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Thank you for the positive feed back mate, glad to see you enjoyed it.

Ah yes the grammar and spelling are mostly due to me being dyslexic, but i do try to correct any mistakes made when i find them or there pointed out.

Oh and agreed, there is stuff there i need to go back to, to work on more and add to or too finish off due to whatever reason came up that distracted me from finishing a article in the first place.

 purplefood wrote:

 Lewisito wrote:
Hi all, i am Lord Kesharq, the 3rd member of that site involved in that war....i was just wondering what people thought of my fluff.

(not asking for comparisons with Dark Emperors, just want views on my own fluff writing skills).

As for this....well it will burn in the holy fire of imperial counter attack!.

I'm somewhat ashamed to say that despite reading both the Sturmkrieg stuff and the Stardust stuff (Which really needs to just be re-thought) i haven't read any of yours...

What do you think I need to do?

It's really German. Like to the point where it's just silly...
You know how in the Adam West Batman when they poked fun by having everything be "bat-xxx"?
It's like that... but German.
I'm not saying don't have some elements of it but it doesn't need to be so heavy handed...
Also the blanks thing really has to go. It doesn't matter that they have very few psykers in return. Blanks are insanely rare across humanity.

 purplefood wrote:
It's really German. Like to the point where it's just silly...
You know how in the Adam West Batman when they poked fun by having everything be "bat-xxx"?
It's like that... but German.
I'm not saying don't have some elements of it but it doesn't need to be so heavy handed...
Also the blanks thing really has to go. It doesn't matter that they have very few psykers in return. Blanks are insanely rare across humanity.

Ok. I see what that's a problem. Would any of these things help it out?

Using the Cyrillic alphabet to appear less German

Not using German, but using words from multiple languages. For example, attention becomes achteskaya or ачтескаыа

English spellings for words- Freiwehrkrieg becomes Freivehrkrieg and Silesia becomes Tzelesia

Russian themes, not really obvious, but possibly in the uniform designs. They could be gray, but the style would be more Russian, at least for some of the worlds

Having the Sektors (sub sectors) have some independence from one another, so that they can have different themes. The Rotstein Sektor is very different and in many ways non German. From the local perspective they are independent, but to the Imperium and Mechanicum they are part of the Sturmkrieg Sector

Is it worse than this?

http://www.dakkadakka.com/dakkaforum/posts/list/0/368718.page

I about had a fit when I saw that poster. Cool design and no offense to the OP, but the language IS German. Plus the whole thing was REALLY German.

--> I expected this to automatically append.

It was pretty German but yours is more OTT than that is...
That army has a German feel to it whereas you smash the reader in the face with the German-ness.

 purplefood wrote:
It was pretty German but yours is more OTT than that is...
That army has a German feel to it whereas you smash the reader in the face with the German-ness.

That one always seemed way more German to me, and a bit silly to have full translations. In the beginning, I used to to full translations, but I realized how silly it was not to have any linguistic change. I'll put it down to not being clear enough on my part. I'll put up drawings of uniform designs and stuff. If there's any one area that could use change to improve it, please let me know.

How does it compare to the Volianvan Sector and the Stardust Empire?

It's not as bad as the Stardust Empire but IMO it's not as good as the Volianvan Sector.
In the middle. That said it's not without it's good points, but it does need a few adjustments.

 purplefood wrote:
It's not as bad as the Stardust Empire but IMO it's not as good as the Volianvan Sector.
In the middle. That said it's not without it's good points, but it does need a few adjustments.

Thanks. On the issue of the Pariahs, I'm going to limit the numbers of them again. Probably the same as the number of pskyers elsewhere, but still more than normal. I don't really see a reason where there can't be an unusual population. I had this conversation at a GW store a while back. It's up to you how to do it, but understanding that silliness like everyone being a Pariah would be excessive. It could work out to one in 1,000,000 at most. Not the 1 in 1,000 that led to billions of Pariahs.

It's not. Blanks are rarer than psykers. A lot rarer...
By several orders of magnitude...

Are we talking about Blanks here? Or Pariahs? They're both essentially anti-psykers, but Blanks are noticeably less effective against Psykers than are Pariahs, and are also likely more common (although they're still infinitely rarer than Psykers).

Bear in mind that the largest recorded group of Blanks in canon fluff, and outside Imperial Assassins and the Sisters of Silence, numbered only two dozen or so (Eisenhorn's 'Distaff'), so a large gathering of Blanks really shouldn't pass that number, otherwise you run the risk of people wondering why this large group of Blanks hasn't been mentioned before in fluff. If, for example, someone wrote about how an Ultramarine single-handedly destroyed an entire Waaagh!, you'd expect the SM Codex to talk about it, or for it to be at least mentioned somewhere.

Depending upon whether you want Pariahs or Blanks, I'd say safe numbers to have are 0-1 and 10< respectively.

Didn't the Oldcron codex state that Pariahs were roughly 1 per planet/hiveworld?

They're ~1 per planet per generation, but just because one is born doesn't mean it'll survive. In fact, Blank and Pariahs are more vulnerable to dying young due to the very nature of their effect on those around them; not just Psykers are affected, even non-Psykers are actively repulsed by their presence, and they can be hunted down and killed because of how they make other people feel about them.

If a Blank or Pariah is born in a Hive City and not detected right away, chances are that he or she will be murdered by people who were turned on them by their very presence.

This... this is absurd. I recommend that Exterminatus be applied against the Stardust Empire so that this maddeningly idiotic material burns.

 Arcsquad12 wrote:
This... this is absurd. I recommend that Exterminatus be applied against the Stardust Empire so that this maddeningly idiotic material burns.

You might want to weigh in on the discussion here in that case:

http://en.sturmkrieg.com/Sturmkriegeletion_nomination/Noticeboard

He is in the process of redoing it, but if he doesn't get it done within like a week or a month, odds are it'll all be deleted by the admins. And we are very democratic there, so if you get like six people saying it has to go, that would probably do it.

 Avatar 720 wrote:
Are we talking about Blanks here? Or Pariahs? They're both essentially anti-psykers, but Blanks are noticeably less effective against Psykers than are Pariahs, and are also likely more common (although they're still infinitely rarer than Psykers).

Bear in mind that the largest recorded group of Blanks in canon fluff, and outside Imperial Assassins and the Sisters of Silence, numbered only two dozen or so (Eisenhorn's 'Distaff'), so a large gathering of Blanks really shouldn't pass that number, otherwise you run the risk of people wondering why this large group of Blanks hasn't been mentioned before in fluff. If, for example, someone wrote about how an Ultramarine single-handedly destroyed an entire Waaagh!, you'd expect the SM Codex to talk about it, or for it to be at least mentioned somewhere.

Depending upon whether you want Pariahs or Blanks, I'd say safe numbers to have are 0-1 and 10< respectively.

There's blanks, that are basically Tau equivalent. They don't have anti psychic abilities, and aren't immune. The local population has a higher than normal number of Pariahs due to genetic anomalies. Most of them do not have significant anti psychic abilities, similar to what you mentioned about blanks. They are immune to psychic powers, but don't broadcast any area of disruption.

You can read more about them here. Keep in mind that I haven't updated the numbers in that article, and that they should all be an order of magnitude lower.

http://en.sturmkrieg.com/Psychic_nulls_in_the_Sturmkrieg_Sektor

Keep in mind that Dan Abnett was the one who created Pariahs in the first place. I was discussing the issue of numbers with Dondrekhan and a few people at our FLGS, and he pointed that out. Other people generally don't care about have a local exceptionality, generally under the following conditions: 1) I acknowledge the drawbacks of having a non-psychic race, 2) I create a good and interesting backstory for what they do with their abilities, not have Mary Sue "lets go kill all the daemons" nonsense, 3) I don't do anything silly like make everyone a pariah. Also, when asking about this, people have said that it's good to make an abnormality like having more nulls than usual because it makes the story interesting to read. I also talked to one of the former GW staff members who was very knowledgeable about the background and he said that it would be alright as long as I still kept it rare; he warded me off of one of my old idea of having like half the population be null; that was a bit silly. I don't really see why it would be impossible for a very remote population to develop some unusual trait, like having more nulls than usual. I follow good writing practices and don't give them psykers, meaning that they have to deal with the drawbacks of being non psychic, rather than having the best of both worlds.

[EDIT]

I just reduced the number of nulls in that article.

Here's the previous revision to show how many I had before I just reduced it:

http://en.sturmkrieg.com/index.php?title=Psychic_nulls_in_the_Sturmkrieg_Sektor&oldid=3962

I don't think you quite get it. Dark Emperor's writing is horrendous, and frankly his attitude towards other people or criticism of his work is terrible.

Right now you aren't doing much better. Changing minutiae won't fix the fundamental problems with your fluff. If you want your writing to fit with the rest of the 40K verse, you need to play within the rules of the setting.

Taking criticism by screaming in All Caps and then trying to justify your writing repeatedly after being told what is wrong means you aren't learning.

Likewise, just changing tiny bits and pieces doesn't fix other things. Changing a name or a number means nothing if it doesn't adhere to the restrictions of the setting.

A total rewrite is needed. Not a revision, not an alteration, but burning the entire thing to the ground and building from the ground up. And learn how to take criticism.

 Arcsquad12 wrote:
I don't think you quite get it. Dark Emperor's writing is horrendous, and frankly his attitude towards other people or criticism of his work is terrible.

Right now you aren't doing much better. Changing minutiae won't fix the fundamental problems with your fluff. If you want your writing to fit with the rest of the 40K verse, you need to play within the rules of the setting.

Taking criticism by screaming in All Caps and then trying to justify your writing repeatedly after being told what is wrong means you aren't learning.

Likewise, just changing tiny bits and pieces doesn't fix other things. Changing a name or a number means nothing if it doesn't adhere to the restrictions of the setting.

A total rewrite is needed. Not a revision, not an alteration, but burning the entire thing to the ground and building from the ground up. And learn how to take criticism.

Is this directed at me or Dark Emperor?

Its directed to both of you. You want to really take this off? Dark Emperor has to go. It might be a collaborative effort on your part but he doesn't seem to see it that way. This is what I got from the discussion link.

Captain 642 Do you mind if i ask you a question. Who do you think Posted my Fluff to Dakka Dakka? and It Was not Me Plus this is FAN fiction. There For I have the ability to write what i like BUT you think that it should Go cause People think it is Crap. That is a load of bull, But i have begun to change my stuff and i never wanted what i wrote to be final however If you wish To destroy an Idea of mine then that is uncalled for and it is not right. I want More then Just what the People On Daka Daka Say. I wrote the Fluff So Come to me and Not go on What the people of Dakka Dakka say. And i agree with Lord Kesharq and Inquisitor Ehrenstein.

He goes looking for criticism, receives it, and tosses it aside. Dakka Dakka says his work sucks, "screw them! Their opinions don't matter, we'll just get our validation from everyone else!"

And then there is you, Ehrenstein. You keep standing up for him and quietly trying to fix the problem, but a simple fix just isn't going to cut it. Any amount of minor edits won't do a damn thing in the long run if the fundamentals are still broken. To use an analogy. this is like Bioware trying to fix Mass Effect 3's ending, not by actually fixing the flaws, but adding new material to try and justify them.

Having people with little or no warp presence is all well and good in theory, but the Tau are the only documented race that have that, and they have it for good reasons: they are a small Empire; they were unheard of for many, many years and paid no heed; they don't plunge themselves into the Warp to travel and they have no connection whatsoever with the forces of Chaos.

Humanity, however, is the exact opposite of all of that. They are a huge force; they have spread their influence throughout the Galaxy and it's unlikely that you'll even find notable Xeno races that haven't come into contact with the Imperium, or at least heard of the Humans; they travel through the Warp on a regular basis; they are regularly corrupted by the Ruinous Powers and their emotions and actions feed the power of the Chaos Gods. To have an entire sector of Humans without a warp presence makes very little sense at all considering their actions and the fact that they are human.

Genetic anomalies also can't reasonably be used as an argument for more Pariahs, otherwise the Inqusition would already own the entire sector, if not purely for the fact that so many humans have little or no warp presence. The numbers of Pariahs would be a godsend against not only the force of Chaos, but also that of Eldar, the Tyranids, and to a lesser extent, the Orks, because who knows how the power of the Waaagh! reacts to the Pariah gene.

I know how interesting so many psychic-immune or warp-immune people would be, but if you want to keep it even loosely within the realms of believable fluff, the numbers have to fiercly culled, and you'll have to rethink these humans-without-warp-presence that I'm assuming you mean when you say Tau-equivilant. Humans are one of the largest non-Daemon presences in the Warp, if not the largest due to how they utilise it.

The way I see it, you have two options: keep the numbers and have the entire sector under the lock and key of the Inquisition (such a gathering of warp-presenceless humans could not possibly be missed, even on the Eastern Fringe), or nuke the numbers, and by that I mean about 1 Gamma level at most, and 200 Omega level at most, with the rest fitting between. It could be argued that this few could go unnoticed, or if noticed, be deemed as too valuable to remove from duty, lest the entire sector be put in danger.

Anything more and you'll have to come up with a believable reason as to why they haven't all been recruited into the Sisters of Silence or the Inquisition, or even killed in case they become corrupted by some other power or otherwise turn against Humanity. You'll also have to come up with a way of explaining how this genetic anomaly isn't being studied and applied throughout Humanity to essentially breed blanks for use against Chaos, and how it only affects this sector.

You'll also need to justify how 1 in every 700 people in the sector are Blanks, when Blanks are noted as being infinitely rarer than Psykers, who are even rarer than 1 in 700 throughout the entire Imperium.

Thanks for your reply, I get to soon.

Idea for FTL travel

Attach phone line to Eldar ship

Wait for it to go through the Webway

Connect to teleporter

Email ships to teleporter across the galaxy

Problem, Navigators?

That'd work assuming Eldar are either complicit or stupid.
Since they are usually neither when it comes to the affairs of mankind we can assume it wouldn't work.

yeah id have to say it would not as there not that stupid...shame..,the prince of pleasure could have done a better job!

Is this an accurate summary?

http://plaguemarine.tumblr.com/post/17346181688/sisterofmechanicus-thegoldenthrone-what-is

I've had a look over the way DarkEmperor reacted to the proposed deletion of his article.

You think that is anyway to act on a wiki?

Aren't you the owner of wiki, can't you simply tell him that it's going to be deleted until he has changed it?

 blood reaper wrote:
I've had a look over the way DarkEmperor reacted to the proposed deletion of his article.

You think that is anyway to act on a wiki?

Aren't you the owner of wiki, can't you simply tell him that it's going to be deleted until he has changed it?

While Dark Emperor's behavior certainly has been hostile and at times has not been consistent with civility, I do not think that he has been expressly hostile enough to warrant an ANI intervention or block.

I'm not actually the only owner of it, plus I'm also not the only bureaucrat (leadership/executive position) on that wiki. We also try to do things democratically as well. Captain 627 has also seemed to have taken up the job of requesting reform or deletion. My main focus recently has also been on de.sturmkrieg.com, with less focus on this particular wiki.

 Inquisitor Ehrenstein wrote:

 blood reaper wrote:
I've had a look over the way DarkEmperor reacted to the proposed deletion of his article.

You think that is anyway to act on a wiki?

Aren't you the owner of wiki, can't you simply tell him that it's going to be deleted until he has changed it?

While Dark Emperor's behavior certainly has been hostile and at times has not been consistent with civility, I do not think that he has been expressly hostile enough to warrant an ANI intervention or block.

I'm not actually the only owner of it, plus I'm also not the only bureaucrat (leadership/executive position) on that wiki. We also try to do things democratically as well. Captain 627 has also seemed to have taken up the job of requesting reform or deletion. My main focus recently has also been on de.sturmkrieg.com, with less focus on this particular wiki.

Not a ban, but you and the other admins should realise that the allowance of poor quality stuff can ruin everything, look at Warhammer 40,000 Fanon wiki.

It begun with the AT's and rampant Xeno mary sue hybrid crap.

We wouldn't ban him for that, but maybe block for a few days if there was any serious behavior. The OTT content and wanting to be taken seriously is the reason why we are enforcing that this change or be deleted.

Does the Warhammer 40,000 Fanon Wiki have a lot of really bad content?

 Inquisitor Ehrenstein wrote:
We wouldn't ban him for that, but maybe block for a few days if there was any serious behavior. The OTT content and wanting to be taken seriously is the reason why we are enforcing that this change or be deleted.

Does the Warhammer 40,000 Fanon Wiki have a lot of really bad content?

I'd say the quality of the stuff has dropped, and the feel and nature of 40k is gone.

I never said ban ether, but I simply meant warnings.

Here's something I've wondered about:

When a fictional universe gets created, does it actually exist somewhere, it some dimension?

Or would the number of nearly infinite parallel universes resulting from decisions mean that any fictional universe created exists somewhere?