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Had myself a decidedly strange game yesterday. I played a 1250pt 7th ed Necron CAD list against Boomwolf's Tau Enclaves force, lists are as follows-

My list
HQ
Cryptek + Chronometron + Staff of Light + The Veil of Darkness

Elites
7x Triarch Praetorian

Troops
5x Immortal + Night Scythe
20x Necron Warrior + Ghost Ark

Fast Attack
5x Tomb Blade + 5x Nebuloscope + 5x Shield Vanes + 5x Twin-linked Gauss Blaster

Heavy Support
2x Heavy Destroyer
2x Heavy Destroyer
Heavy Destroyer

Rolled Warlord Trait: Precepts of Deceit

Boomwolf's list
HQ
Commander Ralai

Elites
Riptide (HBC, SMS, ECPA, Stimulate injector, Velocity tracker)

Troops
Crisis suit team, 3 members (missile pod, missile pod),(missile pod, missile pod),(missile pod, missile pod)
Crisis suit team, 3 members (missile pod, missile pod),(missile pod, missile pod),(missile pod, missile pod)
Crisis suit team, 3 members (missile pod, missile pod),(missile pod, missile pod),(missile pod, missile pod)

Fast Attack
Tetra
Tetra

Heavy Support
Hammerhead (railgun, gun drones)
Hammerhead (railgun, gun drones)

Game set up

Terrain: Urban ruins, plenty of ruins scattered across the table as well as a few depilitated buildings.
Deployment: Short Edges
Mission: Emperor's Will
Necrons win roll-off, choose a side, win roll-off again, choose to deploy first.

Deployment

Necrons deploy all 5 Destroyers hidden behind the first floor wall of a Sanctum Imperialis building on the central edge of their deployment zone, Warriors stand out in the open joined with the Cryptek next to them, Ghost Ark stands right behind both units half hidden behind the Sanctum, Tomb Blades start hidden behind a wall on the left flank, the Praetorians start spread out in the open on the right flank and the Immortals await in reserve with their NS.

Tau deploy two crisis suit teams hidden behind buildings on either flank of their deployment zone, third team deploys behind a depilitated building near its center. Hammerheads deploy one in each corner of the table, tetras deploy hidden behind buildings, Riptide stands out in the open and R'alai goes to deepstrike reserve.

Game start

Boomwolf rolls to seize, rolling a 6 and seizing the initiative!
My Warlord trait goes off and fails to do anything.

Tau turn 1

Movement Phase
Suits all head out of cover to line up shots on the Warriors out in the open as does the Riptide, Tetras stick their markerlight turrets out of cover. Drones detach and advance.
Movements end.

Shooting Phase
First Tetra markerlights the Ghost Ark, scoring two hits. First Hammerhead gets ignore cover on the Ark, shoots and nails it for a glance.
Second Tetra markerlights the Ghost Ark, scoring two hits. Second Hammerhead gets ignore cover on the Ark, shoots and misses.
Riptide activates Nova charge and joins the Crisis teams in opening up a withering hail of S7 AP4 fire on the Warrior squad, resulting in a staggering 4 dead Warriors!
Boomwolf stares in disbelief and ends the shooting phase.

Assault Phase
Suits jump back behind cover, Riptide jumps into a ruin, drones jump forward some.
End assault phase

Necron turn 1

Movement Phase
Ghost Ark raises two Warriors back to their feet, Destroyers jump into the Shrine, one taking a wound due to failed dangerous terrain+armor+RP rolls, Tomb Blades advance, Praetorians advance to partial shooting range of a hidden Tetra, Warriors advance towards the relic, Ghost Ark sticks its guns out from behind the Shrine while staying in range of the Warriors.
End movement phase

Shooting Phase
Destroyer team 1 shoot at one of the hammerheads, scoring a penetrating hit and causing a shaken result, team 2 fails to wound the Riptide, lone Destroyer pops a Tetra.
Praetorians shoot at a Tetra, manage a singe glancing hit that is then saved.
Tomb Blades shoot the crap out of a couple of gun drones.
End shooting phase

Assault Phase
Destroyer teams 1 and the loner stay put, team 2 jumps behind the Shrine.
Praetorians fail a 10" charge through cover at the Tetra (shocking! ).
End Assault phase

Tau turn 2
R'alai fails his reserve roll, opting to chill out at home instead.

Movement Phase
Riptide uses Nova charge again and once more advances with the Suits to get a clear LoS on the Warriors.
Remaining Drones advance.
End movement phase

Shooting Phase
Riptide and one Crisis team shoot up the Warriors, managing to bring down 3.
Second Crisis team opens up on the wounded Destroyer unit and manages to take the wounded one out, third Crisis team finishes off its pal.
Surviving Tetra markers up the Ghost Ark, unshaken Hammerhead takes the shot with ignores cover and misses.
Shaken Hammerhead has no LoS to the Ghost Ark so it takes a shot at the Destroyers and misses.
Drone duo shoot at the Praetorians and bring none down.
End shooting phase

Assault Phase
Two Crisis Teams jump back into cover, third one fails to make the distance and leaves one model out in the open with the other ones in partial cover.
Riptide jumps towards the Relic. Drones jump to block the Praetorians' way to the Tetra.
End assault phase

Necron turn 2
Scythe comes in from reserves.

Movement Phase
Ghost Ark brings back two Warriors.
NS moves 24" and drops Immortals into RF range of the Riptide, Tomb Blade likewise close in as do the Warriors, the Praetorians and the remaining Destroyers.
End movement phase

Shooting Phase
Night Scythe lets loose with its AP none TL Tesla Destructors, Riptide takes a wound. Boomwolf doesn't think much of it.
The Destroyes with their S9 AP2 Heavy Gauss Cannons light up the Riptide and fail to get any wounds to stick.
Tomb Blades open fire with their 5 piddly twin linked Gauss Blasters and the hulking contraption loses a wound. Boomwolf gets a tad irritated.
5 Praetorians fire with their S5 AP2 Rods of the Covenant and fail to land a single wound.
The Ghost Ark gives of its salvo of 10 Flayer pea shots and the Riptide staggers backwards as another wound is lost. Boomwolf starts to half coherently grumble about long odds.
17 Warriors and a Cryptek in rapid fire range unload an ungodly 37 shots at the giant suit, not a single f**k was given.
5 Immortals take their measly shots and the Riptide falls to its knees, just one wound remaining. Boomwolf accuses his dice of treason and threatens to have them melted.
End shooting phase

Assault Phase
Tomb Blades declare an assault on the Riptide, tank its overwatch fire without losses and then promptly fail to make the 8" charge.
Destroyer duo declare a charge from two inches away and succeed in closing the distance.
Praetorians fail to make their 12" charge (no surprise there...).
Riptide attempts to smash and misses, Destroyers attack and fail to wound. Both units remain locked in combat.
End assault phase

At this point Boomwolf was so disheartened by what happened to his brand new (very partially assembled) Riptide he was seriously considering throwing in the towel, but we opted to press on.

Tau turn 3
R'alai was apparently sleeping late that day as he once again failed to make an appearance.

Movement Phase
Crisis suit team 1 moves out of cover once more, team 2 enters the depilitated structure it was hiding behind up until it failed its thrust move, team 3 advances towards the Relic.
Drones advance towards the Praetorians, nothing else moves.
End movement phase

Shooting Phase
First Hammerhead can't see anything it can shoot at except for the Tomb Blades and the NS, so he shoots at the Tomb Blades and misses.
Second Hammerhead shoots at the Ghost Ark and fails to pen.
Crisis suit team 1 shoots at the lone Destroyer and kills it.
Crisis suit team 2 shoots at the Warriors and fails to kill any.
Crisis suit team 3 manages to bring down a Praetorian.
Tetra shoots at the Praetorians, failing to kill any but marking them twice. Drones then fire with BS4 and bring one down.
End shooting phase

Assault Phase
Drones charge the Praetorians and one gets cut down, the other makes its Ld test and keeps them locked in combat.
Riptide and Destroyers ineffectually exchange blows.
Crisis team 1 jumps back into cover, Crisis team 3 jumps closer to the Relic.
End assault phase

With only two Praetorians, three Destroyers and three Warriors to show for his trouble in 3 turns of shooting and his Riptide nearly dead and locked in combat for two Assault phases already Boomwolf is getting increasingly miffed.

Necron turn 3

Movement Phase
Scythe moves up to get a clear shot at a Hammerhead's side armor, Immortals advance a bit, Tomb Blades advance towards the same Hammerhead as the NS.
Ghost Ark and Warriors advance but fail to reach base contact with the Relic
End movement phase

Shooting Phase
Tomb Blades ineffectually shoot at the Hammerhead. Night Scythe likewise fails to pen but at least got it to Jinx.
End shooting phase

Assault Phase
Praetorian finish off the Drone.
Warriors charge the Riptide, make their charge distance and even manage to and their charge with models in base contact with the Relic.
An epic sissy fight commences, 21 models all slap each other uselessly as no wound is given.
End assault phase

Tau turn 4
R'alai finally gets off his ass, teleports into battle, scatters onto the Ghost Ark, rolls a delayed result on the mishap table and starts drinking to drown the shame.

Boomwolf and I burst out laughing at the absurdity of it all.

Movement Phase
Crisis squad 1 moves into LoS of the Tomb Blades, squad 3 moves yet again towards the Relic while coming mighty close to the surviving Praetorians.
End movement phase

Shooting Phase
Crisis team 1 opens up on the Tomb Blades bringing two down, teams 2 and 3 shoot at the Praetorians and bring down two.
Tetra markerlights the Ghost Ark, Hammerhead 2 takes the shot but fails to hit.
Hammerhead 1 shoots at the NS and misses.
End shooting phase

At this point Boomwolf wants to call it quits, but I convince him to at least finish the turn by pointing out the fact he managed to kill much more of my army than I did of his.

In hindsight, not the smartest of moves on my part...

Assault Phase
*RIPTIDE SMASH!*
Destroyer goes squish for two wounds vs none, surviving Destroyer rolls leadership and fails, Warriors roll leadership and fail too.
At this point we had to stop and check the rules for sweeping advance and multiple combats. We then rolled off and the Riptide won both rolls, chasing down and crushing 19 Necron models under its oddly shaped heel, wiping out 436pts worth of models in a single fell swoop.
End assault phase

Needless to say, we were both practically incapacitated by laughter for a bit at this point...

It's getting late and I'm going to need to wake up in under six hours so I'll just say that it took Boomwolf until turn 7 to finally table my remaining forces and that I managed to to take a shield drone and two wounds off of R'alai as well as destroying a Hammerhead before finally going down...

Given Boomwolf's Tau's long history of hilariously unlikely victories in close combat, his existing motif of being a pseudo "chaos Tau" army spawned partially of said history and the sheer hilarity of that *RIPTIDE SMASH* moment we felt it would be appropriate to commemorate the achievement, to which end I donated a whole bunch of leftover Immortal/Deathmark bits, a large spike and the arm of a Chaos Hellbrute I had lying around-



GLORIOUS!

You forgot to mention that right after the riptide's moment of awesomeness, he was gunned down by 5 immortals

 BoomWolf wrote:
You forgot to mention that right after the riptide's moment of awesomeness, he was gunned down by 5 immortals

Right! Forgot about that.

Given his newly minted chaos affiliation he'll probably just respawn in the warp though...

It's always amusing to watch tau win combat and sweep something. Nice batrep mate.

Painted and fully based version of the heltide was added to my gallery (only pictures there so far)

I like the way you format your batrep, though a few pics wouldn't hurt.

We regreted the fact we took no pictures right after that.
And decided future games will be photoed just in case they get interesting.

I can't see the chaos riptide pic.

Check my gallery, he's there with painting.

Thanks, very cool.