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While most of know of the original 20 primarchs who were abducted into the warp, few know of the 20 who came after.

Grown quickly, with whatever materials remained from the original batch, and from incomplete notes, they were a stop-gap until the Emperor rediscovered the originals.

Now their story can be told.

21 - Lion'El Richard a warrior whose legendary endurance allowed him to fight all night long. His mastery of the jump pack allowed him to be literally dancing on the ceiling. Alas that was also his undoing when his jeri-curled mullet got caught in the air intake...

22 - Brother Humble, leader of the Humble Legion. He went into battle with grey, unpainted armor and his humble marines followed along. The chapter lives on to this day and in fact many of the Imperium's greatest heroes have fought along side at some time. But in keeping with the chapter's tradition they never speak of their exploits with the Humble Legion.

23 - Hafgrim's average skills and pursuit of mediocracy left him obscure and forgotten.

24 - Plumbumo, the master of the Tin Soldiers was crushed during the Siege of Recycling Center 4.

25 - Gerry Cohen, shunning gas-guzzling rhinos and attack bikes he mounted his Legion is energy-efficient Honda Civics. He soon retired from galactic conquest to pursue the more lucrative field of accounting and was instrumental in founding the Imperial Revenue Service.

26 - Russel Leman's Space Dachshunds served with courage and distinction but for some reason the Emperor did not allow them to be entered into the roll of honor.

27 - Mr Banana Suit, his true name, if he ever had one, is lost to the ages. He is remembered for putting on his bright yellow banana suit to entertain the Emperor with his antics. Alas he was captured by Xenos (believed to be an early Hive Fleet) who peeled his armor and consumed him. After his death his role was passed to Rogal Dorn so that he might amuse the Emperor in times to come.

28 - Char'Li Sheen leader of the Night Tiger Blood Vatican Warlock Assassin Ninjas, he turned on the Emperor after being arrested on drug and prostitution charges.

29 - Sudorius, his powerful body odor led to his dismissal from the Emperor's service.

30 - Plumbumus Pes led his armies in a series of rapid raids but was undone when his feet sank into the muck of Mudworld VII

31 - Ole Wasshisname, no one remembers much about him. It's not that he was deleted from Imperial records or anything, he just never did anything that great.

32 - Mellogron, wandered off during the Sacking of Ganja 420 and was never seen again.

33 - Bobbie Williams, his Beyond Marines were the poster boys of the 2nd Primachs until Roboute Guilliman ordered him purged.

34 - Surdusion led the Deaf Guard for many years until his failure to hear a shouted warned cost him his life.

35 - Marcus the Dead, unfortunately perished after slipping the shower. He was mourned by a sect of the Sisters of Silence known as the Thousands Nuns.

36 - Morris, tragically sold his soul to the Chaos Gods of Flowers, Dancing, Laughter and Friendship. The Morris Heresy is on record as the shortest and least successful heresy in Imperial history.

37 - Nudar led the Word Barers for only a few months until his habit of entering battle 'skyclad' cost him his life.

38 - Bacchus' poor craftmanship skill and frequent inebriation cost him his life when he drunkenly stumbled out of the airlock and burned up on reentry.

39 - Columba met his end when he and the Raving Guard accepted an invitation to a massive warehouse party in Commorragh.

40 - Alfred and Orville the twin primarchs met their fate due to their bad habit of loudly announcing their plans and telling everyone where they were.

LOL. Nudar.... like from futurama.

 Largeblastmarker wrote:
LOL. Nudar.... like from futurama.

Ah that's not even the best latin pun in there, I'm very proud of Lead Foot and Sweaty

Very gooooooood

The Space Dachshunds need some reference to tunnel fighting, surely

(also badgers are nasty vicious things when cornered... Dachshunds don't get enough creditin my book )

This is EPIC, I'm trying not to lol at work.

 Kid_Kyoto wrote:

 Largeblastmarker wrote:
LOL. Nudar.... like from futurama.

Ah that's not even the best latin pun in there, I'm very proud of Lead Foot and Sweaty

I got the latin puns. This was just amazingly funny to read. the morris heresy. Just fantastic. Can I sig that?

 Largeblastmarker wrote:


I got the latin puns. This was just amazingly funny to read. the morris heresy. Just fantastic. Can I sig that?

Feel free!

For the record, since for some odd reason there is a derth of fluent Latin speakers on the board:


Plumbumo=Tin (parody of the iron Warriors)

Sudorius=sweat (parody of Sanguineus)

Plumbumus Pes=Lead Food (parody of Ferros Manos)

Bobbie Williams=Roboute Guilliman translated into English

Surdusion=deaf, parody of Mortarion and the Death Guard

Nudar=Naked, parody of the Word Bearers (note spelling)

Columba=Dove, parody of Corax and the Raven Guard

 Kid_Kyoto wrote:

Bobbie Williams=Roboute Guilliman translated into English

Didn't know that!
from what language?

Can't be french can it? I mean the ultramarines are pretty damn french but...

Haha good read, gotta love good 40k satirical fluff!
I was happy when I saw this thread was by Kid Kyoto .

I give it 2.5 out of 5.

 Largeblastmarker wrote:

 Kid_Kyoto wrote:

Bobbie Williams=Roboute Guilliman translated into English

Didn't know that!
from what language?

Can't be french can it? I mean the ultramarines are pretty damn french but...

Well I'm assuming. Translating names is one of the ways GW uses real world names but makes them seem more Grimdark. Perdo Kantor is really Peter Cantor an early play tester.

So I figure Robert -> Roboute then Williams -> Guilliman by way of Guillermo or other equivlants.

Funny, have an exalt.

This is ace "28 - Char'Li Sheen leader of the Night Tiger Blood Vatican Warlock Assassin Ninjas, he turned on the Emperor after being arrested on drug and prostitution charges."

And this"Mellogron, wandered off during the Sacking of Ganja 420 and was never seen again"

...this may be the best post I have ever read..anywhere!

Fantastic ! Burst out laughing at Lion'El Richard

This is golden

Love this.

It reminds me of the Unhinged cards from MTG

Admittedly, when I read the Char'Li Sheen entry I was looking for reference to the YouTube link to his songified Winning vid. Still, great stuff!



You nailed Mellogron, he was perfect!

Best ones...

39 - Columba met his end when he and the Raving Guard accepted an invitation to a massive warehouse party in Commorragh.

40 - Alfred and Orville the twin primarchs met their fate due to their bad habit of loudly announcing their plans and telling everyone where they were.

Oh, sweet jeebus. I almost lost it at "Gerry Cohen"

So much gold here.

Most excellent! Exalted!