A jumble of cables and wires were connecting him to a servitor. Nerves were being wired into the connection port that would eventually connect him to a new arm. The process was slow but Razzik, for once in several weeks, was forced to lay down and be still. It was nearly complete but for some final fine tunings and tests.

His body, along with many of his surviving marines, was in bad shape and needed the time to rest and recuperate. He had commanded many of is men to rest and let Sergeant Shar-Takazz take over the command position of cleansing the planet and recovering the chapter relics and weapons that had been lost during their fight.

His mind began its routine process of assessing and measuring efficiencies but he willfully forced it aside. Ever since they had departed the Spire weeks ago, a near endless stream of information about planetwide battle data and been sent to him. Things had continued going very well for the local inhabitants and there had even been survivors of his chapter wounded and hidden within the Spire. However, the joy of finding survivors was overshadowed by the pain of his losses.

He slowly turned his head to the other side. Couches, low tables, and several vid screens were set up as a makeshift command area, albeit a very comfortable one. A wide shelf covered the entire wall behind it all. The central section of it was clear except for a collection of helmets. Ice Angel helmets. In the darkness of the room Razzik could still see each one perfectly. As the helmets had been found they had each been presented to Razzik, not in any formal ceremony but each was reverently given to Razzik, like a child being returned to their parent. Razzik felt as if the spirits of his brothers were within those helmets and the gear that came with them.

Everyone of them would be mended, cleaned, and added back into the armory. The helmets were each a relic of the chapter and a powerful reminder of the history that they carried with them into battle.

“History,” he whispered to himself. He thought on what impact his captaincy would have on the chapter. He stared at the one section of shelf where ten black helmets lay in a row, each with purple designs in different spots. They were the helms of Sergeant Hunzuu and the Ashurbani, his closet brothers and body guards. The history of the squad now rest solely on his shoulders. He would have to recreate his old unit and make sure the purple tassle on his honorary robe would still mean something to the rest of the chapter.

The heavy weight of yearning crept back to him. The wish that any one of his lost brothers would return to reclaim a helm and fight beside him once again. He had fought this emotional war countless times, but the war torn mental landscape of his mind had been cut deep with the losses. He recalled the words of captains and chaplains before him. The sage advice that the dead now linger with the Emperor to protect endless souls in the afterlife.

He found himself hearing the deep voice of Chaplain Gonatzu while he stared at the skull helm further down the shelf.

So lost in his own thoughts he did not hear the door open or the guards usher in a visitor. Not until a bottle was set onto the table nearest his position.

Smoothly Captain Razzik turned his head to regard his newest visitor. Xanshi Oshiashi. She wore a tight gown of red and purple. Her dark hair was pushed back and held in place with pins that looked as if they could also be used as weapons if needed.

In the weeks following the escape of the Spire and the arrival of the Imperial Fleet, Xanshi had become a figurehead for the people. She had traveled the world and helped reclaim lost cities and spoken to the various surviving clan leadership. There was still much to be determined and fixed but it seemed as if she would soon be a member of the council to determine the next planetary governor. Razzik got the impression that she did not want to be the governor herself as much as a ruling member of the military.

Xanshi looked at Razzik, studying his position and arm. She wordlessly poured a glass of bright green liquor. “We just received word that the last moon in the system has checked in and has claimed to have the situation under manageable levels. No more xenos ships prowl our above us and the remaining forces are being discovered and dealt with here and offworld.” She set one of the glasses on a tray at Razziks side. Razzik sat up, deactivated the field around him, and disengaged the medical servitor on his arm. The fine tuning of the connection module could wait a few minutes.

He looked at the glass and let the aroma of the fruity drink fill his nostrils. “That is good news,” he softly responded. It came out a little less genuine then he had hoped but he let the sentiment linger.

She cleared her throat while holding her glass. “This is the only bottle of Oshiashi Melt that I know of. It was kept in our underground facility under more security than my families knights. The stasis system that protected it was said to be old Terran tech from the founding days of our system. My father told me that it should never be opened unless the Emperor himself arrived on our planet and asked for a drink.” She paused as the memory hovered inside her. She gave a slow head shake. “I think this will have to be an exception. We owe a lot to you and your to chapter. I owe you even more. I have very little to give you at present but,” she paused searching for words, “but a drink, my thanks, and an oath. When my family helped rule this system the knight households fought alongside countless Imperial allies. We fought any where the Imperium needed us. I am going to rebuild the system and the knights here. We will have new households in the Mortimon System and all of them will swear their loyalties as they did in the old days, to the Emperor and to the Mortimon System. They will also swear their loyalty to you.” She held out her glass, “Whenever you call we will be there, when you march to war, we will march beside you. I swear it right now before you and the Emperor of Mankind.”

Razzik withheld his glass and looked deep into her penetrating eyes. He allowed a smile to crease his face, “Clan Champion Xanshi Oshiashi, as 10th captain of the Ice Angel and representative of the Shattermantle system, I accept your oath.” They clinked their glasses together. “I look forward to fighting alongside you.”

“I do as well.” She smiled with a deep nod of her head.

Now thats a very touching passage. reflection on past events and the loss that accompanied them.

Nice stuff Ice.

Thanks Knightley. After such a long series of violent posts, its time to tidy up some things. I am dissappointed in my post turn around time but I think I have at least the next several worked out.

Well now, thats exciting new. I look forward to the next installment!

Very nicely done Ice. I love the quiet times when people relate to each other genuinely.

Just like in real life, right?

No... I fear commitment and meaningful communication. That's why I game.

Again, Razzik read the report. He had already committed it to memory but he reread it again in hopes that this time it would reveal some new clue.

“Captain of the 10th, the Ice Angel Chapter in its entirety has been called to the defense of Baal. The Blood Angel home system is under attack by a hive fleet and the call to arms to all successor chapters has been ordered. I have commanded every available company to make all haste to the rendezvous point that Commander Dante has provided, that includes the reserve companies along with the initiate core. You and your company have been spared from this summons. I hope your time with Inquisitorial Captain Nefas passes swiftly as you will be needed back at Shattermantle as soon as possible. Wait for us there, maintain vigilance, and may the Emperor protect.” signed and sealed by Chapter Master Duggon.

Razzik smelled the faint scent of his Chapter Master on the paper. He could envision him writing the note. Carefully, he rolled it back and placed it into its small protective tube. He locked it and held it tight in his hand. He thought on the ramifications of such a call. What level of danger would constitute a call to every successor chapter? He was lost in his thoughts when sounds of heavy footfalls pulled Razzik from his reverie. He quietly said, “come in.” It was hardly a whisper but he knew it would be heard. The door hissed open and the familiar shape of Philsor entered the room.

Razzik got up from the floor where he had been laying and scratched at the edge of the metal port that was now permanently attached to his shoulder. He noticed a hesitation from Philosir. The techmarine had furrowed his brows as he noticed that Xanshi was passed out on the couch not far from where Razzik had been laying.

“She had to much to drink?” Philosir ascertained by the empty bottle and smell of liquor.

Razzik nodded and led them to a side door. It slid opened and they took some stairs up to the roof of the building. Glass panels adorned sections of the roofscape but the perimeter was one plush sitting area after another. Several were still in disarray as fighting had clearly occurred on the rooftop of the building. Between two such sections of battle torn furniture Razzik paused and leaned on the railing. He looked up into the stars trying to gather his thoughts.

Philosir stood nearby, away from the railing and slightly behind Razzik. Razzik’s mind wandered in the calm silence before he choose his verbal path. “There was a messenger from the chapter,” he began. He heard Philosir waive a hand, “Captain, before you tell me of the messenger, there is something I must say.” His monotone voice paused and Razzik sensed that he was straightening up before speaking, “I want to apologize,”

Surprised, Razzik turned to regard Philosir. “Why so formal Philosir and what is there to apologize for? We survived the siege and we found more gear and survivors then expected. The losses still burn at my soul but that will always be the case. Your aid in this was extremely useful. Your work on our armor and weapons kept many of us in the fight much longer,” Razzik paused mid sentence.

“I failed you Captain,” Philosir looked up at Razzik. Razzik could see the pain in his eyes. “You commanded me to get that weapon to fire and I could not.”

It pained Razzik to see Philosir like this so he faced his brother in arms. With his one remaining arm, he put the message tube in a pocket then he placed his hand on Philosir’s shoulder and looked up into the face of his taller brother. Razzik couldn’t tell if he was touching man or machine but all of it was Philosir. The techmarine raised his eyes to meet Razzik’s.

“You have not failed me my friend, not yet, and not ever. You will get the weapon to fire as I commanded. You will also build me the best arm in the Imperium.” Razzik squeezed Philosir’s shoulder before letting go. He looked back to the stars. “Now, no more of this talk. I can not have you doubt yourself. Send a team to get the weapon and your vehicle. Take it with us and work on it. When you’re done I am sure it will be better than anything in our chapter.” He smiled as he envisioned a titan killing weapon mounted on a land raider with Philosir shouting monotone threats from its open hatch.

Philosir moved to stand beside Razzik once again, “Thank you sir. It will be done.”

For minutes they stood there side by side, listening to the city below them and watching the stars above them. Eventually new footfalls broke their quite observation as the door to the roof opened and closed once again.

“Good evening,” the polite tone of Sergeant Mortifex greeted, “my I join you?”

“Ah, I am so glad you came to join us. There is much I would still like to speak to you about,” Razzik said with a smile.

“More questions about Nefas?” Mortifex mused.

“Perhaps, but this time more about you. How can we help you, where shall you and your men like to go next? What is the next step for Sergeant Mortifex of the Star Phantoms?”

Mortifex pondered the question and opened his mouth to respond but stopped. He stared into the sky. Philosir and Razzik turned to follow his gaze. The darkness of space was full of sparkling lights of distant stars, but one section seemed to be filled with nothing but blackness. Before their eyes the blackness grew. Within seconds a huge swathe of the night sky was pure inky darkness.

“What has happened?” Razzik asked to the sky.

“A tear in reality, a rift in the immaterium, I can only hypothesize. I have never seen or heard of anything of that magnitude.” Philosir rapidly blinked and reordered his thoughts. We should get to our ships.” Philosir was already calculating time to docking and how long they could gather forces.

Razzik shook his head in agreement. He reached into his pocket and withdrew the message. “We need a system wide alert to go out, every ship and trooper must report in. I need eyes on all incoming reports from outside the system.” He handed the message to Philosir to read. “Go brother, I will speak to the clans.”

Mortifex heard Razzik and Philosir continue to discuss first response tactics but he tuned it out and wondered what was the cause of such a rift. What did it mean to the Imperium or his position or his own chapter. He knew it could only be bad, because in the 41st millennium, everything was bad, that is why there was only war.

* * * * * * * * * * *

A bad omen? dude the sky ripped in two, that's just a Saturday for these guys at this stage!

Right!?

I think this will be the end of book 2, btw. Time to go back, edit, and repost. Overall, what did you think? Anything not make sense? Do i need to change anything?

Im sure I'll find all sorts of errors, but I think this book turned out WAY better then the first.

I think its a good cap to the end of book 2. I have to agree it seemed better than book 1, but you've had the whole of book 1 to refine and develop. I felt the scale of the battle was bigger even though we were only following a few set individuals with their actions having consequences.

Great work Ice, you should be very proud!

Thanks Knightley! I think there may be a short epilogue to go at the end of the book but I am not sure I will write it now or do it when I finish editing the whole thing. It may sound odd, but I am looking forward to going back and editing the whole thing. It usually turns out even better when I do so. I think I will repost it just like I did last time, unless you guys can think of a better method to do so. Please let me know. One of my side tasks that will go along with the editing is to confirm I update my notes on the chapter as well. It is funny how differently I remember things, sometimes in how I did write them or how I thought I wrote them.

Thanks again to all of you guys that have commented and sent me messages about my fluff. This project has certainly been a labor of love and I do not think I would have gotten it done without you guys. It is crazy to think about how long ago I started this thread and how many pages I have written for it.

I hope it does not take me forever to edit because I really want to dive right into too book three. Do you guys want any hints or spoilers about whats to come?

Ace Ice... love it.

Edits:
PP2, S2 - "the call to arms to all successor chapters has been called." (too many "calls" in one sentence... "issued" perhaps?)
PP2, S3 - "to the rendezvous" (change to "rendezvous point")
PP2, S4 - "you and your company has been" (change to have)
PP2, S5 - "I hope your time with Inquisitorial Captain Nefas is swift" (change to passes swiftly)

"Razzik smelled the faint scent of his Chapter Master on the paper." - This is creepy.

PP3, S8 - "He quietly sad, “come in.”" (change to said)

PP7, S2 - "Silence hung between them for a moment that Razzik was lost in before he spoke." (I just don't quite understand this sentence.)


As to book two overall... I think you've done an admirable job, and there's no question your writing skills continue to develop as you move on. I think perhaps that the marines' reaction to witnessing the creation of the rift is a bit too understated... even given their training and experience. I wouldn't expect them to overreact... but I would expect a bit more urgency and resolve in their reactions.

On to book 3!

Thanks Gitsplitta for the edits and the comments. I see your point about the reaction, I may tweak that a bit.

Indeed onto book three. I hope I am granted speed to edit book two so I can swiftly continue on with the story. There is so much to discuss!

Looking forward to it my friend!

Super Excited indeed!

Okay, how many posts do we need before we roll over to the next page? I want to start posting the edited bit on a new page.

I'll help!

Thanks Git!

Next page

Roll over?