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 KalashnikovMarine wrote:
Use my sure fire pick up line!

"Hey do you know any good places to hide a body?"

Gonna have to try that one.

 Easy E wrote:

 Albatross wrote:

 Easy E wrote:

 Avatar 720 wrote:

chaos0xomega wrote:
No dates for me, sent a few messages back and forth with various chicks on tinder

Back and forth? Nobody on Tinder even responds to my first message - and before anyone says anything, no, I'm not typing "Hi." and sitting there waiting like a lemon.

That bring sup a good question. How do you start a back and forth. I was in "the game" way before Social Media was a thing so I have no idea.

@Alby- Got any suggestions?

Hey folks, sorry, been really busy recently. A quick update: I met the most amazing girl! She's tall, slim, blonde and an artist. She's from my hometown, we get on great... Just generally really like this chick. Looks like I might have a girlfriend, a keeper this time.

Anyhow, starting conversations on Tinder... I guess my general advice would be 'don't try too hard to be noticed'. Whilst this might be counter intuitive, it's easy to completely mess up your first impression by being too wacky/smooth/forward. Send a quick message and UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES send a follow-up message if she doesn't get back to you right away. My opening message is always this:

'Hey (name), what's happening? x'

That's literally it. Occasionally, if there's something interesting about their profile, I'll ask about it, but not that often. Only if it's noteworthy. If a girl likes the look of you, she'll reply, simple as. From there it's usually been something like this:

'Oh nothing just chilling lol. Work tomorrow, sad times. :(. You?'

'Booo! Haha, yeah same. Where you work?'

'Just in an office/shop/who cares. It's alright. My boss is a dick though. You?'

'Yeah, I work for a bank in risk and remediation, which is exactly as exciting as it sounds. Yawn. '

'Hahaha! (They always seem to laugh at that, Christ knows why) I dunno, it sounds pretty interesting. (By interesting, she means well-paid. I'm not)'

'You should get out more! Haha, jokes.'

And so on. Works for me. The key is to not be creepy and to make her laugh, but not try to hard to do so. Be cheeky, poke fun at her if you get the chance. Girls like to be teased because (IMO) it shows you're not TOO concerned about her feelings and therefore don't reek of desperation.

As always, standard caveats apply. I'm just sharing what works for me, it's not the gospel. I HAVE slept with three different girls over the last fortnight though, so read into that what you will. I'm just trying to help however I can.

I had a feeling it would be that easy. Just keep it casual, informal, and shallow.

Basically, yeah. It may be tempting to dive straight into talking about 'deep' stuff, but consider this... How fething weird is that?! My general rule of thumb for conversations on Tinder is basically don't say anything you wouldn't be comfortable saying in person, at a bus-stop, to a girl you just met. At least, not at first. Think about how you strike up friendships in real life, with people of the same sex (for the purposes of shorthand I'm generally assuming that I'm addressing heterosexual males, btw -apologies if you're reading this and are not one, but I can only really speak from my own perspective on this) - you don't walk up to them and go 'hey, I like cheese, do you like cheese? We can be friends and eat cheese together some time.' For one thing you'd sound like a fething murderer. Your interactions with people who later become even your best friends generally start from really banal beginnings and gradually blossom into something more. The same I feel is true of romance. Both friendship and romance start from the same place - actually liking the other person, believe it or not!

We tend to like people who are nice (but not sycophantic), fun (but not *ugh* 'zany') and who put us at ease (without putting us to sleep). I try to do/be all three of those things in my dealings with people, in both my professional and personal life, because it's nice (and useful) to be liked. It's a solid basis for productive and meaningful relationships. Have you ever noticed how 'intense' people are often loners/lonely? It's because they're no fething fun to be around. Who wants to go grab a drink with the intense guy? I know I'm talking to a lot of intelligent people here, and that it's difficult not to be little 'heavy' when you are intelligent, particularly when you feel yourself to be more intelligent than many of those around you, out in your everyday life. I get it. I was that kid. I'm not that man, though. I figured out that, sooner or later, I'd better lighten the feth up or end up alone. I've never looked back.

Life is absurd. A joke, really. Laugh at it. You might find you're not the only one laughing.

 Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote:

chaos0xomega wrote:
and then there is this:




which famously lead to the implementation of a rule just to stop that kind of behavior (Avery is the dickbag in blue).

I have no idea how hockey works, what he is trying to do, and why that is not cool.

You should change that, you'd be one of the few in France with an appreciation for the sport, which would give you something unique to talk about with others... then when everyone else caught on you could say you liked it before it was cool

In any case, he is standing in front of Martin Brodeur (the goalie - one of the greatest goaltenders to ever live in fact) and he is attempting to distract him and screen him so he cannot see the puck and so that his team can score a point more easily.

Basically, yeah. It may be tempting to dive straight into talking about 'deep' stuff, but consider this... How fething weird is that?! My general rule of thumb for conversations on Tinder is basically don't say anything you wouldn't be comfortable saying in person, at a bus-stop, to a girl you just met. At least, not at first. Think about how you strike up friendships in real life, with people of the same sex (for the purposes of shorthand I'm generally assuming that I'm addressing heterosexual males, btw -apologies if you're reading this and are not one, but I can only really speak from my own perspective on this) - you don't walk up to them and go 'hey, I like cheese, do you like cheese? We can be friends and eat cheese together some time.' For one thing you'd sound like a fething murderer. Your interactions with people who later become even your best friends generally start from really banal beginnings and gradually blossom into something more. The same I feel is true of romance. Both friendship and romance start from the same place - actually liking the other person, believe it or not!

That is so spot on, I never even thought of it that way... although there is one issue I see, in that my conversations on tinder usually begin banally, and then they say banally. On the faceless online medium of the internet where you aren't really speaking to anyone in real time (and thus the conversation is stilted, disjointed, and comes and goes in fits and starts), there isn't really any conversational motivation/energy for it to ever expand past that banality into anything else. In other words, the conversational dynamics that allow the initial banal conversation to evolve and grow into something meaningful aren't there.

Have you ever noticed how 'intense' people are often loners/lonely?

Yes :C

It's because they're no fething fun to be around.

I'm tons of fun to be around!!! People love hanging out with me, its just you have to get to know me before I open up like that.

Who wants to go grab a drink with the intense guy? I know I'm talking to a lot of intelligent people here, and that it's difficult not to be little 'heavy' when you are intelligent, particularly when you feel yourself to be more intelligent than many of those around you, out in your everyday life. I get it. I was that kid. I'm not that man, though. I figured out that, sooner or later, I'd better lighten the feth up or end up alone. I've never looked back.

Life is absurd. A joke, really. Laugh at it. You might find you're not the only one laughing.

I think its possible to be both intense and lighthearted simultaneously, but thats just me. I take things seriously, that doesn't mean I won't joke around about it.

P.S. - Was listening to Dresden on my ride into work, still get chills every time I listen to Annihilation... with a voice like that its no wonder you pull in the ladies!

 Nevelon wrote:
You can add “strong Google-Fu” to the things you are good at. One more thing you are good at that you bring to the table.

Yeah, I have a few computer skills. It comes with being a nerd, I guess. I can help people with their stuff, especially if they are using Linux. Except for those that are better than me, of course . Most people are not, I guess, but some are so much better they feel like Gods walking among mortals!

Bullockist wrote:

 Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote:
French or English, is definitely something I plan to do though. I will try to get a temporary position in an English-speaking country after I finish my PhD, to improve my oral skills and my accent (though not sure if I should try to keep it, at least occasionally, since I heard French accent can be pretty popular).
.

FTFY

Was oral comprehension skills wrong here, or is that a joke with a sexual innuendo?

 Albatross wrote:
I know I'm talking to a lot of intelligent people here, and that it's difficult not to be little 'heavy' when you are intelligent, particularly when you feel yourself to be more intelligent than many of those around you, out in your everyday life.

Ugh, I hate that line of thinking. When I was in middle school, I used to feel superior about how I did not like soccer and everyone else in my class liked soccer because they were told to and they did not know better. Bad times. I do not want to be the arrogant bastard anymore ever again. I am still found of pretty obscure stuff much more than big mainstream stuff, but I do not scorn other people tastes anymore. Even when it is considered okay to despise it, like for Justin Bieber or stuff like that. Feeling that you are more intelligent than other people seems even worse than thinking you have superior tastes .

chaos0xomega wrote:
I'm tons of fun to be around!!! People love hanging out with me, its just you have to get to know me before I open up like that.

Opening up is not easy, yeah.

chaos0xomega wrote:
P.S. - Was listening to Dresden on my ride into work, still get chills every time I listen to Annihilation... with a voice like that its no wonder you pull in the ladies!

That name made me though it was industrial music. Checked it. It is very much not industrial music. I should have guessed that indus voices would not pull most of the ladies .

chaos0xomega wrote:

That is so spot on, I never even thought of it that way... although there is one issue I see, in that my conversations on tinder usually begin banally, and then they say banally. On the faceless online medium of the internet where you aren't really speaking to anyone in real time (and thus the conversation is stilted, disjointed, and comes and goes in fits and starts), there isn't really any conversational motivation/energy for it to ever expand past that banality into anything else.

Ok, I see what you're saying. I usually find it helpful to 'break the fourth wall' in some way, to kind shake things up a bit and change the whole paradigm of the conversation. In fact that's actually a pretty useful conversational tactic whatever the situation. And yes, I am aware that talking like this makes me sound like a sociopath... Anyway, for example I used that tactic in a job interview when my mind momentarily went blank in answer to a question:

'So Ryan, in work, what would you say your weakness is?'

Me: 'My weakness? Look, I'm not going to give you some rehearsed 'interview' answer you've probably heard thousands of times.... Boring! Right? "Oh, I'm a workaholic, I'm a perfectionist...". Come on. My weakness..... I'd have to say chocolate. No, wait, heroin. I'm kidding. I guess I'd say that not everyone gets my sense of humour sometimes? But that's ok, right? I work hard, I'm not mean to anyone... I think humour's important for team camaraderie and morale. Teams with high morale perform better.'

I got the job, incidentally. So look for a way to approach the conversation on a sort of meta level. Have a conversation about the conversation, or about tinder. Like,

'so this is pretty weird, right? Like, texting a total stranger to try and start a conversation and then.. I dunno, we get married, or something? Is that how this works? Haha! How are you finding tinder so far, by the way?'

I also occasionally find 'So, we should do the whole 'get to know you' bit, huh? Anything you want to ask me? Fire away' useful on occasion.


Also, ask questions. About everything. Women generally love to talk about themselves. Here's an example conversation 'chain', let's call it:

So... Work tomorrow?

Ugh, yeah.

You don't enjoy your job?

Um it's ok, just stressful at the moment...

Whys that?

My boss is a total dick! Grr!

Heh, yeah mine too! I think everyone's boss is probably a dick. Being boss makes you a dick! Why in particular is your boss a dick? Sorry for saying 'dick' a lot. Hahaha!

You said it again! Haha!

I literally cannot stop saying 'dick' now. My life is ruined. I'm supposed to be giving a big presentation tomorrow at work, but it's just basically going to be me standing in front of a PowerPoint screen saying 'dick' over and over again. I'm so fired.

Hahaha!

Hey, this is fun! Fancy having a go at real actual conversation some time, with like, coffee and chairs? Maybe even a table? Etc.


So, yeah, that's basically it. That's how to 'close' on Tinder. Basically keep tugging at that thread until she offers up something you can make a joke out of, or otherwise turn into a way of making her laugh. You don't have to be super compatible or even have anything in common - if she finds you funny and therefore engaging, she'll probably feel like she's going to enjoy your company in person. It really is that simple.

So I messaged this one girl who I matched with who seemed pretty cool (and very pretty), her profile says "Not on here for anything other than to talk to people. Jusy say hi!" which ordinarily I regard as bs, but we'll see.

Anyway:

Me - Hey, what do you feel like talkin about?
Her - Life! What's new and exciting in your life?
Me - Haha, ugh I am terrible at those questions. I guess the things big on my mind right now are that two of my closest friends just had kids, two of my college roommates are getting married over the next two weekends, and I finally managed to track down a pair of shoes that I've been after for months in my size.... (dont judge, they're a really nice pair of shoes! lol). How about you?
Her - Ha I feel ya. My fiancee and I just broke up so I'm free as a bird. No getting married for me just yet :p
Me - Ohhhh... ummmm.... wow, I'm really sorry to hear that and not entirely sure how to respond. Are you okay?
Her - Actually I'm awesome. Best decision I could have made. So no real response needed where are you from?
Me - Well thats good! I think, lol. I'm from Sparta, you?

No response yet to the last one (but I only just sent it). Thoughts?


Automatically Appended Next Post:
Update: responses, a few more messages sent back and forth with further banalities... HALP!!!

You are from Sparta? This is blasphemy! This is Madness!
(I do not understand your problem, it seems to be going well.)

The "problem" is he needs to close the deal and ask for a face-to-face.

 Easy E wrote:
The "problem" is he needs to close the deal and ask for a face-to-face.

Yes this, but given the whole "Im only here to talk to people" thing and the "I just split with my fiance" thing, is it appropriate? I'm bad enough at getting to that point normally (not to say that I haven't or don't, just not recently), when you add in 'complications' ala recent breakups and a seemingly pre-disqualifier of interest it gets tough for me ><


Automatically Appended Next Post:
Maybe I should just shoot her back a reply to her last message and just say something like 'Hey, Tinder really stinks for messaging, feel free to text me at xyz, although I understand if you don't want to since your profile says you're only looking to talk"? This gets me one step closer/out of the tinder zone, as well as giving her an opportunity to say something like 'oh no, ignore that' or whatever

chaos0xomega wrote:
Yes this, but given the whole "Im only here to talk to people" thing and the "I just split with my fiance" thing, is it appropriate?

Does “My fiancee and I just broke up so I'm free as a bird.” sound more like “I am devastated by the loss and I do not want to meet any man in the close future”, or does it sound more like “cool, now I can date anyone I want to”? To me, it sure sounds more like “I can have fun again, that is why I joined Tinder”, but hey, what do I know?
For the “I am only here to talk”, well… you will just talk for the moment anyway, I guess. Maybe in person if you decide to meet.

chaos0xomega wrote:
Maybe I should just shoot her back a reply to her last message and just say something like 'Hey, Tinder really stinks for messaging, feel free to text me at xyz, although I understand if you don't want to since your profile says you're only looking to talk"? This gets me one step closer/out of the tinder zone, as well as giving her an opportunity to say something like 'oh no, ignore that' or whatever

Why the bold part? You are not asking her for anything shameful, you do not need to apologize beforehand or anything. I mean, if she wants to say no, she will. Without any hesitation, thanks to the awesome magic of the internet.
Though I am not sure about why switching to another message system will change anything, but then again I do not know how Tinder messaging work.


Automatically Appended Next Post:
Or, let us put it that way. Imagine you are talking with someone, having a good time, and then suddenly that someone start saying “I would understand if you do not want to talk with me anymore, we can stop if you want to”. How would you react? That would seem mighty weird, would it not?

yeah, very good points Oxayotl... see, you might be better at this than you realize

Well,
- I have the advantage of distance, that is not me talking over Tinder. It quite helps to analyze.
- I still have no girlfriend. You had more than I did .

That 'I have no experience and am superanalytical about everything' thing that you are doing? Stop it. You are your own worst enemy. I've seen a couple flashes of brilliance and understanding from you already, you are capable of snagging a fine lady yourself, but you gotta stop self-sabotaging.

chaos0xomega wrote:
That 'I have no experience and am superanalytical about everything' thing that you are doing? Stop it. You are your own worst enemy. I've seen a couple flashes of brilliance and understanding from you already, you are capable of snagging a fine lady yourself, but you gotta stop self-sabotaging.

This! x1000 Hybrid.

You are your own worst enemy. Please stop.

You can do it!

Well, I simply gave her my number and told her to feel free to text me (at the end of my last response to her) we'll see where this goes.


Automatically Appended Next Post:
GOT HER NUMBER! BOOM!

chaos0xomega wrote:
That 'I have no experience and am superanalytical about everything' thing that you are doing? Stop it. You are your own worst enemy. I've seen a couple flashes of brilliance and understanding from you already, you are capable of snagging a fine lady yourself, but you gotta stop self-sabotaging.

But I answered your last questions by being analytic about it. And if I stop being analytic, how will I know if I am doing something appropriate or if I am being creepy/annoying!

how will I know if I am doing something appropriate or if I am being creepy/annoying!

Believe me, no amount on analysing will tell you this, and very few people will tell you, either, since you're assumed to know that you're being creepy/annoying and are doing it on purpose. The only way you can tell if you're not being annoying is if the other person is equally as invested in the conversation; outside of that, it's a complete mystery that no amount of thinking, rethinking, and overthinking will tell you.

Sauce: I suffer from severe anxiety, this gak gets to me on a daily basis.

So, chaos0xomega, have you met her in person, or what?

Tried, she didnt seem interested, so I gave up, oh well it happens.

Oh. Too bad.

Rent a Lamborghini and pick up girls without saying a word:



Heh...

Not a good idea.

I heard that the sound of a Maserati was scientifically proven to arouse the ladies.

True story!

Aw guys, time to step up!
But really though, My love life is such a mess right now. This girl is on me 24/7. But my girlfriend literally wants nothing sexual, ever.
So i don't know what to do. Because of the gf I care nothing for emotional. And I don't care enough to try for anything sexual. But this girl...is much hotter than my gf and puts out like crazy,

 poppa G wrote:
Aw guys, time to step up!
But really though, My love life is such a mess right now. This girl is on me 24/7. But my girlfriend literally wants nothing sexual, ever.
So i don't know what to do. Because of the gf I care nothing for emotional. And I don't care enough to try for anything sexual. But this girl...is much hotter than my gf and puts out like crazy,

Wha...?

You sure you weren't meaning to post that here:

http://www.dakkadakka.com/dakkaforum/forums/show/9.page

What do you mean?

 Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote:
What do you mean?

He's making a joke that poppa's post is a made up story rather than a honest statement about his life to be fair it wouldn't surprise me if he's lying either there's something about his/her's posts that seems insincere.

Why would he do that?

 Cheesecat wrote:

 Hybrid Son Of Oxayotl wrote:
What do you mean?

He's making a joke that poppa's post is a made up story rather than a honest statement about his life to be fair it wouldn't surprise me if he's lying either there's something about his/her's posts that seems insincere.

Aw. Though I normally bait-post, in this thread I've been serious in most of my posts. My last post being one of those serious ones.
Anyways, the reason I don't want to just 'hook-up' with this girl is because I find that emotionless sex isn't as good as when it's done with someone you actually care about, you know?

No, we still don't believe you.