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![[Post New]](/s/i/i.gif) 2012/11/07 20:49:17
Subject: ruh oh! The Queen has spoken.
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5th God of Chaos! (Ho-hum)
Curb stomping in the Eye of Terror!
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To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II:
In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except North Dakota, which she does not fancy).
Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
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1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary'). [ whembly: dang, us 'Merican gonna flunk English Class... ]
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2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.' [ whembly: I'm screwed ]
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3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday. [ whembly: ]
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4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse. [ whembly: isn't that a bird? Are they tasty? ]
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5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public. [ whembly: but, I do EVERYTHING with that peeler! ]
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6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour. [ whembly: Hey... I'd be all over this!]
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7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it. [ whembly: Ouch! ]
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8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar. [ whembly: Right on! Love a proper fish 'n chips]
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9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion. [ whembly: Gnat's Piss is an acquired taste ]
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10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialect in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater. [ whembly: no arguments there!]
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11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies). [ whembly: No wait just a minute! That's grounds for a 2nd Revolution your Majesty! ]
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12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries. [ whembly: bah... it's an American pastime! ]
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13.. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad. [ whembly: You me both! :bro-fist: ]
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14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776). [ whembly: is there enough $$$ for this? ]
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15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season. [ whembly: you trying to make us fatter? ]
God Save the Queen!
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Live Ork, Be Ork. or D'Ork!
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![[Post New]](/s/i/i.gif) 2012/11/07 20:52:18
Subject: ruh oh! The Queen has spoken.
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5th God of Chaos! (Yea'rly!)
The Great State of Texas
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So New England goes back to Britain. Thats fine. Texas will take all the states and territories that were not part of the Thirteen Colonies.
The Eyes of Texas are upon YOU!
hehe My boy was accepted to Aggieville's Engineering school. Just waiting on UT, UTD and Stanford baby!
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-"Wait a minute.....who is that Frazz is talking to in the gallery? Hmmm something is going on here.....Oh.... it seems there is some dispute over video taping of some sort......Frazz is really upset now..........wait a minute......whats he go there.......is it? Can it be?....Frazz has just unleashed his hidden weiner dog from his mini bag, while quoting shakespeares "Let slip the dogs the war!!" GG
-"Don't mind Frazzled. He's just Dakka's crazy old dude locked in the attic. He's harmless. Mostly."
-TBone the Magnificent 1999-2014, Long Live the King!
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![[Post New]](/s/i/i.gif) 2012/11/07 20:57:02
Subject: ruh oh! The Queen has spoken.
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Infiltrating Broodlord
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Frazzled wrote:So New England goes back to Britain. Thats fine. Texas will take all the states and territories that were not part of the Thirteen Colonies.
The Eyes of Texas are upon YOU!
hehe My boy was accepted to Aggieville's Engineering school. Just waiting on UT, UTD and Stanford baby!
So Texas will go back to Mexico and or Spain? Fair trade.
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I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member. -Groucho Marx
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![[Post New]](/s/i/i.gif) 2012/11/07 21:02:40
Subject: ruh oh! The Queen has spoken.
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5th God of Chaos! (Yea'rly!)
The Great State of Texas
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ShatteredBlade wrote: Frazzled wrote:So New England goes back to Britain. Thats fine. Texas will take all the states and territories that were not part of the Thirteen Colonies.
The Eyes of Texas are upon YOU!
hehe My boy was accepted to Aggieville's Engineering school. Just waiting on UT, UTD and Stanford baby!
So Texas will go back to Mexico and or Spain? Fair trade.
No way Jose. You can have New England. We'll let you keep it for at least a week. Then we ressurect Zombie Teddy Roosevelt, Zombie Sherman, and Zombie Nimitz and invade with ten thousand ACW reenactors. We will meet your civil war reenactors with our civil war reenactors on the field of honor! (or the nearest Burger King).
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-"Wait a minute.....who is that Frazz is talking to in the gallery? Hmmm something is going on here.....Oh.... it seems there is some dispute over video taping of some sort......Frazz is really upset now..........wait a minute......whats he go there.......is it? Can it be?....Frazz has just unleashed his hidden weiner dog from his mini bag, while quoting shakespeares "Let slip the dogs the war!!" GG
-"Don't mind Frazzled. He's just Dakka's crazy old dude locked in the attic. He's harmless. Mostly."
-TBone the Magnificent 1999-2014, Long Live the King!
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![[Post New]](/s/i/i.gif) 2012/11/07 21:03:57
Subject: ruh oh! The Queen has spoken.
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Decrepit Dakkanaut
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Fuel them with Smores flavored Schnapps, like that episode of South Park.
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DA:70S+G+M+B++I++Pw40k08+D++A++/fWD-R+T(M)DM+
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![[Post New]](/s/i/i.gif) 2012/11/07 21:07:06
Subject: ruh oh! The Queen has spoken.
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5th God of Chaos! (Yea'rly!)
The Great State of Texas
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kronk wrote:Fuel them with Smores flavored Schnapps, like that episode of South Park.
Gentlemen, form your brigades! At the quick step and give 'em the cold steel!*
*Translation: gas it or the Brits will get into Burger King first and drink up all the chocolate shakes before we can get any.
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-"Wait a minute.....who is that Frazz is talking to in the gallery? Hmmm something is going on here.....Oh.... it seems there is some dispute over video taping of some sort......Frazz is really upset now..........wait a minute......whats he go there.......is it? Can it be?....Frazz has just unleashed his hidden weiner dog from his mini bag, while quoting shakespeares "Let slip the dogs the war!!" GG
-"Don't mind Frazzled. He's just Dakka's crazy old dude locked in the attic. He's harmless. Mostly."
-TBone the Magnificent 1999-2014, Long Live the King!
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![[Post New]](/s/i/i.gif) 2012/11/07 21:07:19
Subject: ruh oh! The Queen has spoken.
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Infiltrating Broodlord
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Frazzled wrote: ShatteredBlade wrote: Frazzled wrote:So New England goes back to Britain. Thats fine. Texas will take all the states and territories that were not part of the Thirteen Colonies.
The Eyes of Texas are upon YOU!
hehe My boy was accepted to Aggieville's Engineering school. Just waiting on UT, UTD and Stanford baby!
So Texas will go back to Mexico and or Spain? Fair trade.
No way Jose. You can have New England. We'll let you keep it for at least a week. Then we ressurect Zombie Teddy Roosevelt, Zombie Sherman, and Zombie Nimitz and invade with ten thousand ACW reenactors. We will meet your civil war reenactors with our civil war reenactors on the field of honor! (or the nearest Burger King).
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This message was edited 1 time. Last update was at 2012/11/07 21:10:16
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member. -Groucho Marx
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![[Post New]](/s/i/i.gif) 2012/11/07 21:10:04
Subject: ruh oh! The Queen has spoken.
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Mutilatin' Mad Dok
SE Michigan
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I direct you gents to the South Park episode where the Brits try to invade hahaa
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![[Post New]](/s/i/i.gif) 2012/11/07 21:12:39
Subject: ruh oh! The Queen has spoken.
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5th God of Chaos! (Yea'rly!)
The Great State of Texas
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Huffy wrote:I direct you gents to the South Park episode where the Brits try to invade hahaa
Yep.
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-"Wait a minute.....who is that Frazz is talking to in the gallery? Hmmm something is going on here.....Oh.... it seems there is some dispute over video taping of some sort......Frazz is really upset now..........wait a minute......whats he go there.......is it? Can it be?....Frazz has just unleashed his hidden weiner dog from his mini bag, while quoting shakespeares "Let slip the dogs the war!!" GG
-"Don't mind Frazzled. He's just Dakka's crazy old dude locked in the attic. He's harmless. Mostly."
-TBone the Magnificent 1999-2014, Long Live the King!
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![[Post New]](/s/i/i.gif) 2012/11/07 21:14:32
Subject: ruh oh! The Queen has spoken.
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Huge Hierodule
The centre of a massive brood chamber, heaving and pulsating.
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If this is what the queen actually wrote I will be a very happy boy.
If not, well, until she gains a Chaos Form she can feth off.
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Squigsquasher, resident ban magnet, White Knight, and general fethwit.
buddha wrote:I've decided that these GW is dead/dying threads that pop up every-week must be followers and cultists of nurgle perpetuating the need for decay. I therefore declare that that such threads are heresy and subject to exterminatus. So says the Inquisition! |
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![[Post New]](/s/i/i.gif) 2012/11/07 21:20:47
Subject: Re:ruh oh! The Queen has spoken.
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Hulking Hunter-class Warmech
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This was going around on Facebook the other day, I thought it was hilarious personally
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![[Post New]](/s/i/i.gif) 2012/11/07 22:39:51
Subject: ruh oh! The Queen has spoken.
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Wrathful Warlord Titan Commander
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Hope it's a joke, we have enough problems with the Scots diet dragging down the UK average lifespan!
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How do you promote your Hobby? - Legoburner "I run some crappy wargaming website " |
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![[Post New]](/s/i/i.gif) 2012/11/07 22:50:33
Subject: ruh oh! The Queen has spoken.
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Fixture of Dakka
Manchester UK
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Yes, this type of 'humour' occasionally does the rounds...
It doesn't really do anything for me.
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Cheesecat wrote:
I almost always agree with Albatross, I can't see why anyone wouldn't.
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![[Post New]](/s/i/i.gif) 2012/11/07 23:04:34
Subject: ruh oh! The Queen has spoken.
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Decrepit Dakkanaut
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It's also out of date, appearing during Bush junior's administration and not relevant now as Her Madge is, by all accounts, very fond of the Obamas.
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![[Post New]](/s/i/i.gif) 2012/11/07 23:09:15
Subject: ruh oh! The Queen has spoken.
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Fixture of Dakka
Manchester UK
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MeanGreenStompa wrote:It's also out of date, appearing during Bush junior's administration and not relevant now as Her Madge is, by all accounts, very fond of the Obamas.
Yep. Also, can I take this opportunity to exhort our American chums not to get into the whole 'Yeah? Just you try it, we kicked your Limey asses once, etc.' We get it, you're all big and butch. No-one is seriously proposing this, and the Queen didn't actually compose it. In fact, I have a sneaking suspicion that the author might be American. Puffing your chests out just makes you look a little silly, dears. It's a bit of fun.
That said, it's not particularly original or funny, IMO.
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Cheesecat wrote:
I almost always agree with Albatross, I can't see why anyone wouldn't.
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![[Post New]](/s/i/i.gif) 2012/11/07 23:16:25
Subject: ruh oh! The Queen has spoken.
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Infiltrating Broodlord
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Albatross wrote: MeanGreenStompa wrote:It's also out of date, appearing during Bush junior's administration and not relevant now as Her Madge is, by all accounts, very fond of the Obamas.
Yep. Also, can I take this opportunity to exhort our American chums not to get into the whole 'Yeah? Just you try it, we kicked your Limey asses once, etc.' We get it, you're all big and butch. No-one is seriously proposing this, and the Queen didn't actually compose it. In fact, I have a sneaking suspicion that the author might be American. Puffing your chests out just makes you look a little silly, dears. It's a bit of fun.
That said, it's not particularly original or funny, IMO.
Feh, no point in getting all bent out of shape over a joke, though this isn't particulary funny.
http://theoatmeal.com/pl/minor_differences4/accents
Now this is more my style.
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I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member. -Groucho Marx
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![[Post New]](/s/i/i.gif) 2012/11/07 23:16:44
Subject: Re:ruh oh! The Queen has spoken.
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Veteran ORC
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Why all the hate on North Dakota? We are the only state worth living in....
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I've never feared Death or Dying. I've only feared never Trying. |
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![[Post New]](/s/i/i.gif) 2012/11/07 23:17:45
Subject: Re:ruh oh! The Queen has spoken.
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Infiltrating Broodlord
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Slarg232 wrote:Why all the hate on North Dakota? We are the only state worth living in....
I think it's because we forget that you're a state sometimes.
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I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member. -Groucho Marx
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![[Post New]](/s/i/i.gif) 2012/11/07 23:26:59
Subject: ruh oh! The Queen has spoken.
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Fixture of Dakka
Manchester UK
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ShatteredBlade wrote: Albatross wrote: MeanGreenStompa wrote:It's also out of date, appearing during Bush junior's administration and not relevant now as Her Madge is, by all accounts, very fond of the Obamas.
Yep. Also, can I take this opportunity to exhort our American chums not to get into the whole 'Yeah? Just you try it, we kicked your Limey asses once, etc.' We get it, you're all big and butch. No-one is seriously proposing this, and the Queen didn't actually compose it. In fact, I have a sneaking suspicion that the author might be American. Puffing your chests out just makes you look a little silly, dears. It's a bit of fun.
That said, it's not particularly original or funny, IMO.
Feh, no point in getting all bent out of shape over a joke, though this isn't particulary funny.
http://theoatmeal.com/pl/minor_differences4/accents
Now this is more my style.
See, that's waaaay funnier! It also has more of a ring of truth to it...
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Cheesecat wrote:
I almost always agree with Albatross, I can't see why anyone wouldn't.
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![[Post New]](/s/i/i.gif) 2012/11/07 23:29:10
Subject: ruh oh! The Queen has spoken.
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Infiltrating Broodlord
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Oh trust me, when I first visited Britain, I let loose a " hell yeah" as a response to someone with my southern drawl, and they burst into laughter at me. Was quite confused.
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I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member. -Groucho Marx
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![[Post New]](/s/i/i.gif) 2012/11/07 23:30:19
Subject: Re:ruh oh! The Queen has spoken.
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Longtime Dakkanaut
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We can't afford it. We're selling it to a New-York based private equity firm.
Say goodbye to your country, suckers.
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Unnessesarily extravegant word of the week award goes to jcress410 for this:
jcress wrote:Seem super off topic to complain about epistemology on a thread about tactics. |
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![[Post New]](/s/i/i.gif) 2012/11/08 00:03:15
Subject: Re:ruh oh! The Queen has spoken.
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Veteran ORC
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We aren't; we are in a class of our own, above the other states
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I've never feared Death or Dying. I've only feared never Trying. |
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![[Post New]](/s/i/i.gif) 2012/11/08 01:43:18
Subject: ruh oh! The Queen has spoken.
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Pragmatic Primus Commanding Cult Forces
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Those would be *commonwealths*. Pennsylvania is one. Alas, ND is not a member of that club...
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