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I'd probably like to face Daemons more than Tyranids.

I have trypophobia and a lot of those Nids look like they are filled with all kinds of holes and porous flesh.

Also maybe I could come to some kind of unholy pact with the dark powers in trade for my life.

 Brutus_Apex wrote:

I have trypophobia and a lot of those Nids look like they are filled with all kinds of holes and porous flesh.

You ever met a plague bearer?

 Pouncey wrote:

 Unyielding Hunger wrote:

 oldzoggy wrote:
Some daemons do accept deals right ?
I vote daemons.

What deal could you offer a daemon that it would consider beneficial, as a guardsman?

Have you heard of Heretic Guard and/or Cultists?

I know they exist, but what I meant was what can you, John Doe, private of the Imperial Guard, offer the six foot tall purple daemon right in front of you to convince her that is not worth her time to skin you alive, lube up, and wear you like a brand new Edgar suit. It takes time to work out a deal, if they just don't flat out possess you.

 mrhappyface wrote:

 Brutus_Apex wrote:

I have trypophobia and a lot of those Nids look like they are filled with all kinds of holes and porous flesh.

You ever met a plague bearer?

Probably shouldn't have mentioned them by name. He or she might Google them.


Automatically Appended Next Post:

 Unyielding Hunger wrote:

 Pouncey wrote:

 Unyielding Hunger wrote:

 oldzoggy wrote:
Some daemons do accept deals right ?
I vote daemons.

What deal could you offer a daemon that it would consider beneficial, as a guardsman?

Have you heard of Heretic Guard and/or Cultists?

I know they exist, but what I meant was what can you, John Doe, private of the Imperial Guard, offer the six foot tall purple daemon right in front of you to convince her that is not worth her time to skin you alive, lube up, and wear you like a brand new Edgar suit. It takes time to work out a deal, if they just don't flat out possess you.

At that point, I think she's doing more for me than I could ever do for her.

Do I get to stay conscious? If so, that's just a bonus!

 Pouncey wrote:

 mrhappyface wrote:

 Brutus_Apex wrote:

I have trypophobia and a lot of those Nids look like they are filled with all kinds of holes and porous flesh.

You ever met a plague bearer?

Probably shouldn't have mentioned them by name. He or she might Google them.

If Brutus plays 40k they are bound to run into them eventually, better to prepare yourself before the battle than to be caught out in the middle of it.

You know, some of those genestealers might take over some other female guardswomen and they might get quite randy all of a sudden... not that you'd likely survive afterwards as "you" but heck, a genestealer cult is at least like a family!

 sudojoe wrote:
You know, some of those genestealers might take over some other female guardswomen and they might get quite randy all of a sudden... not that you'd likely survive afterwards as "you" but heck, a genestealer cult is at least like a family!

I've seen fanart that suggests that some Tyranid biomorphs might be worth just skipping the humans and getting randy with the Nids.

Though I've also seen similar fanart of various Chaos creatures. Including Bloodletters.

 sudojoe wrote:
You know, some of those genestealers might take over some other female guardswomen and they might get quite randy all of a sudden... not that you'd likely survive afterwards as "you" but heck, a genestealer cult is at least like a family!

Not the worst way to go in the 40k universe.

I am sure a Daemonette could offer you a more exciting family life though.


Automatically Appended Next Post:

 Pouncey wrote:

 sudojoe wrote:
You know, some of those genestealers might take over some other female guardswomen and they might get quite randy all of a sudden... not that you'd likely survive afterwards as "you" but heck, a genestealer cult is at least like a family!

I've seen fanart that suggests that some Tyranid biomorphs might be worth just skipping the humans and getting randy with the Nids.

Also Heresy! *BLAM*

 mrhappyface wrote:

I've seen fanart that suggests that some Tyranid biomorphs might be worth just skipping the humans and getting randy with the Nids.

Also Heresy! *BLAM*

Getting shot by a Commissar was actually my previous plan.

So that's not really a downside of this plan of bedding a Tyranid.

Just as planned!

Wait... More heresy! *BLAM* *BLAM*

 mrhappyface wrote:
Just as planned!

Wait... More heresy! *BLAM* *BLAM*

You're now putting bolt rounds into my remains purely to obliterate the body for some reason. I died from the first shot, now you're just wasting ammo on cleaning up the mess.

 Pouncey wrote:

 mrhappyface wrote:
Just as planned!

Wait... More heresy! *BLAM* *BLAM*

You're now putting bolt rounds into my remains purely to obliterate the body for some reason. I died from the first shot, now you're just wasting ammo on cleaning up the mess.

"I am not taking any chances heretic! Besides, if you are dead why are you still talking!?" *BLAM* *BLAM* *BLAM*

 mrhappyface wrote:

 Pouncey wrote:

 mrhappyface wrote:
Just as planned!

Wait... More heresy! *BLAM* *BLAM*

You're now putting bolt rounds into my remains purely to obliterate the body for some reason. I died from the first shot, now you're just wasting ammo on cleaning up the mess.

"I am not taking any chances heretic! Besides, if you are dead why are you still talking!?" *BLAM* *BLAM* *BLAM*

Ahh he's wasting the Emperor's precious ammo. And possibly talking to the dead! Psyker Herectic! *Stab with power sword* (saves ammo)

 mrhappyface wrote:

 Pouncey wrote:

 mrhappyface wrote:
Just as planned!

Wait... More heresy! *BLAM* *BLAM*

You're now putting bolt rounds into my remains purely to obliterate the body for some reason. I died from the first shot, now you're just wasting ammo on cleaning up the mess.

"I am not taking any chances heretic! Besides, if you are dead why are you still talking!?" *BLAM* *BLAM* *BLAM*

So if I waste all your ammo, you can't shoot the other Guardsmen? My brain no longer exists, so I can't feel pain. Or anything at all.


Automatically Appended Next Post:

 sudojoe wrote:

 mrhappyface wrote:

 Pouncey wrote:

 mrhappyface wrote:
Just as planned!

Wait... More heresy! *BLAM* *BLAM*

You're now putting bolt rounds into my remains purely to obliterate the body for some reason. I died from the first shot, now you're just wasting ammo on cleaning up the mess.

"I am not taking any chances heretic! Besides, if you are dead why are you still talking!?" *BLAM* *BLAM* *BLAM*

Ahh he's wasting the Emperor's precious ammo. And possibly talking to the dead! Psyker Herectic! *Stab with power sword* (saves ammo)

Just FYI, I do a lot of roleplaying. And I used to read a lot of fiction.

You may now look back on my previous posts and consider what the lack of quotation marks might actually mean.


Automatically Appended Next Post:
However, this concept of Commissars executing other Commissars pleases me. Please, continue.

Vigorously.

 Pouncey wrote:

 sudojoe wrote:
You know, some of those genestealers might take over some other female guardswomen and they might get quite randy all of a sudden... not that you'd likely survive afterwards as "you" but heck, a genestealer cult is at least like a family!

I've seen fanart that suggests that some Tyranid biomorphs might be worth just skipping the humans and getting randy with the Nids.

Though I've also seen similar fanart of various Chaos creatures. Including Bloodletters.

vs



I can see that argument but what's the chances of the bloodletter actually letting you bed her?

I mean you can totally go slanesh



but you're still way better off with the randy genestealers as you'd probably survive in some fashion afterwards.

 sudojoe wrote:

 mrhappyface wrote:

 Pouncey wrote:

 mrhappyface wrote:
Just as planned!

Wait... More heresy! *BLAM* *BLAM*

You're now putting bolt rounds into my remains purely to obliterate the body for some reason. I died from the first shot, now you're just wasting ammo on cleaning up the mess.

"I am not taking any chances heretic! Besides, if you are dead why are you still talking!?" *BLAM* *BLAM* *BLAM*

Ahh he's wasting the Emperor's precious ammo. And possibly talking to the dead! Psyker Herectic! *Stab with power sword* (saves ammo)

"He killed a Comissar preventing that Comissar from executing more Guardsmen! He is attempting to prevent the Emperor's justice from being carried out!" *BLAM* (Continues to execute Guardsmen)


Automatically Appended Next Post:

 Pouncey wrote:

 mrhappyface wrote:

 Pouncey wrote:

 mrhappyface wrote:
Just as planned!

Wait... More heresy! *BLAM* *BLAM*

You're now putting bolt rounds into my remains purely to obliterate the body for some reason. I died from the first shot, now you're just wasting ammo on cleaning up the mess.

"I am not taking any chances heretic! Besides, if you are dead why are you still talking!?" *BLAM* *BLAM* *BLAM*

So if I waste all your ammo, you can't shoot the other Guardsmen? My brain no longer exists, so I can't feel pain. Or anything at all.

You damned hethen! I will climb into the Warp and execute your heretical Soul!

 sudojoe wrote:
I can see that argument but what's the chances of the bloodletter actually letting you bed her?

Sex can be angry and violent too. And also involve bloodshed.

And there's nothing at all stopping you from finishing off your mate with a deathblow when you're done having your fun with them.

I mean you can totally go slanesh

I do enjoy intersex life forms of a wide variety of sorts.

but you're still way better off with the randy genestealers as you'd probably survive in some fashion afterwards.

They're genestealers, so I'd only survive until the Hive Fleet arrives.


Automatically Appended Next Post:

 mrhappyface wrote:
"He killed a Comissar preventing that Comissar from executing more Guardsmen! He is attempting to prevent the Emperor's justice from being carried out!" *BLAM* (Continues to execute Guardsmen)

Since a Commissar's Ld value is the highest in the squad, thus they're using his, isn't it the Commissar who failed to stand fast and not flee? Should he not execute himself?

You damned hethen! I will climb into the Warp and execute your heretical Soul!

Please do. I encourage you to enter The Warp to execute my soul. Watching what the demons here do to you would be most gratifying. Depending on what they do, I may videotape it for alone time later. Or perhaps whenever I need a laugh. We'll see what happens.

They're genestealers, so I'd only survive until the Hive Fleet arrives.

Just keep volunteering to "infiltrate the imperium" to your patriarch when the hive fleet closes in. Hop on the next shuttle with a few "companions" and get going! Stick to targeting mid to low hive housewives and just keep moving on before the 3rd or 4th generation comes out and you're all set!

 sudojoe wrote:

They're genestealers, so I'd only survive until the Hive Fleet arrives.

Just keep volunteering to "infiltrate the imperium" to your patriarch when the hive fleet closes in. Hop on the next shuttle with a few "companions" and get going!

So I'd get to mate with Genestealers until I died.

Sounds pretty good.

But so does mating with some Chaos demons until I died.

Hmm, you ever realize that this thread was originally "If you were a soldier in the Imperium, which would you rather get killed by?" and at some point became, "If you were a soldier in the Imperium, which would you rather join?"

Imperium sounds pretty bad when joining Chaos or Tyranids is preferable.

Maybe Horus had the right idea.

It's less mating with daemons and more them exploding out of your body into the materium.

 Pouncey wrote:

 mrhappyface wrote:
"He killed a Comissar preventing that Comissar from executing more Guardsmen! He is attempting to prevent the Emperor's justice from being carried out!" *BLAM* (Continues to execute Guardsmen)

Since a Commissar's Ld value is the highest in the squad, thus they're using his, isn't it the Commissar who failed to stand fast and not flee? Should he not execute himself?

Who was fleeing? That Comissar was standing tall and proud blowing the brains out of his Guardsmen when another Comissar ruined the execuations with all his talk of 'crazy', he was not crazy! He was purging the heresy from a dead Guardman who was talkimg to him from inside his head.

 Pouncey wrote:

You damned hethen! I will climb into the Warp and execute your heretical Soul!

Please do. I encourage you to enter The Warp to execute my soul. Watching what the demons here do to you would be most gratifying. Depending on what they do, I may videotape it for alone time later. Or perhaps whenever I need a laugh. We'll see what happens.

First! I am going to execute every Daemon in the warp for being heretical Guardsmen who fled into an alternate dimension!
Next! I am going to execute those Gods of yours for not accepting the Emperor's light and running from battle (in the form of not attacking with our forces)!
Finally! I will bring you back to life via the life force of the Emperor himself just to execute you again, only this time no beings within the Warp are going to save you from being triple executed by me!

 n0t_u wrote:
It's less mating with daemons and more them exploding out of your body into the materium.

But they get to be completely inside me before I die instantly, right?

That'll be an interesting fetish to explore, for sure.


Automatically Appended Next Post:

 mrhappyface wrote:
First! I am going to execute every Daemon in the warp for being heretical Guardsmen who fled into an alternate dimension!
Next! I am going to execute those Gods of yours for not accepting the Emperor's light and running from battle (in the form of not attacking with our forces)!
Finally! I will bring you back to life via the life force of the Emperor himself just to execute you again, only this time no beings within the Warp are going to save you from being triple executed by me!

Do it. I want you to. DO IT.

"That's it! Sergeant! Follow me!"
"But sir, that's a portal into the warp... If we go in there we will surely die and"*BLAM*"..."
"You there! You are the new Sergeant! Follow me!"
"Y-y-yes sir, what are we going into the warp for though?"
"To kill the chaos Gods of course!"
"But sir, that's impos"*BLAM*"..."
"Now you are the new Sergeant! Follow me!"
"Sir yes sir!"

And so chaos was doomed.

 mrhappyface wrote:
"That's it! Sergeant! Follow me!"
"But sir, that's a portal into the warp... If we go in there we will surely die and"*BLAM*"..."
"You there! You are the new Sergeant! Follow me!"
"Y-y-yes sir, what are we going into the warp for though?"
"To kill the chaos Gods of course!"
"But sir, that's impos"*BLAM*"..."
"Now you are the new Sergeant! Follow me!"
"Sir yes sir!"

And so chaos was doomed.

How did you handle the fact you literally just traveled into THE WARP.

Where DEMONS live.

"Did you not here what I said!? I am going to kill the chaos Gods, therefore all Daemons shall cease to be! Honestly you heretics have no common sense!"

 Pouncey wrote:

 n0t_u wrote:
It's less mating with daemons and more them exploding out of your body into the materium.

But they get to be completely inside me before I die instantly, right?

That'll be an interesting fetish to explore, for sure.

If you don't mind being a slaaneshi cultist I suppose.

Or like go read this. Some of the chaos imagery in it is really out there.

 n0t_u wrote:

 Pouncey wrote:

 n0t_u wrote:
It's less mating with daemons and more them exploding out of your body into the materium.

But they get to be completely inside me before I die instantly, right?

That'll be an interesting fetish to explore, for sure.

If you don't mind being a slaaneshi cultist I suppose.

Or like go read this. Some of the chaos imagery in it is really out there.

You, uh, may be underestimating the breadth of my perversion.

I have no doubts I could probably get off to worse stuff than is shown in that book.

Maybe this thread should get back on topic before it starts getting lewd.

 mrhappyface wrote:
"Did you not here what I said!? I am going to kill the chaos Gods, therefore all Daemons shall cease to be! Honestly you heretics have no common sense!"

I heard you making a threat that you are not actually capable of carrying through on.

Hence my lack of concern and goading you into being skullfethed to death by demons for my amusement.


Automatically Appended Next Post:

 n0t_u wrote:
Maybe this thread should get back on topic before it starts getting lewd.

You started it.

 Pouncey wrote:

 mrhappyface wrote:
"Did you not here what I said!? I am going to kill the chaos Gods, therefore all Daemons shall cease to be! Honestly you heretics have no common sense!"

I heard you making a threat that you are not actually capable of carrying through on.

Hence my lack of concern and goading you into being skullfethed to death by demons for my amusement.

"The poor deluded fool thinks that I cannot destroy the Chaos Gods, I would pitty your ignorance if you weren't such a heretic."

 n0t_u wrote:
Maybe this thread should get back on topic before it starts getting lewd.

Too late.